It’s been a week.
One week of hell.
My best friend has completely lost her shit. She doesn’t want me to know it, and I’ll give her some credit, she does a decent job of hiding it. I can see it in her eyes, and I can hear it through the walls when she cries herself to sleep every night. She’s been ‘busy’ avoiding the huge six-foot-six elephant that dropped into her life all week, and all the while, I’ve been running damage control with Greg. She won’t speak to him. He knows this and won’t even fight her on it. We both know that if he tries to make her talk before she’s ready, it will only end badly. I know it’s hurting Greg, but like I told him last night, we have to let her work this out herself.
Hell, at this point, I’m pretty sure there isn’t a good way for this to end. Regardless of how Greg and I feel, we both know that Izzy has to talk to him. She has to hash this out so she can heal and move on. Whether it’s with Axel, someone else, or alone. One thing’s for sure, I’m done letting her hide. It kills me to see her suffering, but if I don’t put my foot down, she won’t ever wake up.
Last weekend wasn’t easy. I sent Beck a text letting him know that we had made it home and things were… challenging. Since I haven’t heard anything else from him, I just figure he’s one of those guys that just wants a cheap run of things, then things got muddy, and he doesn’t want the drama now. I’m okay with that, and honestly, I had a feeling that it would happen. Sure does makes it a lot easier for me that way, anyhow. I don’t want or need a man right now, and as promising as he seemed in the pleasure department, I can easily see myself getting deep with him.
Deep is something I will avoid like the plague.
Deep is what brings the pain.
Pain when he cheats. Pain when he leaves. Pain when you realize that, no matter how much you wish things were different, you will never be first in a man’s eyes.
Am I jaded? Hell yeah I am. I even annoy myself with this, but I’ve learned enough from my past, that if I ever find a man worth trying a relationship for, the chances of him not breaking my heart are slim.
Until then, I plan on just enjoying the ride. If Beck happens to be one of those rides, then so be it. I just have to remind myself that the price of admission is too high to make it a ride I take often.
“Dee?” I lean back from my desk, rub my eyes, and push the work away. I’ve been staring holes in it for the last thirty minutes while I sit here and fester on all the shit going on.
“Yeah, Babe?” I call back through the open doorway, hoping that my voice sounds better than I’m feeling right now.
“I want you to take me shopping tomorrow. The whole nine. You know, all those ridiculous things you keep telling me are wrong with how I dress. Well, now they are yours to do whatever with. No limit.” I want to call bullshit so bad. I can tell by the way she sounds that this is another way for her to avoid her life. Okay, my rational mind knows, but she also knows how to play the game. She’s using my love for shopping and my hatred of all that crap she wears to get her out of the house and away from what I can only assume is Axel. But, my girl hit the nail right on the head.
Direct slam.
So I give her what she needs. I put the smile on my face, and with some screeching and jumping up and down like a demented kangaroo, I readily agree. After all, I’m still helping her out. Right?
****
The next morning, we don’t waste any time getting ready and heading off for the mall. We arrive just as most of the stores are opening. I’ll give her credit. She hates being here, but she’s acting like this idea of hers is the best one yet. She doesn’t even fight me anymore when I pick stuff up and thrust it into her arms. The last store we left, she just handed me her credit card and the clothes she had just tried on, before even leaving the dressing room.
At least she’s trying to smile.
We walk out of yet another store, and I look over at her. She’s still clearly miserable but trying to hide it. I, on the other hand, couldn’t be in a better place. I’m in my element. I could spend hours walking around the mall. It’s my vice. Some people have booze, drugs, hell even sex. But me? I have shopping.
When I was younger, and my parents just wanted me out of their hair, they would send me with Nanny Amy and their credit card. I loved Nanny Amy. When we would disappear for hours, just walking around the mall, going in all the toy stores that my mother never let me look at, eating all the junk in the food court, or just being normal, I could pretend that someone loved me. I could forget the crap that I had to deal with, and the fake mask that I felt forced to wear.
I could be me. The real Dee. The girl who wanted desperately to just have someone who loved her for her, and didn’t hate just looking at herself in the mirror.
When I was out shopping, buying whatever I wanted to fill that void, I could pretend. I could forget. So, I get what Izzy is doing here. She’s using me and shopping to forget the giant mess of ‘what the fuck’ her life has become.
It’s nearing lunchtime when she takes a call from Greg. Her tone is light and teasing, and she finally agrees to meet up with him. I know it’s not what he wants, but baby steps are better than nothing. She isn’t closing him off anymore.
We are on our way to meet up with Greg, and find him waiting outside the newest store that we had just left, when I see him. Beck. Mr. Panty Soaking himself, and just like the night we met, the pull is just as strong as it was. Only this time I don’t want to stop it. I want to enjoy him and all the promises I see hiding behind his eyes.
He looks at me as if he only has eyes for me. With a devilish smirk on his face, and his brown eyes smiling, he’s saying everything that he can’t say out loud with just a look.
This gorgeous man wants me, and for once, I’m going to let my hair down, and just enjoy the waves that life wants me to ride. He’s a guy, after all, so he shouldn’t have any issues with the whole ‘this is just sex’ thing. I need him to take my mind off of everything else going on around me.
We leave the mall right after meeting up with the guys. Greg is the type of man that gets hives just from being near shopping, so it doesn’t surprise me that he wants to get out of here. We head over to Heavy’s, our favorite restaurant, and settle into a long afternoon of eating, drinking, and much needed laughter. The tension between Beck and me is tangible. Half of the conversation just floats around me as I look into his eyes. The flirting, sex talk, and uncontrollable lust are just too much to handle.
When Izzy drops the bomb that she wants to go get a tattoo, I do the only thing I can. I put my friend hat back on and go along for a ride. I can tell that Beck is confused and worried, but he still tags along.
We have only been at the tattoo place for about thirty minutes before she is called back. Beck comes over to my side and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close and offering his support. It’s obvious that Greg is about to come unglued. I can’t stop worrying about Izzy, and the fact that it was a huge mistake to let her come here.
I swiftly stand up and get ready to march back and drag her out of here, but before I can get a step away from the couch, the front door opens, and Axel comes storming through the entrance. One look at his face has me dropping back down next to Beck.
“It’s okay. He won’t hurt her,” he whispers in my ear.
“He already has,” I reply cryptically. He looks at me in question, but I just shake my head and watch the shit storm unfold.
After the most intense ten minutes, we all end up on the curb. When Axel all but forces a stoic faced Izzy into his massive truck, I breathe a deep sigh of relief, and one of massive anxiety, all at once.
“Do you want to be alone?” Beck asks when he pulls me into his arms. I stand there for a second, and watch where Axel’s taillights just disappeared before shaking my head. “Come on, I’ve got you now.” He presses his lips to my temple, and I shiver. He growls low in his throat before lacing our fingers together and leading me to his truck. I steal a glance back at Greg where he’s still standing on the sidewalk. He waves me off before heading to his own vehicle. I should be mad at him for what he pulled tonight, but I know he did what he feels is best for Izzy.
Knowing that there isn’t anything I can do for her tonight, and hoping that she opens up to Axel, I get ready for the new turn in my night. The man I haven’t been able to get out of my head is taking the lead, and I have every intention of letting him.
And now, here I am, after a night that I still can’t really process, in his house, and by the heated look he is throwing at me from across the living room, there is no doubt in my mind that we both want the same thing here.
“Do you think she’s okay?” I finally break the silence. The way that Izzy ‘left’ the group earlier still isn’t sitting right with me.
“Sugar, I think we can both agree that enough is enough with those two. Axel isn’t the kind of man that will sit by and wait when there’s something he can do about it. I think a week is about as much patience as we will ever get out of him.” He starts to walk over to me, but I stop him with my hand.
“I don’t like the way I left her,” I stress, hoping he understands me.
“There really isn’t anything you can do about it now. Those two are adults, and they need to figure out their own mess without dragging everyone else into it as buffers. Let me take a guess here. You’ve been her shield for a while now? You and Greg?” At my nod, he continues. “Right, well, I would say it’s time to set her free, and let her stand on her own two feet. You aren’t doing her any favors by holding her hand.” He’s right in my space now, the heat from his chest warming my own.
“I don’t know if I can,” I whisper as his hands come up and take my face between his warm palms. His thumbs stroke my cheeks softly before he brings my face up to look into his, making sure that I see him and understand what he’s trying to tell me.
“Let go, Dee. I saw it the moment I met you. You hide it well, but while you work so hard to protect her, you forget about yourself.”
I gasp, and he just offers an understanding smile. It shouldn’t shock me since he’s right, but this man, who has known me all of a week, can see right through my walls. It’s unnerving.
“You don’t know me,” I throw at him, almost defiantly. I don’t want him to get in and worm his way past my walls. This is just supposed to be about letting loose and having something for me.
His eyes go warm for a second. “Not yet, but I will. It was my job, for too many years, to see what others didn’t want to be seen, so I’m sorry if I hit it on the head, but don’t get pissed because I’m right.”
I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that. He’s right. I’m pissed because he figured me out in no time, and the two people that I love more than life itself still think I’m happy-go-lucky Dee. I break eye contact when it becomes more than I can stand. It’s like he really does see right inside me. It’s almost as if he can reach right in and pull out my secrets.
“Right. Are we going to do this?” Desperate to change the subject and steer him away from seeing too much, I bring my hands up and slip them under his shirt. I shake off the nagging feeling that getting into bed with this man might be more than I can handle. The warmth of his soft skin causes the butterflies to pick up speed, and chills to break out. He is completely scalding and hard all over. Every part of him that I touch makes my body get hotter and hotter. I lick my lips when I think about running my hands down his back, digging in as he pounds into me.
“We were going to do this before you even knew you would be coming home with me, Babe.” And before I can blink, his lips are on mine. He is consuming my mind, and completely branding me straight down to my soul.
Shit. I knew he would be more than I could handle, and if I feel this ‘owned’ after one not so simple kiss, I have no idea what I’ll feel like come morning.
When he pulls back from the sweet seduction his lips have been making against my own, the look in his eyes almost makes me lose my footing. His eyes are so dark now that they look like the richest, most expensive chocolate money can buy. Twinkling with lust and alight with desire, they rake over my face, taking in my swollen lips, and my hooded eyes. When he sees the state that he’s brought me to, his lips curl in to a heart-stopping smirk.
“You want this, don’t you, sweetness? Because I can tell you right now, after just one taste of you, I want you more than my next breath.” His deep gritty baritone wraps around me like a blanket. I feel as if he’s spun a web of desire that I’m completely stuck and hypnotized in. “Dee, you’ve got to give me the words. Once I start down this path, there isn’t any way I’ll be ready to pull the brakes.”
I clear my throat, hoping to clear some of the fog from my brain before speaking. “Yeah, Beck I want this, but this is just going to be fun. No attachments, no love notes, and no promises.” I try to stay strong, keep that mask of indifference firmly in place, but the look he’s giving me is my undoing. That sexy smirk, eyes twinkling in mischief, and one brow raised as if even it is mocking me. Whatever. “I mean it. I’m not looking for forever, Beck.”
“I didn’t ask for forever. You want to live in the moment, and get off while you’re at it, I won’t judge you. But fair warning, I’ll do my best to change your mind.” And with a wink, his lips are back on mine. His tongue, warm against my mouth, traces the seam of my mouth. He slowly caresses my lips with lazy licks, bringing his teeth into the seduction, and nipping slightly until I open up and let him in. The second his tongue meets mine, I feel like my whole body has caught fire. Flames lick up my legs, arms, all the way to the top of my head, completely engulfing me in an overwhelming, burning to the core surge of lust.
I don’t even realize we are moving until my thighs hit something solid. Beck’s big hands reach down, burning my skin as he travels from my hips to the backs of my legs, and with an effortless movement, he has me in the air and my ass on the kitchen table. I break free from his mouth and look around in a daze, wondering how we made it from his living room to the kitchen. Before I can ask the question, his lips latch onto my neck, and with his light bites, swipes of his tongue, and hot breath against my neck, I swear I could come on the spot. Just a small amount of friction is all I need against my core, and I’ll be off like a rocket.
“Your taste is intoxicating,” he mumbles against my neck, his lips moving from my collarbone on a blazing hot trail towards my cleavage. The only sounds I can hear are his soft grunts when he licks my skin, and my panting. Yes, panting. I’m sure I should be embarrassed that I sound like a bitch in heat, but it’s been so long since I enjoyed the pleasure of a man that I don’t think there is one single thing that could ruin this moment.
“I want to feel you,” I plead, trying to pull his shirt over his shoulders without losing his mouth on my skin. “Please…”
He pushes himself off of my body, and in seconds, his shirt is ripped off and thrown over his shoulder. He reaches forward, and in a swift move that would make a magician proud, takes mine and tosses it away, both shirt and bra flying across the room. I look down at my tits, wondering when in the hell he managed to get my bra off but the second his hard body moves back between my spread legs, and his warm mouth closes around one of my painfully hard nipples, all rational thoughts fly out the window.
The next few minutes are a flurry of limbs, wet mouths, and flying clothes. I vaguely register the sting of his hardwood floor when we roll off the kitchen table and crash to the floor. I hear, almost as if I’m standing in a tunnel, the splinter of wood and a crash in the distance, but with his mouth and tongue dancing against my body, I’m happy to ignore everything but this man.
“Are you ready for me, Dee?”
I look down my body and see him up on his knees, stroking with lazy movements, the largest cock that I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.
“Holy shit,” I whisper. I have no doubt in my mind that even when Beck isn’t ready for some fun, this man looks just as impressive then as he does now. Rock hard, thick shaft, and mouthwatering, smooth skin makes me lick my lips in anticipation, and just nod my head.
“I’m not sure you are. I can smell how much you want me, and let me tell you, it is taking all my strength to stop from taking you hard and fast. I bet your pussy tastes as sweet as the rest of you. I’m going to get you good and ready for me, and enjoy every damn second of it.” He removes his hand and I whimper when he stops touching himself. “Don’t worry, you’ll have me soon enough.”
And then, he bends forward and licks from end to end with one agonizingly slow stroke before closing his mouth around my clit and sucking. Hard. Just like that, I slap my hands against the floor, arch my back, and come. I can feel his growl of approval against my oversensitive skin, which does nothing more than intensify my orgasm when I feel the vibrations.
“More.” His demand has me shaking my head and mumbling incoherent words. “Yes, more.” He slows down his assault, licking and nibbling, paying attention to every inch of my drenched pussy. Every inch, but the one spot I want his lips back on. He leans up, and I take in his glistening lips and chin. With one brow arched, and his smirk in place, he brings his hands up, and with two long, thick fingers, enters me with one firm push. Curling his fingers slightly, and finding that bundle of nerves guaranteed to drive me over the edge, again he whispers, “More.” Then his lips, his full and perfect lips, are right back against my clit. He sucks, licks, bites, and in seconds, he hits my spot again, and I fly. I don’t just fly, I freaking soar.
I’m pretty sure I blacked out. Hell, I might’ve died and gone to Heaven, had tea with Jesus, and then fallen back to earth. He is that good. When I’m finally able to focus, I can feel his lips kissing a path back up my body. When his face is level with mine again, I notice the smirk I’ve started craving is long gone. He is looking at me as if I’m the last scrap of food left on the planet. He looks at me like he can see right through me, and if I was smart, that look would terrify me.
“Delicious.” One word, spoken with so much hunger, he actually makes me believe it. When his lips press against mine and start feasting again, my toes curl, and another whore-like moan slips up my throat.
“Please, Beck, I need you inside of me.” I’m not past begging at this point. I would probably sign my soul over to the devil for just a taste of him pounding into my body. “Please, take me.”
“My pleasure,” he rumbles before reaching between us. I feel the head of his cock rub against my clit, and my eyes roll back. He rubs against me a few more times before I feel the solid length at my entrance, pressing against the resistance my body seems to be giving him.
“Condom…” I squeeze out between gasps of pleasure.
“Already on,” he pants. “When you were passed out from pleasure.” My eyes fly open at his smug tone. I meet his hypnotizing stare before his lip turns up and he pushes forward. In one swift thrust, he settles himself balls deep. My nails bite into the skin on his sides, my toes curl, and I throw my head back, screaming his name so loudly, I’m sure the windows will explode. His forehead is resting against my shoulder, his warm breath bathing my skin in rapid bursts as he struggles for control.
I squirm, trying to get him to move, and his head pops up. His eyes, so dark and full of promise, narrow slightly. “Do. Not. Move.” He pants. I grip him, tightening not only my legs, but also my walls, as they close around his thick cock. He groans and drops his head against my shoulder again. “Please. I want this to last, not be over in two seconds.” If there hadn’t been so much desperation in that almost begging request, I might have tormented him a little longer.
When he finally starts moving, I have a brief thought that he has ruined me for any other man. Fireworks are going off, my ears are ringing, and my throat is raw from screaming out in the pure, raw pleasure he has me drowning in. Every single nerve ending seems to be firing at once; my skin is slick with sweat and on fire as my orgasm builds strength. All sense of time and reality fly out the window as he takes me hard against the kitchen floor. When my climax hits, I lift my hips off the floor and grab his firm ass tight, grinding my clit against his pelvis, and screaming out his name.
“BECK! Oh God! Beck!”
“More.” His voice sounds almost animalistic. His eyes drink me in. They look completely black to the point that you can’t tell where his pupils are. All traces of the chocolate color are gone, and in their place is the hunger he feels for me. It completely takes over, and with it, the control he’s held in check all night snaps.
We move together as if our bodies have been made just for each other. We switch positions, and when I drop my weight onto his lap, and feel him hit deep inside me, I almost lose it. Our dance for dominance continues when he flips me onto my back again, driving his pelvis in deep. Minutes, hours, days… I’m completely lost as this man takes me. The smell of our arousal is as intoxicating as the man driving himself into my body. There isn’t an inch of our bodies that isn’t touching.
“Ouch!” When my head hits something solid, he flips us again, and his hands, so large they almost touch, grab my hips, lift me off his lap, and then ram me back down. And just like that, my core clenches tight, and I feel the ribbons of pleasure starting to uncoil. Knowing I’m seconds away from yet another climax, I bring my hands down against his rock hard pecs and look into his eyes. His handsome face is drawn tight, his brows furrowed, his nostrils flaring, and his plump bottom lip between his teeth. I know, without a doubt, that he’s just as close, if not closer, than I am to reaching his relief. I can feel it building, our pleasure reaching its peak together.
I’ve never thought it was possible to lose consciousness, but still be aware of your surroundings. He seems to have gained some third wind, and in a speed I can’t quite understand, we are rolling again. Furniture crashing, glass breaking, and through it all, his hips keep a steady rhythm against my body. I bring my hands up and grab ahold of his ass once again, enjoying the feel of his firm muscles flexing under my hands.
His balls slap painfully against my ass, and his grunts pick up speed. In a tangle of limbs, slick skin, and grunts of pleasure, we both come undone. Completely spent and connected, he crashes his big body down against my chest. Neither one of us is ready to break the spell.
I’ve never felt as vulnerable as I do in this moment. Not even my brief past relationships have ever made me feel like all my walls have crumbled so instantaneously. My mind is telling me to run, and my body is telling me to never let go.
It scares the ever-loving shit out of me.
I know in this moment, trapped between a rock hard body, and an even harder floor, that this man has all the power in the world to completely crush me.
When he seems to come back to earth, he leans up on his elbows, gives me a sweet kiss, and just looks at me. It feels as if he is looking right into my soul, and seeing everything I have never wanted anyone to see. He sees me.
“Come on, let’s take this upstairs. I’m nowhere near done with you.” He kisses me again, offering a few, small, barely there presses against my lips before pulling out of my body with a groan. He looks around, shakes his head a few times, and softly chuckles under his breath. “Looks like I need to call a housekeeper and a furniture shop. And what is that smell?”
I must look as confused as I feel over that comment, because he throws his head back and laughs. “Look around you. You could level a house with that powerful pussy.”
My jaw drops at his crass comment, but when I look around at the destruction of his once perfectly organized kitchen, I can feel my cheeks fire.
“Oh my God! Did we do this?” He pulls me off the floor and before answering, he pulls off the condom. Turning to look where I assume the trash can used to be, he lets out another laugh. I forget, for a second, the mess around us when he bends forward, and picks up the can and small amount of trash that spilled when it toppled over. My palms itch to take his firm globes in my hand and squeeze. He is head-to-toe tan, hard, and full of deliciously bulging muscles.
Shaking my head a few times before he catches me mentally molesting him, I take the room in again. The kitchen table is toppled over with at least one broken leg. Three of his four chairs are broken and in pieces around the table. There are a few pieces of what looks like a broken plate scattered around. Two bar stools are on their side. A house phone ripped out of the wall, mail on the floor, a hole in the wall near the floor, and peanut butter covers most of the floor around us.
What the hell?
“I had a feeling that you would be a wildcat.” He laughs softly, taking my hand in his and pulling me towards the stairs. And me? I just follow him, even with my mind still screaming to run, trapped completely under his spell and not ready to find the cure.