After I calmed down, Beck left the room to grab my purse so I could clean myself up before returning to the party. He walked back in the door with his too handsome for words smirk in place.
It seems like whatever that was that happened between us lightened some of the weight off his back. If I’m honest with myself, I feel lighter too.
Right before he opens the door to leave me alone to get ready, I speak the words I should have told him a year ago. “Thank you for being there, for always being there, and not letting me fall.”
His body gets tight, and I see his knuckles turning white from how hard he is gripping the doorknob. His head drops for a second before he turns and stalks over to where I’m standing in the middle of Greg’s office. Without giving me a second to guess his intentions, he grabs my head with gentle strength and crushes his lips against mine.
It feels as if every single inch of my body is on fire. He doesn’t make a move to deepen the kiss, but it still feels like one of the most intimate kisses we’ve ever shared. My hands resting against his sides dig in when he brings his body closer until he has me pressed against the wall. He keeps his lips pressed tightly to mine, before lifting off and giving me a few smaller pecks. He pulls his face away, but keeping his hold on me, he smiles; all the love he wants me to believe in shines so bright that I feel physically warmed by it.
“Don’t you know by now? You couldn’t keep me away if you tried.” He winks and presses his lips once more to mine. Then he’s out the door, and even though he closes it softly, the click as it shuts echoes throughout the room like a shot. I can still feel his delicious kiss for minutes after he’s gone. I stand here in the same spot, with my fingertips pressed to my lips, and for the first time in a while, I smile a true smile of pure happiness.
Maybe things are starting to look up.
****
It takes me a good thirty minutes before I look normal enough to return to the madness erupting inside of the Cage household. The second I round the corner and enter the kitchen, I run right into the birthday boy himself.
“What are you doing in here all alone? Looking to steal some ice cream when your mom isn’t looking?” I smile, but like always this kid can see right through me. He crosses his little arms over his chest and tilts his head to the side, studying me with an intensity that makes me nervous.
“Aunt Dee, your face looks funny.” Leave it to Cohen; I swear that kid has no filter.
“Thanks, little dude. Your cape looks funny.” I stick my tongue out at him, and when his adorable face breaks out into a huge smile, I know he’s forgotten all about my ‘funny face’.
“My cape is awesome. It gives me magic, and makes everyone love me.” He plants his hands on his hips and looks at me as if all this should be common knowledge, which it is, but it’s still cute to listen to him explain it. His tiny brows are crunched together, and his lips are pulled into an adorable little pout.
“Uh huh, and I bet that magical cape keeps you out of trouble, too?” Bending down and kneeling in front of him, I look into his brown eyes that are so full of innocence that uncomfortable longing shoots through my heart. “You really are the coolest four-year-old I know.”
“I know.” He smiles big.
“And how many times since you put it on this morning have you gotten in trouble?” I ask with a smile.
His grin gets even larger, to the point where it looks like the creepy is coming out of him. “Two times!” he screams in my face, holding up his fingers. “Two times, but it was Mommy’s fault the first time. Daddy’s wiener was out, and I was just trying to keep her from seeing it.” He leans into my face, so close that our noses touch. “Girls aren’t supposed to see wieners, Aunt Dee. And Daddy’s wiener was mad that Mommy saw. It was so mad, it was pointing at her!”
Oh. My. God. How the hell I’m able to keep from busting out a laugh is beyond me. When I look over his head, and see Greg shaking his head with a slight blush on his cheeks. I lose it, laughing so hard that I fall onto my ass. Cohen, completely oblivious to the fact that he just let me know he busted Greg and Melissa, just starts laughing with me. I try to stop, but the laughter just keeps coming. Maybe some of the tension from earlier is still trying to escape, but hell, this kid could make the worst of days better.
“All right, all right… come on, Birthday Hero, you need to go use the bathroom and get back to your party.” Before I stand up, I pull him into my arms and give him a big hug. His little arms wrap tight around my neck, and he squeezes me hard. “I love you, Cohen. You’re right, that cape sure does work.”
“I know!” He gives me a kiss on my cheek before rushing past me and slamming the door to the bathroom.
Well, guess I’ll join the party by myself. I stand up and dust off my rear. When I look up, I notice that Beck has joined Greg in the kitchen. He gives me a warm smile, and I can tell just by looking in his eyes that he caught that moment with Cohen and me, too.
“I love hearing that laugh, Dee. It’s been too long.” And with that, he turns and walks back through the doorway and into the living room.
I must have been standing there for a while, just zoning at the doorway that he walked through, because when Greg clears his throat, I jump slightly.
“Must have been pretty far away just then. You didn’t even notice Cohen run flying right past you.” He smiles, but it’s guarded.
“Yeah, must have.”
“Are you doing okay? I know things have been pretty crazy around here lately, but you know you can come to me if you ever want to talk.” It’s times like this that I just want to scream at him. It’s not his fault. He’s had a lot going on in his life the last few months, but it still hurts to know that someone so close to me, has been completely blind. I want to scream for all the times I needed him, but he was too worried about Izzy. All the times I needed him, but he was too busy falling in love. I know it’s not fair to pass any blame onto him, but for someone who knows me better than most of our other friends, he doesn’t know me at all.
“I’m fine. Just going through some stuff, that’s all.” I plaster on my perfectly practiced, ‘I’m on top of the world’ smile, and wait to see if he can see past my mask.
God, I’m so sick of this mask.
He looks at me a beat before he shakes his head. “I’ve been a shit friend lately. I know that, but it’s no excuse. You might be able to fool the girls, but I’m on to you, Dee. I wouldn’t have even noticed if it hadn’t have been for that little breakdown I saw. And before you flip the hell out, no one else saw it. When I saw Beck had you, I cleared the kitchen and kept them out of the back hall. You don’t want to tell me what’s on your mind? Tough. We’re talking, and we’re talking soon.”
I’m thoroughly shocked when he basically stands there and scolds me like a child. What the hell is going on today? No one, not a single one of these people, has noticed anything at all ever since I first crashed and burned. They didn’t notice when I slipped so far past the level of okay. They didn’t notice when I thought about taking my own life. And, they didn’t even notice when I started trying to drink away the fear.
Not a single one of them, except for Beck.
“Can we please just forget about it for the day? Let’s not let my issues be the dark cloud on your son’s birthday. Please, Greg.”
He gives me a look of sympathy before holding his arms open. I walk into the familiar, comforting arms of one of my best friends, and take the support he’s offering.
“And don’t you dare mention Cohen’s little wiener story,” he says against my temple. “You had your laugh, but damn, Dee, that little kid was born with an internal cockblocking sensor. I’m just now living down the last time that Cohen told the group about him seeing Melissa ‘hugging Daddy under the covers’.”
I start laughing again, and just like that, my mood lifts slightly.
“My lips are sealed, but G, you might want to consider getting a deadbolt or something more secure for your bedroom activities.” I laugh even harder when I notice he’s really considering my comment. “Come on, you freaking weirdo, let’s go have a birthday party.”
The rest of the party passes with laughter, presents, and a few tantrums, all of which are from Coop when we tell him that he can’t drive Cohen’s new, kid sized, four-wheeler. I swear that man is just a child trapped inside a grown man’s body. When Sway offers to hug it better, Coop shuts his mouth real quick.
“God, I’m so glad those kids are gone,” Melissa says as she drops down onto Greg’s lap. “But I’m definitely not ready to clean up this mess.” She laughs before laying her head against his shoulder. I watch as Greg subconsciously tightens his hold, never once breaking his conversation with Axel and Maddox, and brings his palm up to rest on her adorable belly.
“That was an unbelievably long day. Even Nate crashed before his lunch, and that boy never misses a meal.” Izzy laughs, shaking her head a few times.
I look around the room and take in my ‘family’, getting lost in my thoughts again. It seems like just yesterday that our Greg, Izzy, and Dee trio turned into this big, loving family. Even at my darkest, I think I knew that these guys wouldn’t hurt me. Just the opposite, they would protect the women in their lives to the extreme. I didn’t always think that, but they have proven themselves over and over again. It still stings when I think about how well my protective mask hides my pain from every single one of these people I love… well, all but one of them.
That one person who is currently looking at me from across the table without hiding a single one of his emotions. Nope, not John Beckett. He’s looking at me like he always does. With love, longing, and complete rapture.
Jesus, between my issues with the company, my screwed up head, and my heart that beats for just one man, I can’t even tell which way is up anymore. With a mental note to make an extra appointment with Dr. Maxwell this week, I shake myself from my checkout and focus back on the conversation around me.
“… in concert next month,” Emmy says in her soft voice. She’s looking right at me, so apparently, I’ve missed something.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” I ask.
“Dee, get your head out of the clouds.” Izzy laughs. Oh, my stupidly wonderful best friend. If she had any clue about how my life has been, she wouldn’t make jokes. But, it isn’t her fault that she’s looking at life through her rose-colored glasses and is completely oblivious that I’ve needed her more than ever.
“You caught me.” I laugh, but even to my own ears, I can hear how fake it sounds. “Who is coming to town? Sorry, Em, all I heard was concert.”
“That’s okay, Dee. Sam Grow’s coming back to town. I think it’s the last weekend, next month. They’re doing a big charity show. I think it would be neat if we made a girls’ night out of it.” She smiles and I can’t help but return it. Emmy is so easy to love, and even though she’s in a situation similar to Beck and me, it never stops her from making the best out of life.
“And I told her how much I love that idea. Ever since Greg used his Rico Suave skills and serenaded me with one of Sam’s songs, I’ve been a huge fan.” Melissa smiles at Greg, who is still rubbing her rounded belly.
“That sounds good to me. I think Izzy gave me his CD a few weeks ago, so I’ll make sure and listen to it beforehand. It’s been a while since we’ve had a girls’ night.”
We make plans, with Emmy promising to purchase the tickets tomorrow. After a few more hours, pizza, and more conversation, we all head to our separate homes. When I tuck myself into bed that night, even with all the worry still on my shoulders, I feel lighter than I’ve felt in a really long time.