He was glad—he supposed—that he was still alive. Ben re-read the first line he had written and huffed. It was crap. Complete and utter crap. How on earth he ever thought he would get a book published was beyond him. He winced, ignoring the pull of his scars along his face, and tweaked the line a little. Was it possible to put too much of yourself into a book? Hell if he knew because he’d never written one before. Happy endings were good for books only, he couldn’t forget that. Wishing or praying he could write his own wasn’t gonna work. God, whatever or whoever was up there, if he was up there, had more important things to do than look after a selfish washed up ex-model who was currently dancing solo at his own exclusive pity-party. Although, he would have traded in a heartbeat. Maegan—he hadn’t even known her name until after—deserved to still have been breathing when they dragged her body from the wreckage of the burned apartment.

It was easy to forget when he was sitting outside, the sunshine was glinting through the trees, and he could hear the seagulls and the ocean. Paradise. How could you both love and hate your life—the existence of it—at the same time?

Kai started barking, and Ben looked up as the golf cart trundled into view with Joshua and Daniel in it. He was surprised it wasn’t Charlie, but then Noah seemed to be keeping Charlie pretty busy these days, especially now that they had their own cabin. Though it was nearer than his to the hotel, so they could both get to work easier. He was happy for the guy. “Hey,” he said originally as Josh pulled the cart to a stop, got out, and bent to fuss over Kai.

“He’s getting big.”

“Uh-huh,” Ben responded, wondering why they were both there. He could happily go for at least a day—maybe two or three—without seeing anyone. He glanced down with affection at his big, black puppy who was soaking up the attention, huge pink tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. Not that Kai was exactly a puppy anymore, even if he behaved like one and was still growing. They thought he was a Labrador Doberman cross at the pound, but the vet had insisted he was a Weimaraner cross, either way, he was going to be a big boy.

He shifted his gaze to Daniel who was talking to someone on the phone as he looked at Ben and nodded hello. Ben nodded back. He liked Daniel. Liked how he was quiet, and how he left him alone unless there was a reason not to. Of course, he liked Josh as well, but Josh was more of a worrier. He would invent all sorts of excuses simply to come here and check up on him when Ben didn’t need any such thing. “I brought you some supplies.” Josh gestured to the large cooler.

“Okay,” he replied evenly, but he could have managed for another day at least. Now that his new cabin had a kitchen, he didn’t need to go and eat at the hotel, which suited him just fine.

Daniel walked up, finishing his call. “Looks like we’re gonna be getting a new guest.”

“Where?” Ben asked sharply.

“In the main house.”

Ben didn’t realize his heartbeat had quickened until he felt it slow. He saw the concerned look Josh threw at him, but they had talked about this. Ben came back with the understanding that the resort would be fully functioning, but they were going with Daniel’s idea and making the west side of the island exclusive cabins only. There was a chance someone would see him, but not as much as if he was on the other side. Probably a good thing—his mangled face looked like something that would send kids screaming. Rainbow Key’s own Freddie Kruger. It wouldn’t do the hotel’s rep any good at all.

Josh frowned. “I’m surprised we didn’t get an email about the booking.” He took out his cell phone. “How come you got the call?” Ben could understand Josh’s confusion. The resort was his baby.

“You didn’t because that was Alan.” Daniel smiled mischievously. “He’s so impressed with his success rate, he’s sending another patient.”

Ben nearly snorted. He’d heard Alan—Dr. Alan Hunt, Daniel’s friend and heart surgeon—and his partner Sam had visited last week and immediately started calling it Love Island because it had been Alan that had originally sent Daniel to the island to recuperate. Josh said he’d been impossible. Daniel had told him if he ever got sick of being a doctor, he could always open a dating agency. He’d been tempted to go see them, but instead of pitying looks, he knew he would get an assessing one. Doctors were all the same. They always wanted to size you up for the next procedure, and he’d had enough to last two lifetimes.

“Well, it’s not exactly a friend of Alan’s, more a younger brother of a friend of Sam’s.”

“Who?” Josh asked.

“Some fashion photographer.” Ben stiffened beside him—the heart that he hadn’t realized he still had some days threatened to stop altogether—but Daniel didn’t notice, and the likelihood of it being a certain fashion photographer was minuscule. Besides which, Zach didn’t do those kinds of photographs anymore. He’d never wanted to do them at all.

“Daniel,” Joshua started reproachfully, looking nervously at Ben.

Daniel carried on. “He mainly works abroad I think Sam said. Name’s Zachary—”

“Jones.” Ben jumped to his feet, startling Kai.

“You know him?” Daniel asked.

Ben nodded helplessly, his heart starting a tattoo he could hear in his ears. “He photographs for Millie Kline.”

“Who’s Millie Kline?” Josh asked, puzzled.

“One of the top modeling agencies in New York,” Daniel supplied which surprised Ben that he knew. “They used Sunset Dreams in Hawaii as a backdrop for a center spread in GQ three, nearly four years ago, but I wasn’t there.” Alarm raced ice-cold along Ben’s veins as he gazed at Daniel, but he was looking fondly at Josh. Did he know? Did Daniel know Ben had been in Hawaii? “Millie Kline pays top dollar for exclusive models, and she uses only certain photographers. I’m assuming Zach Jones is one of them?”

Josh glanced at Ben, who must have appeared frozen to them because he seemed incapable of movement. His hair covered most of his scars as usual, but they weren’t hiding his eyes. He struggled this time to mask the flare of gut-wrenching pain, but not before Joshua had seen it. Ben lowered his gaze. He wasn’t usually so open, but the name had caught him off guard. Off guard? A near hysterical laugh seemed to fight to escape.

“Do you know him?” Daniel asked, his tone gentler. His eyes understanding and sympathetic.

Know him? The choked noise Ben made was a mix of rage and disbelief. He glanced up to the sky. Was this it? Was this his punishment for Maegan’s death? Was karma finally smacking his ass? “I may have to leave for a while,” he rasped out. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t take the risk.

“Leave?” Joshua parroted and glanced at Daniel. “No, Ben. This is your home. We’ll tell Alan—”

“A patient?” Ben interrupted, suddenly absorbing Daniel’s words, heart crashing so hard into his ribs he thought it would break something. Zach was sick?

“Not Alan’s directly, and he wouldn’t—couldn’t—tell me much obviously.”

“We’ll make sure he doesn’t see you, Ben,” Josh added still distressed.

Daniel sighed. “It won’t be a problem anyway. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but Zachary Jones is nearly blind.”

“Blind?” Ben echoed. The laughing, smoky blue eyes. The way they darkened with desire just before they kissed. The way they widened until all Ben could see was blue and he knew Zach was thinking of him. “P-Permanently?” Where had his voice suddenly gone? Because the cracked whisper didn’t seem to belong to him.

Daniel shrugged. “I didn’t ask because I know Alan wouldn’t be able to tell me. He’s completely blind in one eye and has very poor vision in the other.” He took a breath. “He did tell me that Zach is fighting tooth and nail against going anywhere, but his doctor—Alan’s colleague—is genuinely worried about his mental state. Living here isn’t ideal either because his brother would rather he was close, but Zach is also refusing to go in a nursing home, and he’s worried he may just disappear on him. Alan suggested here as an alternative.”

Josh stopped his fretting over Ben and immediately focused on Daniel. “Mental state?” he squeaked.

“Depression. He’s been holed up in his apartment for weeks. Refuses any help. His doctor is really concerned.”

“Aren’t we too far away though for his doctor?” Josh asked. “I mean, if it’s Alan, surely it’s in New York?”

Daniel shook his head. “He has to go see a colleague in Tampa three times a week, and if it helps Zach, apparently, his own doctor is even willing to fly here if needed.”

“It’s his brother,” Ben said flatly.

“The doctor?” Daniel asked.

Ben nodded. “Seth Jones. He’s an ophthalmic surgeon, a retina specialist. I can’t see him letting Zach go to anyone else.” Ben ignored the curious look Josh sent him. It would be easy to get Seth to change his mind if he knew Ben was here. Seth hated Ben—always had. He never thought Ben was good enough for his brother.

Turned out, he was right.

Ben glanced at Daniel and Josh who were both watching him carefully. He was tempted to say no, to beg Josh to turn him away. Ughh. “Okay, but I’m not having anything to do with him, and no one tells him I’m here. No one mentions my name at all.”

Josh nodded his head in agreement. “Would he even know your name?”

“His name?” Daniel asked in confusion. Josh arched an eyebrow at Ben, silently asking the question, and Ben nodded in acquiescence.

“Ben’s modeling name was Levi.”

“Oh,” Daniel said then brightened. “Like the jeans?”

Ben grimaced. “It was my first contract. It started as a joke, but my agent loved it. It was only because it was an actual name as well that I got away with it, and a year later when I was hired by Gucci, they never cared, so no one else did either.” He swallowed. “He knows my real name.”

Benedict. Ben knew everyone thought Ben was short for Benjamin, but they were wrong. He didn’t know where the name had actually come from. His earliest memories were of being called Ben, and it was only years later, after he’d actually gotten a copy of his birth certificate, that he found out his name was Benedict. It seemed incongruous but fitting with his new life. In the space of seven months, he’d gone from trailer trash to penthouse pimped. And he played the role seamlessly both times. Maybe he should have been an actor.

It was ironic that the model scout in H&M had approached him before he stole the shirt. He’d actually thought she was a store detective. She had known he was shoplifting but still eagerly gave him her card and insisted he call her as soon as possible. He’d looked at the embossed writing on the card and explained he didn’t have a phone. Three hours later, he was being dressed for his preliminary shots.

Three weeks after that, he took his first pill.

It had been the main thing he and Zach had fought over. His weight. The obsessive need to keep what he had clawed his way into. It had taken him six months before designers were asking for him. Never complaining about having a 3 a.m. shoot because something needed to be closed or about the hours standing around waiting paid off. He’d seen the divas and heard their demands, and gradually, the photographers began to ask for him because he was willing to spend hours getting the shot right. Nothing else mattered. For five years, he had been loved and adored…and fought over. Sylvia—his agent—had to turn down more work than he actually did. And he loved it. Loved it the first day he slept with Zach. The first day he fell in love. The first day he realized he wanted something money couldn’t get him. Loved it right up to the day he realized it was eating his soul.

And hated it the day he lost it all.

“The cabin looks beautiful,” Josh commented, tactfully changing the subject.

Ben glanced back absently. It was home. Ben had gotten the first of the new cabins, and Daniel had gotten him exactly what he had asked for; two bedrooms, a large open space that fit his overstuffed sofa, and even a small galley kitchen. He’d just moved his computer into the second bedroom. Having an office made him feel more like a writer. Which was so ridiculous, it was funny. Maybe he should write comedy, make it an autobiography? He could write sarcasm really, really well. “How long will he be here?”

“He’s booked in for a month. If he needs more surgery, he might be gone sooner,” Daniel said. Ben nodded. He could cope. The hotel had been full most of the summer, but here, in his little corner, he never saw anyone unless he wanted to. He could stay here and hide.

“Do you want a coffee?” Ben offered. It was easy to forget his manners when he was used to solitude.

Josh shook his head. “I can’t. We have two new staff arriving. Brother and sister.”

“Adults,” Daniel supplied with a sigh. Ben nodded. He knew both Daniel and Josh wanted to open the place up to teens, but it was hugely complicated.

“Who are they?” Ben asked, not completely sure he cared after finding out about Zach.

“Beth Gallagher and Chris Derwent. They’re not siblings exactly, but they were in the foster home the cops shut down in Jasper. Both aged out a month later.”

Ben hissed a breath in and met Josh’s glittering eyes. He saw Daniel put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Ben had seen the news reports. The foster kids were locked up in the basement; starved, petrified, and physically abused. The papers had been full of the story last year; until the next atrocity had been discovered, and five broken children were suddenly old news.

“Beth and Chris are going to help Susie. Beth may serve, but Chris definitely can’t.” Ben looked at Josh, the question in his eyes. “Chris doesn’t speak and has panic attacks,” Josh said. “They’ve had therapy, but it doesn’t seem to have helped much. Beth is very keen to come here and start working, and Chris won’t go anywhere she isn’t.”

It kind of put everything into perspective. Here he was feeling sorry for himself because he had a scarred face that was his fault. His life was how he chose, not because someone else had removed his choices. He watched as Daniel squeezed Josh’s shoulders. “You’re doing a good thing, Josh. Don’t worry about me.”

Josh’s eyes filled, and he blinked furiously. Daniel made a distressed noise in the back of his throat and pulled the man even closer, and suddenly, Ben couldn’t watch anymore. He nodded to them both and jogged back up the steps to his cabin, calling Kai to him. He closed the door behind him and leaned back. He didn’t think closing his eyes was going to be any protection from the memories rushing through, but he could try.

“No, keep your shirt buttoned.”

Ben had eyed the photographer cautiously. That was the exact opposite of what he’d always been told. His smooth, hair-free chest was usually on display, but then, he’d never worked with this guy before. He was new.

Ben obediently let his arms fall to his sides. “How do you want me then?” His voice flirtatious. The guy was nice. Probably straight, which was a sin in itself. He was undeterred by the lack of an answer, so he tried again. “Bending over?” he teased.

The man stilled behind the camera balanced on a tripod. “How about silent?”

Ben immediately stuck his tongue out, knowing he could see him. Surely that would get a laugh? Or more if he was lucky.

“I’m not shooting for a dental hygiene magazine,” the answer came immediately, and Ben laughed. The camera flashed instantly. “That’s better,” he said approvingly, and Ben groaned silently. God, but the man’s voice was like chocolate, sinful and went straight to his hips. Well…no. Actually, it might involve his hips, but the words had settled somewhere much more central between them. Ben immediately thought about something gross to will his hard-on away. It would spoil the line of his tight pants, and God help him if Davic noticed. Millie’s assistant was working with the makeup artist, who was working on Terry. The shoot hadn’t even started yet. Ben’s stomach rumbled, and he groaned out loud this time. Chelsea—Davic’s minion—must have heard because she immediately ran over with his water which he took gratefully. Water is filling. The phrase had been drummed into him for the last two years.

“Do you want someone to get you a bagel or something? There’s a bakery on seventh that makes them fresh.”

Ben snickered, convinced the guy was making some huge joke because he hadn’t eaten anything baked unless it masqueraded as a protein bar for over two years. Then the guy straightened up, and every empty calorie Ben ever counted fled his brain.

Zachary Marvin Jones—named after his grandfather—was absolutely gorgeous. With stunning blue eyes that Ben immediately wanted fixed on him and no one else, a teasing smile that creased his face, and a big laugh that filled a room. Not much taller than Ben, but he had a completely different body. Ben was slim—willowy his agent had called it which he wasn’t sure was a compliment—Zach was anything but. He had muscles carved out of granite, and his forearms were nearly as wide as Ben’s thighs. He had been wearing jeans that had no name or label and a white shirt that looked like he’d owned it since tenth grade, and Ben didn’t give a fuck. He was completely and totally obsessed with Zach and ecstatically happy when they met for drinks. It took three days before Ben had gotten him in bed, and for seventy-two hours, Ben was convinced he was losing his touch.

Ben was beautiful. Everyone said so. He wasn’t sure why, but Zach didn’t seem to care what he looked like or what he wore. It turned out Zach was filling in for a friend on the shoot. He was a “serious” photographer, but Calvin Klein paid the rent so he could go to whatever poverty-stricken corner of the world that he wanted without pay and use his photos to make a difference.

The trouble was, Zach was good, and in a few short months, every fashion shoot demanded him. Ben never understood why it didn’t make him happy, and they had fought over Zach turning down the chance to work for Chanel because he was spending the night photographing the homeless in Manhattan.

And the button up shots he’d taken of Ben even won some award. That had been seven years ago. The thing was that it was likely Ben would have been finished by now anyway. Two years clawing to the top of his trade before he met Zach, a dizzying three years after, but modeling was a young guy’s game, and not many models were still in it when they were older. If Zach had been patient. If they hadn’t fought so bitterly over the pills. If he hadn’t been lured by the carrot of the TV producer. If the fire had never happened…

If.

If.

Ben took a breath. He wanted to finish the chapter he was working on. Zach would come here for a month, and Ben would never see him. He had nothing to worry about.