Wellesley, Monday – Graduation Night

Dex drove, since he didn’t drink, and I gave him directions to the hotel I’d arranged in the city. We only got lost twice, which for me was pretty good.

When we pulled into the Liberty Hotel, his face was pure delight. ‘Nice. I’ve always wanted to check out this place. You know it used to be an old prison before they turned it into a hotel,’ he said, pulling into the valet area.

I hadn’t known that. And now that I did, it really wasn’t helping my state of mind.

We walked to the front desk hand-in-hand. While we checked in, I couldn’t stop my mind spinning with all the things Ethan had said to me. Was it all trickery?

Out of nowhere, I gasped.

Dex regarded me quizzically and I forced a smile. He went back to talking to the hotel receptionist, who was speaking with a strong and lilting foreign accent.

My mind-spiral continued. Ethan had said he loved me. Even by simply admitting that, he had risked everything. He was supposed to be part of the medical staff. He was supposed to be counselling me, not loving me. Surely there was no method of therapy that would condone or encourage that. But there was something off – I was sure of it. Ethan was keeping something big from me, and it made me doubt everything more than I already did.

Dex carried on his conversation with the receptionist while still holding my hand. Eventually he squeezed it, drawing my attention. ‘Oh wow, that’s great. Hey Sabine, Annika here has upgraded our room to a king suite.’

Hooray.

The fair-haired woman bobbed her head. ‘Kylla.’ She nodded again. ‘I mean, yes,’ she corrected.

Kylla? Where had I heard that before? What language was that?

‘Babe, do you want to wait here? I’ve just got to get our stuff from the car,’ Dex said.

I nodded, still looking at the receptionist. ‘Um, what language was that?’ I blurted as soon as Dex had left.

She smiled politely. ‘I’m Finnish.’

Finnish. Oh my god. The words. I’d completely forgotten.

Shit.

‘I … I … Could you translate something for me?’ My hands were now flat on the desk as I leaned towards her anxiously. What were they? I couldn’t remember the stupid words!

Shit.

‘Of course.’ She smiled. ‘What is it?’

Shit, shit, shit.

Think. Think, Sabine. What were they?

‘Um … um … Ukso, no uskon! Uskon is the first word and there’s one more. Argh, I can’t remember, something like sins, or …’ I fisted my hand.

The receptionist smiled. ‘Uskon sinua?’ she suggested. ‘Yes! That’s it. What does it mean?’ I was close to bursting. I saw Dex approaching the glass doors with our bags. I turned back to the woman urgently. ‘Please!’

She started to laugh at me. ‘It means – I believe you.’

Dex had me by the hand. We were walking down a hallway. Stopping at a door. How did we get there?

Had I lost time?

I couldn’t think of anything but uskon sinua, uskon sinua, uskon sinua, uskon sinua.

Ethan.

Believed.

Me.

Crazy, locked up, self-harming, Digoxin swallowing, mood disorder, two lives me.

We were inside a room. Crisp white linen, flowers, fruit bowl. Views over the city lights.

Ethan believed me.

A glass of Champagne was suddenly in my hand. I was sipping it and must have looked confused.

‘I brought it with me,’ Dex said, standing right in front of me. ‘I wanted tonight to be perfect.’ He was holding a glass too, a sip’s worth in the bottom.

How could tonight get any more perfect?

Ethan believed me.

‘This is amazing, you should check out the bathroom. There’s a spa,’ he said, coming back from his inspection of the room and sliding his arm around my waist.

My hand holding the Champagne flute was shaking. What was going on? Why couldn’t I get a grip?

I swallowed nervously and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

Dex ran his hands down my back, settling them low. Too low, a voice buried deep inside me screamed. I downed my glass of Champagne and held still.

‘I’ve been waiting so long to see you, Sabine. Please tell me I can take that dress off?’

Shit.

I grappled for some kind of sanity. I had to regain control of the life Ethan had just detonated with the three most explosive words ever. He’d done the one thing he’d always tried to convince me could happen. He’d made my worlds cross over. And now … I was here, he was there and everything had changed.

Forever.

Dex, however, wasn’t waiting for permission and had already begun to unzip my dress, moving me towards the massive bed. I was on my back before I knew it and his hands … were everywhere.

I had to clear my mind. Find words. I should have been thinking only of Dex, but I couldn’t. It didn’t matter what I thought I should do, something in my mind – no, in my heart – wasn’t going to let me.

‘Dex,’ I said nervously.

‘Hmm,’ he replied, not stopping.

‘Dex, I … I can’t.’

He just moaned.

Shit.

‘Dex, stop,’ I said, lifting the volume.

He pulled his head up from my neck and looked at me, confused.

‘What?’

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I … I just can’t.’

His eyes narrowed, but he recovered quickly. ‘Sabine, we’ve been planning this for ages. I’ve never put pressure on you, because I knew we would get here eventually, but …’

I spoke quickly. ‘I know, Dex. You’re amazing and kind and good and I’m so lucky to have been your girlfriend, but you deserve more than I can give you. You deserve someone who will make you really happy –’

He cut me off, sitting up. ‘Oh, whoa! Wait! This isn’t just about tonight, is it? You’re breaking up with me?’

I scrambled to sit up against the headboard. ‘Dex … I’m so sorry,’ I whimpered.

He jumped off the bed, glaring at me. ‘You’re seeing someone else, aren’t you?’ he yelled, jabbing his finger at me.

I didn’t respond. I honestly didn’t know what the right answer to that question was.

He scoffed, ‘Oh, you bitch! You’ve been stringing me along. Teasing me!’

I shook my head urgently. ‘No, it’s not like that at all. I thought … I really wanted this to work with us. I swear. It’s complicated.’

Dex ran his hands through his hair desperately. ‘Fuck.’ And then, frenzied, he grabbed his bag and the bottle of Champagne and stormed out of the room.

Once the trembling settled down I checked the time.

11.30 p.m.

I hoped Dex was okay. I considered going after him, but figured he wouldn’t want to see me for a while – if ever. But as awful as I felt, now that it was done I was sure it was the right decision. Dex did deserve to be with someone who could make him happy. And perhaps … perhaps I deserved to be with someone who was right for me too.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t wait to Shift. And the irony was, it was Roxbury I wanted so desperately to get back to. I pulled myself together and decided on a course of action, picking up the hotel phone and calling the most unlikely of people.

‘Hello?’ Ryan was laughing and I could barely hear him over the noise in the background. His dorm was obviously having another party.

‘Ryan, it’s me.’

I heard the groan. ‘What do you want?’

‘I, um, I’m not far from you and I was wondering if you might be able to come and get me. I … I haven’t had a great night.’

Maybe brothers just know what that means, maybe they have this inbuilt radar that goes off when their sisters are stranded in hotel rooms, I don’t know, but Ryan’s tone changed instantly. ‘Where are you? Are you okay?’

‘Yeah.’ I gave him the hotel details.

‘Is Dex with you?’

‘He was, but … he’s left now.’

I let him draw his own conclusions as to what that meant. He was quick to respond. ‘I’m on my way.’

‘Thanks, but … can you give me a few minutes? Maybe come just after midnight, like quarter past or something.’ I wanted to give myself enough time to Shift in private.

‘Okay,’ he said cautiously. ‘What room?’

I looked at the door Dex had left open when he charged out. The numbers were displayed in gold. ‘Room 816.’

After we hung up I walked out to the balcony. I wanted a few quiet moments to finally consider my feelings for Ethan.

Who was I kidding? It only took about three seconds to come to the obvious conclusion. I was totally in love with him. The simple fact that I knew he was kissing me, at this very moment, in my other world and the knowledge did not freak me out was evidence enough. But on top of that, he knew me.

I opened my arms to the night sky and flung my head back to the world of possibilities – the world of ‘what ifs’. To the knowledge that in a few minutes I would Shift right into the arms of the man I loved.

I don’t know when I started twirling with giddiness. But I do know the moment I stopped …

And saw Dex standing in the open doorway, staring right at me.

I walked into the room as he stumbled closer.

He was drunk.

‘Dex …’ I started, wondering how to explain. But his look stopped me in my tracks.

I don’t know if it was the alcohol, or the fact he’d seen me smiling that did it. I don’t know if he’d come back with this particular plan, or a different one altogether. All I know is that as soon as he took that last stumbling step towards me, he lost it.

The first punch to my face sent me straight to my hands and knees.

I screamed. But I was quickly silenced by a sharp kick to my stomach which catapulted me onto my back like I was no more than a rag doll. He dropped on top of me, straddling me as he hit me again.

I was defenceless under his weight. I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t work out what to do. I looked into his eyes between hits. This was not the Dex I knew. He was drunk and completely out of control.

After the fourth heavy hit to my face, an unwavering certainty came over me: Dex was not going to stop. My feeble attempts to cry for help were smothered by his fists.

My head swung to the side with the impact of a closed-fist punch that made it feel like it might explode. Blood poured into my eyes from a cut on my forehead. I spotted the digital clock on the bedside table.

Oh please, please, please.

11.59 p.m.

Dex’s hand went back again, relentless in his intentions. I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact, and … Shifted.