FIVE 

MAGGIE

My whole body buzzed with an exciting new energy. It felt like I had just been teasing myself with my vibrator without any release. Just from Kaine barely touching me. Forget alcohol, I was already hooked on this new drug from barely a taste. 

And my only buzzkill had to be my best friend. 

“You’re not seriously thinking of going with him, are you?” Angie demanded. 

“Well I’m not up for getting roofied and we can’t exactly let loose at our parents’ houses,” I pointed out. “He’s a freaking pastor. What’s he going to do?”

“First of all.” Angie tossed her hair over her shoulder. “That card could be fake. Second of all, have you never heard anything shady about Catholic priests in your life?” 

“That’s different,” I protested. “Pastors aren’t all celibate and repressed. Some of them even do gay weddings depending on the denomination.” 

Still, I couldn’t help but feel surprised when Kain told us he was a clergyman. He didn’t seem like the pious type at all. My parents tried tirelessly to set me up with deeply religious guys from their church and I could never stomach through a single lunch with them. At least the frat boys at school were upfront about what they wanted. They didn’t hide behind an ancient book and say God gave men superiority over their women. 

If I had to deal with douchebags, at least take responsibility for your douchebaggery. 

But Kaine didn’t appear to fit that at all. He reminded me of a lone wolf searching for a pack. But the pack had to be worthy of him. He was mysterious, protective and calculating. He had a lot at stake. I just wish I knew what.

“Why are you suddenly so into this guy?” Angie demanded. “I’ve never seen you act like this. You’re always shoving guys away.”

I couldn’t even begin to find the words to explain myself. Something just pulled me to him, and doubly so since finding out he was a religious leader. I recoiled from most things to do with religion as a natural reaction but his darkness and demeanor made it interesting. He was easily the most irreverent pastor I’d ever met and not just because he smoked and drank. 

So I covered up my fascination of Kaine Cross with my signature Resting Bitch Face and a shrug.

“I’d just like to have an adventure with a much lower risk of getting raped and murdered, that’s all.” 

Angie scowled and crossed her arms across her chest. 

“Alright fine. If you insist on hanging out with him, I’m not leaving you by yourself.” 

My fingers twitched. I knew she meant well but I wanted to be alone with him. How else would I unwrap the armor surrounding him and uncover the reasons why he made my body feel like this? Why I felt pulled to him like a magnet when I should have wanted nothing to do with him.

Perhaps it was naive to be so trusting. Curiosity and the cat and all that. But I was a born risk taker and that was why I struggled so much living with my parents. Going into the unknown, asking questions, and taking risks made me feel alive. I often wondered if I was adopted because it was never in my nature to sit quietly and do as the Bible commanded like my parents wanted me to. 

Angie and I both turned at the sound of approaching footsteps to see Kaine returning from the store. He carried a plastic bag in one hand and shoved the other in the pocket of his jeans, which slung low on his hips but still seemed to fit him perfectly. His blonde hair looked almost ghostly in the streetlights. 

He radiated leadership and authority in the way he walked. I wondered what his sermons sounded like. Did he yell at the top of his lungs about hellfire, brimstone and eternal damnation? Or did he calmly, yet passionately tell stories about God's love and forgiveness?

Forgiveness was a funny thing. Could God forgive me if I had not a damn thing to be sorry for? 

"You're encouraging boys to think lustful thoughts by dressing like that," Mom would sneer at me. "But if you turn to modesty they'll want to know the real you, not just your body. Be repentant for invoking sin and God will forgive you." 

Nah. Tell me more about fire and brimstone. That shit sounds hot. 

"So what's the verdict, ladies?" 

Kaine stopped a respectful distance away. Too far away. 

"We'll hang out," I said, flashing a smile that I hoped was sweet. 

His lips twitched as if he were about to smile back but thought better of it. Rather, he gave a curt nod and pulled a set of keys from his pocket. 

"My car's this way. I can wait for you to follow." 

Once Angie and I got into her car, she wasted no time laying down the rules. 

"If he touches you, I'm slapping the shit out of him. The second I get a weird vibe, we're leaving. In a strange man's house, I have vetoing rights, okay?"

"Fine, Mom," I grumbled. For her constant teasing about me remaining a virgin, she definitely knew how to be a helicopter parent. 

Kaine's apartment was a short drive, only a few blocks away. He parked in a covered space in front of a small 4-plex and we parked on the street. 

My brain and body buzzed with curious anticipation again as he led us inside. What would this man's living space tell me about him? 

The apartment was a small one-bedroom and sparsely furnished. He had a large couch but no TV. A small table with only two dining chairs. Some weights and an exercise mat took up one corner. Books were crammed into a small bookcase that looked older than me. The walls were bare except for a simple wooden cross and a portrait of Jesus Christ.

"Let me guess," I said, turning around in a circle to look at the entire place. "You live like this because it's like how Jesus would have lived. Simple and with few material things." 

Angie rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath something about weirdos who don't own TVs. Kain just chuckled as he removed a large bottle, ice, and lemon juice from the bag. 

"That's a good one. I should tell people that." He pulled shot glasses from a cardboard box and quickly rinsed them under the kitchen faucet. "The truth is I moved here pretty recently and I'm always at work. I'm rarely home."

“What brought you here?” I asked as I moved closer, eager to close the distance between us and feel the effect he had on me once again. 

He glanced over at Angie who was parked on the couch and scrolling through her phone, off in her own little world already. 

“My divorce,” he answered with sarcastic cheer. I looked down at his hands and noticed the tan line on his left ring finger as he dried the glasses.

“Sorry,” I offered.

“Don’t be.” He glanced up at me with dark storm clouds in his eyes. “It had to happen.”

“Isn’t it odd for you to say something like that, especially as a pastor?” I asked. “I mean, I wish my parents would just get divorced but they never will for religious reasons.” 

He smiled another genuine one as he opens the vodka bottle. 

“Life is full of tests and trials, Magdalene. God throws challenges at us but so does the devil. It can be hard or even impossible to tell which one is testing us. Even those who are not religious recognize it as the constant battle between good and evil. Right and wrong. Do I look out for myself first or someone else? The answer isn’t always easy.” 

I picked up one of the shots that Kain poured and held it up until he followed suit and clinked his glass against mine.

“Cheers to that,” I said.