NINE

MAGGIE

“So what happened between you two?”

“Nothing.” I swallowed nervously. “Except…”

“Except what?” 

My whole body flushed with heat and I turned my head to stare out of Angie’s passenger window.

“You know how I always sleep naked at home?” 

“Oh my God, Maggie! You didn’t!” 

“Yeah.” I sighed and a small giggle escaped my mouth as well. It was already far enough in hindsight that I could laugh about it. “I don’t remember that well but apparently I took all my clothes off before bed just like how I do at home. Funny how muscle memory takes over.” 

“And you’re absolutely positive that nothing happened?” 

“Yes,” I insisted. “He was a perfect gentleman and never touched me.” 

Angie let out a long breath as she took the freeway exit toward my house. 

“Well that was kind of a strange encounter but it could have gone a lot worse, I suppose.” 

I sucked my cheek between my teeth, unsure if I should spill what I felt to her. But she was my best friend. I could tell her anything. 

“Honestly,” I began with hesitation. “I kind of wish something did happen, as long as I remembered, of course.”

“Trust me,” Angie replied. “Be glad that nothing happened. I know I’ve teased you but having sex really fucks with your emotions. Your first time should be with someone more on your level, not some loner, divorced, religious guy, however hot he may be.”

But he was on my level. More than anyone else ever has been.

The religious thing never even bothered me like I thought it would. I felt just as nonchalant about it sober as I did while drunk. 

Kaine seemed fascinating to talk to. Like he would have such unique interpretations and ideas. Not like the idiot Bible drones that my parents introduced me to. I wanted to meet someone who asked questions like I did and came to their own conclusions. 

“He seemed interesting, though,” was all I admitted to Angie in the car. “I wish I gave him my number. Just to talk to as a friend at least.” 

“Trust me,” Angie repeated as if she was a leading expert on men and sex. “This one comes with too much drama. It’s best to let him go.” 

“I guess you’re right,” I agreed. 

But every cell in my body cried out to feel the security and comfort of his touch again. 

***

“Thanks for the ride, Ang,” I said as we pulled up to my house. My eyes focused on the front door and I willed my thoughts away from Kaine. I had different battles to sort out today. 

“Hey, you going to see Marie today?” she asked. 

“Yeah, if I can get out there without the parents of the year breathing down my neck.” The bitterness already dripped in my voice. 

“Tell her I said hi. And here.” She rummaged in her purse for a minute and pulled out a small bag of candies. “Give these to Jeremy for me.”

“For sure.” I could already see his eyes lighting up. “He’ll love these, but Marie will hate you for putting him on a sugar high.”

“Hey, I gotta spoil somebody’s kid before I pop out my own,” Angie grinned. “Give ‘em my best. See ya later.” 

“Bye.”

I exited her car and took a deep breath before walking up the steps to my front door. The moment I unlocked it and headed for the stairs, I should’ve known I wouldn’t get a moment of peace. 

“Maggie!” my mom shrilled, running in from the kitchen. “You’re home! How was Angelica’s?” 

“Fine,” I muttered. 

“I hope you had a nice girls-only sleepover. You didn’t sneak off to see any boys, did you?” she giggled as if she said a naughty word.

“No.” 

I’d been lying to my mother since I was at least ten years old. It was like second nature to me at this point.

Before she could say anything else asinine, I took the stairs two at a time to my bedroom. After a quick shower, I threw on a pair of sweats and a hoodie, then grabbed my duffel bag from my closet.

Careful to not make enough noise for my mother to come up and investigate, I dropped to the floor and scooted on my back next to my bed. 

I slept on a futon that was pretty low to the ground and couldn't slide all the way underneath anymore, thanks to boobs getting in the way. So I aligned my body with the length of my bed and got as much of my arm, shoulder, and hip underneath as I could. 

When I touched the underside of the mattress, my fingers barely brushed the bundles of fabric I stashed there. 

Straining and reaching, I grabbed each one, about the size of a folded bath towel, and tossed them in my duffel bag. 

I only had six for today. Schoolwork had been intense for the past week, plus my parents seemed especially up my ass lately. 

With the bundles neatly stacked in the bottom of my duffel, I rifled through my closet next. Every week I always seemed to find some clothes in the back of my closet I never wore and yet my massive amount of laundry never seemed to get any smaller. 

With my bag well stuffed with clothes and the cloth bundles, I zipped it up securely and threw a beanie over my wet, tangled hair before heading downstairs. 

Of course, Mom hovered around the bottom of the staircase like a goddamn oversize Tinkerbell, waiting for me and watching my every move. 

"Where are you going so soon?" she asked. "I'm getting breakfast ready." 

"To the gym," I replied curtly. "I'll eat something while I'm out."

"You know, Maggie." She approached me with her tone already turning patronizing, her eyes raking over me like a pair of microscopes. "There's a proverb that says, 'Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised'." 

"I'll remember that," I muttered as I pushed past her and through the front door.

“We’re attending a new church tomorrow, so be back at a decent hour!” she called after me.

I walked away faster and pulled my beanie down low over my ears in reply. 

I tried not to let it bother me as she spewed her hypocritical Bible verses at me. She who whined about her Louis Vuitton bag being fake, who stared at me with more envy and contempt than any so-called mean girl at school, among far worse sins. 

Every time I made this walk, I told myself I had to save up for a car but it never seemed to happen. I always needed to buy more fabric and thread, and the high-quality stuff since the winter would be cold. 

I opened my phone to double-check Marie's text. After getting kicked out of their old place by the cops, they moved to a spot near the freeway. 

After another mile of walking, I went off the street and cautiously slid down an embankment that would lead me directly under the freeway overpass. When I saw the tents and figures huddled around fires, I knew I was at the right place. 

Some faces were familiar, others were new. A younger guy wearing what once must have been a nice suit sat dejectedly on a slab of concrete with a 40-ounce bottle of Mickey's in his hand. His face looked like it wasn't used to going days without washing, and he stared at nothing.

I wondered what his story was. A young, fresh-faced lawyer whose firm went bankrupt? A salesman with a learning disability he tried to hide?  

"Don't mind him," said Rufus, an older man with a white beard stained yellow in some places from tobacco. "He's still fighting where the current has taken him." 

I nodded. It never got easier to see people from so-called normal lives finding themselves in a homeless camp. I cried every day when I first started coming out here.

"I have a bundle for him if he needs one," I told Rufus. "I didn't have time to make many this week, though." 

"God bless you, darlin'," he rasped, smiling through his wiry beard. "Give him a bit of time first. He needs to let go of that pride still." 

I nodded again and considered asking him how he could still believe in God when his whole adult life consisted of homelessness and jail cells. 

But for once I held my tongue.

"You seen Marie?"

"Cookin' some breakfast down there." He turned and pointed to a group of people huddled around a larger fire. "We got eggs and a package of hot dogs we gotta use 'fore they go bad."

"Thanks."

I adjusted the duffel bag on my shoulder as I made my way to the tight circle of people. From a distance, I could see Marie's dark hair like mine, pulled back in a messy ponytail as she turned hot dogs over a cast-iron griddle, which was held over a fire with two cinderblocks. 

"MAGGIE!" 

A high-pitched voice yelled my name and the most adorable three-year-old boy with the biggest smile came running up to greet me. His jacket was too big and carried a couple of holes, but it was still better than the last one he had which was too small and barely kept him warm. 

"Hey, Jer-bear!" I cooed as I swept him up in my arms and sat him against my hip. He giggled as I bounced and tickled him, making my way over to the group of adults around the fire. 

His mom looked up and smiled when he came running toward me. I hated to admit it but she seemed happier here. Sure she was tired, stressed, and didn't always know when her next meal would come but she had Jeremy and she could smile. She never smiled at home.

I anchored Jeremy against my hip and wrapped my other arm around his mother in a tight hug. Every day I came out here, I greeted them like it was my last day to spend with them. No one ever knew if tomorrow would be their last day in this town, or last day alive. 

"Hey sis," I whispered into her hair.