I don’t know why I check the blogs, but I can’t help myself. As soon as I pull up Herez Pilton, a picture of Jackson supporting a clearly hammered Holly greets me like an atom bomb.

And to top it all off, the headline reads, “JACKSON AND HOLLY GET HAMMERED BEFORE HE HAMMERS HER.”

I groan and scroll through the article. It’s the usual crap, plus a few more pictures. Jackson is holding Holly up, outside of a hotel room, and she’s very drunk. I can’t tell if he’s drunk or not, or what they’re even doing together so late at night.

Jackson wouldn’t sleep with Holly like that, would he? I mean, he tells me that he’s not interested in her, but still. He clearly was with her last night when she was really drunk. The article says sex noises were heard from outside of her room, but I don’t know if these blogs just make shit up or whatever.

I close my laptop lid and roll over in bed. I don’t want to go back to fucking work today, not with all this shit hanging over my head, but I can’t skip out. I’m going to have to face it sooner or later.

I get up, get dressed, and get ready.

“Chin up, kid,” Laney says to me as I’m leaving for the day.

I pause at the door. “Still up or just getting up?”

She grins at me. “Still up.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” She salutes me as I leave.

The article with Jackson and Holly is all the rage on set today, which can’t be a big surprise to me. The crew loves to gossip about this sort of stuff, but I can’t let it get to me. We have some minor shots to do and fortunately Jackson isn’t in any of them. Holly is late to the set, so we go ahead and start doing some work with the extras and a few other minor characters.

A few hours pass and we get some work done before Holly Hart finally shows up. She comes on stage wearing big black sunglasses and talking quietly, and it’s obvious that she’s hungover. There are whispers all over about this, and it’s driving me crazy, but at least she doesn’t give me any dirty looks.

In fact, she doesn’t even look at me at all. I don’t have to interact with her much, but she’s not openly hostile toward me this time. I don’t know why but she acts like I don’t exist, which is way better than her acting like I killed her dog or something.

Holly gets in a few scenes and although she’s clearly feeling like hot garbage, she manages to get through it with some poise. The crew is going nuts and gossiping like crazy, and I’m pretty darn confused myself, but at least we get some actual work done.

“That’s lunch!” As soon as the director calls it, Holly darts for her trailer and disappears.

I’m torn about what to do. On the one hand, I’m happy Holly isn’t trying to murder me with her eyes. On the other though, I don’t know what the hell Jackson was doing with her. And I know it’s none of my business.

I head over toward the food line, still thinking about what’s going on, when Jackson appears from his workout. “Tara,” he says, catching my eye. “Can I talk to you a second?”

I look at him and hesitate. He sounds like it’s about work, which I can’t really turn down, but I’m not sure I want to talk to him right now. Still, I have to go with him, especially since there are so many people around right now.

“Sure,” I say, and follow him away from the group. I hurry to catch up to him as he opens the door to his trailer and walks inside.

I follow him in there, not sure what the hell I’m expecting. The door shuts behind me and he turns as we step into his little living area.

“You saw the pictures,” he says to me simply.

“Yeah, I saw them.”

“It’s not what it looks like. I was home all night last night.”

I shrug a little, my heart beating faster. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“It matters to me. The fucking paparazzi can lie all they want, but I’m telling you the truth.”

“Okay then. What was that in those pictures?” I don’t know if I want the answer, because I’m afraid of what it’ll make me feel.

“She showed up at my room, drunk as hell. She came on to me.” He stares at me, a straight face.

“I don’t need details,” I say.

“Yes, you do. I want you to know everything.”

“You don’t owe me this, Jackson. It’s not like we did anything but sleep together one time.”

“Listen to me. She was drunk as hell, falling down on herself. I helped her back to her room and that’s all that happened. The fucking paparazzi appeared out of nowhere, I guess he had snuck in and found out where she was staying. Caught us both off guard.”

I frown at that. It’s not unheard of for a paparazzi to bribe a hotel employee to find out which room a star is staying in. I’m guessing Holly will switch rooms or maybe even hotels to avoid getting hounded every day. The hotel should be better about security, but that sort of thing happens sometimes.

It’s not impossible. I mean, based on the pictures I saw, I can totally see that happening.

“So you just dropped her at her room?” I ask him.

“Exactly. She was wasted, Tara. And I’m not interested in her at all.”

My heart is beating faster and this is what I was afraid of. I didn’t want to know the truth because it’s easier to hate him. It’s so much simpler if he’s just an asshole that broke my heart and nothing more to me.

But as he steps closer, I know that’s not the case. It hasn’t been, not since he walked back into my life. The bastard broke me, but now he’s back, and all those old feelings are warring inside of me.

He stops inches away from me. I can’t help but notice that he’s slightly damp with sweat, but not too bad. He’s looking at me like he wants to rip my clothes off and I’m freaking out. I should run away, get the hell out of there, but I’m rooted in place. I want to feel what I felt the other day again. I want to taste him, even if it’s irresponsible and stupid.

“You know there’s only one thing I want,” he says, his body so close to mine.

“We can’t,” I whisper, but I don’t mean it.

He can see right through me. He always could. “Yes, we can.”

He kisses me and I don’t resist. I feel everything inside of me crumble. All of my fear and my anger and my disappointment, it all melts away and I’m left at his mercy, totally exposed for him.

He doesn’t waste any time. We’re in his trailer, surrounded by people outside, but I don’t care. He presses me back against the couch, pushing me down into the cushions. His powerful body pins me beneath him as he pulls my shirt off, yanking it over my head and tossing it aside.

His lips are starving as they find my neck and throat. His hands tease my breasts and unhook my bra, pulling it off. He cups my full breasts and teases my nipples as he kisses me again. My heart is pounding and I’m wet already with anticipation. I know what’s coming, what he’s going to do to me, and I need it so badly.

“Come here, girl,” he says, pulling me onto his lap. I toss my hair back and straddle him, grinding my hips down against his hard cock. I can feel him through his thin gym shorts as his hands reach up along my hips to tease my breasts again.

One of his hands reaches back and grabs my hair. He tips my head back, pulling my long, thick hair. I gasp as he smirks and kisses my neck. “This is all I want,” he whispers. “Your fucking perfect little wet cunt wrapped around my thick cock.”

“Don’t be so filthy,” I say, pushing him back.

He laughs and pulls my hair again. “You like it filthy. Stop pretending like you’re some good girl, Tara. I know you better than that.”

“No, you don’t,” I say, and I bite his lower lip.

He grunts and twists, lifting me into the air. He pushes me back down onto the couch and drops onto his knees in front of me. He roughly pulls my jeans off and rips off my panties until I’m completely naked in front of him.

He pulls my hair again and I dig my nails into his back. I’m angry and I’m dripping wet, and I need this moment so badly.

“Look at you, naked in my trailer, begging for it rough,” he says with a smirk.

“I’m not begging for it.” I pull his hair back.

He grins at me and drops back down below my waist. His lips find my pussy as he roughly pushes my legs wide open. He pins my hands down at my sides as he licks and sucks my pussy. I struggle a little bit but he holds me there, and really I just want to work my hips against his mouth as his practiced tongue laps at my swollen clit.

He dives in and out of my pussy with his tongue and goes back to sucking my clit. Waves of pleasure wash through me as he continues to roughly hold me down, pinning my hands at my sides and down against the couch.

“You’re an asshole,” I say to him. “An animal. A filthy fucking beast. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

That only makes him press two of his thick fingers deep inside of my pussy. With his other hand he grabs my hair.

“Liar,” he says to me, pumping his fingers. I can’t help but moan as the pleasure and the pain mix.

“You’re an asshole,” I groan. “A fucking asshole. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“You’re all I want,” he says, biting my lip and pressing his fingers deep inside of my pussy. “And I’ll show you exactly what you want.”

He pulls his fingers out and stands. He quickly pulls his shorts and boxer briefs off, revealing his thick cock. I reach up to take it in my hand but he takes my wrist and pulls it away, pinning it back down against the top of the couch.

With his other hand he takes my hair and he presses his cock against my mouth. I moan as I take him between my lips. I suck him faster, letting him slide into my throat as he fucks my lips.

“This is what you want, you dirty fucking slut,” he says to me. “You’re just as bad as I am, and you know it. Deep down all you want is for my thick cock to fuck you and spread you apart. You just want to be my filthy little fuck girl, lying around waiting for my big dick to rip you to shreds.”

I’m moaning as I suck him. He releases my other wrist and presses my head down, forcing his big cock into my throat. I gag but I take him. I ignore the tears that spring to my eyes as I let him fuck my throat. I dig my nails into his thighs and he groans his pleasure.

He pulls back and I gasp. He kisses me full and deep before pulling my hair back again and taking his cock in his other hand. He teases my lips and makes me suck his tip again. I suck him hard and fast along his tip and shaft.

“Get up,” he says, pulling me by my hair. I have to obey him. He gets me to my feet and spins me around, putting my knees on the couch, my ass in the air. I’m dripping wet and I’m so exposed, totally naked there on the couch. He pulls his shirt off and I watch him over my shoulder as he gets behind me, his muscles ripped and shining in the trailer light.

“Look at this cunt,” he says, teasing me with his cock. He drops to his knees and spreads my ass open. “Look at this perfect little pussy.” He licks me top to bottom, tasting everything. He slaps my ass hard, making me gasp, before getting back up.

He grabs one of my wrists and twists it behind my back. Just as it’s starting to hurt, he shoves his cock inside of me, filling me up and blasting a wave of pleasure through my body.

His other hand pulls my hair back again and I’m totally pinned there, his cock skewering my tight pussy, his hands gripping my body.

“This is what you live for,” he whispers in my ear. “This is what you need.”

“Stop talking and fuck me,” I snap back at him, wanting him to be angry. I want him to be as angry as I am.

He laughs and slaps my ass hard. I gasp and start to back against him, sliding my ass along his thick cock. I need to feel him fucking me tight and deep, ripping me apart and making me feel good. I need him to punish me.

He starts to fuck me, sliding his cock deep inside of me. He grabs my hips and rips into me, rocking my pussy rough and deep, not holding back at all. I grip the back of the couch and look over my shoulder as he tears into me.

“You like to fucking see me rip your cunt to pieces?” he says to me. He slaps my ass and my mouth hangs open, staring at his gorgeous body as he fucks me.

He grabs my hair again, slaps my ass, and pumps into my pussy. I work back against him harder and harder, slamming my ass into him, taking his thick cock deep inside of me. It hurts and it feels good and it’s exactly what I need right now.

I pull forward and he slides out of me. Before he can press back inside of me, I turn around and kiss him. I press my body against his and he takes me, kissing me back. I steer him around and push him back down onto the couch.

He smirks and strokes his cock. I grab my hair and put it up into a messy bun before straddling him and slowly letting his cock slide inside of me. I grab onto the couch on either side of his head and I press my lips against his ear.

“You’re a bastard for what you did,” I say to him. I start to work my hips faster, our faces so close. He grabs my hips and slaps my ass. “You don’t deserve this.”

He smirks and pulls my hair back. “This is exactly what you deserve, though,” he says back.

I ride him faster, fucking my frustrations and my anger away. All of my feelings come bubbling up to the surface and I want it rough, want it so fucking rough I can barely stand it. I move faster and faster, building up the friction as he slaps my ass and pulls my hair.

I don’t know where this is coming from but it feels so fucking good. I want to come so badly, and I realize how close I am. I slam my hips down and back, taking his cock deep inside of me, and I grind down along him, working in circles. He bites and teases my nipples, cupping my full breasts.

I slide my fingers through his hair and I slam myself back and down. He fucks me, working into my pussy, and I can’t help it anymore. I can’t hold it back.

“Go ahead, Tara,” he whispers in my ear. “Come for me.”

I gasp and I don’t know how he can read me so easily, but I can’t stop myself. I come hard, the orgasm washing over my body, destroying everything.

It’s like all of my anger and sadness and frustration comes washing out of me in pleasure and pain. It’s so intense that my entire body spasms and shakes, but he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t hold back. He just fucks my pussy as I come, and he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight against him.

He grunts his own pleasure, and I can feel him come inside of me. He comes in thick, hot spurts, filling my pussy up. I gasp and moan and whisper his name as he comes and I feel so fucking good I can barely breathe.

When we finish, we collapse onto the couch together, his arms wrapped around my body. We’re quiet for a little while until I finally laugh.

“What?” he asks.

“I have to go back to work,” I say.

He grins at me. “You might want to shower.”

I sigh. “You’re probably right.”

“Come on. I’ll wash your back.”

I get up and grin at him. “No, thanks,” I say. “You can stay out here.”

He frowns. “That’s no fun.”

“Too bad.” I grab my clothes and go back into his bathroom. I start the shower and clean myself off.

I did it again. I let myself do something stupid. I keep falling for Jackson, even when I know better. He’s involved in some fake relationship with Holly, who hates my guts, not to mention our complicated past. This is so stupid, and yet I can’t help myself. My feelings for him are so complex and intense that when he touches my body I can’t hold anything back.

I shower up and head back to work like nothing just happened, but for the rest of the day, I keep thinking about Jackson’s hands on my skin, his lips against mine.