Chapter 2
Xander
All I wanted was a goddamn drink! Why in the fuck was I still fighting falling off the sobriety wagon?
The seduction of successfully blocking out reality with alcohol or drugs haunted me every minute of every day, taunting me to give in. I wasn’t bullshitting myself into thinking that one drink would help. I wanted the whole fucking bottle.
Yeah, I’d been through the Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous routine. More than once. I’d never made it past the first step in the twelve-step programs. I’d given my counselor the necessary assurance that I had so I could get the hell out of rehab. And I could admit that I was powerless in the face of alcohol and drugs. But that was it.
There was no sanity for me.
I couldn’t give my shit over to a power greater than myself.
And I sure as hell had never made some kind of fearless and moral inventory of my actions. If I tried to search my soul, all I’d find was an all-consuming darkness.
My moral compass was all fucked up. The only thing keeping me from shooting up, popping some pills or swallowing a pint was my two older brothers. They’d been through enough, and they were finally happy. I didn’t want my stupid ass to mess up their well-deserved peace. Julian and Micah had put up with enough of my bullshit—everything from overdoses to near-lethal alcohol limits that put me in the hospital or rehab.
I could take care of myself now, and I was trying to prove that point to them by staying sober and clean.
Even if it killed me.
And to be honest, I kind of felt like I was dying right now.
But I sure as hell didn’t want a babysitter. The last thing I needed was somebody here in my house day and night.
I didn’t particularly like company; I preferred to wallow in my misery alone.
A cook and a housekeeper? Why did I need to give a shit if my place wasn’t a showplace? I wasn’t exactly entertaining. I didn’t have guests except my brothers, and occasionally Liam Sullivan.
“Housekeeper, my ass,” I mumbled as I tossed an empty soda can toward the overflowing trash, not surprised when it bounced off the pile of rubbish and landed on the floor.
I ignored it, just like I always did.
Julian had mentioned some guy named Sam was coming over today, but I’d told him not to send him. I didn’t want a roommate, even if the man cleaned and cooked. Did my brothers honestly think I was that stupid? I had no doubt my brothers wanted someone to watch over me, make sure I didn’t fall off the wagon.
I didn’t like people.
I didn’t like loud noises.
And if I got hungry, I could eat a sandwich or something I could toss in the microwave.
The doorbell rang, and I hauled my ass off the couch reluctantly, hoping to hell my older brothers hadn’t really followed through on their threat to send me a housekeeper. If they had, I’d send him packing. Or maybe he’d take one look inside the house and run away screaming. Either way, I’d make sure he had no delusions about working for me.
It wasn’t happening.
I was accustomed to drowning in my despair alone, and that was the way I liked it.
I tripped over some junk on the way to the door, and kicked it aside as I made my way to the front entrance. Some small part of me wished it was one of my brothers or Liam. Damn! I missed seeing Julian and Micah, but I was fucked up company right now.
I pulled the door open…then stood absolutely still as I saw the woman on my doorstep. It was impossible not to notice the wheeled suitcase she was dragging behind her.
My housekeeper?
No fucking way!
She was petite, but the curves of her delectable body were hard not to notice, especially for a guy who hadn’t had sex in years. I’m not quite sure why my cock had suddenly sprung to life and was pressing urgently against the denim of my jeans, but there was something about this female that brought the appendage to attention. It hadn’t happened in a long time, and it caused me to take a second look at her.
The woman was nothing like the chicks I’d dated in my past. She looked like the quintessential “girl next door.” Her expressive face was almost devoid of makeup. The light-blonde hair on her head was obviously confined behind her, but messy escapee locks framed her delicate face. When our gazes finally met, my gut ached like I’d been sucker punched.
Her eyes reminded me of the clear waters of the Caribbean on a perfect day, aquamarine and calm.
Or were they green?
Or were they blue?
It was a no to both answers, but a little of both. If I had to pick, I’d sway more toward blue.
I shook myself out of my stupid thoughts. Holy fuck! What the hell did I care what color this woman’s eyes were? Especially since she was leaving immediately.
“Mr. Sinclair?” she inquired, her husky, confident voice making me harder. It was the kind of sexy voice I wanted to hear screaming my name while she was in the middle of a mind-blowing climax. If I didn’t suspect she was sent to clean my house and cook me food, she could be making a fortune as a phone-sex operator.
“What do you want?” I asked belligerently. I was curious, but not enough to deal with somebody invading my space. I cursed my brothers for sending me a female. Not that I wanted a guy at my door. I actually didn’t want anybody here.
“I’m Sam. Your new housekeeper.”
“You’re not a guy.” It wasn’t a brilliant conclusion, but it was exactly what I was thinking.
She held a hand over her eyes, shielding her face from the sun. “I never claimed to be male,” she said calmly as she brushed by me to enter.
I had wanted to close the door in her face, but she’d been too stealthy. Not to mention the fact that when her body had briefly caressed mine, I’d been momentarily distracted. “You need to go. I told Julian not to send you here. And I sure as hell didn’t know that you were a woman.”
She calmly reached behind me and closed the door. “You’re letting the flies in. Judging by the smell of your house, I think it’s already a breeding ground for bugs.”
“I don’t care. Get. Out,” I told her, my teeth clenched together in irritation.
“Nope. Sorry. I need this job,” she answered as she pulled her suitcase through the foyer and into the family room. “God, you really are a pig.”
Intrigued, I followed her. Not once had she flinched at the nasty scars on my face. I had several, the two worst ones running from my temples and down both of my cheeks. “It doesn’t matter if the place is a mess. You won’t have to clean it up.”
She turned and put her hands on her curvy hips, causing the thin yellow sundress she was wearing to bunch up and show a little more of her bare legs. “I’m staying. I told you I need this job. You can either show me to my room, or I’ll find it myself.”
“Leave,” I said in a graveled, irritated tone.
She lifted an eyebrow. “Make me. What are you going to do? Throw me out on the doorstep? Go ahead. I’ll just sit out there until you let me in. Of course, it’s hot and humid, so I could get dehydrated. But I’m sure you’d call an ambulance once I lost consciousness.”
The woman was challenging me, and I knew it. “I won’t know. I wouldn’t worry about you.”
She wouldn’t really sit on my doorstep, right? I looked her up and down, noticing the determined tilt of her chin and stubborn expression, deciding she just might.
Turning her back on me, she left the family room and wandered around the bottom floor, dragging the suitcase behind her. I didn’t say a word as she explored, the disgusted look on her face saying everything she wanted to say out loud, but didn’t. Finally, she found the elevator to the top floor, stepped into it, then punched one of the buttons.
“Dinner will be at eight o’clock. I need to clean up the kitchen before I cook.”
“You need to leave…”
Before I could tug her out of my elevator and throw her bossy ass outside, the door to the lift whooshed closed.
“Goddammit!” I cursed her curvy blonde ass as I headed toward the stairs.
Maybe Sam the woman had surprised me, but she wasn’t about to best me. It was my house, and I didn’t want her here.
I hightailed it upstairs by taking the stairs, determined to get her out of my home before she even had a chance to see the bedrooms.
I need to get her out of here. I don’t want her around.
If she really thought she was staying, she was delusional.
There wasn’t a damn thing she could say to make me change my mind.