After eighteen straight hours of grueling police interviews, then hospital visits with Nathan after his surgery, followed by talks with Charlie to learn my aunt was diagnosed with lead poisoning—which thankfully the doctors were able to trace back to an imported ceramic coffee mug Charlie suspected and brought in for testing—I’m totally beat. While I’m relieved that my aunt will be okay now that the doctors have figured out the cause of her health problems, I just can’t bring myself to talk to her face-to-face. Charlie probably thinks the fact that I used him as a go-between with my aunt is odd, but thankfully he’s too kind to point it out.
Stepping into Sebastian’s elevator, I punch in the penthouse code, then lean against the wall and mentally go over everything I did to put my apartment back in order so Cass doesn’t freak out when she gets back tonight. Satisfied I did a thorough job, I exhale my exhaustion. Apparently napping in a hospital chair isn’t good sleep.
“How’s Mina’s apartment?” I ask Sebastian as I walk in and start to unbutton my coat. When Mina called in a panic about water rushing in her apartment not long after Nathan went in for surgery, I understood Sebastian had to leave, but I missed his calming presence.
Sebastian pushes my hands out of the way and quickly unbuttons my coat for me. “Between my dad and I, the pipe’s now repaired. Mina hates the loud fans drying out her floors, but at least she and Josi aren’t in crisis mode anymore. Did you eat something?” he says in a gruff tone, tugging my coat sleeves off my arms.
I turn and let him, too worn out to argue. “Hmm, yes…it was supposed to be steak, I think. It’s hospital food, so you know…” I wrap my arms around his neck as he lifts me in his arms. “Where are we going?”
“To bed,” he rasps against my temple.
I wave to the daylight shining through the windows. “It’s three. I can’t go to bed now.”
He walks into his bedroom and hits a button on a remote sitting on the nightstand. As room-darkening shades start to lower, he sets me down on the bed to tug off my shoes. “Sleep is what you need, Talia.”
I climb under the covers and when he starts to pull them over me, I clasp his hand. The room is completely dark now except for the daylight coming from the hallway. “Lay down with me for a bit?” I ask, trying not to sound as needy for his company as I feel.
He slides the covers up and then crawls in bed behind me. Hooking his arm around my waist, he tucks his other arm on my pillow and kisses the back of my head. “Go to sleep, Little Red.”
I pull his hand to my chest and kiss the curve of his thumb, saying quietly, “Another first. Sleeping in your bed.”
He chuckles, his chest vibrating pleasantly against my back. The sensation makes me smile and I snuggle closer, despite the covers between us. “The first of many,” he says, moving his hand to my hair.
I sigh my contentment, totally entranced by his fingers gently massaging along my hairline. “I’m glad you spent some time with your dad.”
“Arguing over which wrench to use?” He snorts.
I don’t bother to point out that a couple of billionaires could’ve called a plumbing team instead of fixing it themselves. At least Sebastian’s grumbling sounds good-natured. “You only fight with the ones who matter.”
“Says the woman who riles me more than anyone I know.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and presses his lips against the curve. “Close your eyes. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“You matter the very most,” I mumble before falling asleep to the relaxing sensation of his fingers trailing to the ends of my hair.
“I’m here, Talia.” My eyes fly open to Sebastian squatting next to the bed, his hand clasping my jaw.
I shiver at the feel of his cold skin against my sleep-warmed cheek, but the sensation of his fingers digging into the back of my neck is so comforting, I don’t care. The shades are up in his bedroom now, letting in dim evening light. My gaze travels over his thermal athletic clothes to the snow coating his dark hair. “You went running?”
He nods. “I think that big snow storm they were calling for is finally here. Are you okay? You were shaking in your sleep.”
“Old stuff,” I mumble.
“You want to talk about it?” His blue gaze holds mine for a couple seconds. When I don’t blurt out the nightmare I had, he nods and moves to stand.
I clasp his wrist, not ready for him to leave. “Wait, Sebastian. I want you to know what Hayes was talking about…what he said about me.”
Sebastian sits on the edge of the bed, his comforting smell of all male, wintery outdoors and musky sweat sliding over me. I trace my fingers over his hand resting on the bed and tell him what happened between Hayes and me the night Amelia died.
I stand in the dark alley, hunching over the artwork Amelia and I drew to protect it from the cold rain that’s starting to come down harder now. The image of her lying on the kitchen floor plays over and over in my head, squeezing my chest tight as I peer in the darkness at the brick wall, looking for the one brick that’s slightly tilted. When I spot it, I quickly tug the half brick free. I have no idea how long this hiding place has been here, but I’m thankful for it now. The rain will ruin the artwork, so for now, the hiding place should keep it dry. With a sob, I quickly tuck the folded paper into the square hole, then slide the brick into place.
Patting the wall one last time, I lower my hand and start to run up the alley. Just as I reach the edge of the light near the top of the alley, I see Hayes walking past. The sound of my shoes slapping against the road draws his attention and he stops.
“Where are you going in such a hurry, Talia?”
Normally his slick-as-oil voice makes my skin crawl, but now it knots my stomach with fear. When he pivots and meanders into the alley, panic seizes me. He’s ten feet away, and all I want to do is run, to get as far away from him as possible, but I’d have to pass him to do it. As he draws closer, the memory of Walt’s blood spewing on me when I shot him flashes through my mind. Is it on my face? My neck?
I quickly step farther back into the alley, hoping that if the rain hasn’t taken care of any blood that might be on me, the shadows will hide it from Hayes. Not that he gives a damn about Walt, but my aunt’s boyfriend represents a distribution avenue that leads to money flow for Hayes’ drug business, and intentional or not, I just cut that channel off permanently.
Hayes backs me up against the wall, his hand on the cold, wet bricks behind me. “I think I’m going to be spending more time at this place.” I cringe when he pulls the pin holding my braid and it tumbles in a wet thump to my shoulder. “Been stock piling my drugs, saving for a big expansion I have planned. And I’ve been thinking…”
“What do you want?” I say. It comes out raspy as the knowledge that I’ve destroyed half his stockpile burns through my mind. The instinct to shove him away is so great I have to clench my hands by my sides. If I act, he’ll hurt me. He’s far stronger.
Hayes lifts my wet braid, flicking the wet ends with his thumb. “I’ve been thinking about all that studying you do. I could use someone like you in my organization. You could keep track of every aspect of my growing business with that book-smart mind of yours. And maybe, in a couple of years, you can go with me to set up new deals, really learn the ropes. What do you say?”
He wants me to get deeply involved in his drug business? To help him? My stomach drops. All I want to do is run. I’ll say anything to make him move away from me. I don’t plan to come back anyway. “I’ll think about it.” A smug smile tilts his lips, and as I watch him start to turn away, I panic. He’s going upstairs now. He’ll see what I’ve done and kill me. I need time to get far enough away.
“Send me to college.”
He turns back, his gaze narrowed. “What?”
I straighten my spine and meet his gaze with a confident one. “Promise to pay for college and I’ll work for you.”
He steps back into my personal space once more and grasps my chin. “And what else will I get if I pay for your advanced education, hmmm?”
I gulp back my revulsion. I can tell by the leering gaze he slides to my neck and chest what he’s inferring. I want to spit in his face, but I remain quiet and lift my shoulders, pretending indifference.
With a pleased laugh, Hayes says, “Let’s seal the deal with a kiss, shall we?”
As he presses his mouth to mine, I stand there immobilized in the cold rain, my body numb with shock and disgust.
Lifting his head, Hayes tugs hard on my braid, annoyed amusement in his gaze. “You’re going to have to work on your technique, Talia.”
I feel sick to my stomach, but what can I do to delay him from going upstairs right now?
Just as he takes a couple steps away, my brain short-circuits to a solution that’ll buy me some time. “Prove you have the money to send me to school,” I say with self-confidence I don’t feel.
He scowls. “I have the money. You’ve got a few years yet.”
“Show me.”
He throws his hands out. “It’s not on me.”
I shake my head. “I want to know you can afford to pay, or no deal.”
Hayes eyes me in the darkness, his demeanor coldly assessing. “I’ll get the money, along with my stuff. Go get dried off and be in your apartment when I get back.” He walks away, but when he reaches the edge of light at the front of the alley, he glances my way, his gaze glittering. “You turned out to be an interesting surprise, Talia. Quite the little negotiator.”
I might be thirteen, but I’m not an idiot. I know he’s expecting me not to fight him touching me. When he walks out of the alley, turning in the opposite direction, and I hear his keys jingling, I know he’s leaving, but he will be back.
I try to wipe the taste of his mouth away on my wet sleeve, but sickening revulsion rolls through me. I end up puking in the street with the cold driving rain pounding the back of my neck. Wiping my mouth, I exhale a shaky breath and take off running as fast as my legs will carry me.
When I’m done reliving the past, I squeeze Sebastian’s hand, my chest aching. “Even though it didn’t exactly happen the way he said it did, I played a part. My chest hurts when I think about the repercussions I didn’t know I caused. They’re all I’ve thought about since I learned Tommy was his son.”
Sebastian folds his hand over mine. “We’ve all done things we regret, but there’s no way you could’ve known, nor should you feel responsible for how it all turned out. Hayes was a selfish, sadistic bastard whose choices were forced on you as a child. You survived a horrible situation, Talia. I won’t let you blame yourself. Not now, not ever.”
“But I held that gun, Sebastian. Walt died because of me. I’m still not sure if I actually pulled the trigger, or if it was him trying to grab it from me that set it off, but the fact is…I killed a man.”
“And I killed four of my own men,” he responds harshly.
When I just stare at him with wide eyes, he exhales and slides his fingers through mine. “You asked why I left the Navy. That day of the explosion, it was my job to scan for threats. I made the call, deemed the area clear, but the insurgents were so well camouflaged, I couldn’t see them. My decision got four men on my team killed.”
“Your situation was different. You were working for your country, doing the best with the intelligence you had at the time.”
Pulling my hand to his mouth, he presses a tender kiss to my palm then slides his thumb over it. “The point I’m trying to make is, we can’t know the impact our choices will have on others’ lives, either right in front of us or down the road. All we can do is make the best decisions we can and hope the positive ripples far outweigh the negative ones.”
He grows quiet, his gaze focused on the wall. I can tell he’s thinking about the men who died. “I’m sure no one blames you, Sebastian,” I say, tightening my hand around his.
He shakes his head. “What’s ironic, is now my limited color vision allows me to see through just about any camouflage, and my night vision is better than a color-sighted person’s, but a SEAL can’t be colorblind. Too many other factors on the job depend on full color sight. Even though I could remain in the military in another role, staying didn’t feel right.”
“Leaving allowed you to start a business where you continue to protect and help people.” I reach up and cup his jaw. “Theo and the others at BLACK Security…they’re all ex-military, aren’t they?” When he nods, I smile. “Seems to me they trust your leadership just fine.”
Sebastian clasps my hand and kisses my palm, a half smile tilting his lips. “How did this turn into you making me feel better?”
I shrug. “It’s a mutually beneficial conversation.”
“No, it’s an honest one,” he says. “The first one we’ve had, and long overdue.”
The tension between us shifts and heat builds as we stare at each other. I lick my lips and lower his hand to the edge of the covers, teasing, “Are there any more firsts you have in mind, Mister Black?”
Heat sparks in his gaze and he pulls the covers back to slide his hand along my jean-covered thigh and then over the curve of my rear. “Absolutely, Miss Red.”
Smacking my butt cheek, he stands. “I’m heading for the shower. Per your request, your belongings from the hotel are in the corner. I left some food and a new bottle for you on the island. Eat your fill. I expect to find you in the living room, holding a glass of wine when I get out.”
His tone might suddenly be all business, but there’s an underlying sensuality in his promise to join me that can’t be mistaken. As soon as the shower turns on, I jump out of bed, switch on the light, then head for my suitcase.
Just like Sebastian said, I find the unopened bottle of wine on the island along with a tray of cheeses and fresh fruit. I nibble on some cheese and pop pieces of pineapple and raspberries in my mouth as I walk around the island, opening drawers to find the bottle opener I saw him use the other night. I finally find it, but my gaze snags on the card from Mina he’d apparently shoved in the drawer and forgotten about.
Lifting the small envelope, I slide the card out.
Seb,
Thank you for wearing your uniform. It meant a lot to me and Josi. As for my gift to you, she’s standing right there. Talia is special in so many ways. Don’t let her slip through your fingers this time around.
Mina
Setting the card on the island, I uncork the bottle. As I wait for the wine to breathe, I graze on more cheese and fruit, while Mina’s note flashes through my mind on an endless loop. Why didn’t Sebastian tell me everything the card said? Is he just not ready for more? The thought makes me a little sad while I pour myself a glass of wine.
As I take a sip of wine, my gaze strays to the window. The sight of the snow rapidly falling lifts my spirits. I move to turn off the kitchen light and grin when the switch I hit starts a fire in the dual-sided fireplace instead.
Glancing around for a chair that’ll suit, my black silk lounge pants whisper quietly around my legs as I turn off the light, then move the piece of furniture right in front of the window. I retrieve my wine and return to the window, where I lean on the chair and lift the collar of Sebastian’s jacket to draw in its amazing smell.
“What is it with you and rearranging furniture?”
Sebastian’s low chuckle makes my body tighten with anticipation. I smile when he rests his hands on the back of the chair I’m leaning on, blocking me in. He smells so good I inhale deeply a couple of times.
“Watching the weather in the dark is just something I do. I find it relaxing. I’d planned to sit, but for some reason I’m too antsy, so here I stand, sipping this fantastic wine.” I turn and glance up at him as understanding clicks into place. “You bought that wine specifically for me too, didn’t you? Just like the handcuffs.” I offer an apologetic smile. “I only saw the engravings after Hayes put them on me.”
He holds my gaze for a second, then nods. “I bought a couple bottles six months ago. I meant what I said about a clean slate, Talia. I wanted you badly then, but after everything we’ve been through…” He pauses and slides my hair over my shoulder, tracing his thumb along my jaw. “What I feel for you goes beyond anything I’ve ever felt for another person. All I want to do is protect you and keep you safe. I like seeing you smile and knowing that I’m the reason for it. And even if our lives hadn’t crisscrossed in the maze of fuckedupness we just discovered in the last twenty-four hours, I know our connection would still be undeniable. You bring out the best in me, and I don’t plan to let you go.”
My heartbeat leaps and my chest swells. That sounds pretty committed to me. I smile and fold my hand over his. “Good, because I don’t plan to go anywhere.”
Sebastian shakes his head, his jaw tightening. “You might one day.”
Does he still think I’m going to run? Not after that speech. “Why would you think that?”
Sebastian takes the glass of wine from my hand and holds it up to the light outside. “You see that red color?”
When I nod, he turns the glass toward the darkened room. “Now what do you see?”
I squint at the wine. “I know it’s red, but the color is so dark it looks black.”
He turns the stem in his hand, staring at the wine moving in the curved glass. “I’ve had days where reds look like this, the blackest red. One day I could wake up and all I’ll be able to see are shades of gray.” Sebastian sets the glass on the built in bookshelf, then turns to me. Lifting a lock of my hair, he slowly runs his fingers down the strand, exhaling harshly when he reaches the end.
“I went through hell after I opened my eyes in that hospital bed and realized I lost most colors from my sight. At first, I thought it was like amnesia and that it would come back. I kept hoping. Once I realized that was my new reality, it took me a long time to get my head on straight. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose the red spectrum too, Talia. I doubt I’ll be a fit man to be around. You won’t want to stay.”
I hold his gaze. “You will never lose red from your life, because your red will still be here, standing right in front of you.” I touch his jaw. “But if the day ever does come, where all colors completely disappear…let me be your rainbow, Sebastian. I can show you where to look.”
“You—” He pauses and clears his throat, looking away.
His throat is bobbing. My tough SEAL is choking up. The second I lay my hand gently on his bare chest, he meets my gaze.
“You already are, Talia. Through your eyes, no matter the shade, all colors are endlessly fascinating.”
I sniff back my own emotions and smile, adopting a teasing tone. “At the moment, red and black are my favorite colors. Though I think they’re best displayed right up against each other, so you can truly see how well they complement.” I unsnap the side button on the leather jacket’s collar. “Would you like to see how I usually wear your coat?”
Sebastian slowly tugs the zipper all the way down. When he sees nothing but skin underneath, hunger flares in his eyes. Tracing his knuckle along the inside curve of my breast, his gaze snaps to mine. “You wear it just like this?”
I nod. “I feel safe when I wear it. The smell comforts me.”
He lets out a low chuckle as he runs his finger along the inside curve of my other breast. “The smell of leather comforts you?”
I shake my head. “No, your smell comforts me. It always has.”
He stills and his nostrils flair. “When I learned that you kept my coat all this time, yet you wouldn’t let me touch you…that night about destroyed me, Talia. I haven’t been able to get that evening out of my head.”
I turn and place my hands on the back of the chair, then glance at him over my shoulder. “Would you like a redo?”
Sebastian steps behind me and slides his fingers along the edge of my hair. Pushing the curtain over my opposite shoulder, he rasps in my ear, “Will you let me add one variation?”
My heart is already racing, but I nod.
I stay still as he moves into the darkness of the apartment and then returns. When he steps up behind me once more and lays his hands over mine, my insides tingle with anticipation as he runs his fingers along the back of my hands.
He clasps my wrists and then surprises me by lifting them off the chair.
“What are you doing?” I ask, panic rising in my chest as he starts to draw them to my sides.
“I want you to trust me, Talia. You’ve trusted me in so many ways. I would like you to trust me with this.”
When he pulls my arms fully behind my back, my breathing ramps. I can’t help it.
“Don’t think about the past,” Sebastian whispers in my ear, while locking our fingers together. “Think about how all I make you feel is pleasure. Trust me, Talia. Will you let me?”
I don’t know if I can. I blink several times, trying hard to focus on his words and not the fear clawing inside me. I take a deep breath and nod, hoping to convince myself I can do this. Sebastian cares for me. He would never hurt or terrorize me.
He plants a warm kiss on my neck at the same time I feel one of the handcuffs snap closed on my wrist. I gulp and reflexively try to jerk free, but Sebastian holds fast and says in a lighter tone, “At some point, I want to know how you got out of these cuffs in order to send that gun my way.”
“Hairclip,” I say, praying that talking will distract me from the panicked tension building in my chest.
Sebastian stops moving. “Do I want to know how you know how to do that?”
“Theo taught me.”
His fingers encircle my wrist, tension in his hold. “What?”
I ignore the annoyance in his tone. “You can thank him by calling him Theo from now on.”
Sebastian grunts before kissing the back of my head. As I smile in the darkness, knowing that means he agrees, he slowly rubs his thumb along the inside of my hand. When he adjusts the cuff, tightening it, I stiffen.
“We’ll take it slow,” he murmurs, then steps right up against me. Pressing his erection along my ass, he clasps my other wrist.
I keep my eyes focused on the falling snow and try not to let my mind go back to the past. Sebastian kisses my jaw, his warm lips lingering on my skin. “Your safe word is always there. I will stop immediately if you wish, but I hope your trust in me is stronger.”
Trust is key with Sebastian. That fight we had in the hospital hall was all about my lack of trust in him. I inhale deeply and try to keep my body from shaking when I hear the other handcuff opening. He hasn’t moved away and I find his presence covering me from my shoulders to my butt so comforting. I can only hope that I’ll be able to hold on to the calm his closeness gives me once he steps away to lock my wrists together.
When he curves my left wrist around his lower back and then lifts my right wrist around the other side of his body, surprise eclipses the dread gnawing at my stomach. He’s locking us together?
“I would never make you do it alone, Talia,” he says, closing the second cuff around my other wrist. “I’m giving you control.” Releasing my cuffed wrists, he slides his hands up my waist, then slowly along my ribcage. Cupping my breasts, he pinches my nipples hard and husks in my ear, “I love you, Talia. A first for me to say to anyone.”
My heart jerks. He loves me! Blinking back tears, I whisper, “I’ve always loved you.”
His hands stop moving on my body and he utters, “So much fucking wasted time.” Pressing his lips to my temple, he whispers, “Use your power to let go of the past.”
I arch into his hands, loving when he twirls my nipples then tugs just enough to make me cry out. Moisture floods my sex and my arms react instinctively, trying to tug him closer.
“Tell me what you want?” he demands, and I feel his erection slowly rub against my ass.
“Touch me, Sebastian.”
While one hand twists my nipple in jaw-grinding pleasure/pain, he tugs at the string holding my pants up. Before the material even hits the floor, his fingers are tracing along the bit of hair between my thighs. He spreads the sensitive lips and then kisses the side of my neck as he slides his fingers back and forth along my clit.
I buck against his hand and gasp, loving his hands on me. The pleasurable sensations override any negative thoughts I have of Hayes and what he did to me.
“Is this enough?” he teases, barely touching my entrance. When my body floods with more moisture, he groans and grinds his erection against my ass. “God, it jacks me up how you soak for me, Talia. I can’t decide what I want more…to fuck your pussy first or dine on it.”
“Inside,” I demand, panting.
He slides a finger into my channel from the front, rubbing along my clit. “Is this what you want?” When I whimper and rock my hips, his breathing amps. Releasing my breast, he moves his other hand down my ass, then between my thighs. “Or do you want it from behind?” he says in a gruffer tone and plunges two fingers deep inside me while moving his other hand up to tease my clit.
I gasp and moan as he builds my desire from both sides, his knowing fingers hitting crazy-level bliss buttons. But as much as my heart races and legs shake, I crave more.
His breathing elevates and his chest heaves against my back. “Fuck, I want you so much, Talia. Tell me what you really want.”
My hands are already clutching at his pants. “You, I want you. Now.”
Grunting, he releases my body to yank his pants down. I moan when he flattens his hand on my lower belly and pushes me toward him. Lifting me slightly, his cock nudges at my entrance from behind. He’s breathing hard, his muscular body tightly wound and straining behind me.
“What are you waiting for?” I pant out, near delirious to feel his thickness stretching my body, taking me, branding me his.
Staying just outside of me, he clasps my hips with both hands. I feel the barely leashed strength behind his bruising hold as he grates out, “Control it, Talia.”
And it finally hits me what he’s been saying. Turning my hands in the cuffs, I grab the top curve of his muscular ass and arch my back at the same time I pull him forward, demanding, “Fuck me, Sebastian.”
Sebastian surges deep inside me, expelling a guttural groan. I shiver at the toe-curling sensations the new position elicits and the erotic feel of the jacket’s silk lining rubbing against my hard nipples with our movements. Moaning, I dig my nails into his tight butt muscles, telling him to thrust harder.
He nips my neck and my body jerks with the next roll of his hips’ deeper penetration. “I fucking love being inside you.” His voice is hoarse as he clasps my thigh in a tight hold while his other hand slides along my clit. “Every time is—”
“Right where I want you to be,” I say on a gasp, then shake all over when he tweaks the sensitive bit of skin between his fingers with just enough edge to make me keen. Biting my lip, I flex my channel muscles around him, taking us both higher.
He shudders, then withdraws and takes me hard once more, exhaling a primal roar. I feel him release, and I come right along with him, screaming as my body quivers through the powerful waves of euphoria crashing over me. I give myself fully over to Sebastian’s masterful hands and strong embrace, basking in his support and love.