Lana
March 10, 2014
After lying on the forest ground for a good twenty minutes, waiting to see if Landon would return to make things right, I make my way back to the pack house. The pain I feel is indescribable. He practically called me useless.
Ever since I was a child, I have been told that I was useless. That I was nothing but an Omega. Your mate is the last person on earth that should ever call you names. You’re supposed to feel safe and loved with them, not hurt and futile.
I love Landon, and I never want him to be disappointed in me. If he thinks that I am useless, then I want to talk to him and work on changing his opinion of me.
Lana? Are you okay? Blondie asks through the mind link. I pick up my pace to get back home, not wanting to be in the forest for another minute.
I’m fine, I say, blocking my mind as I reach the forest line. I shift back to my human form and grab the clothes that I left on the ground for the run. I pull them on and hastily walk to the house, pulling open the back door to see Mason and Jesse sitting on the couch, watching TV. They turn their heads when they hear me come in.
“Hey, what happened to you?” Jesse asks.
I just shake my head, silently telling her that we will discuss this later. I grab an apple from the bowl of fruit in the middle of the kitchen table. I bite into it as I make my way upstairs to take a hot bath and change into my pajamas.
As I soak in the tub, chewing down on the honey crisp apple, I contemplate on what I should say to Landon when he comes back upstairs. Should I just go on as if what he said didn’t wound me? No. Landon hurt me, and he deserves to understand that what he said was not okay. I am his mate, and by accepting me, he has accepted that I am to be a part of the pack’s decisions. This is my pack too. I am the Luna, and “tending to the women” is not my only job.
Once the water starts to get cold, I pull the plug and step out, wrapping a plush towel around my body. I look in the mirror, grabbing Neutrogena makeup wipes to remove all my makeup. Then I grab a bottle of facial lotion and lather my face with the vanilla-scented lotion. I then brush my teeth and use mouthwash before I exit the bathroom to grab clothes from my dresser.
Landon placed my dresser right beside the closet and bathroom, while his was on the other side of the room, closer to the bed.
I put on pink pajama shorts with a white night shirt, tossing my hair up into a high bun before I crawl in bed. I pull the brown and gold comforter up around my shoulders, cuddling into the warm bed. I look to see that it is only eight o’clock. Landon won’t be coming to bed for another two or three hours.
I close my eyes and will myself to go to sleep. I just want today to be over. I want tomorrow to come.
Before I know it, I am whisked into a deep dream filled with Landon and me, our friends, and even our future children. In my dream, Landon doesn’t have any weight on his shoulders. He is completely, blissfully happy. The pack survived Castor’s assault, Landon has been able to call upon his wolf more easily so he can see. We have parented two beautiful children, a six-year-old blonde little girl, and a three-year-old dark-haired boy.
The dream was light and happy, no one was sad. Natalie was happy with my brother as Jesse was with Mason. Jenny found her own mate, and I pictured him as a dark-haired man with a subtle beard. Other than those features, he was pretty much faceless.
I am taken away from my dream when the bed gives in behind me, making me groan a little. Landon places a hand on my arm, but I make no move to get closer to him. He tries to pull me closer, but I tense and shake his hand off me.
“I’m tired, Landon,” I grumble, burying my face into my pillow. That isn’t true, however. I am completely awake now.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. What’s wrong? He has the nerve to ask that? How could he not realize that what he said to me hurt?
I sit up and flick on the lamp beside the bed. I look down at him, my anger evident on my face. Landon props up on his elbows, his eyes intense with curiosity.
“What’s wrong is the way you spoke to me. All I was trying to do was help you, Landon, and you all but rendered me useless!”
Landon seems taken back by the infliction on my voice. “What? I did not.”
“Really? Because you told me that all I am to do is tend to the women, to keep out of any other pack business.”
Landon lets out a heavy sigh.
“I’m your equal, Landon. You even told me from the beginning that it is my job to help with pack decisions. But your mind changes when I suggest something you don’t like?”
Landon grabs my hand and shifts so he is closer to me, our legs brushing against each other. “Lana, I just don’t want you to worry about—”
“It’s my job to worry about this pack, Landon! It’s my pack too now, and it’s my home. I want to protect it.” I pull my hand from his and swing my legs off the bed. I stand, looking over at Landon as he drops his head into his hands. I must rid myself of contact with him. If I don’t, he will somehow change my mind on the matter, and all I want to do is settle it. “I’ve grown up with Castor. I know how he fights, I know his strengths and his weaknesses. And I know that he will murder us if we do not prepare. We have allies with a few of the neighboring packs. They will stand with us against the Cossitt Pack.”
Landon just shakes his head, and I let out a frustrated growl.
“You’re going to kill us, Landon! No. You’re going to kill yourselves. Castor will capture Trent, Jesse, and me. He will lock us up, and he will brutally torture us until we die from malnourishment. That is what you are sending us… me to! Don’t you understand?”
Landon is on his feet and in front of me in a matter of seconds. “Don’t raise your voice at me, Lana. The Shadow Pack will survive this because that’s what we do. We survive. I will not enlist help from other packs because I do not trust them. They will betray us.” I shake my head. He can’t be serious.
“Then trust me. Trust my judgment and trust that I am making the right decision.”
Landon places his hands on my face, rubbing his thumb along my cheeks bones. “I do trust you, Lana. But I won’t do it.”
I step out of his hands, feeling tears of frustration begin to surface. “Do you know who you sound like?”
I know I shouldn’t have said that once the words left my mouth, but it is true. He sounds just like his father; a man who wouldn’t see reason when it was being delivered right before him.
Landon’s face turns cold, and he gives me a look of disgust. “I am nothing like my father.” Landon turns to leave the room. I groan, throwing my hands up in the hair. He’s giving up, just like that?
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll sleep in one of the guest bedrooms tonight.” He stops at the door and turns his head to say over his shoulder, “I’m sorry if I hurt you, Lana. I truly am.” Landon exits the room then, closing the door behind him.
I can’t believe he just left, right in the middle of our conversation. What, just because he says it’s over, it’s over? Nothing was solved, nothing was fixed or mended. We just managed to make it worse.
***
The following morning nothing has changed. I could barely look at him. I don’t know if it was because I’d forgive him by simply looking into his eyes, or if it was because I was so enraged with him.
So, to avoid him, I decided to help Meggy with breakfast. She seemed slightly surprised but only offered me a smile as I took my place at the stove. I flipped the pancakes and made a few omelets for Jesse and Trent. They weren’t too fond of pancakes; they would choose a meat omelet any day.
I carry the food out to the table where Jesse, Blondie, Trent, Jenny, Natalie, Sarah, and Landon were all sitting.
Natalie looks up at me with a beaming smile on her lips. “Lana, what are you doing, serving us food?” She asks.
I give her a gentle smile as I place the pancakes in front of Blondie and Landon and the omelets in front of Jesse and Trent. Trent gives me a questioning gaze before he looks over at Landon. He knows something is wrong and is curious as to what it is.
“Lana…” Landon whispers while grabbing my hand gently. I rip it away as if his touch burned me. Trent jumps from his seat, letting out a growl as Landon gets to his feet. Landon grabs my arm and shoves me behind him, positioning himself between my brother and me.
“Landon, knock it off!” I tug on his arm, pleading for him to calm down. I don’t understand where all this sudden anger has come from, but it’s scaring me.
“Landon, stop!” Natalie cries from her seat. Her eyes are bugged out wide as she takes in the two males ready to tear at each other’s throats.
Landon growls down at his little sister. “Be quiet, Natalie.”
Trent grows even more angered, his eyes turning black and his canines showing. He was on the verge of shifting. “Don’t talk to her like that!” he snaps.
“Why should you care about how I talk to my sister?”
Oh, Goddess, no. This is the worst possible way to tell him, Trent! Please, just keep it in. Tell him when everyone is calm and not so moody. Plus, Natalie shouldn’t be here when Trent tells him! It will only confuse her.
“Because I’m her mate!” Trent snarls.
I feel Landon recoil, taken back by what my brother has told him. I feel his anger deteriorate as he takes in what was said. The whole dining area is quiet, shocked with the news. I look over at Natalie to see her mouth hanging open in complete shock. I feel so bad for her. This isn’t how she was supposed to find out.
Blondie slowly stands, his eyes studying Landon carefully. “Landon…” Blondie says in a warning.
Landon ignores his best friend for a switch goes off in his head, and he lunges for my brother.
“No!” I scream, watching as he shifts mid-air and tackles Trent to the ground.
Unlike Landon’s and Blondie’s meaningless tussle, Landon means to kill.