Lana
March 12, 2014
I wake up to the sound of crickets chirping and birds singing. Wind blows over my face, wafting me with the scent of nature. The sun seeps through the leaves, settling on my skin in a comforting manner. The blanket I had placed over me last night is all knotted up by my feet. My shirt was hiked up, my hair a tangled mess, and I am missing a sock.
I sit up and look down at a sleeping Landon. He is now in his human form, adorning basketball shorts. The past two days, he has remained in his wolf form, and we’ve slept out in the woods the last two nights. He must have shifted in the middle of the night and changed into the shorts I brought for him. I knew the full moon’s effects would vanish sometime in the night.
“That was something I did not miss during my four years of being a human,” Landon grumbles, rolling over to press his face into my thigh. He slings an arm over my lap and remains that way for a few moments.
Convinced he fell back asleep, I reach down and play with the strands of his wild hair. I have missed Landon being Landon. I’ve missed his warm embrace, his throaty laugh, the dimples on his cheeks when he smiles.
Was this something that happens every month? Blondie said they were working on it… Maybe he normally isn’t this out of control. Maybe he was just out of practice.
At last, I am relieved. I know all his anger shot towards me wasn’t real. Sure, he may have felt that way, but the calm and rational Landon would have handled it better. I am positive he would have handled Trent’s news with a calmer attitude as well.
“How is your brother?” Landon asks, shifting his body, so his head is now on my lap. He opens his hazy eyes up to the sky. His hand grabs mine, pulling it over to his chest. His fingers intertwine with mine, holding tight.
“He’s fine, Landon. Nothing to stress over,” I tell him. Trent was up and walking away the moment Landon ran into the woods. His wounds were fully healed by the next day. Landon never had the intention of killing Trent. If he had, Trent would be forever still, six feet under the ground.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him. You have to know that, Lana. I would never hurt you or your family intentionally.” His voice is broken. I can feel his self-loathe as if it were my own. He’s beating himself up even though he had no control over it.
I lean down and press a kiss on his forehead. My thick blonde hair falls around my face, resting on his shoulders and chest. Landon reaches up and runs his fingers through my hair, lightly tugging at the end.
“I don’t like you being afraid of me,” he says. I am taken back by what he says. Does he really think that I was afraid of him? I knew that what was happening to him wasn’t his fault, that it wasn’t really him. I also knew that he wouldn’t hurt me.
I pin Trent to the ground, sinking my teeth into his neck. The metallic, coppery taste of blood fills my mouth, and in a sickening way, I enjoy it. There is a rage within me that I cannot describe. All I want is to tear this pup apart. I don’t understand why I was angry; I know it wasn’t because he was Natalie’s mate. In fact, he’s probably the best choice for my little sister. But there was an undeniable urge to end his life.
“Landon, stop!” I hear Lana scream from across the yard. I feel my heart break. I was hurting her. I was killing her brother, and that meant I was hurting her. “Landon! You’re killing him!” I feel her step closer to me and I look up to see the horror in her eyes as she watches me chew into her brother’s neck.
She’s scared of me…
I blink, clearing my head from the memory Landon shot through me. It wasn’t just a play of what happened, but I felt his emotions as they become my own. I try to sort my anger and my sorrow, tears gathering in my eyes.
I couldn’t deny the fact that I actually looked petrified. But not at him… I could never be terrified of him. I was scared that I was going to lose my brother, that my mate was going to kill my brother.
“No, Landon. I wasn’t scared of you. I could never be.”
His expression is blank as his unseeing eyes take in the trees overhead. He doesn’t believe me. All that accompanies his mind is my horror-struck face, looking back at him.
He honestly believes that I fear him. If I do, why would I spend these past two nights with his tempered wolf? I trust him. I trust that he will never hurt me or anyone close to me.
“I’m so sorry, Lana. I wish you didn’t have to see me like that.”
I frown, tracing my fingers along his forehead, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Why does this happen to you, Landon?” I ask, watching his face contort into a grimace.
“I honestly don’t know, Lana. Ever since my first shift, I have always lost control during the full moon. It doesn’t happen to anyone else… Mason has been trying to help me, but it’s just too much. Three days of pure anger. I just isolate myself into the woods where I don’t hurt people I care about.” His answer only gave me more questions. Was Landon’s wolf different? Why was he affected when all of us weren’t? The full moon was just like every other phase of the moon.
I take a deep breath. We will get through this. I will help Landon as much as I can. I will not allow him to spend his nights alone in the woods. I will spend them with him out here, no matter the weather or his objections. I will not allow him to suffer through this alone.
“This changes nothing, Landon.”
“It changes everything, Lana.” He pushes himself off the ground, getting to his feet in one fluid movement. I look up at him in confusion. What is he saying?
“Landon?”
He gathers the blankets on the ground, pulling them from under me. I stand, crossing my arms across my chest. “I’m sorry, Lana, for everything that I’ve done. You deserve so much better.”
I gnaw on my bottom lip, shaking my head. Landon couldn’t be more wrong. He didn’t deserve me. He doesn’t deserve a mate who is so weak. As Alpha, he deserves a mate who is at the least a Beta.
“Don’t speak like that, Landon. Don’t speak about regretting this, us.”
“I don’t regret us, Lana.” He lets out a groan and walks over to grab my arms. “I regret putting you in danger. I regret that I am damaged and weak. I regret that when the Cossitt Pack comes, I won’t be able to protect you!” His eyes are wide, filled with agony and self-loathe.
“I don’t care. I don’t care that you yelled at me, that you nearly killed my brother. That wasn’t you, Landon. I most certainly don’t care that you are blind, that you bear scars. You are the most humble, selfless man that I know. And as for the Cossitt Pack, I don’t care. You were right. This pack survives, and we will survive this.” I grasp his face in my hands, holding tight. I am not going to let him do this. I will not let him go. This is just his guilt speaking, and I will not let him let us go because of guilt.
I reach up on my tip-toes and place a kiss on his lips, slipping a hand to grab the back of his neck. “I love you, Landon,” I whisper against his lips.
His arms circle around my waist, caging me against his solid chest. His fingers fan out against my back, pressing me impossibly closer to him.
Our kiss is filled with raw passion, surging through me. My heart is racing as he presses me up against a tree, moving to kiss down my neck, sucking on the mark he gave me. I press my eyes shut, letting out a moan as my body tingles all over.
“I love you, Lana.”