Chapter Twenty
Please don't let it be too much.
Krish bit his lip, waiting for Luke to respond. Luke was avoiding his gaze, glancing around the pub. Krish watched Luke take a few deep breaths before his eyes finally looked back in his direction.
"No, it's not too much. Just... I never thought I would be in this position, you know? With everything I've been through, I had signed myself off to men. I was never going to be with a man again, and then you came along, and it surprised me." Luke stopped talking, glancing past Krish and Krish glanced over his shoulder, seeing a waitress appear with their food. They waited as she put the plates on the table and walked away.
Krish looked back at Luke, who was staring at the food on his plate and fiddling with his cutlery. "I want this. I just don't know what this is," Luke admitted.
Krish nodded. He should have spoken more in depth before starting this, before having sex. "What do you want to do then?"
"I need to know what your likes and dislikes are, what your boundaries are so I don't overstep them. I mean, do you want me to tie you up and beat you, or do you want to invite people in to watch or join us? I know certain aspects of the scene but not a lot."
"You're talking about BDSM, aren't you?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah, I am."
"I'm not into that. I'll admit that I like to give up control to my partner in bed, and I like to be tied up, and I like toys," Krish whispered, glancing away and rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. He could feel his face flush. He was embarrassed talking about this, but he knew they needed to. "I don't want to be tied up and whipped or flogged or whatever you want to call it. I'm not into pain at all or public scenes. Whatever I want to do will be between my partner and me and only us."
"So you like to give up control, you like to be tied up, and you like toys. Yeah?"
Krish nodded. "Yeah, that's about it."
Luke nodded, picked up his cutlery and began eating his food. Krish did the same, glancing up occasionally at Luke and watching his reactions. Luke continued to eat his food, and after a few minutes, he put his knife and fork down, resting his elbows on the table and putting his chin in his hands. "Control, toys and bondage. What about cock rings, plugs, sounding, docking?"
Krish paused, his fork hanging in the air, his mouth slightly open. "Er, what?"
"Sounding, docking. That kind of thing."
Krish shook his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Luke nodded, picking up his cutlery. "Okay, it gives me something to look into."
"The...What... Okay?"
"Is this something you'll want every time we have sex?"
"No, but I do prefer it. Sometimes you could just tell me to strip and fuck me, no play involved. I like that too."
Krish continued to watch Luke, trying to judge his mood by the expressions on his face. Once Luke had finished, he put his cutlery down on his plate, pushed the plate to one side, and leaned on the table.
Krish did the same, and they sat staring at each other. "Tell me now if this is something you can't do. I don't want this to progress, and eventually, at some point, you say to me that you only did it to please me and you never enjoyed it." Krish mumbled, rubbing his face with his hands.
"No, I can do this."
Krish looked up, his mouth falling open. Luke sounded so positive, so sure, and that surprised him. "You sure?"
"Absolutely. I did what I had to do on the streets, and at times, I felt like the man... He was in control like I had no choice but to do those things. Here, I'm in control, and I like that. I also admire the way that you can just hand over control to me, and I promise you, Krish, I will never betray that trust. I know what it feels like..." Luke looked away, and Krish reached forward to grip Luke's hand in his own. "There was this punter, bigger than me, but they all were. He wanted to fist me, but I said no, and he didn't want to take that as an answer. We fought, and I thought he was going to... He stopped. I never knew why. He pushed me out the car, slammed the door and drove off quickly, leaving me on the ground." Luke took a few deep breaths, and then continued. "I was so scared. I knew he was going to do things to me that I didn't want him to do. I thought he was going to rape me. I wouldn't have been able to report it. Because I was a rent boy and they can't be raped, can they?"
Krish squeezed Luke's hand, trying to offer some small amount of comfort. "I'm so sorry, Luke. I don't know what to say."
"It doesn't matter now. It's gone. It's history and I'm in a new, better place now. I only told you because I wanted you to understand why I feel the way that I do and why I appreciate what you're offering me."
Krish sighed, closing his eyes. Luke understood, and it didn't disgust him. "So, you'll be able to do this for me?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah, we can go online and buy things, you know?" Luke smirked at Krish.
Krish felt his face heat up, and he knew he was blushing. "That wouldn't bother you?"
"No." Luke shook his head. "Not at all."
"We won't dive straight in. We can take it slow and go at a pace that you're happy with."
"You really are something, aren't you? Even though you'll be the one giving up control, you want to make sure that I'll be all right with it."
"I just don't want you to do something you won't feel comfortable doing. After everything you've experienced, I just want you to be happy with this."
Luke gave him one of his bright smiles, and Krish knew that everything would be all right between them. "Just answer me one question. When did you realise that you needed to give up control?"
Krish sat back in his chair, rubbing his chin with his hand. He wasn't sure how to answer that question. There hadn't been a specific time when he'd become aware. He'd just known that it was there.
He shook his head, looking at Luke. "I don't know. I just knew when I was with my first real boyfriend that what we were doing wasn't enough for me and that I needed something more. But we were young, so we didn't know what we were doing. I mean, at that age, you're not even sure how to do anal sex properly, and I'll be honest, the first time hurt." Krish winced, remembering his first, fumbled and painful attempts at anal sex. "But, I think I slowly figured things out with my next boyfriend. We were together for eighteen months, and I think by the end of it, I knew that I liked giving up control in the bedroom. That I liked someone else being dominant."
Krish trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He was glad Luke understood and wasn't repulsed by the need he had to be dominated.
"Want to go shopping?" Luke asked.
Krish chuckled. "Right. We've just been talking about tying me up, and you want to go shopping?"
"Not for that!" Luke smiled. "I thought we could go out into the city and spend a few hours together."
Krish nodded. "Are we still on for tonight as well?"
"Yeah. Do you want me to stay tonight?" Luke asked, glancing away.
Krish smiled. After what they'd done together last night, it was nice to see Luke's shyness. It was one of the things that had first drawn him. And now knowing his past, Krish admired the fact that Luke had been able to retain some of his innocence. Innocence wasn't the right word under the circumstances, but he still had the ability to be shy and unsure, and it drew Krish.
"Of course I do."
Luke glanced up at him and smiled again, and they sat watching each other for a few seconds before they both chuckled.
Standing, Krish reached out his hand, and Luke stood, taking it. "Come on, let's go into the city."
❊❊❊
They spent the rest of the morning walking around the city centre window shopping. When it became too busy for them, they decided to leave. They said goodbye, knowing they would be meeting later, and Luke walked towards his. He glanced over his shoulder frequently, seeing Krish watching him as he too walked away.
Today had been another revelation. Being open with himself and admitting what he liked made Luke feel more comfortable in his skin. He definitely needed to talk to Ben more, just for his own peace of mind. He knew he was happy with Krish and was happy with what Krish wanted from their relationship. He wanted to be in control. He liked being in control.
In his bedroom, Luke lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, a place he found himself regularly. He had some work to get done, assignments to complete, and then he would be spending the night at Krish's. His stomach was full of butterflies when he thought of the time they would spend together, knowing that they are going to have sex. His cock hardened in his jeans and Luke adjusted it, trying to push it into a more comfortable position. He contemplated jacking off but decided to wait.
A smile formed on his face. He would make Krish do it for him. He was certain that Krish would enjoy it, being ordered to make him come.
He sat up and walked over to his desk, pulling out his assignments. Sighing heavily at the amount of work he had, Luke thought about the night ahead. He gripped his pen in his hand, breathing heavily. He couldn't wait. He couldn't wait to be with Krish. But he needed to make a call first. Leaving a message, Luke started on the pile of work sat on his desk.
He found it difficult to concentrate on his work, his thoughts constantly straying to Krish and his plans for that night, but after a few hours work, he'd finally done what he needed to and he stood, stretching his arms above his head. His shoulders and back ached from being bent over his desk, and he rolled them backwards, tilting his neck from side to side to ease the stiffness.
He quickly packed a bag for the night and left his bedroom. In the living room, he found Seb, Tom, Matt, and Josh all watching TV. Now that things were more settled between the four of them, they regularly spent a Saturday night together or with Ben and Geoff. Either at one another's house, or going out for a meal, or to the cinema.
Matt saw him first, smiling over at him. Spotting the bag in his hand, he asked, "Are you staying out tonight?"
Luke glanced down at his bag. "Think that's a bit obvious, don't you?"
They all asked the same questions – Who with? Where?
Luke laughed, shaking his head. "Okay. I have a boyfriend."
"What?" Matt asked. "You have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah, I have a boyfriend," Luke repeated, laughing again at the stunned expressions on their faces.
"But I thought you were single? That it was only a date?" Tom asked, tilting his head to the side, a puzzled expression on his face.
"It was, but I like him."
"It's that Krish guy, isn't it? The one who came around here last night?"
"Yes, Seb, it is. I'm staying at his tonight."
"I like him. He seemed okay." Seb told him.
"You got condoms and lube?" Josh asked, raising his eyebrow.
Luke groaned, briefly closing his eyes before opening them and staring back at Josh. Trust him to ask that question. Luke knew that he'd had sex with Matt and hadn't used a condom and even though they've been together for several months, Josh still wasn't happy that it had happened.
Before he could answer, Tom spoke, "Of course he has, Josh. He's not stupid."
"I'll be back in the morning. So, don't worry about me. I'm gonna get going now, and I'll see you guys tomorrow."
Luke left the room to a chorus of comments behind him, shaking his head at the rude ones, mainly from Josh and Tom.
Krish wanted to pick him up, but Luke hadn't wanted him to face the third degree from them, so they had arranged to meet on the corner instead. He chuckled to himself. It was like being back in his old life, been picked up on a street corner, but now it was for vastly different reasons.
He liked Krish, liked spending time with him, talking to him, getting to know him. He hoped this would go somewhere, because after everything that had happened with Sarah, he didn't think he was ready for another relationship to implode like that.
And to be honest, he liked Krish a hell of a lot more than he ever did Sarah.