I hear a loud noise coming from the living room, but I don’t think anything of it, because Jax told me he would be back shortly. Maybe he will come and join me. When the noise gets louder, I begin to worry. Should go check it out or should I just stay put and hope that Jax is okay. After all, he did trip over a dog statue. As nervous as I am, I decide to just stay put and hope Jax comes to find me. After a few minutes, things seem to get quiet. Maybe Jax was letting off some steam before he came in here.
I know it bothers him that I get scared whenever he gets angry. It’s something I need to work on. Living in fear for so long, it’s hard to just let it go. He asked me if I wanted to see a therapist or go to a support group, I declined. But now, now that I seem to have a better understanding on life without fear, maybe I should go.
My shattered nerves begin to calm when it seems all is good. But when I hear a loud slam, I sit straight up in the water. My fight or flight response begins to kick in. I’m not sure exactly what I should do. I’m now beginning to get scared.
Just as I begin to stand, the door flies open. My greatest fear is standing right in front of me. Trying to stand quickly, I end up slipping and falling back on my rear. Frank takes advantage of that and comes charging towards me.
“What? Did you think I wouldn’t find you?” he grabs a huge handful of my hair and tries to hold me in place. My grip slips on the tub and he pushes me under the water. I prepared for it and took a huge gulp of air before going under. He holds me down while I flail to free myself. Gripping his arm and digging my nails in forces him to release his hold on me, but only for a second. “Fucking Bitch!” He hollers, pulling me up from the water. My body slides over the wall of the tub and I fall to the floor.
“Did you fuck him Lanie?” He pulls me up and shoves my head under the water again. He’s yelling and yelling, but while I’m under the water, I can’t hear what he’s saying. When he pulls me back up for air, he keeps calling me names. “Fucking whore. Do you honestly think he would want a used up piece of trash? Answer me Melanie. Did. You. Fuck. Him?”
“No!” I shout before he dunks my head in the water again. This is it. This is how I’m going to die. I always knew he would get a hold of me. Why would I ever imagine living a long and happy life, is beyond me. As I gulp yet another mouthful of water, I begin to choke on it. Now I’m frantically gasping for air. I can’t catch a good enough handle on the edge of the tub to push myself up.
I am tired. I’m so tired of fighting a lost cause. As each second goes by, each figment of hope goes with it. If this is what it takes to finally be free, then so be it. I just pray that he will leave Jaxon alone so he can live a full life. I pray that one day someone will love him wholeheartedly the same way he loves me. The same way I love him. Why didn’t I ever have the courage to tell him? Will he know? Does he know how much I love him?
The hold on the back of my head tightens and he lifts me up from the water again. I begin spurting water to try to catch my breath. “Frank…” I try to speak. “Please. Stop.” I feel like I’m shouting, but it comes out more like a whisper.
“Stop? Oh, I’m just getting started!” He takes me by the throat, lifts me in the air and walks us away from the tub. I know he’s nowhere near done. “This time, no one is here to help you!” His hold on me releases when he sends me flying across the bedroom. I hit the dresser and fall to the floor, knocking the wind out of me. All I have in me is prayer. I keep my eyes closed and pray that he ends me quickly. I can hear him huffing, trying to fill his lungs with his own angry breath.
I take this sudden moment of silence and focus on Jax. His protectiveness, his kindness and his strength. I take myself back to the first self-defense class he first took me to. The moment the instructor grabbed me, I panicked. My heart began racing and I went into flight mode. It was Jax that brought me out of it. “Fight!” he said. “Fight Lanie. Fight as if your life depends on it.” Those words were my strength to push through the fear and fight my mock assailant to the ground.
“Fight Lanie.” Jax whispers in my head now. “I’m not done living my life with you. I need you to fight.” I don’t know if I’m already on my way out or if Jax is in my heart and soul, but I can hear him. I hear him telling me to fight over and over again. Facing the dresser, I finally open my eyes and narrow in on an object sitting just under the legs of it. It’s a knife of some sorts. It looks like the same one that Jax used to filet the fish after he caught them. Slowly, I crawl closer to it. Reaching under the dresser, I grip the blade in my hand.
Footsteps take over my senses and I prepare for the attack. Frank takes me by the shoulders like my instructor did not long ago. He taught me the techniques to get away. When he wraps his arms around mine, I focus on my training. I bring my foot and kick backwards, making contact with his knee. I follow up, bringing my foot down by scraping it against his shin. When I make it to his foot, I know it’s time to stomp. I lift my foot as high as I can and press down on his foot as hard as possible.
“Ugh!” He leans down and slowly releases my arms a bit. I drop down, raising my arms to loosen his completely. When I’m free, I find all the strength I have in me and I shove my head back as hard as I possibly can, making contact with his nose. When I hear a crack, I know I’ve hit the right spot. But before I run, I shove the knife in his leg.
falls back on his ass and I begin to run. I don’t care if I’m buck naked, my life depends on getting as far away from Frank as fast as possible. I flee out the front door and run. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I need to get away from here. I don’t bother looking back to see if he’s following me or not. If he is, so be it. He can catch me and hurt me then. But for now, I need to focus on running to a safe place, wherever that may be.