It’s been five years. Five long, tiring years since I’ve felt the gentle touch of her soft lips pressed against mine. She was such a beautiful distraction back then. A sweet girl full of innocence who I could never have. My sweetheart. My Emma.

I’d call her my high school sweetheart, but that’s not what she was. Our relationship was a secret. Stolen kisses and private moments. We weren’t supposed to be together. And we made sure to hide it.

I was tainted by my reputation, but I didn’t want to be. I didn’t choose this life. It chose me

I can still hear the smack of the belt. I can still feel the crunch of my jaw from when my father’s fist slammed against it. At only ten years old, I was his punching bag. My Ma wouldn’t let it continue though.

She took me away from him, but couldn’t afford much on her own. We had nothing.

So I took the limited opportunities I had. And they led me down a path I knew better than to take.

Emma knew it, too. She knew I was bad news the second she saw me.

The good girl doesn’t date the drug dealer. That’s not written in any fairy tales.

I take a sip of my whiskey and relish the burn as it travels down my throat and through my chest. The glass clinks against the mantel as I set it down gently, the crackling sounds of the fireplace filling the living room.

“Derek?” There’s a hesitation in Emma’s voice, and I know why. I turn to take her in, those tempting curves and gorgeous hazel eyes. Her sun-kissed skin looks even more radiant from the glow of the fire.

It ended back then exactly how it should’ve. With her realizing I was no good, and walking away. No reasons were given, but I didn’t need them. She saw enough and walked away. She had to protect herself.

It hurt; I know it hurt her too, but that’s the way these things go.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” I ask as I turn to her, leaving the mantel and walking across the spacious room to set my knee on the cognac leather sofa she’s lying on. She sits up as I get closer, pulling the cream chenille throw tighter around her shoulders. She’s hiding herself from me; I want her naked and bared, but I’ll allow it for now.

The bad boy isn’t meant to have the good girl. My life was hard and dangerous; there was too much that could’ve happened if she’d been home in my bed while I went out and made this life for myself. I made more than a life. I carved out a reputation that creates fear, and commands respect.

I’m not just a drug dealer anymore. Now, I run this town. Every piece of it. If there’s a business I don’t own, you better believe they owe me in some way. I didn’t ask for this, but when you have the wealth and power I do, opportunities fall in your lap. And I took them.

“I’m sorry,” she says and her voice cracks and she looks away, avoiding my gaze.

It breaks my heart.

I cup her chin in my hand and lift her lips to mine, giving her a soft touch she’s not used to. I’m not used to it either. The warmth of the fire hits my back in soothing waves as I pull away from her. Her eyes close, and her breath comes in shorter pants. I’ve never had anyone else in my life like her and now that she's back I’m not ready to give her up again.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” I declare, but even as I say the words, I feel my heart squeezing in my chest with a pain that won’t go away. She starts to say something else, but I’m quick to put my finger to her lips, hushing her. “It’s alright, sweetheart.”

I don’t want to talk about what happened back then. I don’t want to think about all that shit.

Life’s different now. I may still be in this lifestyle, but I’m on top. And I need her now more than ever.

She didn’t know why I was so eager to get lost in her touch back then, and she still doesn’t know now.

I don’t need a reason.

I’m ready to take what I want.

And I want her.