I wake up with a yawn and the early morning light in my face. I crack my neck and stretch one arm over my head, feeling the pull of the muscle down my shoulders and back.

Only one arm though, since my sweetheart is sleeping on the other. Her head rests on my bicep. My arm’s sore and stuck under her weight, but I don’t want to move.

She looks so innocent in her sleep. She’s too beautiful to disturb, too peaceful.

I lay my head back and stare at the ceiling. I’m such a selfish fuck.

But she feels so good. So right.

I know I’m not any good for her, but I’m not willing to just let her go. I know what it feels like to lose her. I don’t want to feel that ever again. I’ll lie, cheat, steal, whatever the fuck I have to do to keep her.

I’ll make it up to her. I’ll keep all the bad shit at arm’s length and as far away from her as I can.

I can do that for her.

I turn my head back to her and gently kiss her hair. She sighs softly, nestling into me.

A small smile hits my lips. I can’t help what she does to me. Just being with her makes me feel like a better person, like I can be a better man. She’s always made me feel that way though, even now when I know I can’t.

I gently pry her off of me, scooting away as quietly as I can. She responds with a soft moan of protest in her sleep before rolling over.

I wait with bated breath as she turns her back to me, restlessly settling into the comforter trying to get comfortable until she’s still and her breathing steadies.

I’d love to watch her all day, but I need to feed my sweetheart. I want to keep her happy and make sure she doesn’t regret this.

I’m quiet as I sneak out of the room, careful not to disturb her more than I have to. I take one last look as I carefully open the door, the soft creak making her stir in her sleep.

The only other person in the house is Ma. I’m used to making the two of us breakfast, although lately she hasn’t had much of an appetite. The thought makes me feel uneasy as I make my way down the stairs.

Ma’s room is much closer to the kitchen than the upstairs bedrooms; I’m sure she’ll hear me as soon as I start cooking. I get the pans out, making as little noise as possible. Heating up the first skillet, I grab butter and eggs and get to work. It’s not long until I hear a noise behind me, before I can even get the first plate ready.

I turn to look over my shoulder as I crack another egg on the side of the pan.

I thought Emma was beautiful in her sleep, but the way her hair is gently mussed, making her look well-fucked, combined with the sleepy look still in her eyes... she’s more radiant now than I’ve ever seen her.

I could wake up to her every morning. “Do you eat?” I ask her.

She huffs a small laugh, tucking her hair behind her ears as she leans against the wall to the doorway and finally looks up at me. “Yeah, I eat.” There’s a small smile to her lips that makes my chest swell with pride.

I give her a cocky smirk as I say, “I thought you might.”

I turn my back to her, getting back to the eggs and flipping them. “You want to grab the bacon out of the fridge, Sweetheart?”

I hear the soft pad of her feet as she walks behind me on the tiled kitchen floor. I can’t get over this feeling that she’s going to leave me. That I’m not good enough, and I need to work harder to keep her. I don’t know how to make it go away.

“Are you going to cook for me?” Emma asks with a hint of humor. I turn to see Emma close the fridge door by pushing it with her hip.

“I like to cook.” I shrug as I answer her. It’s true. It’s always been a hobby of mine. Ma says she used to watch the cooking channel when she was pregnant with me. She couldn’t get enough of those shows. She thought I was meant to be a chef. I don’t know about all that, but I fucking love food. Who doesn’t?

“Well, I could definitely get used to that,” Emma says as she puts the package of bacon on the counter. She stands there next to me for a moment without saying or doing anything, just looking at me. I can tell she’s a little uncomfortable, wondering where all this is going.

“Could you now?” I ask her playfully, trying to put her at ease. She looks up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, a soft smile on her lips.

“It depends on what you want in return.” Her voice is breathy and flirtatious, making my dick stir in my pants. I have to readjust myself and ignore the pan to turn and face her. Damn, the things she does to me. There’s just something about a good girl being bad for me that makes me want to move the world for her. But I don’t have time to respond. Instead a noise behind us distracts both of us. It’s Ma.

She stands in the doorway for a moment, still in her pajamas. They’re made of a thin fabric, just pants and a long-sleeve grey shirt. They make her look more frail, hanging so loosely from her body. I look between the two women, feeling nervous all of a sudden. I don’t know how they’re going to react to each other. Ma moved in a few months ago, and she’s never seen me with a woman. Not that I haven’t been with them, I’ve just never brought them home before. Emma’s different though. It’s best to just get this shit out of the way.

“Ma, this is Emma.” I turn back to the pan and talk with my back to both of them. “We didn’t mean to wake you.” I’m sure she was already up anyway. But I’m trying to keep the conversation light.

“Emma?” Ma says her name as if she knows who she is already. As if she’s trying to place her in her memory. But they never met before back when we were a secret. I never introduced Emma to anyone.

“Hi.” Emma’s sweet voice comes out soft. She shifts a little before walking to the island and nervously taking a seat. She seems so shy as I glance over my shoulder to take her in. It reminds me of the first day I met her. Always quiet, that pureness about her shining through.

“Oh yes, I remember you.” Ma looks at Emma with a small smile on her face. The look in her eyes is one I haven’t seen in a very long time. Like she’s up to something. “Derek used to give you a ride to school.”

My brow furrows. I didn’t think Ma had ever seen us together back then. “Nah, I used to give her a ride home sometimes though,” I say, scratching the back of my head and wondering what all Ma saw.

“That could be. All I know is that I could’ve sworn you two were going to get into trouble in the back of your car.”

I look over at Emma, the sizzling of the pan filling out the awkward silence in the room.

Emma clears her throat, a violent blush on her cheeks. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Wade.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, too.” Ma takes a few steps forward and I leave the stove to try to help her walk into the kitchen and toward the island, but she shoos me away. “It took him long enough.”

“The first time I saw you I thought you were bad news.” Emma’s eyes go wide as she listens to Ma. I grunt a laugh.

“I think you got a few things mixed up,” I mutter, plating the eggs and putting the bacon in the pan on the back of the stove. I add more butter to the first pan and wait for it to melt.

“I saw you sneak around the back of the house.” I tilt my head, looking at Ma as I set the knife down on the counter. There’s no way she saw us back then. She used to yell at me all the time about the shit I was into. I’ll never forget how guilty she made me feel when I first started selling. I had to lie to her. I kept everything from her. I was careful about it so I wouldn’t break her heart.

It would kill her if she knew. Even today she’ll swear up and down it’s my father who gave me a bad reputation. She’d go to her grave thinking I’m taking the fall for him. She has no idea.

I ignore the guilt growing in my chest and turn back to the stove, my heart clenching just knowing the pain it would cause her if she found out. I did what I had to do. She thinks I made extra money working at the factory. She didn’t know I was selling dope out of the back. I’ll never tell her, and I’ll kill any prick who even thinks about spreading the fucked up truth to her.

“You always thought you were getting away with everything, Derek.” Ma points her finger at me, shaking it slightly, but there’s a smile on her face. “Back then I knew a little. Maybe I’m losing it now, but back then I was onto you.”

Emma’s face is bright red, but a smile is plastered on her lips. “I promise you, I had the best intentions,” Emma says just as comically as Ma, with her hand on her heart. I shake my head, looking between the two of them. Emma raises her voice as she says, “I swear we never did anything.”

“And now?” Ma asks.

“And now what?” Emma asks.

“What are you two doing now?”

“Ma!” Jesus. No wonder I never brought a girl home.

Ma shrugs, a smug look on her face. Emma’s hiding behind a hand in front of her face, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter, and she can’t look either of us in the eyes.

My mother takes a few steps to the stool. She’s nearly out of breath by the time she gets there and Emma’s quick to help get her steady on the stool. There’s a back to it, but even with that, it’s bar height and I’m not sure she should be sitting on it.

“You sure you want to be up there? I can bring breakfast to your room.” I stand behind my mother, my hand on the back of her chair as I set a plate in front of her. It’s just eggs, but usually she's able to eat eggs without any nausea.

“I like it out here just fine,” Ma says, a little out of breath although she’s trying to hide it.

Emma looks between the two of us, and I can tell she’s not sure what to think. She has no idea Ma has cancer, that she’s not doing well; but it’s more than obvious she’s not healthy. She looks so much older than she is. I wish I’d introduced them back when we were in high school. Looking at the worry in Emma’s eyes, I know I should’ve told her about Ma. I’m gonna have to explain it later.

“You could’ve told me you had a girl, Derek,” Ma says as she spears a fork into her eggs.

I that she looks fragile and weak compared to the strong woman I remember her as.

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually looked at her. Like really looked at her.

Ma puts her fork down next to her plate, and the silver clinks against the ceramic as her hand shakes. “Could you grab me a cup of milk, dear?” Ma sets her elbow on the table, resting her head in her hand.

This happened the other day, too. Eating’s been taking a lot out of her. I don’t know if the chemo is making her nauseated, if she’s just not sleeping enough, or if something else is going on.

Before I can move to the fridge, Emma’s already there. She grabs the milk quickly with a serious look on her face.

Setting the jug on the counter, she opens up one cabinet door and then the next and the next.

“Right here, Sweetheart.” I open up the cabinet door closest to my right and grab a large plastic cup, handing it over to Emma.

“Thank you,” she says softly.

She pours a cup of milk without looking at me.

“Ma, you sure you don’t want to go to your room?” I ask, my hand on her shoulder. “You could lie down. Or maybe the booth in the dining room nook?” I added a bench in there up against the wall, and near the window. She likes sitting in there to read and get some sun. She shouldn’t be sitting up here on the stool with how unsteady she is. I can just picture her falling off.

She puts her small hand on mine, and it’s cold. She pats my hand a few times and nods her head. “I think I should go back to bed. ”She swallows thickly, and the happiness that was in her eyes vanishes. “I just thought I heard a new voice in this empty house.”

“I can take you there if you want,” Emma says softly. “You have to show me where though.” Ma returns Emma’s hesitant smile. “I can get there myself. I’ll be alright. You just stay here and keep an eye on my boy.” Ma turns to me and gives me a wink. “He needs someone out here keeping him in line.”