When I woke up and found Skull gone, my heart hurt. I still can’t believe this mess went so horribly wrong that it took Beast’s beautiful little daughter’s life. I’m consumed by guilt. If I had just given Skull up when Colin demanded it, none of this would have happened. What makes that thought even worse is that, despite everything, I don’t know if I could go back and give him up. I don’t know what kind of horrible person that makes me, but I know it’s disgusting.

I slide out of bed and decide to go and find him. I want to hold onto him. I hope tonight delivers the message that Skull wants to get across. I’m praying it ends the war before it can escalate further. I just don’t think it will. I look around the hall of the shelter, but luckily everything looks pretty deserted, probably because it’s so late. Skull said he’d hoped to be back by nightfall, but they had some problems infiltrating the house that Colin and Matthew owned even with me giving them security codes. I can’t figure out why they hadn’t changed the codes, but I figure it’s arrogance. I honestly don’t think Colin thought I would betray him. Then again, he thinks I’m eventually going to cave and accept that I will be his one day. I’d rather die.

Once I’m at the main structure, I make my way to Skull’s office. The door is open, but I’m frozen in my tracks as I watch the explosions on the television screen. My hand comes to my mouth as I try and stop sound. I recognize each of the places, of course, and one after one I watch as they are destroyed. As I watch each of the businesses go up in smoke, I feel hope bloom in my chest. Maybe Skull was right and Colin didn’t know who he was messing with. I should have had more faith. I start to go into the room to be there with Skull. I want us to be side by side as we watch Colin’s house go up in flames. Maybe a little of Skull’s attitude is rubbing off on me. I smile at the thought, but before I can take one step, I freeze.

“… Beth is my old lady, that made her one of us—but doing that cost Beast something so precious I can’t begin to imagine how he will live with that. That’s on me. This is my fucking fault. I shouldn’t have claimed Beth and went full steam ahead.”

His words strike me and each feels as if someone is driving a nail through my heart. The final blow is the one that wounds me in ways that I will never heal from: I shouldn’t have claimed, Beth. I knew Skull would regret it. All along I did, but he kept insisting he wouldn’t. He got upset with me when I tried to leave and now he’s just as good as telling his men I shouldn’t be here, that being with me was wrong… is wrong.

I feel the tears fall again. I need to get away before Skull sees me. If he does, he’s liable to lie to me again because he doesn’t want to hurt me. It’s better I found out his true feelings now. I can’t even be mad at him. I felt the same way before he convinced me I was wrong.

I back away slowly and, only when I’m at the end of the hallway, far away from Skull’s office, do I take off running. I make it back to my room, slam the door, then lay on the bed and let the tears fall. There’s a chance that Skull is successful tonight, and if he is, maybe it won’t matter anymore.

In truth, me being here has already cost Beast everything. Will he be able to survive everyday with me here as a reminder of what I cost him?

I need to see Beast. I dry up my eyes. I’ll go to the hospital with Skull. I’ll stay by Beast’s side and nurse him through, then make my decision. If Beast hates me, I need to leave. If Skull is wrong and this strike doesn’t take Colin down, then I still need to leave. Skull says he loves me and I know I love him. I can’t turn my back on that if there’s any other way around it.

I’m going to hold out for a miracle.

“Mi cielo? Are you okay?”

I look up to see Skull standing there. I ignore his question. He knows the answer to it, even if he doesn’t know that I heard him upstairs. “Were you successful?” I ask him instead.

“I think so, si. We’ll find out more in the light of day. We’ll begin phase two then, too.”

I give him a tight smile. “Are you ready to go see Beast?”

“Are you sure you’re up to it, querida?”

“I want to see him. Do you think he will care if I’m there, though?” I ask him, worried.

“They have him drugged right now because of the pain and other things. I doubt he’ll know you’re there, sweetheart. We can go tomorrow if you’d rather.”

“Can we do both?”

He looks at me for a few minutes. I’m afraid he can read my thoughts.

“You do know this is not your fault, right? No one’s to blame for what happened to Beast’s daughter—except Colin. He did this, not you.”

“He did it because of me.”

“Bullshit. If anything, he did it because of me and my mouth. You hold no blame in this, sweetheart.”

His words hurt me because I just keep replaying what he told his men. I swallow down the pain and try to give him a smile. I don’t exactly succeed, but I try. “Let’s go,” I urge him, walking over to him.

Skull takes both of his hands and places them on each side of my face. He pulls me closer to him and I breathe in the scent of oil, leather, and man that I’ve come to associate with Skull. He kisses my forehead gently and holds me like that for a few minutes. Then he pulls away, takes my hand, and leads me out of the room.