Before the sky is even light, Melissa slips out of bed, careful not to wake Hawk. She’d been staring up at the ceiling for hours, her sense of guilt making it impossible for her to sleep. She slips on a t-shirt of his that he’d left one day and she’d taken to wearing it. It smelled of him and never failed to comfort her. She heads to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water, formulating the words that she needs to say in her mind. She knows that she can’t let another opportunity pass her by; it isn’t fair to him. As soon as Hawk wakes up she is going to tell him, and she isn’t going to let herself take the easy way out.
She tiptoes back into her bedroom and it takes her a few moments to realize that the bed is empty. The light by her desk in the corner is on and Hawk is standing next to it, his jeans unbuttoned as he stares at something. He must hear her come up behind him. He turns around slowly, holding something up in his hand and Melissa feels her heartbeat quicken. It’s not just the expression of confusion on his face that does it, it’s what he’s holding, her press pass for the Portland Tribune. She must have been so distracted with the conversation she had planned to have with Hawk that she’d just left it lying around when she’d arrived home from the rink.
“Hawk.” She takes a step towards him but he holds up his hand to stop her.
“What the hell is this?” His voice is cold and it chills her to the bone.
“Hawk, I’m sorry. I was planning to tell you -”
“Don’t bullshit me, Melissa.” The warm, tender way that he usually says her name is gone and she wonders if it’s ever coming back. “Are you a reporter?”
Melissa swallows hard, wishing that she could give him a different answer. But the time for lies has passed. Now all she could do was tell him the truth, tell him everything. She nods tightly and watches as his shoulders slump at her words.
“You told me you were a blogger, that you wrote fiction, that you wanted to become a great writer.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe that he trusted her.
“All those things were true. I didn’t lie about any of that!” She hears the desperation in her own voice.
“So what do you do for the Portland Tribune? Did you know they’ve been trying to get the low-down on the Kings for years, just so they can sell more papers?” The anger on his face makes her take an involuntary step back. Then it hits him, he connects the dots and Melissa wishes that the earth would open up beneath her and swallow her up. “That’s why you came to the bar that night, isn’t it? You were working for the paper.”
“That’s how it started, but I met you and everything changed.” She takes another step towards him.
“I don’t want to hear this.” He walks past her pulling on his t-shirt and jacket and heading out of the bedroom.
She follows him, not wanting him to leave like this. “Hawk, let me explain!”
He whirls around to face her, his eyes angry. “Explain what? That you only got close to me to find out about the club? That you’ve been lying to me, to all of us? That you made me think I could trust you when all the time you were just getting ready to betray us?” He slams his fist against the doorframe hard and she winces at the impact but he doesn’t even seem to feel it. She’s never seen him like this; it gives her a bit of an insight into the things he does when he’s working for the Kings. It’s not something she ever wants to be on the receiving end of.
“Yes, I was supposed to write a story about the Caged Kings. My editor thought I would be able to get information that his guys have never been able to access. It was going to be my big break, but this morning I told him that I couldn’t do it.” For the first time she feels like she has Hawk’s attention. “I fell for you, for the club, and the community. I knew there was no way I could write the story, not the way he wanted me to. I never wanted to hurt you. Please, you have to believe me.”
“You told me I could trust you. I made the mistake of believing you then. I won’t make the same mistake twice.” His hand grabs hold of the doorknob and yanks it open.
“Hawk, please don’t leave like this. Talk to me.” Melissa feels the tears pricking at the back of her eyes as she watches his chest heave with the deep breaths he’s taking to calm himself down.
“We all trusted you. The guys treated you like family without even knowing you.” Hawk shakes his head but keeps his back turned to her so she can’t see his face. “You want me to talk to you, to tell you that everything is going to be all right, that all is forgiven? I can’t even look at you, Melissa. I can’t stand the sight of you.”
He storms through the door, slamming it so hard behind him that it makes the windows rattle. As the sound of his motorcycle fades, Melissa slumps down onto the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest and she finally lets the tears come.