Ugh, I couldn’t sleep last night. It’s the first day of my senior year, and I’m so ready for it. I’m ready to graduate, get out of Fairfield, and start my life.
I take a shower, get dressed, then head downstairs for breakfast.
“You look nice,” Mom says, eyeing my jeans and turquoise silk tank she bought me when she went shopping in downtown Evanston last week. “Here, I made some eggs for you and Ben.”
My brother walks into the kitchen, his hair practically falling into his eyes as he reads some gaming magazine. It’s his first day of freshman year and he’s wearing ripped jeans and a T-shirt that has seen better days. You’d think he’d at least dress up for the occasion, but no.
“Ben, you need a haircut,” I tell him.
“No, thanks,” Ben responds absently as he reads an article about some new combat game coming out with digital graphics. I only know this because I glimpse the title of the article, which says “Combat Forces II—Stunning Digital Graphics!”
“Ben, you do realize that you’re in high school now, don’t you?”
“So?”
“So you should take care of your appearance.”
He sets his gaming magazine on the kitchen table. “I put on a shirt that didn’t have holes in it. That should count for something.”
“It says MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!”
He looks down at his shirt. “I know … cool, huh?”
I look at Mom for support in this.
“Everybody has their own definition of cool, Nikki,” Mom says.
Ben gives Mom an exaggerated wink. “Don’t you think it’s time to tell Nikki the truth—that I’ll be a self-made millionaire by the time I’m twenty and Nikki will probably be asking me for loans?”
Mom sets a plate in front of him and starts heaping eggs and toast onto it. She even pours orange juice into his glass. “The truth is that you better sit on your butt and eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”
“Social skills count for a lot, you know,” I tell him.
“Social skills are overrated,” my brother says right before he takes a huge bite of bread.
Mom pats Ben on the shoulder. “Stop antagonizing your sister.”
“She makes it so easy,” Ben says, then leans back in his chair. “So who wants to name my next Queen of the Dragon Empire in the game I’m in the middle of coding?”
“How about you name her Nicolasa after your sister?” Mom suggests.
“I need a tougher name than that,” Ben tells her. “This is a queen who can yield a sword and wear chain mail.”
“Why not Bertha?” I jokingly suggest. I hate when Ben starts talking about cartoon characters as if they’re real … I hate it more when he sucks me in and I actually validate his obsession.
“Queen Bertha? Nope, doesn’t work for me.”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Mom gets her keys out. “Oh, I almost forgot. Nikki, you can’t take your car today. Your father took it in for repairs this morning when he realized that it was leaking oil. Why don’t you two walk to school? Start off the year being active instead of lazy and spoiled.”
“I’m proud of my laziness,” Ben says, amusing himself. “And what’s wrong with being spoiled?”
“Everything.” She turns around just as I’m about to finish the last bite of my food and says, “I’ll tell you what … I’ll drive you both to school because I have to go to work anyway, but you can either walk or take the bus home.” She smiles serenely.
Having your mommy drive you to school as a senior? “If Dad took my car, let me take his.”
“Not going to happen,” she says. “Unless you get all As, you’re never getting hold of the keys to his Lexus. It’s a goal to work toward.”
Ben rolls his eyes. “Mom, Nikki has never gotten all As.”
“Yes, she has,” Mom says.
Ben laughs. “I’m not talking about kindergarten.”
I kick my brother under the table. Just because he doesn’t try, hardly studies, and gets all As doesn’t mean he has to be arrogant about it.
“I’m having dinner with some clients tonight, so I won’t be home. I’m decorating their house using all antiques,” Mom says excitedly.
“Have fun,” I tell her, knowing she will. My mom is an interior designer who loves turning boring spaces into themed rooms she calls “eclectic showstoppers.” Each room in our house has a theme and has been turned into one “eclectic showstopper” after another. My life is inundated with themed rooms.
At school, Kendall is waiting for me by our lockers. At the end of junior year we got to pick any locker in the senior hallway for the next year, so Kendall and I made sure our lockers were right next to each other. That was before she started dating Derek. The two of them have been inseparable since the last day of school, when he showed up at her house with a dozen roses and a song he’d written about her.
I don’t trust Derek. I know he likes Kendall, but I also know a lot of girls flirt with him and he flirts back. In a moment of male weakness, he can crush Kendall’s trusting heart.
“Just an FYI,” Kendall says, wincing as if she’s about to share some bad news. “Marco’s locker is right across from ours.”
A wave of anxiety rushes through me. “Please tell me you’re lying.”
“I wish I was.”
After we broke up, Marco got in really deep with the Latino Blood. I know he’s been selling drugs and getting in fights a lot. Something happened last year to the guy who ran the gang, and the LB presence in the south side of Fairfield got broken up. I heard Marco started hanging out with other gangs besides the LB. He’s gotten meaner and tougher. I used to think he had a hard exterior but was sweet once you really got to know him. Marco is anything but sweet now.
Derek is walking down the hall, heading straight for us. Of course he’s stopped by practically everyone who calls out his name. Girls are enamored with him because he’s ridiculously gorgeous with blond hair, a model’s face, and a very chiseled body. Guys like him because he’s a major athlete. As a sophomore, he made it to the state championships in tennis. When he hurt his shoulder before junior year, he decided he didn’t want to play tennis and instead went out for the soccer team. He was voted MVP last year at the end of the season, which surprised nobody.
Derek stands beside Kendall, but she turns her back and pretends to be interested in something in her locker.
“I can’t believe you’re still mad,” Derek says.
Kendall shoves books in her locker. “I’m not mad. You can go to college wherever you want, Derek. You don’t have to get permission from me to apply out east.”
He puts his hand on the small of her back and leans toward her. “Why won’t you even look at Ivy League schools?”
“Because they’re not in the Midwest,” she tells him. “You want to go far from home, fine. I can’t.”
Kendall isn’t saying it, but she’s committed to staying near Fairfield for college because her mother got diagnosed with cancer last year. She’s gone through chemo and the doctors say she’s in remission, but Kendall doesn’t want to be far away.
“What are you saying, that if I go to school out east it’s over between us?” Derek asks.
“I don’t know.”
I decide to put my two cents in the discussion for a reality check. “The percentage of couples who stay together after high school is, like, less than five percent, you guys.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Nikki,” Derek says sarcastically.
“Just being real,” I tell him. “No need to have you guys living in Fantasy Land.”
“I hope you never go to Disney World,” Derek says to me. “You’ll probably tell all the little kids there that Mickey Mouse is just a guy in a costume.”
“Probably,” I tell him.
Kendall sighs. “Derek, leave Nikki alone. She’s just protecting me.”
Derek shakes his head, frustrated. “Dammit, Kendall. When are you gonna realize you don’t need protection from me.”
“Nikki’s my best friend.”
“And I’m supposed to be your boyfriend.” Derek walks away with a bitter look on his face.
Kendall leans her head against her locker. I know she’s scared. She was scared of losing her mom, and now she’s scared of losing Derek. I know about being scared, which is why I tell it like it is. Yes, Derek might leave her for another girl. Or go to a college far away and forget about how much he loves her. Or maybe he’s been lying to her about how much he cares about her. That’s reality. Derek might even think he’s being sincere … but how long will that last?
“He hates me,” I tell her.
“No, he doesn’t.” She turns to me. “He just thinks you’re overly cynical.”
As soon as she says the word cynical, I hear an old familiar voice speaking in Spanish echoing from across the hall. Marco. Just hearing the deep rumble of his voice used to make me grin from ear to ear. Now his voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
I look over at Kendall. She touches my forearm sympathetically.
“Ignore him,” she advises.
Of course I’ll ignore him, just like I’ve done the past two years. He’s changed way too much, and so have I. I pretend to scratch my chin with my shoulder as I peek across the hall at his locker. Marco is talking to some guy who looks familiar …
Wait.
One.
Second …
No, it can’t be.
It’s Luis Fuentes, the guy whose clothes I hid when his brother got married years ago. The last time I saw him, he was naked. That was so long ago, I bet he doesn’t remember me. I remember him, though. He’s the boy who reminded me that I was vulnerable. The night I met him I became cynical. I glance again.
Oh, no.
He’s staring right at me.