It felt strange to be back home. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t normalcy. After being home six months, our routine seemed to be falling into place. Other than today, of course, it being the day Jaxson would graduate college. I still hadn’t accepted my brother to be old enough to be at this point in his life. I may have walked out on them, but that didn’t stop their life from continuing without me. Mom’s hair had grayed more than the pictures she’d sent had really shown, and Jaxson was well over six foot now. His voice was deeper, and the husky little brother I knew had grown into a man. I had missed Mom and him so much. The amount of regret I had for leaving them was something I wasn’t prepared to feel once I returned home. I’d always carried guilt for running from home, but it was something I could look past. I’d convinced myself it was a necessary sacrifice in order to move past losing Noah. Even then, I knew that was a loss that would never be forgotten, and so, I left my family behind. In my mind, to stay was the equivalent to a form of torture. If I hadn’t left, I wasn’t sure I’d be here today.

“I figured you’d wear it in rows.” I laughed, smoothing out the top of my brother’s full head of hair, remembering how happy I was when Mom and Dad told me she was pregnant. The doctors told them they’d never conceive, so they adopted me.

“I lost a bet.”

“Please tell me…” I stopped myself before I asked a question I didn’t want the answer to and shook my head, tossing his cap to him.

“I am.” He grinned, knowing the exact question I refused to finish. He was quick to bend over and moon me with his naked ass.

“Really, Jax?” I grumbled, covering my eyes with my hands out of disgust, but couldn’t stop myself from smiling, even if I tried. I was thankful Mom and Jax hadn’t held a grudge or written me off as I had them, because in spite of the years of silence I’d forced into our relationship, the love between us knew no bounds. They had forgiven me without hesitation or request, something I was confident I didn’t deserve.

“What?” Mom questioned us both, and panic flashed behind his brown eyes. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell Mom he was naked. I’d missed too much of his life already, not to mention that would be one awkward conversation for the three of us to have. I was grateful his personality hadn’t changed too much since I left. Although, him having facial hair was something I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to.

“I burped,” he lied and I smirked, climbing into the back seat of Mom’s vehicle. It was his day; otherwise, I may have fought him for the front. It was funny. Despite our age, I found we still fought over little shit.

Honestly, I missed fighting over little things. I’d spent so long consumed with blaming myself and everyone else around me that I forgot how to forgive. They were helping me cope. Life was funny. I’d run from Mom and Jax, afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to deal with the memories associated with them. Actually, I knew I couldn’t. Yet, with time, and a fair amount of stubbornness on my behalf, I realized they were my strength. When Mom found me crying, she didn’t ask to talk about it. She held me and let me cry without questions. Without restraint. Jax helped me find a way to channel all of the anger and pain I harbored. He’d enrolled us in kickboxing classes, which I absolutely sucked at, but it felt good to hit the bag anyway.

She didn’t buy his lie, but didn’t push the matter either. Her full lips pushed outward, and her eyes squinted as she turned the key to start the engine.

In comparison, I had made a huge step into forgiving Drex and myself, if I’m being honest, but I still had a long way to go. The longer we were apart, the more time I had to realize my stupidity. Other than having the ability to raise the dead, nothing would ever bring Noah back, so hating Drex was pointless. I had to accept and cope with that fact, no matter how much every cell in my body denied it.

Even though I missed Drex, I didn’t see myself ever reaching out to him because it’d been six months. At times, I had to remind myself the time we’d spent together was real and I hadn’t dreamed it all. In six months, anything was possible. Despite the fact I never really knew what his true feelings were. I’d only assumed we felt the same, but I was beginning to think I was wrong. He didn’t try to stop me from walking out of his life and hadn’t as much as texted since I left, and I knew if Lexie had my new number, he could, too. One could only assume Mom had given her my number because I didn’t. In attempt to cut all ties to Drex, I’d intentionally “forgotten” to give her my number, but she mysteriously texted after Mom was left alone with my phone.