Joey

You gotta fight, for your right

 

I’m not sure what has me sicker to my stomach right now.

The idea that tomorrow night I’ll be performing in front of three hundred audience members? Or witnessing Birdie’s hands all over my man?

My man?

It’s these thoughts that will get me into trouble and cause more pain than I need. Theo is not my man. He never was. He was simply a temporary fling and I was apparently his rebound girl.

And now it appears that he’s on to his next one, if he’s not already back with Alyssa.

I trudge my way down the hallway toward the converted office Theo and Birdie have been using when they need privacy for business matters. Shit, am I so stupid? Maybe they’ve been getting it on all the while without me even knowing it?

Knocking lightly, I wait to be welcomed in, the anger simmering low in my belly.

“Come in,” Theo’s voice summons me in and it sends a thrill down my spine. It’s the same low baritone he used when he was greedy in bed.

This is the first time we’ve been alone in four days. And I’m scared shitless. And angry. And frustrated. And I want angry sex.

As if Theo is going to whip my clothes off and fuck me against the door. He’s obviously already gotten over me.

No, he’s probably been waiting to give me feedback on how horribly off-kilter I was today. Our second to last rehearsal before the big performance and I sucked rotten eggs.

I couldn’t even look him in the eye when I was supposed to.

He’s going to take me out of the play, I just know it.

My hand grips the door handle, which jostles in my grip because it’s about a hundred years old and is about to fall off, but I take a fortifying breath to steel my nerves and walk in.

My eyes are cast down, but when I look up, I see Theo leaning back in his office chair, head tilted to the side, a strange look on his face. His hands go back and lock behind his neck, putting his amazing biceps on display.

I trip over my feet and go flying toward him. His quick reactions keep me upright, but his hands land on my boobs.

Quickly righting myself, I take a few steps backwards, mumbling apologies.

“Sorry.”

He chuckles. “Quite all right. Didn’t mean to cop a feel, but it certainly wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.”

When I look up, I see his brow lifted with humor. Damn, why does he have to be so cute?

“Not like you haven’t felt me up before.”

I immediately shut my mouth, biting my lower lip to keep myself from saying anything more incriminating.

Professional. Act professional.

The chair squeaks with his movement and he leans forward, his elbows on his knees.

“I’m sorry I’ve made things uncomfortable between us, Joey. That’s exactly what I didn’t want to have happen. It’s all my fault.”

I cross and uncross my feet, shifting left and right. How am I supposed to respond to that?

“I, uh…”

He waves his hand in the air. “I’m not sure if it’s just nerves or me that’s giving you trouble out there, but Joey, we have one more day til we open. I can’t have you like this.”

Oh God, is he firing me?

“Theo, I’m…”

“If you need me to step aside and have Marlon take over as Chester, that’s what I’ll do. I don’t necessarily want to, but you are great. You’ve worked so hard for this. I’m so proud of you.”

What?

This is his show that he’s worked so hard for. From writing it to pitching it and making it all come to fruition. I’m the one who’s ruining it for him right now.

Gah, I’m such a nimrod. This is his baby. He can’t be serious.

“Theo, you’ve made all this happen. I’ve learned so much and I’m sorry for being such a mess today. I promise to get my head on straight. I just need a good night’s sleep.”

He stands and his feet close the distance between us. I’m still looking down, avoiding his eyes.

Theo tips my chin up with his finger so our gazes meet. His eyes are a watercolor swirl of hazel and blue, like a sky full of smoky haze.

“I believe you can do this. Do you believe in yourself?”

Do I? Have I ever really believed I could do something worthwhile? That I could be successful? Or has my mother’s nitpicking all my life, cutting me to pieces bit-by-bit with her controlling behavior and criticism every chance she’s gotten, finally done damage?

My voice sounds small. “Y-yes.”

“Okay,” he smiles broadly. “That’s my girl. Now, let’s go back out there and show everyone what you’ve got.”

He grips my shoulders and I think he’s going to kiss me. I want him to kiss me so badly. But he doesn’t. He gives me a friendly squeeze and then steps back, leaving me confused and uncertain.

I remain standing there for a second, debating what I should say or do when there’s a knock on the half-opened door.

“Hey Theo, Niles needs you out there,” Dario, the stage manager indicates brusquely.

Theo’s gaze lands on me first, and then over to the open door.

“Yeah, okay. Be right there.”

Turning toward the door, Theo is just at the threshold when he looks back at me, an expression across his face I can’t read.

“No matter what happens, Joey, you’ll always be my Silvia.”

And then he leaves me to question everything that happened between us over the last month.

I remember the first time we met and how rude I thought he was; and then the morning he needed my help with Woody; the day I was locked out and he listened to my tales of woe; the friendship we began when I thought he was a gay man; the chemistry between us that led us to a passionate fling.

And his desire to help me see that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I don’t have to be stuck in a job that doesn’t bring me enjoyment. I don’t need to be reminded by my mother what a failure I am because I’m unmarried at twenty-six.

So many things that I’d thought were inevitable now seem so unnecessary. Like having to leave my life in Chicago to move back to Indiana.

I can quit teaching but I don’t need to move. I can stay here and continue pursuing my passion. Or I can move somewhere else. There’s nothing and nobody standing in my way right now except myself.

But first things first. I need to get back into the shoes of Silvia because she’s taught me the most important life lesson of all.

Silvia’s reminded me that you need to stand up and fight for what’s important to you.

And never back down from a challenge.