Joey
Are donuts aphrodisiacs?
Omigod, omigod, omigod.
My head is spinning as I make laps around my kitchen island. I’m getting dizzy and feel faint. My heart rate has spiked to an alarming level and I’ll probably be forced to call 911 when I have a heart attack.
All because of Theo’s kiss.
Now I know for certain that I’m insane. Or just very, very lonely.
How can a gay man’s kiss excite me so immensely that I had to change my panties the moment he left my apartment?
I mean, what the actual hell is that all about?
My body was ready to go bow-chica-bow-wow all over Theo.
It was honest-to-God the most perfect kiss I’d ever experienced. My stomach did acrobatics and somersaults when the gentle pressure of his lips turned firm, his tongue coasting over mine so that I imagined his cock doing the very same thing down between my legs.
I’ve never been jealous of Patrick because the guys he would choose to have flings were a little too…well, gay for me. Perfect for him, but I want a man who is ripped, but not a muscle-maniac or pencil thin.
I like a guy who cares about his appearance but doesn’t use more products than myself. A man who is okay with showing his emotions, but isn’t moodier than I am.
And that’s what I’ve found with Theo. He’s my perfect man, except that I’m not his ideal partner.
I don’t have the equipment he prefers.
Dammit. The one and only time I’ve ever wished for a set of balls instead of a pair of boobs.
Hoping that a cool shower will calm me down, I strip off all my clothes and jump in. My skin feels too tight and itchy. Tingly everywhere.
The cool water rains over me, trickling down my back, over my breasts and down the valley between my legs. It feels teasingly good and I begin to replay the images of Theo and I on the couch.
When he leaned over and took charge of that kiss, I was startled, a little nervous but completely turned on. I wanted him to kiss me so bad! His long, tapered fingers slid up my exposed skin of my arm until they grasped behind my head to clasp me tightly. Like he wanted to keep me put from moving away.
As if I would escape. Fat chance.
I was so lost in the kiss that I forgot for just one moment that it was all an act. It was just part of the acting process and it didn’t mean anything to Theo. Even though it meant everything to me.
Water droplets drip from my closed eyelashes and land on the top of my nose. I whisk it away with a flick of my finger.
I don’t know how I’ve turned into this wistful woman who pines for a man she can’t have. A guy who has no interest in me other than as an acting partner and friend. And nothing I can do or say will change that between us. So why do I hold out hope?
I need to open myself up to dating other people. It’s been a while since I’ve been out there and I need to forget about this stupid unrequited crush I have on Theo and get back out on the horse – even though I’ve technically never been on said horse.
But I need to do something to unhinge this attraction I have for him and move on. So, I’ve decided that tomorrow after class, after the auditions for the play parts, I will take Marlon up on his offer to go out to dinner.
He’s young and I know he just wants to have some fun, but at least it’ll be with someone who most likely wants to get into my pants and maybe even get down and dirty with me.
Unlike Theo, who thinks it would be gross to get down with me.
Stepping out of the shower, I towel off and feel good about my decision.
This will be the summer when I’m no longer the girl with no direction in life. No interests or passion. No man.
I’ve concluded I’m going to live this summer like there’s no tomorrow. I’m going to make my mark in this world and I’m going to get that part in the workshop play.
I’m going to lose myself in the character of Silvia – with all her strength and brass - and find myself in the process.
Even if it means giving up on the fantasy that Theo will someday miraculously turn hetero and fall in love with me.
****
I’m groggy and in a snippy mood when I walk into the stage room with a Dunkin Donuts coffee in hand and bag of donuts in the other.
Theo had texted me earlier this morning to ask if I wanted to take the L with him to class and I politely declined. I needed some breathing room to myself so I could think through this plan of mine.
And forget about that kiss.
The coffee is strong and hot – just like Theo – who is chatting amiably with another classmate as I walk into the room and take a seat. He glances my way and gives me the chin gesture in greeting. And flashes me one of his oh-so-gorgeous smiles.
His eyes take a stroll from my face down to the bag of donuts and he widens his eyes, quirking an eyebrow at me. I shrug impishly.
Yeah, so I may have bought him a donut, too. My plan isn’t foolproof. He’s still my friend and I like him a lot.
Theo ends his conversation and begins walking toward me, just as I take a huge bite of my double-chocolate coconut donut. I lick my lips in satisfaction and may moan a little bit. I notice Theo’s steps falter.
When he stops in front of me, he has a weird expression on his face.
“Good morning,” he greets as I swallow down the delicious bite.
Smiling, I mumble with my mouth full. “Mmm.”
I notice his hands twitch at his side. “Uh, you have...some,” he mutters, his thumb coming up to graze over my lower lip. My mouth parts slightly and my tongue darts out to lick away the chocolate.
And then I sit there in complete bewilderment as Theo’s thumb retreats up to his own mouth, flicking it clean with his tongue.
Oh geez. There go all plans to forget about that kiss.
My face feels like it’s on fire. I swallow harshly and practically choke. The coffee is not going to douse these flames wicking and building like an inferno in my chest, but I take a sip anyway for something to do. Anything to get my thoughts on something besides how hot that just was.
So hot I have to look down to make sure it didn’t burn a hole through my clothes. Am I even still wearing clothes? I have no idea because I feel naked under his intense gaze.
“I sure hope you’ve got something for me.”
Uh, I’ve got something for you…
Okay, let’s face it. My mind and thoughts are so far from donuts and breakfast right now, I could be on planet Venus. All I’m thinking about is being naked. With Theo.
He nods his head to the bag in my lap.
“A donut?”
“Of course.”
I fumble with the bag, finally just shoving it out to him, my hands trembling. He grasps the edge, but not before lightly brushing my knuckles with his fingers.
His reflexes are good because he snatches the bag as I’ve basically just dropped like it’s hot.
I’d like to drop him like he’s hot.
Theo chuckles, amused by my reaction. “Are you okay this morning? Because you seem a little…tense. Did you stay up too late practicing your lines? You shouldn’t worry because you’ll do great today. Our rehearsal last night was perfect.”
No, not perfect. Had it been perfect, you would’ve gotten naked with me. And I would’ve ridden you like a rodeo bull.
I’m sure Theo can read my thoughts right now as I think about him naked and all the orgasms he’d give me from his fingers, his tongue and his cock.
The heat of my blush creeps up my neck, into my cheeks and lands at my ears.
Yanking my shirt at the collar, I fan myself. “Ugh, the heat is unbearable today. It’s so sticky outside.”
Not as sticky as it would’ve been with him between your thighs.
Oh, shut it.
“Tell me about it,” Marlon interrupts, as I practically jump from my seat and spill my coffee all over my white shorts. “It felt like a brick oven in my apartment last night.”
Marlon sits down and looks between Theo and me suspiciously, as Theo tries to help me mop up the mess with a napkin.
“Did I interrupt something?”
If only he knew the inner dialogue he barged in on.
“No, not at all-” I say, just as Theo says,
“Yes -”
We laugh at the guffaw and Theo shakes his head, bringing the donut to his mouth. I watch with rapt interest as he opens and takes a big bite. His lips curling around the donut. His tongue licking away the remnants.
“Thanks for the nourishment,” he says, before turning away to head toward the stage. And then he turns his head back over his shoulder and says, “I owe ya one.”
If only we were thinking the same thing he could pay me back with.