Theo

Bumbling fools don’t get laid

 

I was out of my stupor by the time the performance ended and we walked back to the apartment.

What the fuck happened to me?

Joey had barely said a word after exchange at the drink counter, with the exception of a few simple responses to questions.

I knew I’d fucked things up between us the moment the words left my mouth. Or actually, the moment we ran into Alyssa and I acted like a complete and utter fuckwad.

What possessed me to act that way? Like a lost puppy. Or an idiot savant?

Jesus, it was as if something or someone had taken over my body – like an alien abduction – and I lost all sense of where or who I was.

Trying to explain that to Joey was like digging my grave even bigger and deeper. Foot meet mouth.

We’d stayed and finished watching the play, but I’m certain neither of us were really watching. So the minute the performance ended, we packed up our things and left.

Now we’ve made it up to our hallway and we’re a few feet from our apartment door. I’m not sure if I dare invite her in. I’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with my douchenozzle self tonight.

We’d spent every night together over the last week together after rehearsals. But tonight, I have a feeling we need a break. Or at least, she does.

That’s not entirely true. It’s obvious even to me, that I need a moment to collect my thoughts and figure out what I’m thinking. I know I’m over Alyssa, otherwise I wouldn’t be with Joey.

But there’s something going on inside my head that I haven’t come to grips with and I need to figure it out. And hopefully fast, before I lose Joey.

I reach for her hand and pull her into me, our toes touching in front of my doorway.

“I’m sorry for my behavior tonight. I guess seeing Alyssa like that just weirded me out. I didn’t mean what I said about her. I don’t love her anymore. It’s been over a long time.”

Joey dips her chin down to the floor, but I bring it back up so we are eye-to-eye. Her emerald eyes are riddled with worry and I feel like a complete ass for putting that there.

“I get it. The first time seeing an ex is always uncomfortable.”

I snicker. “Ya think? My God, I was a bumbling fool. But you…damn. You gave her the smackdown. That was impressive.”

And it was.

Joey spoke her mind, made sure Alyssa knew the score (because I certainly wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do it). And I believe there was even a hint of possessiveness behind her words, which I enjoyed hearing. Just like how I reacted when seeing her with Marlon a few weeks back, she too experienced the same flash of jealousy.

That means something, right?  

But Alyssa’s behavior confused the hell out of me. Why after all these months did she act like she wanted me back? She practically threw my ass out without so much as a backwards glance or a “hey, I just need some space” speech.

Yet the minute she sees me with a new woman, she wants me back in her life as if I’m the one that got away. Already in the last hour, she’s sent me two texts, neither of which I’ve yet to reply to.

Joey blushes, the pink in her cheeks illuminating the freckles there and the low light of the hallway casts shadows across her forehead. Shadows to display her uncertainty over us.

“I’m really sorry for acting like a jealous girlfriend back there,” she whispers, her eyes pleading in apology. “I just didn’t like the way she behaved. Like she was some queen that lorded over us…well, you, in particular. Treating you like some subject of hers. Or a toy she lost.”

A moment of clarity sweeps through me. Maybe that’s exactly how she always treated me when we were together and I was an idiot to allow it to continue for so long.

“Do you want to come in?” I ask, nodding my head toward my door.

She glances resignedly in that direction and then back to me, her green orbs filled with remorse.

“I don’t think so. Not tonight. I think maybe we should…”

I tighten my arms around her waist. “No, don’t say it. Don’t say we need a break.”

The silence between us is unbearable. It spells impending doom.

“Theo, come on. Your response should tell you something about where you’re at with your feelings toward Alyssa. And me. You obviously have unresolved feelings toward her – whether good or bad, that’s not the point. But if you’re trying to forget them or bury them by being with me that will only complicate things in the long run. I don’t know what we have here” – she points between us – “but it feels like something good. But we jumped in fast and we’ve spent a lot of time together recently. Maybe we should focus on the play, get through the final production, and then see how we feel then. Okay?”

Fuck, I know she’s right.

But I want to fight it. Buck against her logic. Deny that my headspace isn’t clearly cluttered with unresolved feelings or insecurities caused by Alyssa. This whole thing has fucked me up and turned me inside out.

Instead, I play dumb. “I don’t want to.”

She shrugs one shoulder. “You don’t have a choice. I like you too much and you need some time to figure things out.”

Joey pulls out of my grasp, places a quick kiss on my cheek and steps toward her door, fitting her key in the lock and opening it up before I can get out another word.

“Goodnight, Theo. Thanks for taking me tonight to my first Shakespeare play. I enjoyed it…well, most of it,” she lets out a brief laugh. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Her lips turn up into a slight smile before she walks in and closes the door behind her.

My first reaction is to follow her through and not take no for an answer.

To be an alpha male and take what I want. Scoop her up over my shoulder - caveman style – drag her in the bedroom and fuck her til she can’t see straight. Until she realizes a break isn’t what we need. She just needs me.

That’s right, man-the-fuck-up.

Yet here I stand like a chump, fingertips tracing where her pink, wet lips just kissed me, my feet glued to the ground and my head full of contradictions.

Joey’s right about one thing.

I need to get my head screwed on straight, otherwise I can kiss my career – and the girl – goodbye.