Baby leads me away from the bonfire, away from Crooner and his whore. I can’t believe I watched as he got sucked off by her. I couldn’t look away. I was focused on them, on his face as he intently stared at me while she sucked his dick. Then, I couldn’t help but imagine that it was me on my knees making him feel good. I instantly hated myself for it, but the desire that shot through me was too strong to ignore.

I want to be the one who makes Crooner come. The way he was looking at me, watching me, makes me think that he wants that too, but he’s holding back. Then, I have to remind myself that he was letting a whore suck his dick in front of me, and I’m sure more happened when Baby turned me around. I don’t really want to know what he did with her, even if part of me is still curious.

“What are you and Easton doing tomorrow?” Baby asks as he guides me toward a picnic bench.

I look up into his eyes and take a deep breath. I shouldn’t give him any indication that we could be more than just friends. I really shouldn’t. However, I don’t think that Crooner will ever want me the way that I want him. I need to forget him, and Baby seems really interested in me, and in Easton.

I turn my lips up in a smile. “Not much, just hanging around the trailer, I guess,” I shrug.

Baby reaches up and touches the tip of my nose with his finger, then takes my hand in his. “I’ll come over, hang with you guys?”

“Won’t that be boring?” I ask, scrunching up my nose.

He grins, shaking his head once. “Not if I’m with you,” he says, his voice dipping into a husky tone.

Just his voice alone should send a shiver up my spine, but it doesn’t. I don’t feel anything. I sigh, looking down at my feet before I plaster on a fake smile. “Okay,” I nod.

His lips twitch and he tugs me closer against his chest. I fall forward, placing my palms on him to steady myself. We stay that way for what seems like an hour, his eyes searching mine. Then he lowers his head and I suck in a breath. I anticipate that he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t. He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes as he inhales.

“I really like you, Hayden. I know you’re young, and you’ve been through a lot, but I think that I could make you happy,” he mutters.

I freeze at his words. His eyes open slowly, and he lifts his head from mine a bit. I watch as his lips turn up before he speaks again. “Be my girl, Hayden,” he rasps.

My mouth drops open slightly and then I snap it closed. I don’t know what to say. We haven’t even kissed yet, and he wants me to be his… girl? Do these guys even do that? I thought they fucked around until they found an Old Lady, claimed her, and that was that. I didn’t think they dated and is that what he’s asking me? Or is he asking me to be his Old Lady?

I lift one of my hands from his chest and wrap it around the front of my throat. I feel like I’m being suffocated. I don’t even know if I like Baby or not. Hell, I don’t even know his real name. Now he’s asking me to be his girl, whatever the hell that means.

“Your girl?” I choke.

He places his palm on the center of my back and pulls me against him a little closer. My breasts press against his chest and I suck in a sharp breath. “We don’t have to define anything, yet, Hayden. I want you, and I’m not afraid to tell you that, but I know you might not be ready yet. I’m willing to wait for you,” he states.

I hold my breath for a second, hoping that my heart will flutter, or that my stomach will swoop with his words, but nothing happens. Absolutely nothing. I want to scream at myself. I open my mouth to say something, but Baby shifts me around and steps in front of me, in a flash.

“Why aren’t you at home?” Crooner’s voice calls out.

I gasp, looking around Baby’s body to see him standing in front of us. His whore is all but forgotten, and his eyes are blazing with a fire I’ve never seen before from him.

“Go back to the party, Crooner,” Baby growls.

Crooner completely ignores him, his eyes finding mine and he pins me with his gaze. “Gracie invited me,” I say, my voice softer than I would prefer. Then again, it’s always soft when I talk to Crooner.

“You shouldn’t be here. This isn’t a place for you,” he states.

My spine straightens, and I step out from behind Baby, ignoring his grunt of displeasure at my move. “Why not? Why isn’t this a place for me? I was practically raised in club life,” I state, crossing my arms under my breasts.

Crooner shakes his head before he snorts. “Your past is exactly why you shouldn’t be here. You aren’t claimed, and you know what could happen to you. Haven’t you been through enough? Why in the fuck would you want to hang out in a place like this?” he asks. I don’t know if he’s asking to know the answer, or if there’s more to his questions.

I step up closer to him, his body stiffens when I’m close enough to touch him. I don’t, no matter how badly I want to. “You don’t know my past, Ward. Not really. You think you know, but you don’t. If you would talk to me instead of running from me, maybe I would tell you about myself. But, you’d rather get blowjobs from whores. Don’t try and dick me around, I won’t stand for it,” I hiss, using his real name.

His brows knit together, and he lets out a low growl before he wraps his fingers around my wrist to keep me from walking away from him. “Don’t play with me, Hayden. You think you know what you want, but you don’t. You’re not old enough to understand the repercussions of what it means to be mine.”

Leaning forward, my lips so close to his that I can feel his breath fanning my face, I speak just loud enough for him to hear me. “I’m a big girl, Ward. I know how to play with the big boys. If you want to find out then I suggest you stop being an asshole,” I snap.

He blinks once, then shakes his head. “Go home, Hayden. Go home to your son,” he grumbles.

I take a step back, refusing to give in to him, to show him how his rejection has hurt me, yet again. I know in number, I’m young. However, I also know that in experience, I’m a hell of a lot older than he is. I’m more mature too, by leaps and bounds.

“You know what? You’re not in charge of me anymore, Crooner,” I state. “I’m an adult, and I can do as I please.”

“Baby is who you’re choosing?” he asks on a whispered growl.

I close my eyes slowly, then reopen them. “Don’t do that. Don’t push me away, then get pissed off at me.”

Crooner clenches his jaw, and I watch as a muscle twitches in his cheek. Without a word, he turns on his heels and stomps away from me. I can’t watch him go, not again. It seems like the past year I’ve just been watching him turn away from me, over and over again.

I want him to realize that he has feelings for me, that he wants only me and to be a knight in leather and pick me up, brand me, and claim me. Maybe there’s something wrong with me that I would want to be his Old Lady, after the life I’ve lived, but it doesn’t make that desire any less. He’s the only man that makes my heart pound and my belly flip. He’s the only man that I wish would touch me.

“Hayden?” Baby asks from behind me.

Turning around, I meet his eyes and I flinch. He looks sad, but it doesn’t last long, he shakes it off and gives me a grin. “I know you have feelings for him. But like I said, I’ll wait. You need someone who will stand by your side, by Easton’s side, and I know that’s me,” he announces.

I wonder why he wants me so badly when obviously I have feelings for someone else. I don’t ask him. I just give him a small smile. Baby wraps his hand around mine and guides me over toward Gracie and Fish. They’re sitting by the bonfire now, talking with Snake and Ginger.

We spend the rest of the evening with the two couples, and by the time I go home, I’m more comfortable around Baby, even if I’m still not attracted to him. It could come in time though, maybe once my stupid body realizes that Crooner doesn’t want me, then maybe I’ll be able to have feelings for someone else.

I watch her from afar for the rest of the evening. She’s smiling at Baby, then Snake and Fish, and their women. I hate all of them because her smile is aimed at them, and not at me. I fucked up, again. However, I don’t want to fix it. She should hate me, hating me makes this shit so much easier.

Baby is a good kid, closer to her age, and doesn’t have the hang-ups that I do. Obviously, I have fucking issues, especially sexual ones. I can’t put Hayden through any other shit, she’s had more than enough in her life. Being with Baby will be a good thing. Plus, he’d be a good role model for Easton.

My decision is made. No matter how much it hurts, it’s a decision that I can live with. My life won’t change, but Hayden’s will. Hers will get better while I continue to rot.

“You’re a dick,” Free mutters from next to me.

I don’t even look over at him. “How is any of this shit your concern?” I snap.

I don’t know why Motorhead, and now Free, have any fucking say in my love life, or why they’re butting in at all. It’s not their goddamn business. None of it is.

“Hayden came to us a scared little girl. She’s not that anymore, Croon.”

Glancing over in her direction, I look directly at her face. She’s saying something and using her hands to make a point. She’s got a bright smile playing on her lips, and I can see the firelight dancing in her eyes, even from so far away. No, she’s certainly not the little girl those Nomads dropped off at our front gate with the little bundle in her arms.

“Your point?” I ask.

He checks my shoulder with his own, and I finally turn away from Hayden to look over at him. “My point is. If you like her, don’t let someone else lay claim to her. Everybody here knows she has feelings for you, brother. Don’t let Baby claim your woman. We all know she’s yours, don’t try to deny it,” he states.

I shake my head. “She’s nineteen. I’m thirty-five. I could practically be her father. It isn’t healthy, especially with her background. Baby is closer to her own age,” I shrug.

Free grunts. “You’re a fucking idiot,” he states.

“Oh yeah, because I want her to have a healthy future?” I bark. “I’m fucked up, brother. She doesn’t need more shit shoveled her way. I think she’s had enough of that,” I shout.

Free spits on the ground, planting his fists on his hips as he levels me with a glare. “We’re all fucked up. Every single one of us. It’s why we’re here, in this club, and not doctors and lawyers and shit. Don’t be a martyr. You got a good girl, one who cares about you. We all watched her fall apart when you were shot. We watched her lose sleep nursing you back to health. We all watched her sadness takeover when you didn’t claim her. Don’t be a dick, brother.”

I open my mouth to respond, but he just turns around and walks off. I don’t know what I would say anyway, so it’s better. I want to tell him not to be a martyr as well. He can’t bring back his girl who died, so why go through life barely breathing? Wouldn’t that be the pot calling the kettle black though? I know everything he said was so I wouldn’t end up like him, a shell of a man.

Glancing back at Hayden, I flinch. Fuck, I want her. He’s not wrong. I’ve been a dick, but I know that I’m right too. She deserves to have a healthy future, and I’m not sure that I can be the man who offers that to her.

I run my hand through my hair, closing my eyes. I’ve never been so at odds before. Usually, when I want something, I take it. With Hayden it’s different. She comes with baggage, a truckload, and if I fuck it up, it’s not just me and her, it’s Easton too. It would need to be forever, and I’ve never completely committed to anyone before, not like that. I want to try, but I don’t want to fail at the same time.

“You need company?” DD asks, walking up beside me.

I don’t want the company. I only want Hayden. Tearing my eyes from her, I look up at DD. She’s topless, only wearing a pair of cut-off shorts. She sways slightly, and I shake my head. “You can call me Hayden if you want to, I wouldn’t mind,” she shrugs.

My brows shoot up in surprise. “Go back to the party, DD,” I grumble.

Her cool hand touches my shoulder and I feel her fingers squeeze. “I understand, Crooner. It wouldn’t bother me, I promise.”

“Go inside,” I grind out.

Her hand falls from my shoulder and she does as I’ve demanded. It would be easy, to call DD, Hayden. To pretend that she’s her, just like I did with Jizzy. It would be easy, but it’s not right. It isn’t right of me to use their bodies, and not even see them. Not when the woman I really want is right in front of me and practically begging for me.

The party has lost all of its excitement. Heading inside, I bypass everyone and everything and go directly to my room. Locking the door behind me, I strip down and fall into bed. I want this day to be over. In fact, I want to be on the road and finding out how to fuck up the Aryan’s compound, the distraction would be nice right about now.