I don’t want to go on with the day. All I want to do is sleep. Ward is gone, and our disagreement weighs heavily on my mind. It doesn’t feel good, the way we left things. I wonder if we’re spinning our wheels today.

He’s the only man to make me feel beautiful, sexy, and desired. He’s the only man I’ve ever found myself attracted to, all around physically we’re good with each other. It’s all the other stuff, like when he opens his mouth, that we have problems.

Maybe it’s my own immaturity, or maybe what he said about being too controlling, whatever it is, we need to figure it out, or we’re going to spend eternity arguing.

Forcing myself to get out of bed, I quickly shower and dress for the day before I wake up Easton and get him ready as well. It doesn’t take us long to walk out of the door and head toward Gracie’s.

I have to admit I’m enjoying this new routine. Work is a little farther away, but I don’t have to make Easton walk as far, or carry him, depending on how he feels that day.

“You doing okay?” Gracie asks, as soon as I walk into her house. I set Easton down on the ground, along with his diaper bag.

Letting out a breath, I nod. “I am, just adjusting,” I shrug.

Gracie’s eyes narrow and she lifts her chin toward the kitchen. “I know you give yourself plenty of time to get to the bar, come have a coffee with me.”

She doesn’t give me a chance to decline, she just walks toward the kitchen. Easton is already nose deep in a bucket full of cars, and we can see him from the kitchen, so I follow behind her.

“These men, they’re not like Lucifer, but they aren’t saints either,” she explains.

Honestly, she doesn’t have to explain it to me. My brain knows that none of them are like my whacko, pervert, father. It’s hard for the rest of me to accept it though. They look like Lucifer and belong to the same club. Seeing that patch on their cuts, it just brings back memories, no matter how hard I try to suppress them.

“I know,” I agree.

Gracie shakes her head, handing me a mug of coffee. She’s added a ton of cream and sugar, just the way I like it.

“You don’t believe it yet, though. I don’t know what it will take to break through that part of you, babe. Maybe you’ll never be able to accept it. I wouldn’t blame you, none of them would either. However, you’ve allowed yourself to be claimed by Crooner. He isn’t going to take a stressful home life for long, no matter how he feels about you.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, my coffee completely forgotten on the table.

I watch as she sits back, her eyes go a little glassy and I wait for her to speak. “Me and Fish, we’re not always the happiest of couples. We love each other, but the beginning of our road wasn’t easy. Eventually he started spending more time down at the clubhouse and less time here at home. We’ve worked things out for the most part, but he still stays there more nights than here. I wouldn’t want that to happen to you,” she whispers.

Reaching out, I wrap my fingers around her hand and give it a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Gracie. Can you talk to him about it? Maybe tell him that you’d like him home more?”

She shakes her head, a small smile tipping her lips. “It’s too late for us, but seriously, think about my words. He waited until he was thirty-five to mark an Old Lady. He’s never claimed anyone before, and he claimed you. That means something, it means a hell of a lot, Hayden.”

I nod, her words sinking deep inside of me, planting root. Giving her a hug, then Easton one, I leave the house and head toward the Cash Bar. The entire time I walk, I think about Gracie’s words, about her experiences.

I don’t want to be in this relationship without Crooner. I love him, and I want him home with me every night, not down at the clubhouse. I want children with him. I want a life with him, a real life. I need to change my thinking and stop getting upset by things so easily. He says he wants to have sex with me where he wants, that doesn’t mean he’s going to force me if I’m uncomfortable. He isn’t Lucifer, and he isn’t Jack.

Once I arrive at the bar, all thoughts quickly vanish. I’m thrust into another busy day, so busy that I don’t really have time to think. I’m grateful for the distractions. Wishing that it was always like this. When lunch rush rolls around we’re packed. I sling glasses of beer and deliver plates of food as quickly as I can.

“Hayden,” a couple of voices ring out.

It’s a bit slower and I look up from drying beer glasses to see, a group of Notorious Devils walk through the door, their leader being Baby. Inwardly I cringe. I haven’t seen him in a while, and I know he hasn’t seen my ink yet. His eyes drop to my chest and his smile fades as his entire body locks still.

“Holy fuck,” he breathes. “I heard he did it, but seeing it,” he shakes his head. “That’s fucking crazy beautiful, Hayden.”

My face heats and I know it turns pink. “Thank you,” I murmur, my eyes dropping to the glass in my hand.

Pressing my lips together, I lift my gaze back up to him. He gives me a wink and walks over to the always saved, designated, Notorious Devils’ table.

Motorhead and Fish are with Baby, along with another guy I don’t know, but I’ve seen around. I bring a round of beers over to their table and take their orders, which are simple, thank goodness—burgers all around.

The cook rings the bell a few minutes later, and I grab a tray and place all of the plates of burgers on it before carrying it over to the Devils. Motorhead gives me a wink when I set his down. “Ink looks good, darlin’,” he mutters.

“Thanks,” I blush.

Baby wraps his fingers around my wrist before I can walk away. “Listen, beautiful. You ever decide you want to make him jealous, you come see me, okay?”

My eyes widen at his words, and I suck in a breath. Motorhead clears his throat, and Fish actually growls a little at his offer. The other guy chuckles. “Umm,” I mumble, taking a step back. I know that Ward would flip the hell out right now, without a doubt.

“You got a death wish, Baby?” Fish growls. Baby releases my wrist and I’m grateful for it. “You touch her again, or insinuate anything sexual again, and Crooner will hear about it, from me.”

“Yeah what’s he gonna do about it?” Baby snorts.

Fish shakes his head. “He’ll kill you, and you know it. That’s his woman, claimed and marked. She ain’t available, so keep your baby arm in your pants, and leave her the fuck alone. Crooner will lose his goddamn shit if he finds out you even looked at her sideways.”

My spine straightens, and I open my mouth to say something, but Fish’s gaze meets mine and he shakes his head once. Deciding to leave the men alone, I turn and walk away, back behind the bar. His words ring out the entire time, playing on a loop inside of my head.

Every time I want to believe that Crooner is different, that these Devils are different, I’m brought back to reality. They aren’t different. I watched Lucifer kill a man who touched me without his permission. His blood sprayed all over my face and body, and Lucifer fucking laughed. He killed a man he claimed as his own brother. A man who wore the same cut as Crooner, as all of them.

Rushing to the bathroom, I lock myself inside. I need a moment to breathe. I need to collect myself and think about everything. Looking in the mirror at my reflection, I cringe. My eyes are wild, my face flushed, but my chest is what has my attention.

Reaching up, I touch Ward’s road name on my skin. My eyes water. I jumped into this life with him. He gave me ample warning and opportunity to leave, to run from him and I couldn’t see past my own lust for him. If he were standing in front of me, I probably still couldn’t.

When he’s near me, all rational thoughts completely escape my mind. I’m owned by him, held captive, and I don’t think I could leave him even if I wanted to.

My tears fall down my cheeks as my eyes lift back up to the reflection of my face. I’m held prisoner again, for a third time, but this time I’m doing it to myself.

The road to Idaho isn’t necessarily long, but it feels like it this time around. Each mile that separates me from Hayden leaves my stomach feeling more and more empty. Free stops for fuel about forty-five minutes from the Idaho Notorious Devils’ clubhouse. I pick up my phone and shoot Hayden a text before he gets back in the truck.

Glancing at the clock, I know she’s nearing the end of her shift, and it’s probably starting to pick up again at the bar, but I needed her to know that I was thinking of her. I feel like I’m always thinking of her. She doesn’t respond, and I notice that Free is almost back to the truck, so I shove my phone back into the inside pocket of my cut.

“Wanted to let you know, we need to have a meeting with Fury when we get there,” he announces, speaking about the president of the Idaho chapter.

Glancing over at him, I wait for him to explain in more detail, but he doesn’t. “About what, Free?”

He clears his throat, shifting the truck into gear. “We need men, a lot of men. We’re going to take that fucking compound to the ground, get as many women and children out as we can. We need reinforcements for that.”

“We’re starting with Fury?” I ask.

Free nods. “Fury has Sniper and Torch. Both special military badasses. Both can help in tactical shit.”

I don’t say anything else, wondering how this is all going to work out, and when it will happen. I really don’t want to leave Hayden again, not after this trip. I have a feeling that I’ll have to though.

I feel like our club is taking on a lot of different shit right now. Having more hands will definitely help, but I need a goddamn break. I need to get my shit handled with my woman, and make sure she’s good—we’re good.

Pulling up to the clubhouse, I’m not surprised that we’re stopped at the gate. Free talks to the prospect but isn’t allowed entrance immediately. I watch as the prospect talks on his phone for a minute, then he lifts his chin toward us and pushes a button that opens the gate.

We drive through and I let out a sigh. It’s been a while since I was here last. Shit hasn’t changed, except the brothers keep popping out more kids with their Old Lady’s. I get it now, though. I understand why they coupled up, and why they keep their women knocked up. I can’t wait to see Hayden pregnant with my baby. I know she’s going to be a complete knockout.

Free and I both jump out of the truck, just as Fury walks out of the clubhouse. His long hair is pulled up into a knot at the back of his head, and he’s sporting a complete full blond beard. We both walk toward him, and when we’re close, he holds out his hand, his blue eyes bright in the Idaho sunshine.

“Well, what the fuck, brothers. We got some shit to do around here, don’t we?” he asks with a chuckle.

I shake his offered hand, then watch as Free does the same a few seconds later. “C’mon inside. Kentlee will probably want to do a fuckin’ BBQ later this week for you guys, but tonight we’ll lay low, party a little. Tomorrow we have some work to do,” he grins.

“We need to meet with you, Sniper and Torch, too. Preferably tomorrow,” Free announces as we walk toward the clubhouse door.

Fury stops, turning around with a puzzled expression on his face. “Torch is in Cali, at my Pop’s club now. What do you want to talk about?”

Free places his hand on his hip, tilting his head to the side and spitting. “We found the compound,” he murmurs.

“Compound?” Fury asks, his brows furrowing.

“The compound where the Aryan soldiers are hiding, where they took the impregnated women and children. The compound where they’re training those children to become brainwashed racist fuckers. We found it, but the security is too tight. We need reinforcements,” Free explains.

“Fuck,” Fury hisses. “Tomorrow morning, we’ll conference call my Pops in Cali,” he grunts. “Now, we party.”

Walking into the clubhouse I’m surprised to see that there are so many people already gathered. It’s late in the afternoon, but not nearly party time. There are greetings from the men as soon as we walk into the smoke haze filled room.

Free breaks off from my side and I watch him walk over to the bar. Deciding I could use a drink, I make my way in that direction as well. The prospect behind the bar is quick and efficient, handing me a bottle of beer before I can even open my mouth to ask for one.

“How’s it hangin’ brother?” Dirty Johnny asks from my side.

Lifting my chin, I tell him that I’m good. “Heard you marked and claimed a bitch,” he chuckles.

I nod. “I did. Hayden, she was rescued from the Aryans,” I explain.

Johnny shakes his head. “Those sick motherfuckers. It’s like their reign of bullshit is never goddamn ending. I’m so sick of hearing about them, of seeing their destruction. I thought they’d all been blown the fuck up, and now this shit.”

I nod, feeling the same fucking way. “My woman, she’s got a kid by one of them. I don’t know how she does it,” I admit.

I don’t know how she looks at Easton and doesn’t see that sick fucker who hurt her. It’s not Easton’s fault, but sometimes thinking about how he came into the world, it makes me fucking angry.

Johnny claps his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “Brother you can never understand the love a mother has for their child. It’s something completely foreign to assholes like us.” He leaves, giving me those parting words.

I think about his words, and he’s right. Easton was conceived in what was probably a living hell for Hayden, and yet, she loves him with everything she has. She’s just a kid herself, but never once have I seen her look at him with anything less than complete adoration. It is beautiful, and foreign.