As I listened to Scott breathing in and out, I was overcome with a sense of relief that we were together again. He had made such sweet, passionate love to me. I reached my hand up and ran my fingers along my swollen lips. I closed my eyes and could practically feel his lips on me.
Then, the sheet of guilt swept over my body. I opened my eyes and looked out to the ocean.
Talk to me, Jessie…promise me that you’ll always talk to me.
My heart started pounding in my chest, and I fought the urge to start crying again. I have to tell him what happened. If I don’t…it will eat me alive.
I slowly moved Scott’s arm off of me and rolled over to look at him. I can’t believe he got his friend to bring him here…on a helicopter of all things! My heart swelled, knowing he had come for me as soon as he’d found out where I had been.
I closed my eyes and thought of Chelsea. I wanted to kill her for doing this to us. She’d pushed me away from him. If I hadn’t been so damn scared, I would have called my father weeks ago, and I would have found out the truth, and I would have never, ever kissed Trey…or let him touch me…or let him make me feel the way he’d made me feel.
Oh god, please let him forgive me. Please.
I peeked up and saw it was just after six in the morning. Scott and I had made love three times throughout the night. Each time had been so different. The first time was almost a blur. I just knew how much I’d needed his touch and needed to feel his love. The second time was hotter than hell. I had gotten up to take a shower, and the next thing I’d known, Scott had been fucking me up against the wall with the hot water just pouring on us. The third time was the most amazing. I swore Scott had kissed every inch of my body. He’d moved so slow and sweet while he’d whispered the most romantic things in my ear. I’d never had so many orgasms in one night.
I heard Scott’s cell phone buzz on the table. I stood up and grabbed his shirt. I slipped it over my head as I walked over and picked up his phone. I saw it was a message from my dad. I thought about how angry he had been when I’d talked to him last night. Ugh…I’m going to have to hear it from him when I get back. He’s going to lay into me about how I walked away from the vet clinic…and how I could have walked away from the love of my life.
I moved across the room over to the giant sliding glass door and watched the sky light up. So much had happened in the last two months, and at the same time, I felt like my life had been at a standstill. I ran my hand down my body and felt my tender breasts. Then, I placed my hand on my stomach.
The moment I felt Scott’s hands over mine, the butterflies took off in my stomach. I leaned back against him and smiled.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
The tears began building. “I missed you, too.”
“Did you want to try to leave today? Or would you like to stay a few days?” he asked as he held me closer to him.
The moment I felt his erection pressing into my back, I wanted to tell him to take me again. I wanted to forget the last five weeks and focus on our future together—just Scott, our child, and me.
“I’m not sure. Do you think we can get flights out?”
Scott let out a laugh. “Baby, if you haven’t noticed, my best friend has a helicopter, and he can take us home anytime you say the word.”
The idea of going home excited me so much. I was so ready to leave and get back. I missed work. I missed my father, brothers, and the girls. I missed waking up every morning, looking at the love of my life.
I turned and looked into his eyes. “I want to go home.”
The smile that spread across Scott’s face caused me to smile in return. Then, I thought of why I wanted to get off this island so quickly.
I’m running away again—running from the truth.
I took a deep breath and looked away from Scott. “Um…before we leave, I have something I need to tell you,” I said as my voice cracked.
Scott took a step back and looked at me. “About what? Is everything okay with the baby?” His eyes were filled with fright.
“Yes. I mean I’m sure everything is okay with the baby. Um…this has to do with Trey.”
The second I said his name, Scott’s eyes turned to anger…and then sadness.
Oh god. The sadness in his eyes about killed me.
He knows. He must know that something happened.
He took another step back. “Okay…what about Trey?”
I took in a breath and bit down on my lower lip. “Something happened.”
“No…oh god. Jessie, you didn’t…you didn’t sleep with him, did you? You told me you didn’t sleep with him,” Scott said as his legs began to wobble.
“No! No, of course, I didn’t sleep with him. I would never lie to you, Scott, ever.”
He threw his hands in his hair and then ran them down his face. I just stood there with tears rolling down my face now.
“Well then, what the hell happened, Jessie? Because the shit that’s running through my head right now is driving me fucking mad!” he yelled.
I jumped and started crying harder. “Um…we…um—”
He shook his head. “What? You kissed? Did you kiss him?”
I slowly nodded my head.
His eyes began to turn gray. “How many times?”
My mouth dropped open. “Does it matter?”
He nodded. “To me, it does.”
I started biting and chewing on my lower lip. “A few times.”
“Friendly kisses or more?”
“At first, it was friendly, but a couple were, um…”
His eyes filled with tears. “Is that it? Is that all you did with him? You just kissed him?”
I shook my head, and then I watched his face drop as a tear escaped down his cheek. He slowly backed up and sat down on the bed.
“What did you do together if you didn’t fuck, Jessie?” he shouted.
“Scott…you have to understand that, at the time, I thought you had slept with Chelsea. I thought you’d cheated. I was hurting so bad, and he was hurting, and we both just wanted to forget…and…” I couldn’t talk anymore.
His head was down, so I couldn’t see his face. When he looked up at me, the hurt in his eyes was more than I could stand. When I started to walk toward him, he jumped up and held out his hand.
“What. Did. You. Do. With. Him?”
“Does it matter?”
He turned and knocked over the lamp on the end table. It crashed to the floor, causing me to jump back and scream.
“Yes! Yes, it fucking matters. You’re the one who brought it up, for Christ’s sake. I just made love to you all night long. Were you thinking of him while we fucked, Jessie?”
I started crying so hard that I could hardly talk. I began shaking my head frantically back and forth. “Scott…I love you…I only want to be with you.”
He walked up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Tell me what happened, Jessie. Tell me!” he screamed.
“Um…he took off my clothes, and…and he touched me.”
His eyes filled with anger, and I felt my whole body shaking.
“Where? How?”
I closed my eyes and tried to erase the memory. “He…he kissed on my nipples…while he…while he…oh, Scott, please…I made him stop, and I felt so guilty afterward…even though I thought you had cheated on me. I made him stop!” I shouted out.
“Did he finger-fuck you, Jess? Did you come?”
I couldn’t move. I tried to open my mouth, but nothing would come out.
“Jessie!”
“Yes! Yes…he touched me with his fingers, but no…I didn’t come. I made him stop almost as soon as he’d started because I couldn’t do that to you. I love you, Scott. I love you so much, even when I thought you had hurt me. I still loved you too much to do that.”
Scott looked down at his hands holding on to my shoulders, and he quickly let go. He started to back up slowly. “He touched you while you were pregnant…with my child, Jessie. You let him suck on your nipples…while you were pregnant with my child.” He started to shake his head, and then he looked at me with disgust on his face.
“I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time! I would have never let me touch him if I had known, I swear on my life!” I cried hysterically.
Scott reached into his bag and grabbed a pair of jeans and then a T-shirt.
“Where…where are you going?” I asked in a panicked voice.
“I need to go for a walk. I need to clear my head.”
I started panicking even more. He’s going to leave me. “No…please don’t leave me. You have to believe me when I say that it meant nothing. I swear to God, it meant nothing. I just want to be with you.”
Scott turned and looked at me. “It all makes sense now—the way you were looking at him when I walked up, what you wrote to your dad on the postcard. It all makes sense.”
Wait…what is he saying? “No…” I whispered.
“Have you seen him since you told me you’re pregnant?”
“Yes. He was waiting for me at my cabana to make sure I was alright.”
“Did he ask you to stay with him?”
I shook my head. “He knows I love you and only you!”
“Oh yeah? Sure doesn’t seem like he cares if he’s fucking you with his fingers and sucking on your nipples, now does it?”
I felt like I was going to throw up. “Scott…we were both lost and hurting. I would have never…I didn’t…I stopped him. All I could think about was you and how wrong it felt, even when I thought you had cheated on me. Please, Scott. You have to know that I wish to God it had never happened.” I sucked in a breath of air as I sobbed. I tried to keep talking. “If I just hadn’t run away, none of this would have happened.”
The look in his eyes turned from anger to hurt. “You never even called…you just left. You left me to wonder where in the fuck you were and whom you were with. I was slowly dying with each day that passed.”
I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands. “I’m so sorry! I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you.”
I looked up and saw tears rolling down his face. I did hurt him though. I did the one thing I thought he was going to do to me.
He shook his head and walked past me. When he opened the sliding glass door, I jumped up and grabbed his arm.
“Wait! Where are you going, Scott? Please don’t walk away. Please don’t leave me.”
He slowly looked up at me, and the sadness in his eyes gutted me.
“I need to be alone for a while. I need to think, Jessica.”
I threw my hand up to my mouth and tried to keep the sick feeling I had down. “Let me come with you…please,” I begged.
“No. I just need some time to clear my head. I can’t even really think right now. Every time I look at you, I think of him touching the one thing that I value the most in this world. I think of you, pregnant, with him…” He stopped talking as he turned and walked out the sliding glass door.
I stood there, watching him head toward the beach. I quickly turned and ran into the bathroom where I began throwing up.
Scott had been gone for over thirty minutes. I walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I found it stocked with bottled waters and every kind of beer I could think of. I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way out to the deck that was off of the main living room. The view was amazing. I looked up and down the beach, but I saw no signs of Scott. I quickly wiped away the tear I felt, and I tried my best to keep from crying.
I was starting to get cold, so I walked back in and grabbed a blanket. I headed back outside. I was so tired, and I fought to keep my eyes open. I was hungry also.
I placed my hand on my stomach, and for the first time, I talked to my child. “Daddy is upset with Mommy, and he has every right to be. I really screwed up…but I thought your daddy screwed up first.” I made a face and shook my head. “Not that it really matters who screwed up first. I love Daddy, and I know Daddy loves me and you, pumpkin. Mommy just needs to make him understand that I love him so much, and I would never, ever hurt him. Without your daddy, I’d be…I’d be…” I began crying again.
Jesus Christ. What is with me and all the crying?
“I’m so tired, pumpkin, so very tired.”
I leaned my head back and decided I was just going to rest my eyes for one minute. I didn’t want to miss Scott when he came back.
As I slipped deeper and deeper into sleep, I began dreaming.
Scott and I were walking in a field, holding hands and laughing. I heard someone calling out my name. I tried to ignore the voice, but Scott kept looking back over his shoulder. I tried to keep him walking straight.
Ignore it, Scott. Please ignore it.
Scott turned around and made a funny face. As I spun around, I saw Trey walking up. He reached out and began pulling me away from Scott. I started pushing Trey away, but he kept pulling me harder and harder.
Don’t let go of me, Scott! Please don’t let go of me.
Before I knew what was happening, Scott was fading away, and I stood there, crying out his name, as Trey just smiled. I turned to look at Trey, and he smiled bigger.
He said, “I won.”
I opened my eyes quickly and sat up. I was sweating, but I was so cold. I shook my head to clear out the dream. Shit.
I turned and looked at the clock in the living room. He’d been gone for almost an hour. I held my hand up to my mouth to keep from crying.
“Scott…please come back to me. Please…please come back to me,” I whispered.
I closed my eyes and silently began crying…again.