She was gone. She wasn’t where I expected her to be. I scrambled around looking for my phone, finding it only when it buzzed with a text from Hannah saying she was hungry. I acknowledged her, saying I would be there in a few minutes.
When I walked into their room I could smell Sierra and heard the shower running. Knowing that she was safe and she wasn’t going to leave town before I had a chance to see her, I let out a sigh of relief and took my little sister to breakfast.
It was twenty questions. Suddenly, just because I had sort of given her my seal of approval, she decided she could be the boss of me. No really, I loved the fact that she was looking out for Sierra. I loved knowing that my best friend growing up approved of the person I am picking to be mine.
In the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but play out the different scenarios as to why Sierra would have left me in the middle of the night. The last thing I remember is pulling her into my body and kissing her before drifting off into the most peaceful sleep I have ever had.
As breakfast ended, I made sure to tell Hannah that she needed to make sure that Steve, Sierra, and Curtis knew they were welcome at our house for Thanksgiving. I knew Hannah planned to have Steve there and I would be extending an invitation to Sierra but I didn’t want Curtis to feel left out.
Steve brought his luggage to my room along with bagels from the coffee shop in the lobby. We hung out just like old times, neither of us talked at all about the McMann siblings. I think despite being over protective, he was afraid to know what was going on. I know he could tell something was off with me and I could feel his internal struggle given the guilt he carries around because of Sophia and Cody. I know he struggles with guilt and he knows I struggle with expressing my feelings. It’s kind of just been accepted in the last six months that I express my emotions in the form of tears. I used to be able to hold that shit in but ever since Grandpa died, I feel like I cry all the fucking time. At first, Steve and Curtis would panic but now they are used to it. Now they hug me and ask me if I have eaten. Today is no different, Steve held me close and then ordered me to eat.
We ate in silence. There wasn’t anything I could say that wouldn’t make him freak out. For the first time since before Grandpa died, I felt alone. When I struggled to take care of him by myself, I knew my brothers would have dropped everything to come help me, but Grandpa had been adamant that they had to go to college. I didn’t want Grandpa to be mad at them for leaving school, so I struggled in silence. This was different but the same. If I talk about it, it would surely cause waves between Steve and Cal; which would carry over into waves between Steve and Hannah, maybe even me and Hannah. This isn’t something that everyone needs to be involved in, which means I need to just keep it to myself. We’ll be on the road shortly and I won’t have to see Cal if I don’t want to.
Speaking of Cal and Hannah, they returned to find us on the couch; Steve watching football while I slept with my head on his shoulder. Hannah quickly packed her bags while Steve let me know it was time to go. Cal checked us out while Steve helped Hannah and I load the bags into the back of the Expedition. I automatically climbed in the back seat despite Steve trying to get me to take the front. Ultimately, he gave up arguing because I was already half asleep in the back seat.
We pulled into the stadium parking lot right as Curtis returned from spending time with his new friends. We all watched like creepers as he said goodbye to Callie and Will. He openly showed affection to them both before they left then he quickly said goodbye to Calvin as he climbed into the motor-home. Steve shook Calvin’s hand before following Curtis. While Hannah was hugging her brother, I tried to squeeze by them, but Cal snagged my hand before I could get by. Hannah flashed me a smile as she told Calvin she would talk to him soon.
My heart was in my throat. I hadn’t even been this nervous the night before. I stripped down to practically nothing and didn’t feel an ounce of what I am feeling right now. I couldn’t even look him in the eye, at least until he took hold of my chin and made me.
“Baby, I have no clue what happened last night that made you leave my bed. If there wasn’t five people in the motor-home right now waiting to get on the road, I would keep you here until you explained what you are thinking. If I hadn’t already taken three days off work I would force you into my car and drive you myself so you would have nowhere to run until you told me what happened. I am going to give you a little space to figure it out, but let me be very clear with you Sierra, I told you before we went there last night that if we did it you would be mine. You agreed. Look at me Baby,” I had been watching his mouth, so I lifted my gaze to meet his eyes, “I am not saying this to scare you, I am saying this because it is the truth, you are mine. I don’t want to give you more than you are ready for, but Baby you have to know I love you.”
Right then Alfred started the motor-home which couldn’t have been better timing as far as I was concerned. Just like that, Cal leaned in and kissed my head before physically turning my body toward the door. He gave my ass two smacks before I took the hint and climbed into the motor-home. By the time I climbed in, Curtis was already passed out and it looked like Steve and Hannah weren’t far behind him.
I slept for about two hours before my phone wouldn’t stop buzzing.
Cal: I just made it home.
Cal: Are you ready to talk about it?
Cal: If you need more time, just tell me. It’s okay if you do, I just want to know what is going on.
Cal: Baby I realize I shouldn’t have just blurted out that I love you two seconds before you were leaving. I am sorry I dumped that on you like that.
Cal: I have never told anyone other than my family that I love them. I am sorry I didn’t make it more special for you.
Cal: Not just telling you, but last night too. I should have made your first time more special. I hope you know how honored I am that you gave me that gift.
Cal: Baby, are you there?
Me: Yeah, I am here. Just feeling a little lost. Not sure what to say.
Cal: I am so sorry Baby. Please talk to me.
Me: Hindsight is 20/20. I guess we should have talked about our expectations last night before we went there.
Cal: Are you regretting it? I am sorry.
Me: I don’t regret it. I just wish it ended differently.
Cal: What do you mean? There is no way you faked those orgasms.
Me: I am not talking about that Cal. I wish when we were done it would have been more than a kiss on the top of my head, like my brothers give me, before you started snoring. I wish you had given me more than a couple of grunts, I wish you would have told me one way or the other if it was good for you. I wish at the end of the night I didn’t have doubts.
Cal: I don’t know what to say. My heart hurts knowing that you walked away last night with doubts about how amazing you are. I have never in my life experienced something even remotely close to what happened last night. I swear Baby, you made me lose all sense of reality. When you held my ass still for you to take your pleasure, it was the single hottest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life. I had to keep my mouth shut otherwise I would have cum before you. I swear I saw stars when I finally found my release. Please don’t doubt us. Please don’t doubt me and my feelings. Baby, you are it for me.
Cal: Baby, I won’t kiss the top of your head anymore. My dad does it to my mom & she is always smiling when he does it, so I thought you would like it too. Please give me a chance to find another way to show you my affection.
Cal: Will you please come home with Hannah for Thanksgiving? Steve and Curtis too. I don’t want the three of you to be alone for Thanksgiving.
Me: I will talk to my brothers. Your sister is waking up so I gotta go. I’ll let you know when we make it back to our room.
Cal: I love you Sierra.