Greg

 

 

 

“Get up!” Hands grab me, pulling me toward the edge of the bed I've been lying in for the past week. I grip the sheets, yanking myself away from those big hands. “I'm not kidding, Greg, get the fuck up!”

“Leave me alone, Kory.” There's no conviction in my words. There never is these days.

“You can't keep doing this, Greg. You need to get up, take a shower, eat something, get the hell out of this house for a while.”

I pull the sheet up to my chin and stare at the wall in front of me.

There are no imperfections on that green wall, trust me, I've scanned it like crazy just to make sure.

I can't see my big brother, he's standing behind me.

I can't face him.

I can't face anyone.

It's been months since it happened, months, where I acted like nothing, had happened.

Months of burying myself in work just so that I didn't have to think about it.

Months where I tried to pretend like I didn't care, like it hadn't affected me the way I knew deep down it had.

How the hell could it not, I lost everything!

It wasn't until Kory came to Seattle and forced me into this stupid vacation time, brought me back to Oak Springs, my childhood hometown, that I finally let it all sink in.

With nothing to occupy my mind, everything that had happened came crashing down on me. I couldn't cope. I can't cope.

I don't know who the hell I am right now.

“Greg, please. Just get up, shower, eat something. I don't know, go for a walk along the front. Anything but this. Everyone is so worried about you, man. You can't go on like this.”

He's right, I can't. What's done is done, nothing that happens now will change that. I've been burned, but I'm not dead. I've had my heart torn apart, but it's still there. I've had every ounce of faith crushed, but I'm still breathing.

And I will go on breathing and living. I will fix my life and move on from the mess that was my life. I'll move on and make the future brighter.

Jesus Christ, I sound like a damn storybook!

I take a deep breath in through my nose. “I'll be up in ten.”

I sense my brother's smile. “Good man. I'll meet you in the kitchen.” He leaves the room.

I drag my sorry ass out of bed and into the shower. Once I'm done, I shave the damn beard that's grown over the past week. I scrub my teeth three times and spit.

I look at myself in the mirror. I look awful, I've lost a little weight from the stress. I scrub my hands over my face and sigh. I need to eat something and get to the gym, or at least, jog along the waterfront.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll work my way up to the gym. I need to sort my damn self out. I will sort myself out. My life isn't over because of one woman. I won't allow what she did ruin me. Yes, I loved her. Yes, I would have done anything for her. But we drifted apart long before I found out the truth.

She was never mine, to begin with, I was never hers. Why I married her, I don't know. Why she said yes is an even bigger mystery.

But it's done now. I'll grieve the little boy I loved more than life itself. I'll grieve for the times we'll never have, for the times we did. I'll grieve for the fact I'll never see him smiling at me, laughing as he runs to me while calling me daddy.

I'll grieve for the football games I'll never take him to, for the ice cream we'll never eat. For the teenager, I'll never know, or the advice about girls he would have asked me.

She stole it all from me and all I can do now is move on with my life.

I pull on a pair of light gray sweats, a wife beater – ironic name – and my sneakers. I'm ready to run this poison out of me. I strip my bed, the sheets need a wash after me sweating in them for a week. I know it's disgusting but I've been out of it. But I'm back now.

I drop the sheets by the washing machine in the laundry room and then follow the sound of toddler laughter to the kitchen. My sister-in-law and brother are sitting at the table obviously waiting for me so they can start breakfast. My little niece, Echo, is showing her parents her ballet dancing. I don't know if at two years of age she even knows what ballet dancing is.

But there she is spinning around in her little pink Tutu, her blonde hair up in a tight bun, giggling her head off as her parents clap their hands in appreciation. That baby is everything to Kory and Aimee. Literally everything. They go out of their way to make her happy, no matter what she wants to do, they'll sit and watch and listen to her with smiles on their faces, pride in their hearts.

All of my siblings love their children, all of them amazing parents in their own right, but it's my brother whom I admire right now. I never thought he'd have any kids, but Echo came along and Kory changed so much.

Echo was born just weeks before Roya gave birth to her daughter, Ella. Beautiful little girl who looks just like Echo, same color hair, same color eyes. She's the image of Roya, who is the image of Kory. Both little girls often get mistaken for sisters. Little best friends and they are so loved.

I know what it's like to love your child more than anything in this world. I also know what it's like to lose that child. Don't worry, my son didn't die. He just turned out not to be mine. And trust me, losing my boy was like losing him to death. The pain I've felt since the day I found out he wasn't mine, has been like grieving for a dead child.

I don't even think at this point that it will never not feel this way. I think about him all the time. I wonder if he misses me at all. I was his father for three years of his life, surely he wouldn't forget me right away?

Maybe it's better if he does, I can't bear the thought of that little boy crying for me, asking when I'm coming back. Even though Maya made sure he knew I was never his father.

I stand in the doorway and clap my hands. Baby girl spins on the spot, sees me, laughs, and runs into my arms. Of all my nieces and nephews, and I have a lot of late, Echo is the one who loves her uncle Greg the most. It might have something to do with the fact I'm hardly ever around so I don't see much of the others. Or, I didn't until I came home.

But Kory usually brings Echo and Aimee with him when he comes to Seattle, so I see a lot of this beautiful little girl the image of her daddy. We have a special bond.

“Morning, Greg. It's nice to see up and showered.” Aimee smirks at me. “Come sit down, I'll serve breakfast.”

I nod and sit Echo in her chair and sit beside her. Aimee hands out plates of eggs and bacon with toast, and I eat like I haven't eaten in a week. Wait... I haven't.

I eat heartily, my hunger seems to have come at me with a vengeance. It's not like I can't afford to put the weight back on that I've lost. Plus, my sister-in-law makes a mean breakfast.

Jesus, I really have let myself go if I think bacon and eggs is a damn feast.

After breakfast, I make my way to town on foot and sign up at the gym owned by my brother-in-law, Bryton, my youngest sisters husband. While I'm there, I work out for two hours straight. God, did I ever need that. Weights, treadmill, cardio, you name it, I did it. I've even run along the waterfront. I swear I feel ten times better, my head is clearer. Things don't seem so hopeless anymore. I'll get through this, I know I will.

I'm walking past the firehouse, two paramedics are standing beside their ambulance talking, laughing. I recognize one of them, Enzo Ryker, married to my sister Della's best friend, her husband's little sister, Paige.

The woman beside him, I don't recognize. She's stunning even in her uniform. Long wavy brown hair tied up in a messy bun, blue eyes like I've never seen in my life before. They're so pale it's almost unreal. Her lightly olive tanned skin is flawless. She may be wearing her regulated paramedic uniform but it's not hard to see that she has the body type I cannot resist on a woman. Pert breasts, slim waist, full hips, and thick thighs. Christ, I've never seen a woman that beautiful, yes, beautiful, in my entire life. And I've known beautiful women.

I haven't seen her around here before. I know I've been away for a few years, but this is a small town, I grew up here, I know everyone.

Who the hell doesn't?

But this girl must be new in town.

I have no idea why my feet are carrying me toward her, but I can't seem to stop myself. I don't know what it is about her, she's not even looking at me, but she draws me to her.

I've been drawn to many women in my life, my ex-wife included. I'm a lover of women. A playboy once upon a time. But none ever captivated me the way this paramedic has. My heart is beating too fast, I'm sweating from the heat outside and the fact this woman, just looking at her, is churning me up inside.

What the fuck is the deal with this shit?

“Afternoon, Enzo.”

Enzo turns with a smile on his face, his hand held out to me. I take it and shake. “Nice to see you up and about, man.”

“Thanks.” I haven't taken my eyes off the exotic beauty staring at me, smile on her face.

“Greg, this is my partner, Danika Ashford. Dani this is Greg Harper.”

“Nice to meet you, Greg Harper.” She smirks as I take her outstretched hand. The electric that flows through me is instant. By the gasp and the look on her face, I'd say the feeling was mutual.

“Nice to meet you too, Danika Ashford.”

She swallows hard and tells me, “Call me Dani, everyone else does.”

“Dani.” I smile.

She pulls her hand out of mine and turns to Enzo. “We need to get going.”

“We do?” He looks confused standing there with his arms around his chest. They haven't been sent on a call, she just wants to get away from me. She felt that spark as much as I did.

But she's right to get away from me, I'm no good for any woman. And Dani doesn't strike me as the kind of girl interested in one night. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl a man would be satisfied spending only one night with either.

“Yes. We do.” I chuckle under my breath at the sight of her wide eyes and the tip of her head toward the ambulance. She so wants to get away from me.

I'm not sure if I should be offended or not, I've only said a handful of words to her.

“Yeah. I guess we need to go. Good to see you, Greg.”

“You too.”

I watch them jump in their ambulance, the engine starts before I turn and jog away. There's something about that girl. I can't put my finger on what. I won't use her to forget the past, but that's not to say I wouldn't like to get to know her.

We'll see.