Greg

 

 

 

It's been a week since I saw her. A week since she was shot in front of me. A week since I saw her lying in that hospital bed. A week since I walked away from her.

It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. In fact, it's killed every part of me. I made a promise to take care of her, to be right by her side. And where am I? At my brother's place hiding out like a damn coward too scared to face her.

No one, and I mean no one, understands why I did this, why I walked away. They don't have to. They can all go on and on at me all they like, it won't change anything.

That's not to say I don't think about her every minute of the goddamned day. I've had to stop myself from going to the hospital more than once. But I really should go see her and explain why we can't be together. I can't just walk out of her life without some kind of explanation. She deserves more than that.

But I don't know what I'd say to her. I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm just a damn coward and I know it.

Aimee has been on my case all week, telling me repeatedly how hurt Dani is and how hard she's taking the fact I haven't been to see her. Christ, she saved my life and I haven't even thanked her for it. I will, though. And as soon as I have, I'll leave. I'm going back to Seattle, back to the life I led there. I can't stay in this town knowing she'll be here.

I can't expect her to just be okay with me walking around town, living and working here. This might be my hometown, but she belongs here, I don't.

I was a fool to ever think I could come home and start a life with her.

“You're really just going to up and leave again?”

“Yes, Del, I am.”

“But why, Greg? You just came home, I don't want you to leave again. We're finally all in one place, all six of us after over twenty years.”

My little sister, Della, has been pacing Kory's kitchen for the past fifteen minutes. I don't know what she thinks she'll get out of this little guilt trip, but it won't work.

“I don't want you to go, Greg. It's okay for the girls, they have Kory. They've always been close to him. But who do I have if you leave again?” Tears prick her eyes and I sigh to myself.

She's right about Callie, Lora, and Roya being close to Kory. It wasn't always the case for Callie, not until she was attacked and almost killed. They had some kind of heart-to-heart, close as anything since.

Growing up, it was me whom Della clung to. All the years that Roya was missing, it was me Della came to when she needed to talk. Me who was there for her when she needed someone. Me she laughed at when I dyed my hair blonde to look more like my big brother. The big brother who is my best friend.

My hair was never dark, to begin with, but I wasn't born with light hair. My mom said it was a faze, my brother, ribbed me for wanting to be just like him. Crazy thing is, I got so used to dying my hair that it became the norm. I didn't remember myself with brown hair.

So, as you can imagine, putting my hair back to its rightful color yesterday came as shock to everyone, including myself. I look totally different. It's amazing what a change in hair color will do for a person.

I grab my sister and wrap my arms around her and kiss her head. “It'll be alright, Del. Things will work out. I just don't know what to do right now. I thought I was doing the right thing for Dani.”

“The right thing for Dani would be for you to be there for her like you promised. We women don't need much, you know? Just a man who cares enough to put us first when we need it the most.”

I thought that's what I was doing.

Putting her first, I mean. I know I was wrong, but can I just walk back into her life like nothing happened?

I don't even know how I'm meant to get past what happened to her because of me. People can tell me a thousand times that it wasn't my fault, but it won't change the fact that it was. They can keep telling me that Dani jumped in front of me to save my life because that's what you do when you love someone, you don't even think about the consequences of your actions when it comes to saving them. That's love, my father told me.

He even asked me if the tables were turned would I have done the same thing. Of course, I would have. There is no doubt in my mind that I would have taken a bullet for her, ten if it meant saving her.

My mother told me not to feel like less of a man because a woman saved my life, almost gave her own life for me. But it's not that, I don't feel like less of a man. Jesus, women fight for our country every day alongside men. I don't see them as the lesser species for Christ's sake.

But it cuts me up to know that she did that and could have died. I could be standing beside her grave right now wondering why. I can't shake that from my mind as much as I try.

Kory suggested that I might be in some way angry with Dani for what she did. He's right, I am. I'm angry that she gave no thought to her own safety, her own life. I'm angry that she would willingly take a bullet for a man she's known only a couple months.

I told him that fact, Aimee proceed to slap me a good one.

It shocked me, of course. Made Kory laugh. Aimee then told me that she wasn't sorry, but that I should be. Told me how selfish I was to be thinking such things about the woman who obviously truly loves me, that I should think myself lucky because there are people out there who would give their right arm to mean so much to another person.

The truth is, she was right, I know she was.

This was yesterday.

I'd already made up my mind to go back to Seattle. Obviously, Aimee has told my family my plans and they've set Della on to me. They know she's the only one besides Kory who can get through to me. And as Kory's words of wisdom haven't worked, it's Della's turn to try and guilt me into staying.

I hold my sister closer to me. I love all four of my sisters, I would give up my life for any one of them just as Kory would, but it's Della who means the most to me. I know you shouldn't have favorites, it's wrong, and I don't love her any more than the others, the bond is just different, that's all.

A bit like Kory's bond with Roya.

Della is the sister who would follow me around, ask if she could join in the games I was playing. She's the one I taught to play soccer, to play cards, to skim stones, to built fortes. She's the one who would climb into my bed at night because the monster under her bed had frightened her. And she's the one I held a little closer when Roya was abducted.

Della is twenty-eight, six years my junior, and I always felt much older when we were kids. Older because she looked up to me like I was some kind of hero to her. It meant everything to me as a kid. Everything because it was Kory to whom everyone else looked up to, including me.

I don't want to see her upset like this, I hate it. Nothing worse in the world than seeing the women in your life crying.

“I don't know what to do, Del. I really don't.”

“She loves you, Greg.” She lifts her head, arms still around my back as she looks at me. “She loves you and she needs you. I've seen her in that hospital. She hardly talks to anyone, she's so lost. She doesn't understand what she did to make you leave the way you did.

“I understand why. You did it because you're afraid she'll get hurt again if you stay.” She's good. Smart, reads me like a book. “But, sweetheart, that's not the case. Do you think Freddy never thought like that when we first got together? Do you think he wasn't afraid that some criminal could come along and hurt me just to get back at him for past arrests he'd made? Even members of their family just to get revenge? He thought about it a lot, even wanted to leave me once or twice because he thought he could protect me better if he did.”

“I didn't know that.”

She nods, pulls away from me and takes a seat at the table. I follow.

“It wasn't easy for him, Greg. It was even worse after Callie was attacked. I never told anyone other than Paige, but the day it happened, the day he shot and killed that monster, he came home and told me outright that we were over.”

She hangs her head and I feel like a fucking jerk. Why didn't I know any of this? I was there, I came home with Kory to make sure Callie pulled through. We were so damn scared that we'd lose her. That monster had done so much to our sister that surely she wouldn't have survived? But she did survive.

But while I was busy with Callie, I neglected Della, and I will never forgive myself for it.

“I begged him not to leave me, I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Callie had saved us, Emilee, Lora, and me. Lora had gone for help while Emilee and I tried to get in and save Callie. Freddy had come out of nowhere like some kind of White Knight with a gun. It happened in the literal blink of an eye, he didn't hesitate, he just pulled the trigger six times and it was all over.

“I thought maybe he was angry with me, saw me as some kind of coward because I didn't force Callie to let go of my arm and stay with her.”

My nostrils flare in anger. “He didn't think that, though, right?”

“No,” She shakes her head and smiles slightly. “I needed him so badly right then. Everything was too much, and I hyperventilated. I couldn't breathe. I had a massive panic attack. I'd just been through an awful ordeal, my big sister could have been dying, and the man I was to marry wanted to leave me. It felt like some huge cruel joke.

“Anyway, he talked me down, then sat me down and told me why he wanted to leave me. That he didn't think he could take seeing me hurt the way Callie had been because of his job, because of people like the monster who did those things to Callie. He wanted me to be safe, he loved me too much to see me hurt.

“Then I told him, “You don't want to see me hurt, yet you would inflict this pain on me, a pain I won't recover from?” He looked at me for a moment, tears fell from his eyes. He didn't want to leave me, I knew it, the events of the day just got to him. He'd killed someone, after all. It doesn't matter who you are, killing, even killing to protect another person has to weigh down your mind.

“I knew in that moment we could get through anything. I wouldn't allow him to leave me. If anything did happen that would mean someone hurt me, I knew he'd be there to protect me, all he had to do was believe in himself, the way I believe in him. Now, we're happily married with two beautiful little girl's, who's daddy adores them. I can't see my life ever turning out any other way.”

She takes my hand in hers. “I know things seem hard right now, but running away won't ease what you feel inside, Greg. The only thing that will do that is if you see Danika. Tell her the truth of why you felt it would be best to leave her. Tell her everything you feel inside, keep nothing from her, let it all go and you'll both be able to move on. Because in all honesty, she was perfect for you. Don't let her suffer one more day wondering why the man she's fallen for suddenly doesn't want her anymore.”

I nod my head.

She's given me a lot to think about. I need to pull my head out of my ass and figure out what I want once and for all.