Dani

 

 

 

I have never felt this lonely in my life. Even running from Joel and living in solitude for most of the four years I've been running never had me feeling this lonely.

Having all of my friends – and I use that term loosely – turn against me has been horribly hard. They shun me when they see me, literally throw me dirty looks and turn away from me like I'm a piece of filth.

For the first two days after the spa fiasco, I tried to talk to Callie and Paige, to make them listen to the truth, but nothing I did would make them give me the time of day.

Then last Tuesday at work, Enzo snubbed me, wouldn't talk to me unless it had to do with whatever job we were on. He'd snap orders at me like he was my boss and make me look stupid in front of patients.

Obviously, Paige had told him what happened, which meant Callie probably told her husband, too.

It hurt so much when Enzo wouldn't listen to my side of things. I tried so hard to tell him the truth, but he screamed at me about what a slut I am and how he never expected something like that from me.

I could have yelled the truth at him, but what would have been the point? He'd made his mind up about me and what happened, and it didn't seem like anything would change his mind in that instance.

Sure, yelling the truth would have shut him the hell up, shocked him, made him apologize profusely had he believed me, and I almost did yell, I'll be honest about that. But a call came through, I had a job to do, yelling at Enzo Ryker would have to wait.

At least they all kept it to themselves, well, within their social circle at least. It seems no one else in town knows anything, no one else treats me like a cheating whore, at least.

I'm assuming if Greg's mother knew she'd string me up by my ankles and use me as a piñata. Plus, she asked me to lunch last week. I thought that was it, she was going to give me what for. But it was actually a pleasant afternoon. But her constant praise of my commitment to Greg began to get to me.

When I left, I felt my heart shatter. Even though I did nothing wrong, the man I slept with in that room was my own boyfriend, I felt like shit.

I can take people hating me, I'm used to it. I can take the name calling, I've heard and been called every vile name there is. But I can't take working with my best friend when he treats me like a vile slapper.

I couldn't even bring myself to tell Greg what's been going on. I thought I could get it sorted and everything would be back to normal before he came home, even hoped I'd never have to tell him about this. He's been working so hard and I didn't want to drop this problem on him, he just doesn't need it.

The constant ignorance from the girls and the sniping from Enzo is wearing me down. I can't face anything right now. I've stopped taking Greg's calls because I couldn't trust my emotions not to overpower me, and there's no way I want him to hear me crying.

I'm a strong person, believe me, I am. I've been through too much shit in my life to be weak. But this whole thing has really gotten to me. I have cried at night, alone in my bed when everything around me is silent. All I've wanted was to call Greg and beg him to come home and make this all go away.

But I'm not a child, this isn't school, and I won't go running to my boyfriend because the other kids are being mean to me. I can fight my own battles.

In all honesty, I thought Callie would have told Greg what she thinks happened by now. But as he never mentioned anything in his calls, and I know he would have if he knew, I realized she hadn't said anything, so I didn't either.

Maybe I should have, none of this would be happening if I had. Greg would have put everyone straight, and everything would be okay again.

I'll end up insane if I keep going over this shit.

I shouldn't be ignoring Greg like I have been. This isn't his fault, he wasn't to know his sister would hear us and think the worst of me. All he was doing was showing me that life with him will never be boring, always romantic and spontaneous. And come on, the whole experience was out of this world. I shouldn't have to feel guilty about it.

Lora warned me to stay away from Greg if I knew what was good for me. She threatened me, and I said nothing in response.

Why the hell wouldn't I say anything to defend myself?

Because she caught me off guard and I was frozen and stunned by what she'd said to me. She'd always been calm and placid before that moment in time.

Truth is, I can't even blame her for it. If anyone ever cheated on my brother there would be hell to pay. And from the way everyone talks, I can tell someone hurt Greg badly in the past. They're all just worried about him and want to protect him from further harm. I can't be mad at them for that.

I want to know who hurt Greg, and why he hasn't told me before now.

But I can't force him to speak about something he's obviously not ready to talk about.

He'll tell me his secrets in time, just as I'll tell him mine.

I don't know what I'll say to Greg when he eventually catches up with me because I know he won't just walk away from me. Not without a good reason. I don't want to lose him, he's everything to me, my life is better because of him.

But all these secrets I'm keeping from him are killing me.

How are we supposed to have a relationship when he doesn't really know me?

He knows the me he sees now, Danika Ashford.

But I'm not really Danika Ashford, am I?

No. I'm a poor girl from Tulum, Mexico. Daughter of a waitress who would do anything to survive. Including sleeping with a rich tourist businessman, my father, for money.

Why would a rich man have to pay for sex?

Don't most when they're stepping out on their wives?

A nameless face they never have to see again.

My mother ended up pregnant with me, but she never kept me from my father. Sure, she kept the card she took from his wallet with his number on it, but that was no doubt only to try and get more money out of him.

He was very rich, after all.

When she contacted him to let him know she was pregnant with his child, and that she needed his help, he went straight to her. He bought her a house and everything she needed to furnish it, paid all her medical bills. He was even there the day I was born.

But I wasn't given his name. I was his dirty little secret that he hoped would never come out. Giving me his name meant there was a real chance of that.

But secrets have a way of coming out, just like they did when my father's wife found about me, like they did when my ex-husband found out about my pregnancy, like they will when Greg finds out who I really am.

How can he not find out if we're to have a life together?

Because I want a life with Greg more than I want my next breath. I want a family with him, to be his wife. As crazy as all that sounds, I've fallen hard for him. But I don't know what to do right now. I want him to know everything about me. The truth. All of it. Not the story I've been forced to tell people, but the whole sordid story.

But I know that I can't. I can't because it could put him in danger. I would never deliberately put him danger. And unless Joel finds me, there is no one to tell Greg the truth.

But what if Daxton finds my son and returns him to me?

What the hell will I tell Greg then?

How would he ever understand why I kept it from him?

I'd have to tell him everything in order for him to understand where Alejandro has been all of this time. If Alejandro comes back – when he comes back – and I lose Greg, I'll live. I will for my son because I have longed for my baby for two years. But it will hurt, for the rest of my life it will hurt like hell.

Or maybe Greg would understand why I had to lie to him. He seems the understanding kind. He's the perfect kind of man women dream of when they're little girls. He's perfect in every way. He's the kindest, smartest, funniest, sweetest man I have ever met. I didn't know men like him existed outside of storybooks or films.

Most women love a bad boy. You know, the strong, angry, brooding, not scared to fight, to fuck like a caveman kind. I've been there, done that, it wasn't for me. I don't want a man like that.

That's why I'm so drawn to Greg. Maybe he's a bit of a rebel, but he's not like Joel, but then, no one is.

Thank god.

My Greg is everything a man should be. He really cares about me. He would do anything for me, and I know deep down he'd understand. I just know he would.

That's how I know I can't let him go. As soon as he's home, I'll tell him what's been going on with everyone, why they aren't talking to me. I'll make it clear that I don't want him fighting my battles for me, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. I don't want him fighting with anyone because of me, I'm not worth the hassle it would bring him.

Then, maybe I can tell him the truth about my son.

I just need to shake myself out of this feeling of loneliness and stress. I'm not a bad person, I didn't do anything wrong. The only thing I'm guilty of is not making those who were my friends listen to the truth.

I stand blow drying my hair after a long hot shower. I changed into my PJ's right after. I have no reason to get dressed. I have nowhere to go, no one to meet up with nor talk to. All I want to do is climb into my bed and sleep until tomorrow afternoon. Greg will be home tomorrow and I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to feel his arms around me. Everything disappears when I'm in his arms.

If I'm a really lucky girl, he'll make love to me. God, he makes love to me like no one ever has or will again.

I smile at my reflection, bringing my comb to my chest and dropping the hair dryer on the chair below the window. I can't help smiling. Every time I think about Greg, I smile. It's like my heart smiles for him. He makes my heart smile.

Is it normal to smile this much over a guy?

He's not just a guy, Dani, he's your man, and you're in love. Forget what might happen, live for the moment.

I breathe deeply, smile still on my face, even though I feel like crying for what's been going on. I'm going to worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Tonight, I'm going to sleep like a baby.

Keep dreaming, Dani.

I plan to.