Chapter Two

 

Reggie had known Keith would be happy about the pregnancy. She hadn’t anticipated just how ecstatic he’d be.

She looked up at Hawk's expression and saw the widespread smile that lit up his whole face. He drew in a sharp breath with the news, and it crushed her. She knew he was thrilled. Why wouldn't he be? This was what he wanted. She should be happy too. But she just wasn't sure if it was what she wanted right now.

“Are you kidding me? This is why you’re feeling sick? This is fantastic!” he said, lifting her up from the chair and wrapping her in his arms. Keith held her so tightly that her feet lifted from the floor.

“Not quite the reaction I thought I’d get from you after I threw up,” she said, wanting to feel his joy, but unable to gather up enough excitement to want to celebrate.

Keith let go of her enough so that he could look at her. He touched her hair and looked straight into her eyes with the love Reggie had come to know so well. “This is you and me, Regis. This is amazing. I can’t believe you’re so calm!”

“I just threw up.”

He laughed. “Okay, I’ll give you that. I’m sure it won’t be the last time. We have to celebrate!”

Suddenly unable to breathe, she pushed past him, and walked to the counter. Then she turned and leaned her hip against it. How could she make him understand when she didn't even understand herself?

“I don't know.”

Keith’s expression collapsed just a fraction. “What do you mean you don’t know? We’re having a baby! Of course, we have to celebrate. We have to call my mother.”

She chose her words carefully. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to call your mother just yet.”

He sputtered. “Are you aware of what you just said? Not tell Kate McKinnon? Do you remember how long it took her to get over the fact that Skye didn’t tell her Alex was her grandson?”

She nodded, hugging her middle with her arms. “I remember.”

“I think there is a part of her who still likes to give Skye some grief over it. You know she’ll be upset that she’s not the first one to know you’re pregnant.”

“I just…don’t think it’s a good idea to tell anyone yet. You know, maybe we should just keep it to ourselves.”

His smile was gone now, vanished somewhere along with all his joy of hearing of her pregnancy.

“Why would we do that?”

She shrugged, searching for words she didn’t have for feelings she didn’t understand. “I just don’t know.”

His handsome face pinched into a frown. “What the hell does that mean? We’re going to have a child. You and me. It’s…it’s real, Regis. Isn’t it? Did you take a pregnancy test?”

She nodded, fighting back tears that pushed against her eyes and made them ache. “A little while ago. It’s positive.”

His face registered renewed elation. “Then we have two things to celebrate tonight!”

“Two? Oh, honey, I don’t think—”

“Of course, we do! Come here.”

Opening his arms out wide, he waited for her to rush to him for a warm embrace. She could never resist him. Keith gave her the best bear hugs. But when she didn’t immediately run to him, he slowly dropped his arms to his side.

He stared at her skeptically. “You…look upset. Like your life is over or something. Why is that? What’s going on, Regis?”

She shrugged, not trusting herself to utter a word.

“You don’t look happy about this pregnancy. Aren’t you happy being with me?”

His words shocked her and made her shudder. Never in her wildest dreams did Reggie think that Keith would question her love for him.

“Of course I am. More than ever.”

He stared at her. She knew he was searching for something that would make sense out of her reaction to the news they were going to be parents. How could she reassure him when she couldn’t make sense of it herself? He took a step, but then stopped, not coming any closer as if he were afraid of touching her.

She hated it.

“Then what is this all about? I thought you’d be thrilled.”

She shrugged. She had no words. “I’m tired I guess. It’s been a long day. What was it that you wanted to celebrate?”

He looked at her blankly, as if confused by her question.

“You said it was two things to celebrate. Did something happen at the clinic?”

“No. Nothing. It’s nothing.”

He sighed and forced a smile. She knew him so well that she knew he was putting on a brave face for her.

“I thought we’d light the fire tonight. You know, have a romantic evening. But if you’re not feeling well.”

“We can still do that.”

“Yeah? I thought you were tired.”

“I’m never too tired for that.”

* * *

Despite a wonderful evening together, Reggie found it hard to stay snuggled in bed with Keith. She had a plane to catch, but she had time to have breakfast. But as she showered and changed into her business clothes, she wondered why she was rushing. She knew Keith had held back last night. And she’d disappointed him, which is why she’d made certain she hadn’t disappointed him in bed. But that could only work in her favor for so long before Keith forced the issue.

She wasn’t ready for it.

Keith was just getting up when he stumbled sleepily into the kitchen.

“You’re already dressed. How long have you been awake?”

“I’ve got to go. I’ll be late for my plane if I don't get out of here now. I don’t know how the roads will be after last night’s storm.”

Keith shook his head as if trying to clear the cobwebs out of it. Her father used to always say that when she was tired and forcing herself to stay awake.

“You can't leave now,” Keith said. “We never had a chance to discuss anything last night.”

She smiled. “No, we didn’t. But I like what we did discuss a lot better.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“But I like that subject.”

“We have to talk, Regis.”

“I know.”

Reggie bent down and grabbed the handle of her overnight bag. Then she grabbed her purse and lifted it to her shoulder.

“Aren’t you going to put on a coat?” Keith asked.

“Oh, yeah, I thought I’d drive without the coat. It sometimes makes me too hot.”

“Honey, it’s practically zero outside this morning. You’re going to freeze.”

“I know. I started the car remotely. It’s warming up.”

As if needing proof, he walked to the kitchen window and looked outside.

She grabbed her coat from the mud room and draped it over her arm, not bothering to put it on. Keith met her by the door. She lifted to give him a kiss, but he pulled back. His face was shattered with pain that she knew she was the cause of.

“Are you sure you aren’t running away? You haven’t even had breakfast.”

“I did. I had a banana. I’ll get a bagel or something when I get the airport.” She took in his silence and it weighed her down more than she ever thought it could. “Come on. I'm only going to be gone overnight. We can talk about all this when I get back, right?”

He stared at her face, searching for something she wasn't sure she was able to give him right now. He probably needed her to give him reassurance, something he’d never needed from her before. And she hated it. But given she just told him she wasn't sure about her pregnancy. Having their child, he had every right to want answers. The only problem was, she had none.

He gave her a quick kiss, and then grabbed the overnight bag that she'd left in the mudroom when she’d retrieved her coat.

“I'll bring this out to the car.”

“But you don’t have any socks on your feet.”

“I’ll bring it out. My boots are right here. They’ll be enough.”

Keith quickly shrugged into his jacket and slipped into the boots he wore when he was shoveling outside. Then she followed him outside into the bitter cold. The one thing she could always count on was the South Dakota winds and bitter cold.

In a way, Reggie welcomed it. It was better than feeling so numb and unsure of herself. It had been a long time since Reggie had felt that way. Surely long before she’d met Keith.

Keith put her overnight bag into the backseat and slammed the door. “If I'd have known you were leaving so soon, I would've made last night more special.”

She smiled up at him wanting to break this tension between them. “What are you talking about? It was special. You take good care of me.”

He had that look again. “Do I?”

Reaching up on her tiptoes, she kissed Keith on the lips and let her mouth linger. She shivered as she said, “Always.”

“Get in the car before you get pneumonia. It’s nice and warm in there.”

“See what I mean?”

“You’re the one who started the car. Are you sure you don't want me to drive you to the airport?” he asked.

She hated the way he looked at her. Most because she knew he was going to miss her. And he’d worry about her. But he didn't suffocate her. He encouraged her to be who she was.

“I thought you had patients today?” she asked as she climbed into the car and settled in her warmed seat.

“Not until later. I can make it to the airport and make it back in time.”

She shook her head and laughed. “No way. I don't want you speeding. And you will speed just to prove the point that you can make it in record time.”

He reached into the car and slung his arm around her, pulling her close and nuzzling her neck the way she liked. He gave her sweet little kisses.

“If I come with you, it will give me more time to be with you. You’ve been doing a lot of traveling, and I miss you. Is that so wrong?”

She shook her head and looked up at his face. “I always miss you when I'm gone. But it makes coming home so much nicer.”

She settled in her seat making sure the seatbelt was secure, and then she rolled down the window.

“I'll call you tonight when I get settled in the hotel.”

“How about you call me when you're done with your meeting.”

“Won’t you be with patients?”

“Just call me. I like hearing your voice.”

As she rolled up her window, Keith took a step back away from the car. She didn't want to leave him like this. They never had tension like this between them before and especially not when she was leaving on a trip.

Keith was a good man, always dedicated to his family and to her. As the community doctor, people relied on him in the small town of Rudolph. Reggie owed him an explanation.

But not now. If she missed this meeting, the Center was going to lose out on getting the grant application submitted on time to be considered before the end of the year. Her work at the Wounded Veteran Center depended on her procuring enough money to keep the programs Ian and Ethan, a former Navy SEAL and Keith’s younger brother, had started for wounded veterans. They’d come so far. She couldn’t disappoint them now.

She placed her hand on the stick shift and pushed it into reverse feeling the cold leather against her palm despite having heated the car. Turning to look out the back window, she navigated her way out of the driveway not bothering to look back at Keith.

But she knew he was still standing there. Reggie had just given him the thrill of his life and the shock of his life in the span of sixty seconds. What had she done?

* * *

Hawk dressed quickly after taking a hot shower that should've scalded him. But he needed a shock. Anything was better than the shock of hearing Regis say that she wasn't sure she wanted to have their baby.

Well, she hadn’t exactly said that. She hadn’t said much of anything and that was the problem. What had gone wrong between them that he hadn't noticed her pulling away from him? That she may not want a family with him?

He put his jacket on, wrapped a scarf around his neck and then grabbed his gloves from the mudroom. Then he walked out the door intending to go straight to his mother's diner across the street from the clinic as he’d always done every morning. He’d grab a cup of coffee, and eat a good breakfast in the back room that he and most of his family had done most of their lives. He was sure to see one of his brothers, or maybe even a cousin who’d stroll through on their way to work just to chatter with Kate McKinnon like all her customers loved to do.

But Hawk didn't need chatter this morning. His mother always had a way of seeing through his moods. She was practically psychic. At least, she always seemed to know what was going on with all five of her sons at any given time.

He hadn't really minded since he was a kid. He and his oldest brother, Wade, had gotten into their share of trouble. Logan and Ethan, and the middle child, Sam, well they sort of spread out their trouble between all of them. Kate McKinnon always knew. She either had radar or lots of informants all over town. No matter what they thought they’d get away with, it was a sure bet his mother found out about it and they’d get a talking to.

But it wasn’t just the mischief. In times of trouble, his mother always stopped what she was doing, no matter how busy the diner got, to be there for her five boys, and give them words of wisdom.

Hawk didn't have the stomach for chatter this morning. He just wanted to get on with his day until Regis called so he could hear her voice and pretend her reaction to the pregnancy last night never happened.

He quickly walked across the street and made his way to the back door of the restaurant. He went straight behind the counter and grabbed a mug, and poured himself some black coffee.

“Hey, I thought you were never going to make it this morning,” his mother said with a bright smile. His sister-in-law, Skye, was busy serving the customer at the end of the counter. Her swelling belly didn't get in the way of the work she’d done for years at the family diner. Hawk had known her for six years and until this year when Wade came home, he’d never seen her happy like this. It was all because of Wade, and the family they were creating together.

Dammit. He wanted that. He knew Regis had wanted that at one point. What the hell was going on?

“What's got you?” his mother asked. Yep, nothing got by Kate McKinnon. It was easier to confess than try to hide it.

“Regis went to Washington.”

Her mouth dropped open slightly. “Oh. I thought she just got back.”

“She says she'll be back tomorrow.”

His mother's look told him everything he needed to know about how she felt. She wasn't going to say the words aloud. She didn’t need to when that look screamed her feelings loud and clear.

She loved Regis. Hawk knew that. And that was part of the problem. But although all of all her boys had found love and companionship over the last few years, only Hawk and Regis had yet to make a formal commitment to each other. Ethan and Maddie were already engaged and were finishing up building a home on the other side of town. They were busy making wedding plans. Logan and Poppy had already gotten married and added a new granddaughter to Kate McKinnon’s brood. Sam and Summer were still making plans for a wedding. But the nice ring he’d given her had sealed the deal for Kate McKinnon. It was only a matter of time before they’d be tying the knot. Wade and Sky had eloped when she’d gotten pregnant with their second baby, something his mother was tickled pink about because she was convinced it would be another girl.

Only Hawk and Regis had yet to make a formal commitment to get married. Last night he’d wanted to finally propose. And Regis had given him the best gift in the world by telling him she was pregnant. If he could, he’d marry her today. And Kate McKinnon loved weddings. She loved family. And she was eager to make Regis officially her daughter-in-law. He knew his mom would be thrilled.

But something about Regis holding back on him about the baby made him stop. Asking her to marry him last night was the wrong time. He knew that. But it didn’t feel good to be right.

“Do you mind making my breakfast to go?”

His mother smiled and touched his shoulder, giving it a gentle and loving squeeze. Hawk felt a tug in his heart. He wanted to tell her. But he wouldn't. That was between him and Regis. Until she was ready for whatever decision she was making, it would stay between them.

“Eggs and sausage or can I tempt you with a western omelet?”

“I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me, Mom. I always have.”

She chuckled. “Yes, you do. It was Ethan who used to push his food around his plate when he was a…kid.”

Hawk walked away while his mother was still talking. He heard her sigh. When he got to the back of the kitchen where they had a table separate from the rest of the restaurant, and reserved just for family, he turned back to see her confused expression.

“What?”

“You can stay out here and chat with me for a little bit while I work? I haven't seen you in days except for these brief pass-throughs you do in the morning.”

“Sorry. I've been busy. The clinic has been busy. And I've been doing some Christmas shopping.”

Her eyes widened. “You? Who kidnapped my son?”

“What? I just did a little shopping. That’s normal this time of the year.”

Skye came walking up the aisle towards them with an empty pot of coffee in her hand.

“Hey Hawk. Wade said you were going to come by and look at something.”

His mother frowned. “He's been busy.”

Skye quickly glanced at his mother and then back at Hawk.

“Okay,” she said quickly. “I'll just tell him to give you a call.”

Skye set the empty coffee pot on the burner, and then quickly swapped out old coffee grounds with a new filter and fresh grounds, and flicked a switch to begin the brewing. She glanced at the coffee in his hand. “I was going to say if you needed a refill you have to wait a few minutes. But you haven’t even taken a sip of what you got there. Is it cold?”

“I'm fine. I'm just waiting for breakfast,” he said.

His mood was foul and he knew it. It wasn't like him to be crabby to the people in his life. Hawk usually saw people when they were sick or in pain and they were the ones who were crabby. They had good reason to be. It was his job to make them feel better. To heal the wounds.

No amount of good he’d do at the clinic today would change the fact that he'd be sleeping alone in his bed tonight. Again. Sure, he and Regis had made love last night and it was incredible. It always was incredible. But he needed Regis with him now to help him deal with the feelings he was having about her ambivalence toward the pregnancy.

The one thing he'd been sure of the past two years they’d been together was that Regis loved him. He still believed that to a point. But he didn’t understand what was going on and he wasn’t going to get the satisfaction he needed until she got home.

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