Chapter 18
Charlie
“I need the needle-nose,” Joseph’s voice snaps me back to the moment.
I clear my throat, feeling like a fucking pervert for getting lost in the memory of Grace’s sweet curves while I’m only a foot away from my brother-in-law.
The rusty toolbox sitting on top of the wooden workbench opens with a bit of protest, and I grab the pliers for him.
“Yeah, here you go.” I take a step back and let him finish up the job on the furnace. I got lucky that Cheryl married a mechanic. “Thanks for coming and doing this for me,” I tell him as I grab the six-pack we brought down then take a seat at the bench. I crack a can open, and the snap and fizz fill the silence. “I know you don’t have much time-”
“Shit,” he cuts me off, and his response has my ass right up out of the seat. But he’s fine; he tosses the pliers on the bench and wipes his hands on his jeans. “I was happy to get out of that house.”
He finally looks over to me before shutting the metal screen and flipping the switch back on. The furnace roars to life as he sags down into the seat next to me. “You ever hear of colic?” he asks as he reaches over and grabs the beer I offer him.
“Colic?” I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about.
“It means your baby cries… a lot.” I grimace and just keep drinking my beer. Joseph and I hit it off when he and Cheryl started dating. I never did like her previous boyfriends, but he treats her right. He’s a good fit for her. A good husband, and a good father. Even though he’s working his ass off while Cheryl’s out on maternity.
“Sorry to hear that,” I tell him, the beer right there at my lips. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know shit about babies.
He lets out a heavy sigh, “It’s alright.” His eyes are distant when I look at him. He’s got a few days’ worth of scruff and I’m only now noticing the dark bags under his eyes. He huffs out a small laugh and takes another sip of his beer. “She’s a daddy’s girl.”
A sparkle hits his eyes, and I finally ease up some.
“Yeah, that’s what Cheryl says.”
He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. “At like two in the morning, every morning, she’s up. She doesn’t want me then.” He makes a face with wide eyes and it makes me laugh as he takes another drink. “But any other time, she’s my baby girl.”
The pride in his voice makes me smile. “I’m real happy for you two.”
He nods at me, a smile still on his face and then he says, “I always thought you’d have one first.”
I grunt a response, “I’d need a woman to make that happen.”
“You had one when I first met ya.” My body tenses some. I know Ma’s always bringing it up around everyone. She’s always pushing me to settle down, but I don’t need to hear it from anyone else. I only put up with it from Ma, cause she’s my ma.
“I’m just sayin’,” Joseph takes a deep drink. “You’d make a good dad, if you ever wanted to.”
I stand up and stretch, not looking Joseph in the eyes. “Yeah, well. Maybe one day.”
I take a few steps, but turn when I don’t hear Joseph following me. I face him and he’s just sitting there casually, looking at me like he’s waiting for something.
“I heard you got a woman.”
I run my hand over my face. Why’s everyone gotta complicate everything? I don’t need anyone in my business or trying to push things one way or the other with me and Grace.
“She’s nice,” I tell him.
“She’s in the wedding?” Joseph’s got a cocky smile on his face and it breaks the tension. I let out a laugh as he stands up, taking another drink. “Must be serious if she’s in the wedding.”
I just shake my head and stare at the back wall, at the unfinished bar. I need to get down here and finish this room off. “She’s real sweet. An artist.” I add the last part absently.
“Like a real artist?” I look back at my brother-in-law to see his face twisted, and his forehead pinched.
I shove my hands in my pockets and answer, “Yeah. She’s damn good at what she does.” I think about mentioning the painting, but there’s no fucking way he’s seeing it. No one is. It’s going right where it belongs in my bedroom. That’s where she belongs.
“She paints and she’s a graphic designer, too.”
“Oh, good career.” His voice picks up a bit as he nods.
“Yeah I bet,” I answer him. When I bought the bar, Joseph was the only one who backed my decision. Everyone else told me not to pull the trigger, saying it was too risky. That it wasn’t a real career. But Joseph was right there. He gave me the pen to sign the papers with.
“So two stable people, two good jobs.” Joseph’s voice carries a bit.
“We just started seeing each other.” Even though my voice is harder than it should be he’s unaffected.
He throws his hands up comically. “I’m just saying, you seem happy lately.”
I don’t get where he’s coming from. “I’m fine,” I tell him, shaking my head and pulling my hands out.
“Yeah. There’s fine, and then there’s happy. You're happy.”
My lips part to say something back, but I don’t know what he wants. I just don’t want people making a big deal of this and expecting something. It’s just fun.
“A wife would look good on you.”
“You’ve lost your mind,” the words spill out of my mouth.
“You still got that ring?” he asks me. Susanne’s ring. An engagement ring I spent all of my savings on. Thinking about it now, half a carat and as simple as they come, there’s not much to it. Just like the relationship I had with the woman who wore it.
“No,” the lie comes out easy. He snorts, like he knows I’m lying as he tosses his empty beer can into the trash and almost grabs another. But then he stops himself.
“I gotta get home,” he says before stretching and letting out a yawn.
I toss my beer in the trash and leave the rest where they are. I need to get going, too.
The wooden stairs creak as we walk up the rickety steps. He opens the door at the top as I flick the light switch off. The afternoon daylight filters in the stairs.
Almost time for work. Always working.
That day off with Grace made me realize how much I’m sacrificing. What I could be doing if I wasn’t at the bar all the damn time.
It’s not an option yet, but I finally let Maggie go through applications for a manager.
“Let me know if it quits again,” Joseph says as he heads to the door.
“Will do,” I stand in the foyer as he slips on his boots. “You coming on Sunday?” He missed the last two family dinners. I know he doesn’t need anyone nagging him, I’m just curious.
“Yeah, I should be able to. I think we’re getting into the flow of things.” I can see the hint of relief in his expression as he nods his head.
“Alright then,” I tell him as he reaches in for a quick hug.
“See you Sunday,” he says, turning to leave.
“See you Sunday,” I repeat, shoving my hands into my pockets and watching him go. My voice is lowered, and I’m not sure if he hears me or not. But it’s alright.
Joseph shuts the door behind him, and I head upstairs to grab my wallet and keys so I can get going, too. As I shove the wallet into my back pocket, my eyes flicker to my dresser.
I don’t even think about walking over and pulling out the top drawer where the ring is. It just happens.
The small diamond twinkles. It looks brand new, as if my ex never even wore it. The thought makes me happier than it should. I wish I’d never given it to her. I felt obligated to. As I stare at the ring, the memories come flooding back.
I was her first, and her high school sweetheart. Not that there was anything sweet about her. We had some alright moments, but I felt chained to her. After all, everyone knew what we’d done.
They expected us to stay together. They expected all the little boxes to get checked off, and for us to do what we were supposed to. Her cheating on me was one of the best things that could’ve happened. It gave me an out. A heavy weight lifts off my shoulders as I realize how true that statement is.
And how fucking sad it is, that I would’ve married her, even knowing I never really loved her. Maybe back then I thought that was what life was supposed to be. But right here and now, no. I didn’t love her. She damn sure didn’t love me.
As the thought hits me, my phone beeps in my back pocket.
My first thought is that it’s Grace. I’m surprised by how disappointed I am when I see it’s Cheryl.
Did Joseph leave yet?
My poor sister. All alone with little Miss Evie. I can just imagine her rocking Evie while sending this text and listening to her baby girl cry. It’s all a phase. But I already know she’s going to miss it when Evie’s over it. Maybe not the crying, but the wanting to be held. Shit, Joseph may miss it even more.
Just left. I type the message and add, Love you, just as she sends back her response.
Thanks. Love you.
The trace of a smile picks my lips up, but then I see the time. Shit. I have to get my ass going. The ring flips back and forth as I roll my fingers over the thin band, making my way out.
There’s no way in hell I’m not getting married. My ma would kill me. Just the thought makes my steps down the stairs lighter. I’m not getting any younger. And it’s about damn time I had someone in my life. Someone like Grace. I don’t know if she’s the one. My heart flips at the thought of her in a white dress.
I want her, I know that much. But I don’t have to know any more than that. She’s mine for now, and we’re both enjoying ourselves. That’s what matters. There’s no need to put a label on it.
I grab my jacket off the coatrack and slip on my boots. She should be there tonight, but she’s got a thing with my sister first. A deep chuckle vibrates up my chest. I’m sure she’ll have plenty to say about that.
Before I get in the car, I slip the ring in my pocket, knowing the church right up the street has a donation bin. I’m tossing the ring in there before I get to work. I need it gone and out of my life. There’s no way I’d give this ring to my wife. All this ring represents is my past. It was meant for Suzanne.
I never wanted her back. That ring was just a reminder of what I was going to end up with.
I’ll never settle. As that thought passes through my mind, I realize I should’ve thrown that damn thing away a long time ago.