“Correct me if I’m wrong, but this isn’t the man you told me you were going to marry.”

Jennifer Jolly has been my therapist since I was released from the hospital after the kidnapping.  Though she has heard much of my innermost secrets over the years, she doesn’t know about my family’s business, and I’ve never told Miss Jolly about the deal my father made with the Foleys.  I had told her about my plans to marry Sean, and Deklan’s appearance at my therapy session has surprised her.

“He isn’t,” I say with a slightly embarrassed smile.  “Deklan works for Sean.  Sean”—I struggle for a moment to come up with the wording—“well, Sean dumped me, and Deklan and I just hit it off.”

Miss Jolly raises an eyebrow and purses her lips but chooses not to question my lame explanation.

“Well, however this came about, I’m glad to hear you finally want to try to recover your memories.  It sounds like Deklan has helped you come to this decision.”

“He has.”  I reach for Deklan’s hand.  “He already helped me remember a little.  You see, Deklan is the man who found me on that boat and took me to the hospital.”

He doesn’t say anything.  We’d discussed the story we would relate to my therapist and had enough detail to keep her from asking further questions.  I get the idea he’s not completely comfortable being in a room with a therapist, but he insisted on coming along.

“Really?”  Miss Jolly tilts her head and looks at Dek more closely.  “How did that happen?”

“I had a fishing boat on the dock.”  Deklan’s voice is monotone.  “I was about to go out on the boat when I heard two guys talking about a girl.  I listened in, figured out they had someone tied up in the bottom of the boat, and chased them off.  She was pretty out of it, so I took her to the hospital.”

“There was no report of who brought her in,” Miss Jolly says.

“Yeah, I guess not though I don’t know why.  I brought her in, told the nurse I found her, and then I left.  I guess no one ever reported it.  They didn’t take my name.”

“Interesting.”  I’ve spent enough time with Miss Jolly to know she’s not buying it, but again, she doesn’t push.  “We’ve talked about hypnotherapy before.  You know it isn’t always one hundred percent, but considering the dreams you’ve had since that time, I think we have a good chance at being successful.”

Miss Jolly has me lie back in a reclining chair while Deklan sits off to one side.  She instructs him to remain quiet as she closes the blinds and dims the lights.

“Close your eyes,” she says.  “Do you hear the clock ticking on the wall?”

“Yes.”  I hadn’t even noticed the large clock before or heard the ticking of the second hand, but now that the room is quiet and the sound has been brought to my attention, it’s very loud.

“Focus on the clock’s ticking.  Relax into the rhythm and breathe slowly—in through your nose, out through your mouth.  Take yourself back to that day.”

I do as she says.  I remember going to school and being worried about an English test, but it ended up being pretty easy.  We had a pep rally that day, so the last bell was cut off early.

“Picture yourself leaving school.”  The ticking of the clock fades, and Miss Jolly’s soft voice is the only thing I hear.  “Remember getting on the school bus.  Think about who is around you, what you see and smell.”

“The bus is mostly empty,” I say as the image comes into my head.  “We are the second to last stop.  Heather is with me, and she’s going on about some guy she likes.  I’m glad when we get to our corner because I can’t stand the guy she’s head over heels about.”

“What happens when you leave the bus stop?”

“I wave at Heather, and she goes off down the street.  I’m walking home, listening to a new playlist.”

“What song?”

“‘In One Ear’ by Cage the Elephant.”  The song plays through my head.

“There’s a man standing against the wall near the alley.”

“Do you know him?”

“I don’t know his name, but I’ve seen him before.”

“Where?”  Deklan’s voice startles me.

“Please, Mr. Kearney, try not to speak.  Go on, Kera.  Tell me where you have seen the man before.”

“He’s been to our house.  He didn’t come inside, but he was out on the porch when my father was talking to one of his clients.  He kept puffing on one of those e-cigarette vaporizer things.  He has it with him now.”

“Can you describe him?”

“His hair is blond, and he has high cheekbones.  No, his cheeks and eyes are sunken; it just makes him look like his cheekbones are high.  His teeth are really yellow.”

“That’s good, Kera.  Keep going.”

“He says hello when I walk past, but I ignore him.  He calls to me again, and I tell him to leave me alone, or I’ll tell my father he was bothering me.  That’s when the van pulls out of the alley.  The door opens, and another guy jumps out.”

My breaths become short and sharp, and I start feeling dizzy.

“What’s happening, Kera?”

“The first guy blocks my way, and the other one grabs my arms.  I drop my book bag and try to turn to kick him, but he’s holding too tight.  The other guy grabs my leg, and they push me into the van.  Something’s placed over my eyes.  I can’t see!”

“That’s all right, Kera.  What do you hear?  What do you smell?”

“The engine of the van is loud.  It’s clicking like it needs an oil change.  The van smells like grease.  I scream, but I get punched in the head.  It hurts and makes my ears ring.  I get hit again…”

“What’s happening, Kera?”

“I…I don’t know.  I think I got knocked unconscious.”

“When you wake up, what do you hear?”

“Water.  It sounds like water washing up against something—boats or maybe the shore.  I can’t tell.  I’m being carried, and I can hear their footsteps.  We stop, and I’m pushed down on my knees.  The floor is wood.  It smells bad.”

“What does it smell like?”

“Like dead fish and mold.  Everything feels damp.  Someone’s standing over me, tying my hands behind my back.  I can’t move!”

“Take a deep breath.  Can you hear anyone talking?”

“Yes.”

“What are they saying?”

“I…I don’t know!”

“Relax, Kera.  You’re safe here.  Focus on what they’re saying.”

“They’re…they’re talking about my dad.  One of them says he’s finally going to get his payment and that this is a great plan, but the other one’s not sure.  He thinks my father will double-cross them, and they won’t get paid.”

“Do they say anything else?”

“I…I can’t hear them.  They moved away, and I’m alone.  I try to scream, but my mouth feels so dry…there’s something tied around my head and in my mouth.  I…I think it’s a bandana.  They leave me alone for a long time.”

“What happens when they come back?”

“Someone takes out the gag.  He tells me not to scream, then gives me water.  He shoves something else in my mouth—bread with peanut butter on it.  It smells nasty, and I spit it out.  He smacks my face.”

“Do you know if it’s the same man?  The one you saw at your parents’ house?”

“I don’t know.  He never takes off the blindfold.”

My limbs are tense, and my chest feels tight.  I can feel the thrumming of my heartbeat in my neck and temples.

“Remember that you’re safe now, Kera.  Take a deep breath…There you go.  Can you tell me what happens next?”

“I’m…I’m alone again.  I can’t see, and no one comes close to me.  I don’t know how long.  I keep trying to sleep, but my shoulders hurt so badly, I can’t get comfortable enough.  Someone comes in and gives me more water and a piece of a sandwich.  I’m too hungry to spit it out this time.  I try to talk to him, but he doesn’t answer me.”

“Can you tell me what you feel?”

“It’s cold,” I say.  “I can tell when it’s daytime because it gets a little warmer but not much.  I try to remember how many times that’s happened, but I’m not sure.  I don’t know how long I was knocked out.  I’m so hungry and thirsty, and I’m just waiting for someone to bring me food and water again.”

A shiver runs through my body.

“They’re talking about me,” I whisper.  “They’re saying it’s past the deadline my father was supposed to pay the ransom.  I think…I think they’re going to kill me.  When I hear footsteps on the stairs, I try to struggle against the ropes, but it doesn’t help.  They say they’re going to…going to…”

I choke back a sob.  I can’t say the words.

“He…he’s holding my mouth open and shoving something inside.  I…I can’t close my mouth.  Oh, God!  He’s…he’s…”

“Kera!  Kera, listen to my voice.  You aren’t there.  You are not on that boat.  You are safe, here in my office.  Do you understand?  Come back here now.”

“Yes.”  Tears are streaming down my face when I open my eyes.  The room is still dim, but even the small amount of light hurts my eyes.  “They raped me, didn’t they?”

I sit up and look at Deklan.  His hands are clenched into fists against his thighs, and his jaw is clenched.  My heart beats in my chest as I wait for him to explode, but he doesn’t.  Something isn’t right about his reaction.  I can see his anger, but I expect more from such a revelation.

“You already knew about it.”

Deklan drops his gaze to the floor and nods.

“When I found you, there was a ring gag in your mouth,” he says quietly.  “There really isn’t any other reason to gag you like that.”

My heart is pounding too fast.  I can’t catch my breath, and I’m starting to feel dizzy.

“Kera?”  I hear Miss Jolly, but I can’t respond.

What did they do to me?  How many of them?  What else did they do that I still don’t remember?

“Kera!”  Deklan’s voice and his hands on my arms pull me from my thoughts.  “Kera, listen to me!  They didn’t do it.  You hear me?  They didn’t.”

I stare at him and try to comprehend what he’s saying.  Deklan doesn’t take his eyes off mine as he addresses Miss Jolly.

“I need a minute with my wife.”

Miss Jolly nods and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.  Deklan immediately takes my face in his hands.

“They did not rape you,” he says as he stares deep into my eyes.  “They were going to.  They were about to, but I got there first.”

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“I didn’t want you to think about it.  I still don’t want you to think about it.”

I close my eyes for a moment, and it all floods back.

The hands on my head, holding my face tightly as the gag is shoved in my mouth.  The sound of laughter and then a loud burst of gunfire.  Laughter turns to screams.  I have no idea what’s happening as I’m left alone again.  I hear scuffling above me, screams, and more shots.

I begin to understand the rest of the story that Deklan didn’t want me to remember.

“What did you do?” I whisper.

Deklan is silent for a long time.  He grits his teeth, and his eyes flash with a fury I have never seen before.  When he finally speaks, each word is slow and deadly.

“I made them suffer.”

I swallow hard.  He’s right—I don’t want to know any more.

Miss Jolly comes back in.  She and Deklan talk softly, but I don’t listen to them.  I’m trying to remember with more clarity.

“It’s past the deadline.  He ain’t gonna make it.”

“What now?”

“Kill her, that’s what.”

“We ain’t gonna kill her.  Not yet, anyway.  This is his deal, and we’re gonna get our money.  Just be patient.”

“Fuck being patient.  If we’re stuck waiting on O’Conner, we should at least have a little fun with her.”

“Gotta keep her a virgin.  That’s part of the deal.”

“So?  Her mouth works, don’t it?”

I feel pressure against my face, and my mouth is forced open.  Whatever he’s put inside keeps me from closing it again.  I smell sweat and hear chuckling.  Tears are pouring out of my eyes, soaking the blindfold.  I wait for it to happen, but I hear the gunshots first.

Deklan did get there in time.  If he had obeyed Fergus Foley’s orders, he wouldn’t have.  If he had waited, it would have been too late.  They would have raped me, and I might have ended up dead.

I grip Deklan’s fingers tightly, and he reaches over to rub at the back of my wrist.  I place my head against his shoulder, suddenly exhausted though it can’t be much past noon.

“I think she’s had enough for one day,” Miss Jolly says.

“Agreed.”

“Make sure she gets some rest.  She should eat and drink plenty of water, too.  It will help.”

“I’ll make sure.”

Miss Jolly gives me a quick hug and says she’ll call with an appointment time in a couple of days.  Deklan shakes her hand, and we head for the door.

“Deklan?”

He stops and turns to face Miss Jolly.

“I’ve seen the reports,” she says.  “The police found the boat where they suspect Kera was held.  I’ve heard about what was found there.”

“And?”

Miss Jolly’s eyes narrow.  She sets her jaw and stares intently at my husband for a long moment.  They seem to be having a conversation with their eyes, and I don’t know what to make of it.

“And,” she finally says, “I have no problem with what I’ve heard.”

“Good.”  Deklan takes my arm and leads me out the door.

I toy with the idea of asking him what that was all about, but I consider that there are some details I don’t really want to hear.  Deklan’s explanation is plenty for me at this point.  Besides, there is something else I want to address with my husband.

“You knew the whole time.”  I turn toward him as he drives us out of the parking lot and back toward the motel.

“The new apartment should be ready tomorrow morning,” Deklan says casually.

“Do not do that!”  I can’t help but snap at him.  “Do not change the subject—not after I just went through all that!”

Deklan presses his lips together and grips the steering wheel.

“You’ve never asked me for oral sex,” I say.  “You’ve never even hinted at it.  That didn’t even occur to me until just now.”

“I never will, either.”  He looks over at me, but I can’t understand the expression in his eyes.

“Don’t you like it?”

“Not the point.”  His stare is intense.

I want to press the issue, but I have no idea what I want to communicate.  The thought of even trying it brings the taste of bile into the back of my throat.  Maybe I should let this one go.

“I didn’t remember anything about the creepy guy—Charlie.”  It’s not a complete change of subject, but Deklan’s eyes soften a little.  “Maybe he wasn’t a part of it.”

“He was.”  The assuredness of Deklan’s words brings goosebumps to my skin.

“You still aren’t telling me something.”

“That shrink said you’ve had enough for one day,” he says, but he doesn’t deny it.  “It can wait until later.”

“No,” I tell him.  “I said before—I want to remember everything.  I also want to know everything that you know.  You can’t hold back on me, Deklan, not when it comes to this.”

He taps a finger against the steering wheel as he ponders.  After glancing at me several times, he finally agrees.

“After we get to the motel, and you have had a full meal, I’ll tell you what I’ve figured out.”

True to his word, as soon as I’d finished the last bite of takeout, Deklan sat down beside me on the bed, took my hands in his, and told me what he knew.

“Last night after you fell asleep, I had Brian come watch over you while I went out.”

“And?”  I glare at him, not pleased to find out he’d been sneaking out, but he refuses to look at me.

“And I had a little talk with Charles Grange.”

“He’s alive?”  I bite down on my lip, but I can’t hide the shock from this revelation.  Deklan glances at me briefly and nods.  “He was involved, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, he was.  I don’t know that he was ever on the boat, so there might not be anything about him you could remember, but he was definitely involved.”

Deklan pauses.  I know there’s more, but he’s reluctant to continue.  I try to wait him out, but when he doesn’t speak for some time, I prompt him.

“He wasn’t the one behind it, was he?”

“No.  Charles Grange was involved, but it wasn’t his idea.”

“Whose?”  I wait for an answer, but Deklan has gone silent again.  I grip his fingers until he looks at me.  “Whose idea was it, Dek?”

“Honestly, Kera,” Deklan says as he closes his eyes for a moment, “I have no idea how to tell you.”

“But you know who was behind it all.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Just say it.”

Deklan takes a long breath, swallows hard, and speaks the words.

“Kera—it was your father.  Cormick O’Conner orchestrated the whole thing.”