From the outside looking in, it’s been a good week. We’re back on track with the new album, and I gotta hand it to Coy; he’s got good chops. He plays as though he’s been with our band since inception, and next week we’ll finalize details for the tour. Our show isn’t over the top. Yeah, we have lights and a few special effects, but there’s no extravagant wardrobe changes or backup dancers. It makes for fairly easy preparation.

But that’s just surface level.

Because inside, in my mind, there’s animosity stirring and every bit of it is directed at our new drummer. I don’t hate many people. I really don’t. But this fucker could die tomorrow and I wouldn’t shed a tear. In fact, wrong as it is, I kinda hope he trips in front of a bus.

His treatment of Jess at the gala is something I can’t put out of my mind. But when I tried to mention it to Trent a few days ago, he told me to let it go. Not your relationship, Sean. Stay away from her. Let them work it out. His dismissal told me more than enough. Same as with checking up on Iz, Trent doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. And same as with checking up on Iz, I’ve ignored his advice. I won’t stop being friends with Jess. Not when I enjoy her company so much. Besides, there’s nothing inappropriate going on between us. Well, at least not in reality. Now, in my fantasies, that’s a whole different ballgame. But no one knows about that.

In reality, I’m no more pathetic than some lovesick fool. I live for her smiles. I look forward to moments of shared conversation. Hell, I even wake up at the crack of dawn to run so I get a few minutes of Coy-free time with her. Those moments are quickly becoming the best part of my day. I look forward to them even more than the times I fantasize about stripping her down to nothing in the back yard, laying her out on one of the lounge chairs and eating her out until she squeezes my head with her thighs and chants my name. Not that I won’t stop dreaming up moments like that, but as much as I want to trace every inch of her body with my tongue, I’m more focused on getting to know her mind.

And yes, that makes me a total loser. I know it and I don’t even care, which only shows how twisted up this woman has me. Only it’s not her fault. She has no fucking clue how desirable she is. Or how I feel, for that matter. She’s more concerned about Coy.

Bitter much? Yeah, that’s a fun pill to swallow day in and day out. Tonight especially.

“We done yet? You might not have a social life, but I do. At least I did a few months ago.” Austin groans, leaning back into the leather swivel chair. We’ve been in the basement for the past few hours going over logistics for our upcoming tour. Not by choice, but by Bedo’s ridiculous standard of work ethic.

“I don’t like to agree with him, but Aust has a point. We’ve worked through dinner every night this week. We need a few hours off.” Trent stands from the table and stretches his arms overhead.

Bedo’s lips pinch together with a scowl and he gathers the loose papers from on top of the conference style table before shoving them into his briefcase. “Which you will get. Saturday and Sunday. Within the limits we’ve already discussed.”

“Bullshit!” Austin yells. “No leaving the house? Again!”

“Unless it’s to the emergency room? No. The tour kicks off in three weeks. You can party to your menacing heart’s desire once we’re on the road.”

“Bullshit. That’s not gonna happen and you know it. This is fucking bullshit! Do you know how hard it is to get laid when you can’t leave the house?” Austin stands up and glares at Bedo. Oh, shit. Homeboy is pissed.

“It’s actually pretty easy for me,” Coy jokes. “Considering my girl is always ready and waiting.” He laughs, but it’s a poor attempt to break the tension. His words only rile me up. I know he’s with Jess, but I don’t want to think about the two of them together intimately.

“What gives, Bedo? We’ve done our time. Iz isn’t even in the fucking band. When are we off house arrest?” I act as offended as Austin, though I don’t have a real need to leave the house. Not when the woman who occupies all my spare headspace is here.

“Look.” Bedo stands from the table and fiddles with the gold band of his watch. “I wasn’t gonna say anything, because the deal isn’t in ink, but I have a sponsorship opportunity. Big. Fucking colossal. If we get it, it’s enough for all of you to retire and live like kings without working another day in your lives.”

I glance around at my bandmates. Coy’s eyes are as wide as if he’d won the lotto, which I guess he has. Trent straightens his spine but his expression is full of the same skepticism I feel in my gut.

Austin’s the one to speak up. “Okay, so what? You have some top secret deal that may or may not happen, and in the meantime we what? Get tucked into bed by nine?”

“Yep.” Bedo meets his glare. “I’m asking you to trust me on this one.”

“Kinda like I’m asking you to trust I won’t go out and get high off my ass tonight?” Touché. One point Austin.

“If you need to get laid, call a fucking hooker. Call a fuck buddy. Hell, order yourself a sex doll. I don’t care. ’Cause honestly, Austin, this shouldn’t be such a big fucking deal. I’ve got thousands of IPs in my inbox this very second from bands all wishing they could be so lucky as to live rent free and do what they love for a living.”

“I’m not paying for sex,” Austin grumbles. “And this isn’t just about getting laid. I need to get out of here.”

Bedo exhales with exaggeration, his gaze resting on each of us a long moment before settling back on Austin. “I might—I said might—know of a party on Sunset tomorrow. Industry professionals only. You’d have to promise to behave.”

Austin bounces on the balls of his feet and smiles wide. “You can have my first-born child if I don’t.”

Bedo rolls his eyes. “The last thing I need is a child. How about I cut off your balls if you don’t.”

Austin laughs but Bedo’s hard glare chases all humor from his face.

“Think I’m kidding? Try me.” One point, Bedo. Shaking his head and grabbing his briefcase off the table, he turns and heads up the stairs. “I’ll send a car tomorrow at eight. Until then, don’t make me regret it.”

“We’ll be angels!” Trent calls up and we all snicker, catching a few muttered cuss words from Bedo as he disappears up the stairs.

“You boys want dinner?” Deb calls down not two seconds later. “Jess and I fixed ziti!”

“Last one upstairs has to clean the kitchen,” Austin shouts.

Food. It sends us all running for the stairs like starving children. We’re a bit delirious after spending almost twelve hours down in this basement today. Laughing as Austin holds Coy back from reaching the first step, I shove Trent out of my way and sprint to the top. Am I hungry? Hell, yeah. But Deb’s ziti doesn’t compare to the young woman who stands in the kitchen dishing out plates. Jess lifts her chin and greets me with nothing more than a smile. If it were possible, I’d happily trade her for dinner, but since it’s not an option, I cherish that smile—the one that’s only for me in the four seconds before the rest of the band races up behind me.

“Looks amazing,” I say, accepting the plate from Jess. I’m not talking about the food, and I wonder if she can tell.

Her gaze drops, a red blush creeping up her cheeks as she reaches for another plate to fill. “Thanks. All Deb. I just helped.”

“Don’t let her fool you,” Deb interrupts and drops a slice of garlic bread on my plate. “She’s a fast learner. A few more weeks and she’ll be able to do this on her own.”

“That’s my girl,” Coy says. He doesn’t get in line behind Trent, either; he cuts around the kitchen island to stand behind her and place a hand on her hip.

Jess turns her face to him and her smile, it literally shines for him.

Fucker.

I want her to smile like that for me. I know it’s wrong, but that’s the first thought I have. I walk my food over to the table in the other room and give in to my second favorite reoccurring fantasy. The one where Coy gets hit by a bus. Also wrong, but it’s enough to keep a grin on my face through dinner.

* * *

After our meal I retreat to the living room to sprawl on the floor, my belly full from way too much food. Trent joins me and reclines on an oversized chair while Austin helps Deb clean up the kitchen. Of course Coy and Jess head upstairs, and it takes everything in my willpower to not think about what they’re doing.

I almost drift to sleep. Almost.

“I’m bored. I want to go out,” Austin complains and flops onto one of the couches.

“No, Aust. Bedo already said you could tomorrow.” Trent doesn’t glance up from his cell phone. He doesn’t care. He’s probably just waiting for Lexi to finish her show and FaceTime him. The rest of us are going stir crazy.

“We could sneak out.” Austin drops his voice. “It could be like old times.”

“How about you boys play a game?” Deb suggests, walking into the room to give Austin a glare. I don’t know how she heard him. Mom superpowers must never really go away.

Tony trails behind her, but when he notices me on the floor he races over to lick my face. Sitting up, I chuckle and pet the little twerp until he jumps out of my lap and back over to Deb.

Austin perks up and tilts his head. “Flip cup?”

Deb puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head. “Does it always have to be about drinking?”

He flashes her a wide smile. “Those are the only games I know.”

“Do we have any cards?” I ask, because that could turn another boring night around. Nothing like a little friendly competition, and I do enjoy taking Austin’s money.

“Check that closet. I’m sure you’ll find something in there.” Deb waves to a door and scoops up Tony in her arms. “We’re turning in for the night. Don’t get into any trouble.” She waves and we wish her good night before she retreats down the hall to the opposite end of the house.

“This could be fun. Game Night. I’m all about retro fabulous.” Austin rubs his hands together and pops off the chair to go over to the closet.

“I’ll get the refreshments!” I call over my shoulder and head into the kitchen. I snag a bottle of whiskey from the pantry along with a couple of beers from the fridge and head back to the living room. Coy and Jess come around the corner too, hand in hand. I’m equally excited and irritated at their appearance. Unlike yin and yang, they don’t balance each other out, and I really do wish for Coy to leave and Jess to stay, impractical as that is.

“Hey.” I lift my chin in a nod.

“Looks like someone’s ready to party.” Coy laughs and eyes the liquor bottles in my arms.

“Game night.” I nod my head back to the living room. And as much as I hate this fucker, I glance over at Jess in time to catch her eyes light up at my words. I’m sure I’ll regret my words later, but if it brings a smile to her gorgeous lips, it’ll be worth it. “You should join us.”

Jackpot. Her lips stretch with a smile that pulls across her face and she bounces on the balls of her feet.

Coy grins, but not in a nice way. More in a caught-me-looking-at-his-girl, fuck-off way, but instead of telling me so, he turns to Jess and kisses her cheek. “Let’s go get a drink first.”

She grins back at him and I have to look away. The adoration in her eyes for an ass like him is too much. He doesn’t deserve her. I walk back to the living room and set the drinks on the coffee table.

“Fuck, yeah.” Trent nods with approval and puts his phone down to accept a beer.

Austin’s back is to us as he shuffles a few boxes around in the closet. “Oh, snap! I haven’t played this since I was a kid.” He pulls out a box, shaking it around so the contents knock around inside. LIFE. How fitting.

“What we playing?” Coy says as he and Jess take a seat on the sofa.

“Shall we?” Austin drops the box on the center of the coffee table and picks up the bottle of whiskey. Not bothering to get a glass, he spins off the top and tilts it back for a long swallow. He holds up the bottle with a grin. “The Game of Life.”

Jess pulls the game box forward and lifts the top, already working to set the pieces in order.

Coy scoffs and shakes his head. “I play life every day. It’s called being a fucking adult.”

Trent grabs the whiskey bottle from Austin, using his shirt to wipe the top. “I’m not sure you still know how to do that, Austin.” His jab earns laughter from us all.

“Fine. Let’s play,” Coy grumbles. “It’s kind of lame. I thought we were talking cards.”

“I know! We can make it into a drinking game!” Austin beams, grabbing the set of colored tiles out of the box. “Then everyone’s happy. How fucking brilliant is that?”

“If you land on payday, you have to drink.” Trent laughs.

“Hell yeah, and let’s make it interesting. Every payday you spin.” Austin raises his brows and twists the spinner until it stops on the five. “That’s how many you drink.”

“What if it lands on a ten?” Jess asks, her tone more than worried.

“Then you finish the cup.” Coy stands from the sofa. “We’re gonna need cups. And more beers.”

“Count me in.” Trent stands. “I’ll help you.” He and Coy head to the kitchen.

“Ready.” Jess grins and rubs her hands together with the most relaxed smile I’ve ever seen her wear. “What color do you want to be?”

I wait for her to meet my stare. “Pick for me.”

“Really?” She lifts her brow as though she doesn’t believe I’d let her.

“Really.”

“Okay. You get pink.” She’s teasing. Maybe testing, but what she doesn’t know is that I don’t care what color my fictional ride is, especially with that playful smile on her face.

“I love pink.” The second the words leave my lips she looks away, a blush creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but I do enjoy being the cause for the heat on her face.

“Don’t we all, brother!” Austin cackles, reminding me that I need to watch myself tonight. He holds up his hand for a five.

I reluctantly meet his hand with a slap, not because I want to, but because Coy and Trent return. Jess is not mine. I can’t say shit like that around her with Coy in the room. God only knows what he might do. My stomach churns with unease that steals any prior excitement I had for tonight’s game.

About an hour in and way too many drinks later, a few truths are clear.

Austin’s still a dumbass when he’s drunk.

Coy’s competitive, even when dealing in fake money and plastic cars.

Trent’s fine motor skills are surprisingly intact after half a bottle of whiskey.

Jess still looks beautiful, even when she’s playing a board game; I don’t think she’s stopped smiling once.

I’m in love with that smile, and I suck at The Game of LIFE.

“Oh, yeah!” Jess gives a fist pump and snatches one of the children after reading her card aloud. “I’m beating all y’all’s asses! That makes four children for me, and the same father, no less.” She waggles her brows and it’s so darn cute we all laugh. Well, almost all of us.

“Fuck. Don’t be getting any ideas.” Coy scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“What? You scared of the minivan life?” Her hands go to her hips before she taps at his blue ride. “That is what this vehicle is, right?”

Austin picks up Coy’s game piece and holds it inches from his face. “I always thought it was more station-wagony, but yeah.”

“Give me that.” Coy snatches his car back, but two of the three people inside fall out and onto the board. “Goddamn!” He picks up the missing people pegs and sets his car back to last place.

“You a sore loser, Coy?” Trent teases.

“It’s just a stupid game,” Coy grumbles before staring at Jess. “She knows there ain’t no way in hell I’d knock her up and then repeat that mistake another three times. Fuck, no.” He laughs, but it’s a cruel one, as if he just made the funniest fucking joke on earth.

None of us join along. Even Austin drops his gaze to re-count his money. My gaze hasn’t left Jess, and the hurt I see there is a sucker punch to my own gut.

“What? That was funny!” Coy insists.

“I’ll just . . .” Jess doesn’t even finish her excuse before she’s on her feet and out of the room.

“Babe! Bring me back a beer?” Coy calls after her.

I can’t even look at him, I’m so disgusted. That, and I’ll be tempted to punch that stupid smile off his face. Instead I pick up my phone and pretend to care about the stupid shit people post on their social media.

“So damn sensitive! All you on your period too?” He laughs and leans back into his seat.

“I need a smoke.” Austin pops off the couch.

“Me, too.” Coy shakes his head as if he can’t believe we don’t find his stunt funny, and follows Austin outside.

That’s all I need. I don’t even make a bullshit excuse, but walk straight to the kitchen where Jess was headed. I stop short inside the door.

Her hands grip the counter, her back to me, and she’d look fine but for the tiny shake to her shoulders.

I take a few steps closer. “Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just need a sec.” She doesn’t turn but wipes at her eyes. “I’ll be right out.”

Goddamn. That’s it. It does me in completely. I can’t stand to see a woman cry. Not one I care for deeply. My feet move of their own accord and I reach for her arm. “Hey, Jess . . .”

“Don’t.” She holds up a hand to stop me from moving any closer. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just a silly game.” The words come from between sniffles.

I run my hand through my hair, frustrated by both her pain and my inability to comfort her. “Sure, but Coy—”

“He doesn’t mean it.” She cuts me off, and maybe she always gives him a pass, or she’s doing so now to protect him from negative thoughts from his new band. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve already formed my opinion of his behavior. One she’ll never influence for the better.

I think he means exactly what he said, but I don’t say that. Instead, I try to chase away her tears. “I was going to say he’s an ass.”

She actually smiles, and a giggle escapes before she can cover her mouth with her hand. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” My smile grows with hers. “For the record, I think you’ll make a great mom someday.”

Her smile falls. “I don’t think that’ll ever happen.”

“Why? Don’t you want kids? I can totally see you rocking the soccer mom minivan game.” My words are light, and meant to erase the unease from asking her something so personal.

“Oh, um . . . I do.” She wrings her hands together and lifts her gaze with a shrug. “Want kids. Not necessarily a minivan full, but yeah, being a parent would be about the most amazing job ever. But I don’t think that’s in the cards. Not for someone like me.”

I tilt my head and take in her answer, studying her face for a sign that she’s joking. I don’t understand how someone can’t see themselves properly, but it’s clear in this instant that Jess is clueless to the woman she is. “Someone who is caring and considerate of others? Isn’t that the ultimate profile of a good mother?”

Her gaze narrows to where her hands are clasped together. “I wouldn’t really know.”

“Babe! Beer!” Coy’s shouts break through our private conversation and remind me, as if I need it, that these moments with Jess are far and few between. I want to ask her more. I want to know her story. Where she comes from and who she wants to be. I want her to know she’s the kind of woman I’d want to mother my own children one day, but even I know that’s too much.

“I’d better . . .” She sighs as if she might like to stay here with me rather than take Coy his beer.

“Yeah.” I nod because I understand.

“Thanks, Sean.” Her lips tip up with a smile.

“You’re welcome. For what exactly?” I squint and shove my hands in my back pockets so I’m not tempted to reach for her hand. Because the way she’s looking at me right this second tells me she might not push me away.

“For your vote of confidence. I might not deserve it, but it still feels nice.” She smiles but this time it’s tainted with sadness.

I want to tell her she’s wrong. She not only deserves it, but more. If she were mine, I wouldn’t stop building her up until she’s chased and conquered all of her dreams. That I would support her. That I would love her better than him . . . but I don’t. Instead, I nod and offer a smile. “Anytime.”

She doesn’t move to go. It’s almost as if she can read my thoughts. As though she’s waiting for me to say more. She holds my gaze and I can’t seem to look away.

“Babe! The fuck!” Coy shouts and she jumps.

She rushes to the fridge, retrieves a beer, and is out of the kitchen before I can say anything else.

I lean back against the counter, watching the door as it swings closed. Coy is a fucking asshat. The worst kind of man. Not only does he take for granted the kind of woman he has, but he also doesn’t deserve her love. Jess should be adored. She should be reminded every day just how kind, loving, and beautiful she is, but instead, that clown takes every opportunity to snuff the light she holds inside. He doesn’t even get it, either, the fucking selfish prick. Someone like Jess, if allowed to grow and flourish, would shine brighter than any other woman in the room. Hell, her little smile from before was enough to make my night.

Frustration at both the situation and myself for not calling Coy out on his shit explodes within and I slam my fist against the counter. “Shit! Fuck!” That fucking hurt. I shake my hand out and reach for the refrigerator door, grabbing another beer for myself. Fuck it, I grab two. Setting them on the counter, I rub my palms over my face and through my hair.

“Hey, you coming back out?” Trent steps into the kitchen.

“Yeah. Just a minute.” I blow out a breath and twist the tops off both beers.

“What the fuck are you doing in here? Jacking off?” He laughs.

“No, asshole. Just thinking.” My gaze flits to the open doorway, and at the sound of Jess’s voice I can’t help but smile.

“Dude. No.” His warning is clear and he shakes his head.

“What?” I pretend like I don’t understand his meaning and tilt back my beer for a long swallow.

“No fucking way, Sean. You can’t. She’s not yours.”

“What are you talking about?” I know damn well he’s referring to Jess, but I play it off like I don’t. At least I attempt to.

“After all the shit we’ve been through the past few months? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You can’t, bro. I don’t care how much you like her. Stay away.”

“I’m not doing anything. Swear, I’m not.” But that’s not really true. I crave her attention. Her smile. Her conversation. I take every opportunity possible to bask in her presence. I realize that makes me a total fucking loser, and yet I can’t seem to give a shit. I want her so much that I’m happy with whatever scraps I can get.

“Tread carefully, my friend. I sure hope you know what the fuck you’re doing. ’Cause we can’t lose another drummer.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go finish the game.” Beers in hand, I walk away, pushing my way back into the room with a fake easy grin plastered on my face. “We doing this or what? I’m ready for my big comeback!”

I take my seat, play by the rules, and joke between swallows of beer, as if everything is peachy. But the game I’m playing is dangerous. I want to break all the rules with Jess. I shouldn’t be thinking of making babies with her for a real life minivan. She’s not mine. She’s not. It’s against every rule. A good man would follow those rules, and while I always strive to be a good man, this woman has me thinking maybe I should be bad.

I can’t fight the hope she might want to break them too.