The next week flies by in a blur. We don’t have a chance to grieve properly because we really do need to hit the road. Since Iz doesn’t have family, we take care of arrangements for his remains and decide to scatter his ashes at a later time. Bedo’s able to delay the tour a few days, rescheduling the first shows to the end, and he hunts down a professional musician to play drums until we hire someone permanently. We all put feelings aside to get the work done because for now, that’s what’s most important. There are thousands of fans across the country counting on us and no one wants to let them down.

Trent’s really distant. Iz’s death hits him hard. I think he feels guilt for not making peace with him while he had the chance. It’s no surprise to anyone when he flies out to stay on the road with Lexi for a few days.

I spend that time getting to know Jess. We talk. A lot. Sometimes until two in the morning, but she doesn’t share my bed again, even to sleep. I can’t say I don’t wish for it, but there’s something special about exploring our friendship with sex off the table. It’s really difficult not to kiss her, though. Those lips tempt with every word, laugh, and smile.

Two days before we take off for the summer tour, I finally convince her to join me for a run. With a day of practice and meetings, I’m squeezing in all the time I can. I go slower than my usual pace and she tries to keep up, but I can tell it’s not her thing. We head back at an easy pace and I promise to make it up to her with breakfast.

“You do that? Every day?” she demands as soon as we’re back at the house. Her skin shines with a sheen of sweat and wisps of hair stick to her face from where they’ve come loose from her ponytail.

I grab two waters from the fridge and hand her one. “Times ten.” I chuckle because we didn’t even run a mile.

“You’re crazy.” She untwists the cap and chugs most of the bottle.

Crazy about you. The words almost slip from my mouth, and I’m glad they don’t because fuck—how lovesick does that sound? Each day we spend together, it becomes harder to hold back my feelings. This “space” thing is a challenge, but one I’m fully committed to, even if it entails pining away for Jess the entire tour.

“How hungry are you?” I pull out ingredients to whip up omelets.

“So hungry.”

My phone buzzes from where it lays on the counter and I stop to check it.

Trent: On our way back. Need to talk.

Me: Everything cool?

Trent: Fine, but I’m bringing back a surprise.

“Good surprise or bad one?” Jess’s breath hits the side of my neck and sends a bolt of lust through my body. I tense so I won’t reach for her.

She steps back shaking her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have read that.”

I hand her my phone and whisk the eggs in a bowl. “I don’t care about that. I have nothing to hide. But speaking of phones I ordered you a replacement. New number, too.” So Coy can’t contact you when he’s released from jail.

“Oh, goodie! You’re making breakfast.” Austin struts in and bumps Jess on the shoulder, earning a grin from her luscious lips before he takes a seat at the counter. “You get Trent’s cryptic warning?”

I chuckle, tossing a handful of veggies into a skillet. “I don’t think that was his intent.”

“So, what do you think the surprise is?” Jess rubs her hands together. Some people hate surprises, but her excitement tells me she’s not one of those. I pocket that information for future reference.

“With Trent, my guess is something to do with Lex.” Austin rolls his eyes. He’s probably right.

“Honey, I’m home!” Trent’s voice booms from the front room.

“In here!” I call and finish scrambling the eggs. “Looks like we don’t have to wait to find out.”

“Lexi!” Austin pushes off his seat and captures her in a hug as she comes into the kitchen.

“Did y’all miss me?” Trent walks in next, and behind him a young woman I’ve never seen before.

“Who’s the hottie?” Austin murmurs under his breath.

“Keep it in your pants, Austin.” Lexi offers a pointed glare and steps around him to give me a hug.

“What? I’m a good guy appreciating a gorgeous woman. And your friend is fucking beautiful.” He nods to the girl and her freckled skin blushes with pink.

Lexi punches Austin in the arm before walking back toward the girl. “I’d like you all to meet someone special.” Lexi reaches for her hand. She’s young. Jailbait young. But with a natural beauty that shines through her nervous smile. “My sister.”

“Huh?” Austin’s eyes leave the girl and find Lexi.

“This is my sister, Opal.” Lexi smiles with a genuine warmth that reaches her eyes. Whereas Lex is all kickass confidence with her short hair, red painted lips and charcoal lined eyes, Opal is a sharp contrast. She’s soft, her makeup is light, and her sundress makes her appear as if she’s likely on her way to teach Sunday school. I tilt my head, straining to spot something that binds the two but don’t find the family resemblance.

“Nice to meet you.” Jess is the first to slide off her chair and offer Opal her hand. “I’m Jess.”

“I thought Lex was an only child?” Austin whispers louder than he should.

Trent steps between us and nods. “Was. Yeah. Half-sister. Apparently her dad knocked up more than just Lex’s mom.”

Austin holds out his hand for a high five. “Nice!” Neither Trent nor I give him the time of day.

“It’s really nice to meet y’all,” Opal says and Austin finally drops his un-met five.

“So . . . I have a little news for you all.” Trent rocks on his heels and shoves his hands into his front pockets. Fuck. What now? That’s his tell. He only looks this nervous when shit’s about to hit the fan. With everything we’ve already been dealt this month, I’m not sure the band can take much more.

“What?” Austin’s gaze bounces back from Trent to Lexi. “Oh, fuck. What? Are you guys pregnant or something?”

Lexi’s smile drops and she shakes her head profusely. “Why would you even joke about that?”

Trent stumbles back a step, his face going ghost white. “Fuck! No! Not that!”

“What?” Lexi’s brow furrows into a fierce scowl that narrows on him.

“Oh, no. Babe. I didn’t—”

Oh, fuck. Wrong fucking answer. “Is that really how’d you feel about the conception of our child? I’ll keep that in mind the next time you want to play with the girls. Which are on full lockdown, sabbatical, vacation, hiatus.”

He strides to her side and reaches for her hand. “No, no, no. Baby, I’m sorry. I’d love to have children with you. I’d be fucking honored. Impressed and amazed, even, that you’d let me, considering our child would be like a giant in your uterus.”

“Enough baby talk. What’s the news?” Austin interrupts.

Trent swallows once before his gaze leaves Lexi’s. “Opal’s going to join us on the tour.”

“You’re a musician?” I ask, unable to keep the shock from my voice.

She doesn’t look the part, especially when she drops her gaze and a blush creeps up her neck and colors her cheeks. “Oh, no. I don’t play.”

“What the fuck?” Austin drops his hands open wide and turns to face Trent. “What the hell, Trent? Why can’t she stay back here with Deb like Jess is?”

“Deb doesn’t know Opal. Neither does Jess.” Lexi places her hands on her hips, “Trent and I both decided it would be better if she stays with the band until I join you.”

“Oh you decided, did you?” Austin leans back against the counter’s edge.

“It’s not gonna be a problem, is it?” Trent lifts a brow.

Austin rolls his eyes and waves a hand. “Oh, no. Perfectly fine. Let’s find a few other girls to pick up along the way. I’m sure it’ll be real cool. All the rock stars are doing it.”

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Trent runs his hands through his hair and tucks it behind his ears.

“He’s worried about how it’ll affect his game.” I scoff making the joke, but by Austin’s glare I’ve hit the nail on the head.

“That’s right, Sean. I am. With you and Trent off the market, I’m set to reap the rewards, but not if we’ve got a bus full of women.” Oh, brother.

Trent’s lips twist with a smile, though it holds no humor. “Sorry this interferes with your manwhoring. That was my utmost concern when Opal had no place to go.”

“Fuck you!” Austin throws up his middle finger.

“Guys. That’s enough.” Lex calls out and steps between the two. She meets Austin’s stare with her hands on her hips. “This is my sister. My sister. She’s family. You do this for me, because I’d do this for you.” It shuts us all up and the space falls silent. “I finish up my tour in a few weeks, and until I can join you, I trust you’ll watch out for her.”

“Thank you for having me.” Opal’s southern drawl is as sweet as her face. “Really, I’m so thankful. To Lexi. And y’all.”

“How old do you think she is?” Austin whispers in my ear.

I elbow him in the ribs.

“Right. Lex’s sister.”

I throw him a side glare. “Not to mention Trent will kick your ass.”

“Whose ass am I kicking?” Trent lifts his brows and Austin chooses that moment to refill his glass from the sink. Smart move.

I grab a stack of dishes from the cabinet and scoop servings onto each plate, glad I made so much. Jess pulls out condiments and juice, and butters extra pieces of toast without me having to ask. Everyone else grabs a plate and we sit together at the table to eat breakfast. Lexi entertains us with tales from her tour. It’s the most normal moment we’ve shared since Iz’s passing.

“When do you fly back?” I ask Lexi.

“Tomorrow morning.” She shrugs and spins her fork on her empty plate. “Wish I could stay longer, but I play Boston tomorrow night.”

“We hit the road in two days anyway,” Trent says, his gaze falling on Lexi. “But that’s okay. Won’t be too much longer till I get you to myself every night again.”

Her lips tick up with her smile. I’m happy for them. That they’ve made it work between crazy travel schedules and separate tours gives me hope that eventually Jess and I might have a relationship like that.

Lexi clears her throat. “I know it’s short notice, but since we’re all together I was actually hoping we could do something tonight. In memory of Iz.”

“What’d you have in mind?” I lean forward in my chair and chance a glance at each of the guys. We haven’t talked much about Iz. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just there’s not much to say. How do you make peace when the man you once considered a friend and bandmate chooses death over life?

“Something simple here at the house,” Lexi says, and she reaches for Austin’s shoulder. “What do you think?”

He blinks twice and clears his throat. “Outside.” He blinks again and this time sniffles as if he might cry. “Iz always liked looking at the stars.”

Lexi smiles. “It’s a plan. After the sun sets. We’ll do it then.”

* * *

Later that evening Jess and I make our way into the backyard with Lexi and Trent. Austin’s already in the center of the sitting area. A flame of orange illuminates his smile.

“A fire? It’s kinda warm enough.” I laugh as Austin stokes the blaze in the metal fire pit on this mild summer night.

“Ambiance, my friend. Besides, it doesn’t feel right celebrating Iz without the scent of something burning. I thought a joint would be in bad taste.” He winks with his joke but no one laughs.

“Good call.” I swear this guy doesn’t grow up. Hasn’t in the ten plus years I’ve known him.

Lexi’s gaze is set on the fire and Trent runs back inside to grab a cooler of drinks. I step away from Jess to check on her. “So, a sister?”

“Yeah. Crazy, huh?” She peers up and shakes her head as if she doesn’t really believe it’s possible. “She’s a good person. We’ve been getting to know each other since my dad passed. She was living with family . . . It’s complicated. Anyway, I appreciate you guys watching out for her until I can join you. I’d take her on my bus, but there’s no one besides me to look out for her. Trent said it wouldn’t be a problem, but now I’m not so sure.” Her gaze rests on Austin.

“Hey.” I shake my head. “You managed to reform Trent, and for some reason you keep him around. The least we can do is keep an eye on your sister a few weeks.”

“Funny, that’s what Trent said.” She bumps my shoulder with hers.

“I’ve missed you, Lexi.”

Her smile falls as her gaze drifts back to the fire. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Maybe if I had been. If I’d gone to see him? He might still be here.”

“No, don’t. You can’t even think that. His addiction was bigger than any of us. It’s not your fault. It’s not mine. We can’t think that way. Iz wouldn’t have it.” At least that’s what I tell myself. How I’m finding peace in his absence.

“You’re right.” She wipes under her eyes. “You’re exactly right.”

Trent makes his way back and sets the cooler on the pavers. “Water, soda, beer, and hard stuff. Pick your poison.” He lifts a beer out for himself and a water for Lexi.

“So, shall we get this started or what?” Austin pops the top off a beer bottle and leaps onto one of the patio chairs.

“Maybe I should go?” Jess whispers in my ear. “I wasn’t close with him.”

“I want you to stay. That is, if it’s not too hard?” I pick two waters out of the cooler.

She takes a drink from my grasp and nods. “Okay.”

“Dude, no one’s listening to me!” Austin shouts.

“Maybe you should get off your high horse.” Trent snickers.

“Fuck you, man. I’m trying to be astute here.”

I laugh and shake my head. “Maybe stop trying so hard.”

“That’s what she said,” Trent says.

“Come on, that’s enough.” Lexi shakes her head. “Iz would’ve walked out by now.”

“She’s right.” Trent sits back on one of the chairs and stretches out his legs. “How about we share something we’ll miss most about him? I’ll start.” He takes a long pull from his beer and settles his stare into the fire. “I’ll miss how he always came out of nowhere with a truth bomb. Just dropped it in my fucking lap between inhales of his cigarette. It’s funny because he never really seemed like he had it all together, but if you stopped to listen, he had some really insightful shit to lay down.”

Austin nods, clasping his hands around his beer. “I’ll miss the laughs. I mean, he was always fucking high. Always. But he was still funny as fuck.”

“He looked out for me.” Lexi’s eyes shimmer with the illumination from the flames. “More than my own father which isn’t saying much, but when I toured with you guys last summer he was always asking if I was good.”

Trent tips his head. “And you looked out for him.”

“Yeah. Not sure it did much good.” She shrugs. “I couldn’t even get him to quit smoking.”

“What about you, Sean?” Austin asks, and emotion clogs my throat.

I’ve thought about this very question so many times over the past few days, but I haven’t had to put words to my feelings. “I’ll miss his smile. I miss jamming out. He was our brother. He was hurting and I never knew how much. It’s scary, you know? That we could be so close and have no fucking clue how dark things were for him? I don’t want that to happen again. You guys are my brothers.” Tears gather and fall from the corners of my eyes. I should try to hide them, or at least wipe them away, but I don’t. It hurts so damn much and I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t.

“We won’t,” Trent says. “Sean, it was different with Iz.”

I lift my gaze and meet his over the fire. “Yeah, but if we didn’t see a problem like that right under our noses? It doesn’t give me much faith. I don’t want to say good-bye to Iz. It fucking hurts. But the thought of losing one of you that way? It’d fucking ruin me.”

The wood crackles in the steel fire pit as my words hang as heavy as the smoke.

Austin pushes to his feet. “A blood pact.”

“Aust . . .” Trent rolls his eyes at his theatrics.

“Minus the blood.” Austin shrugs but his stare doesn’t waver. “I’m being serious. Right here, right now, we make a promise to each other. No matter how fucked up or heavy life gets, we come to each other first. No matter how busy, or stressed, or fucking famous, we always make time to listen.”

“I’ll promise that,” I say, and I have to hand it to him. Austin might act a fool most of the time, but his heart is good.

“Now we need a secret club handshake.” He holds my stare a full ten seconds before cracking up. “I’m fucking with you. Though it would be pretty badass.” Maybe he’s still a fool. He shrugs. “Sorry.”

“To never giving up. On each other. On ourselves.” Trent lifts his drink and waits until every one of us does the same before tilting it back. The silence stretches around us, comfortable this time, and for the first time in days I feel as though I can take a full breath. As if a weight I didn’t realize I was holding is now gone.

“Can I say something?” Jess says, and worries her bottom lip between her teeth before she continues. “I know I didn’t know him very well. We only met once. But he was kind, and hearing all these stories . . . it’s clear he was loved by you all. You made a difference in his life, too.”

“Thanks, Jess.” I squeeze her hand. I’m glad she got to meet him.

“You know what? I’m really going to quit this time.” Austin pulls out his pack of cigarettes and tosses them into the fire. He’s a drunk smoker, only partaking when he’s thoroughly sloshed, and for that alone the timing of his declaration is surprising. “For Iz.”

“Good for you, Austin.” Trent slaps his back but we all hear what he mutters next. “Bets on how long this lasts.”

“Hey!” Austin pouts. “I’m not dicking around. I mean it.” He coughs and takes a long sip from his beer before adding, “This time.”

Trent chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. “I say one week.”

“Oh, I’ll take two.” I grin.

“Fuckers.” Austin shakes his head. “No respect.”

“I have faith in you.” The conviction in Jess’s tone suppresses all the teasing. “My bet’s on you, Austin.”

“Why thank you, Jess” He tips his chin and raises his glass. “Someone around here believes in me.”

“Oh, we believe in you.” Lexi pats his shoulder. “We just know you really well. But people change every day, so prove us wrong.”

I certainly hope she’s right. Not only for Austin’s smoking habit, but for Jess’s future and any chance I have to be included in it. The next few months won’t be easy. Harder still because I’ll be touring state to state while she’s here battling her demons without me. But here in the moment, as I look around and see the faces of my friends, I believe it’s entirely possible.