Before I can make my own move, he grabs me and lifts me, stepping into the shower. The pain of his denial for the past three weeks is forgotten when his lips claim mine. I found out four days ago I'm pregnant, but I've been stupidly waiting for him to come around. I claim all I want is his sexual attention, though it's more, but I'm grown enough I can accept that won't happen. So I'm going to get something else I want. Sex.
"Fuck me, Callum," I breathe.
The friction between our bodies could make me burst and all I want is for him to enter me.
"You threw a fucking cake at me," he says before his mouth blocks me from responding.
I rip my lips from his. "Fuck me, Callum, now." I try to adjust while he has me pinned against the wall hovering just above his hard dick.
"Are you ready for me?" His hand slides between us and when he reaches his destination, his eyes meet mine again. "I've fantasized about this for weeks," he growls, slowly lowering me. "Dreamed about filling you."
"Then do it." I try to thrust down but he stops me.
"Stop, before I hurt you," he demands and holds my ass in his hands, stopping me from impaling myself over him.
"I need it," I claim while his mouth goes for my neck.
"Are you really pregnant?" His lips move to my ear and his dick rubs against my eager opening. "Mag, answer me. Were you lying?"
I can't focus on his words when I'm ready for him but I shake my head no.
"I'm pregnant, Callum."
"Fuck," he grunts and starts sliding into me.
I yelp at the unexpected feeling and he pauses. "No, don't stop." I wiggle.
"Slow," he tells me as he lowers me steadily, filling me gently.
It doesn't stop the burn of invasion, but the pleasure of lust makes me want more. I wiggle and try to move faster, but he grips me tight.
"Just use me, Callum. Use me like you'll never see me again." My words open the flood gates and he thrusts into me, immediately making me love and hate I just said that. I want it. The pain, the hate, the feeling of being disposable.
One hand is in my hair and the other is holding me up, keeping me pinned to the wall while he thrusts deep and hard with each pivot of his hips. I'm going to regret this, I can already feel it, but it's too good to ask for gentle.
"Callum," I cry out in pain that's so pleasurable it makes me realize new things about myself.
"You're my pleasure, my wife, mine to use," he grunts, his hips moving faster. "Mine to fill."
"Yours to sexually abuse." The second the words leave my mouth, he stops and I regret saying that. "Callum?"
"Fuck," he growls and yanks my head to the side. His teeth dig into my flesh and I scream out while grabbing onto his hair.
I don't know this side of myself but I like it and I don't want him to stop showing me that I enjoy this. His grasp is coveting but I know my naivety is making it seem that way. This is the first man to be inside my body and it's natural for me to want it to be out of love. The rational part of me knows it's anything but. It's exactly what I just begged him for. Using me as a warm, wet hole.
I will be in a lot of pain after this and it almost makes me stop him. Only because the pain will make me remember feeling him inside me like this and this memory is supposed to bring a love filled smile. My smile will be sex-crazed, not love filled.
At this moment, as he grunts in my ear and his pumping becomes jerky and I feel his heat shooting into me, I don't give a damn. I'll take a million more days of this, even without an orgasm.
He's panting heavily and the grip he's using to hold me to his body will leave marks, but I don't move until he does. My legs wobble but I don't let him see it. My head's spinning but I won't let him know it. My entire body is throbbing but I won't admit to it. I rinse off under the stream and step out of the shower, leaving him. I'm tingling everywhere and I could sleep for a day. But I act casual and grab my clothes.
"Will you join me for dinner?" he asks when he steps into my room, his dirty clothes in his hands.
I look over at him as he dresses. My eyes scan his body and I stupidly find myself lucky. My husband's attractive. Sexy. He smells good. He obviously fucks good. But the stupidity of it is he's not a real husband.
"No," I respond. As I turn away from him, I notice his abrupt movement when he looks at me but I don't bother sparing him a glance.
"No?" he asks in disbelief.
"No, thank you." I pull up my pants and move into my bedroom.
There's no sense in lying to myself and pretending this is a happy union when it's far from. I want to be used for sex, and at this point in time, he's lawfully the only one supposed to do that, so that's all I want from him.
"Magdelena." He's pissed, but I don't really care. Maybe I can re-gift him one of the many presents he's given me and maybe it'll buy me some space.
Looking over at him, I frown. He ruined that shirt and it looked really good on him. I also like it unbuttoned and hanging open, untucked from his pants. Makes him look carefree. Why does something so beautiful have to be so ugly?
"Yes?"
"You're going to join me for dinner."
I'm feeling like a sex maniac. I'm painfully but deliciously sore and all I want to do is jump back on him.
"No, I'm not."
"You said you wanted my attention!" he barks.
"Yeah and I got it. I'm going riding with Gee."
"While pregnant?" he shouts.
"Dr. Chen said I should stop at twelve weeks but it's safe."
"You're not. I'll have the horses removed from the property. You're not riding." Before I can talk, he's storming out the door and slamming it behind him.
I fall back onto my mattress and giggle in complete happiness I had sex. Good sex. I think it was at least. I liked it. I didn't get off, but I really liked it and I want more of it. I could only imagine if I actually liked the man, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him. God, he was hot, too. All growls and grunts and forceful. Using me like I asked him to. Then his hair was a mess and his clothes were disheveled. We may hate each other, but I don't have to hate this part of our arrangement.
After my accidental public announcement about my pregnancy, everyone started babying me. Gee wouldn't go riding with me. Lol wouldn't allow me to get anything for myself. And suddenly I'm being woken at six in the morning and everything in my room is being moved.
"What the hell is going on?" I shout, flustered and groggy, not sure if I'm dreaming. "Stop! Stop taking my things!"
Oh my god, he's already kicking me out.
"I'm sorry, madam. It's Your Grace's orders," a woman says, neatly packing my side table into a box.
"His orders for what?" I demand but no one's answering and there are about ten people invading my privacy.
"Lol!" I shriek, fumbling to blow out of my room like a hurricane. "Lol!" Not finding him anywhere, I storm to Callum's room. "Callum, what the hell?" I scream, but the room is empty, so I head for his office. "Callum!" I hear talking and the second I stomp into the room, I halt. Women. Four women. Four attractive women are all staring at me.
"Magdelena," he says calmly, his eyes locked on me while my gaze flies around the room in confusion. "Ladies, this is my wife, Magdelena. Apparently she's been ushered directly from bed." His eyes peruse my sleep attire and I realize I haven't even pulled my shorts out of my ass this morning.
They all greet me with fake smiles. When all of their attention goes back to Callum, I feel my cheeks heating up. They start giggling and their doe eyed gazes are pinned on my husband.
"Callum, I'd like a word with you." I look around these women again and wonder why they're here so early.
"Certainly. Ladies, if you don't mind, I'll join you in the hall momentarily and we'll begin our day."
Each has something to say to him about how thankful or excited they are and I watch them all closely, wondering where they came from and why they're here. I'm close on their heels and the minute they cross the threshold, I slam the door.
"Don't be rude, Magdelena."
"Why are all my belongings being packed up from my room?" I snarl and move toward his desk.
"You're my wife. You're going to share a bed with me."
"I don't want to!" I pout with a stomp of my foot and all.
He looks me from head to toe slowly. "You don't have a choice. I want you close for when I want to use you. You will be in my bed from here on out."
"Callum," I whine, not that I hate the idea of him being able to use me whenever he wants, but it's much more intimate than I'd hoped for.
"What did you think would happen? We'd get married and no one would notice we don't share a bed?" The jerk has the nerve to laugh at me.
"I don't give a damn what people notice, Callum! I don't want to share a room."
"Please keep your voice down." His eyes go to the door.
"Who are those women and why are they here so early in the morning?" I fold my arms over my chest and his sight lands on my hard nipples.
"They're with the Fumel Leukemia foundation. And we have a long day ahead of us."
Rude the asshole didn't invite me, but thankful he didn't.
"Then you better get going. Right after you tell the staff it's okay to put my things back. Callum, I was sleeping. They barged into my room and woke me up to pack my things."
"I know. I told them to. Your belongings will not be put back. You will lie with your husband at night. And you will get on some clothing before gallivanting the house in whatever you consider this to be."
"Shorts and a tank top? It's pajamas!" I scoff, looking down at my disheveled clothes then to his face with a cocked eyebrow.
"It's inappropriate and if I didn't enjoy it, it'd be gone. You can save it for the bedroom."
"You're out of your mind!"
"You're the crazy one, Magdelena. I'm not sure what you thought giving your body to me would do. If anything, it only makes me more possessive." He advances toward me and I shuffle back.
"Let's not forget how much you hate me," I say to remind him to keep his distance, even though the look on his face is like he wants to devour me in the best way.
"I don't hate you. I find you obnoxious. You're mouthy. You're bratty. You're loud. But that doesn't mean you aren't the sexiest thing I've ever had." His words catch me in a web and I freeze. His hand wraps around my back and I stare up at him in surprise. He just said I was the sexiest thing he's ever had. I knew he could get it up for me, but I thought he only tolerated me. "Now either get to your knees or get to unpacking your belongings in the bedroom we'll share. This isn't a traditional matrimony, but you will be available for me to empty myself into whenever I please."
"And if I protest?" I say with anger but feel anything but. I'm afraid I've created a monster when I asked him to use me with no love.
"You'll have a sore twelve months, Mrs. Carbon." Letting me go, he moves to his desk and picks up a pair of leather gloves.
If there weren't four women outside that door waiting on him, I'd snatch them and use them to strangle him.
"I usually turn in around midnight. Be waiting with your legs spread." He pulls the door open and I stare after him like he just took my head.
"Sweetheart," I blurt and hurry to the door. Leaning against the frame, I hold back from baring my teeth as all four women flock him. "Don't worry, it happens to all men sometimes. Have a good day." I wink and begin my march while he makes a noise, not sure how to respond.
Asshole.
My pregnancy isn't a secret, which means we will be having a party soon to formally announce it, along with the gender of the baby. I'm four months pregnant and that’s been a breeze so far. My unconventional life on the other hand, that’s been hell. I'm constantly stressed and worried Callum's true intentions will be discovered by someone. And for some reason, I care. I care it'll tarnish his name. I care people will be disgusted I let him do this. I don't know why I care, but it's left me with high anxiety daily. Not to mention the unconventionality of it is never going to change. I only see Callum if I go looking for him, or if he comes looking for me to get off. I've still yet to experience an orgasm from him. The only time he's made me come was when he touched me the night of our wedding. We've been having intercourse since the day of my breakdown, but it hasn't been as good as that day. I have literally become a receptacle for him. He hasn't touched or held me like the first time. I try, in an attempt to get pleasure for myself, but he won't allow it. He wants me to suffer and I hate him for it but I never stop him because I crave the idea it'll get better.
"Will you be attending the party tomorrow?" I bitchily ask him when he gets in bed.
We sleep with a wall of pillows between us. I started it, he built onto it. The only time they're moved is when he wants to mount me. And I'm not joking. He mounts me. There's no foreplay. I'm never on top. He picks whether I'm face up or face down and he mounts me.
"Of course, Magdelena. It's my child."
I almost bite back with 'It's my child' but I'm too worn down and don't want to fight tonight. He always effectively cuts me down and I usually spend an hour crying in the bathroom while he snores peacefully.
"Just wondering. We haven't made a public appearance together since our wedding."
He's had countless outings one would normally bring their wife to, but because I'm not a real wife, I don't attend.
"Roll onto your side." He begins to remove the pillow blockade and I snort out a laugh.
Not a chance.
"Not tonight." I yawn and roll over, but only to sleep.
"You have no choice. You wanted me to use your body and that's what I plan to do."
I bite my lip as emotions start to peak. The one thing this pregnancy's screwing me on is my emotions. Everything hurts more. And I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally.
"Not tonight, Callum." This time I bite my tongue because I already feel like I could cry.
This is the first time I've denied him. I did ask him to sexually use me, but this isn't what I meant. I thought it'd be like the first time. I thought he'd care about my pleasure. I was wrong.
His warmth spreads over my back and I roll my eyes, about to push him away but his hand spans across my stomach. It's the first time in months that he's touched me other than getting a grip to drill into me. The sound of his deep inhale comes over my shoulder and his hand slowly caresses the very small globe growing in my stomach. I'm barely showing but I notice it.
My head's telling me to roll to face him and kiss him. Get the attention I need, but I'm afraid to move because I'm afraid he'll pull away.
"Mag," he whispers and his hand softly massages my stomach. His lips press to my bare shoulder and I close my eyes. "You're my wife. If I want to fuck you, I'm going to fuck you even if you don't want it." He removes his hand from my body and pushes away from me, getting off the bed. All bark and no bite. Sickly enough, I want the bite.
The bathroom door slams and I jump. I reach for the pillows he discarded at our feet but stop. Maybe he’ll come back and try again. Maybe tonight will be different than every other night I end up disappointed. He actually touched me like he doesn't loathe me.
I leave the barrier down and wait for him to exit the bathroom, but he never does. Not before I fall asleep at least. I wake in the morning and he's next to me, the barricade replaced and I close my eyes again as they fill with tears. I have nine more months before he divorces me. That is if this baby is a male, and I pray daily it will be. Only two people know the sex of the baby. Dr. Chen and Susan, the coordinator of the gender reveal party. To say I'm excited to learn what my little button will be is an understatement. I'm thrilled and am so in love with this baby it's ridiculous. The thoughts of what'll happen when we divorce haunt me, also making my anxiety hard to control. Usually, I sleep the thoughts away because sometimes there are no other methods to stop thinking about it. I've even considered offering to be a servant within the house just so I don't have to leave my child. There's no way in hell Callum could raise this baby alone. He's a cold man and I'd hate for that to be the only emotion my baby experiences.
When he stirs next to me, I smile and lean up.
"Good morning." Today's event has me not caring about last night. Even though he doesn't respond, I can't stop smiling. "Today's the day." I can't help but giggle.
"Let us pray it's male," he grumbles and gets off the bed, the bathroom door slamming in a similar way it did last night.
I roll my eyes and rub my stomach. "I want you no matter what," I whisper to my abdomen.
Never in my life did I have plans of becoming a mother. It's not that I never wanted kids, I just didn't have plans for anything. Whatever happens happens was my mentality. Well this has happened. I'm carrying a Duke's offspring and though I feel badly for who my child's father is, I couldn't be more excited to bring this life into the world.
When the bathroom door opens, Callum's dressed, his hair is done, and I can smell his cologne from the bed. I want that smell smeared across my skin. I open my mouth, wanting to offer my body because I'll even take the meaningless romp just to have some of his attention. Before I can say anything, he exits the bedroom without looking my way. My mouth closes tight and I pause until my eyes fill with tears.
Why do I keep holding on to the illusion that he doesn't hate me as much as he acts like he does? I don't remember the last conversation we had. I don't remember the last lustful look he's given me. There's so much distance between us, even when he's inside me.
Once I'm dressed and ready for the day, I take a few minutes to meditate. It seems to help with the stress. I can't just pop a Xanax, so I try everything I can. The thought of how poorly Callum's going to treat me in front of everyone today has me almost convincing myself to play sick and not attend my own party.
I push through and hope a little bit of food will help.
I've been surrounded by a few of Callum's family members for the past hour and twenty minutes before all guests should arrive.
Gee jumps up. "Mag, come with me." She extends her hand and I chuckle, glancing around.
"Where's Callum?" Gee's mother asks me and I give her a quick smile.
"Working," I lie. I have no idea where that man is.
"Come, come," Gee says in excitement and grabs my hand.
We walk down the hall toward the front door and before we get there it opens. My mother and Mary walk through the door, brushing snow off their coats. I squeal so loudly it echoes and I run toward the comfort of my family.
"You're here!" I shriek, having no idea they were coming. They couldn't afford it. I was going to video call them during the reveal.
After hugging my mom, Mary grabs me and holds me tight. She knows how stressed I've been feeling lately, but she doesn't know the truth in why.
"How are you guys here?" I wipe the happy tears from my face.
"Callum arranged it," my mom says and I exhale a believable laugh, wiping my face again. It wasn't out of kindness, it was to torture me, but I'm happy they're here.
"How long?"
"Until Monday," Mary says and I smile. It's not long enough, but it's better than the alternative.
After getting them settled, we enter the party room and guests have already started to arrive. My belly's molested left and right but I love it. I can't wait for the baby shower when I'll have a big stomach and we'll be able to feel the baby moving.
"Mag, I can't believe this is your life." Mary looks around the elaborate room that's decked out in gold. My little prince or princess will have a gold bedroom similar to the theme of this party. "And you're pregnant." She hugs me and I laugh happily, making her believe what she thinks is true, but I'm actually just happy they're here.
"Ah, you've made it." Callum's voice comes closer and I start to fade into the background. His presence has the ability to ruin my happiness.
I watch as he hugs and kisses my mom then sister. He hasn't seen them since our wedding. I didn't think he talked to them either. I'm sure Lol handled the arrangement for them to come.
They dote over him, even Mary, and it makes me grit my teeth until a hand slides across my lower back. Thick fingers molest the exposed skin from my low-back jumpsuit. I spin into the arms of Kip; the friend of Callum’s that I don't like. I see him periodically roaming the halls of my house, but I’ve always managed to avoid him.
"You look amazing knocked up. Either your pink cheeks are from being pregnant, or Callum just fucked you stupid in the coat room." He laughs and I fight out of his hug.
He gives me the creeps and I'm starting to get pissed and anxious that I'm standing with him. His hand slides over my stomach and I'm about to tell him not to touch me when I'm yanked back, stumbling against a hard chest. I quickly look up and see Callum's angry glare is pinned on his friend. Before I can slip away from both of them, Callum slides his arm around me and pulls me to his chest.
"Keep your hands to yourself," he says and his friend laughs.
"Come now, Callum. Share."
I gasp and am about to respond but Callum turns me away from him.
"I'm sorry," he says tersely, his grip doesn't loosen and he holds me so I don't move away from him.
"It's fine." I try to push away but he doesn't allow it.
"You two," my sister coos and holds up her cellphone, aiming it at us. Callum actually poses, smiling and all for her picture. I stare shocked. He's a wicked, deceitful man. I guess I should be grateful he doesn't try to deceive me like this.
This pregnancy isn't going to allow me to play along. I already feel emotion welling in my chest. Why does his deception have to come across so real? How can he play this so well for a crowd? I'll never be able to be so deceptive. The only way to get through this is to get away from him.