One day I'm waiting to feel the flutter of my stomach, the next I'm bleeding. I don't know what happened, but it's the worst thing to ever happen to me. I didn't want Callum knowing, not that he wouldn't have to eventually be told, but I didn't want him to know immediately. I have to say, his reaction wasn't expected and when I finally woke up and I was in his arms, it wasn't wanted either. Maybe he'll get rid of me now. I'm useless and can't carry his offspring. He has no reason to keep me around.
Upon waking, I slip from his arms and move quietly not to wake him, then try to find more comfort with my cat. We play for a little while but when he starts kneading at my stomach like he's been doing for a few weeks, I break down. When I curl up, he sits on top of me, protecting me like he always does. This cat is one good thing Callum did for me. I love him and when I leave, I hope he allows me to take him.
I cry until I'm numb then lay on the floor and count the specks of dust reflecting in the light. So many pretty hues are reflecting through the windows highlighting the floating specks, but every time I close my eyes all I see is gray.
The minute the door opens, Cage hisses and I quickly sit up, getting a cramp. With a groan, I grab my stomach and immediately Callum moves for me. His abrupt movement makes Cage jump onto him, and not to play. It all happens so quickly and before it's over, I'm screaming at Callum not to kill my cat. Callum's protecting himself and Cage is trying to protect me. Neither animal will back down so I get between them.
"Please go!" I scream at Callum, my tears flowing from watching the fight ensue between them.
"Lock up the cat!" he screams and Cage darts past me.
I lunge, grabbing his hips before he attacks Callum and when I do, sharp pain makes me scream out like I've been stabbed. I let Cage go to coddle the pain and my eyes go wide when I feel liquid coat between my thighs. My head goes dizzy, maybe from the ache, or just pure shock that I seem to be gushing blood. I'm scooped up into arms and try to ask about the wellbeing of my cat, but my speech is slurred.
"You're okay," the unfamiliar voice continuous to repeat and my eyes finally focus when we're in a bathroom. It's Callum's friend Kipper.
"Leave," I say weakly.
"Where are you hurt? Did he bite you?"
I look at him as he sets me on the toilet. His arm and shirt is smeared with my blood and he thinks it's from my cat attacking me.
"I'm fine, thank you." I try to stand but the cramping is intense and every time I move, I feel the blood.
"Hey." He grabs my face and is kneeling in front of me. "You're hurt," he insists.
"Please," I whisper, staring into his wide eyes. "I'm fine, thank you."
"Magdelena!" Callum's voice travels like a mad man and I start to tremble, remembering I left my cat with that psycho. He probably killed him. Payback. I killed his child, he killed my cat.
The door bounces off the wall and Kipper stands, spinning to face him.
"Get the fuck out!" Callum demands like he's next. My eyes focus on the blood across Callum's face and his neck and I start to cry again.
"She's wounded, Cal!" Kipper snarls back.
Callum grabs him and throws him from the bathroom, slamming the door.
"Magdelena." He moves for me and I lunge backward. "You're bleeding. What do I do?" he urges and all I can think about is my cat.
"Cage?" I cry at him and the confusion on his face makes me want to slap him. "Where's my cat, Callum!" I wail at him.
"He's in his cage! The cat is fine!" He grabs my arms. "You're fucking bleeding!"
"It's the baby," I tell him and slide out of his grip to my knees. Now knowing my cat is safe, I can focus on myself and the pain comes roaring back full force.
He picks me up and I hold tight because I don't know what to do. I don't know what's happening, and I'm scared. He's shouting orders at the staff and when he deposits me in the medical room, I grab his arm as he tries to walk away.
"Don't leave, don't leave," I beg through a trembling voice.
I was told there would be discomfort and possibly more blood. I prepared for it, but this isn't what I prepared for and the blood feels like it keeps coming.
"The doctor is an hour out, Your Grace," a quivering maid says from the open doorway.
Callum looks over at me with so much affliction. I'm not sure if he's about to cry but suddenly I'm worried about him.
"He would like to speak to you over the phone."
He's covered in blood. It's not only my blood and I want to ask him again what he's done to my cat, but now's not the time. I keep a tight grip on his forearm so he doesn't leave me as he talks on the phone, getting orders from the doctor. When he hangs up, Callum scoops me up. I have so many questions but I'm not voicing anything because my head is swimming in fear for me, for Callum, for my cat.
"Magdelena, we have to get you clean and monitor the blood loss."
I haven't felt a gush in a while but I don't want to monitor anything. I don't think I can handle this. I allow him to get me into the shower and I lean against the wall, hoping the cramps subside. He gets in the shower with me and pushes pills into my mouth. When the water washes the blood away from him, I see the deep gouges across his cheek and neck.
"Callum." I reach for them but he flinches away.
"I'm fine. Please help me, Magdelena," he urges, holding the washcloth. He’s washed my legs, but he's afraid to part my thighs.
I keep my eyes on the scratches from Cage while I quickly clean myself. When he wraps me in a towel I start to move on my own. I need underwear and protection in case I start to bleed again. Before I can get that stuff, Callum has it and I blanch with embarrassment. He pulls a t-shirt over my head then places me in bed and I reach behind me for our pillow fort, but it's not in place anymore. The pillows are across the room. I almost slide from the bed to gather them and put up that barrier. I need the comfort right now if he plans to get into this bed. I can see his reflection from the mirrors in the bathroom and he's tending to his face and neck. Deciding to help him, I sit up and feel discomfort so I quickly lie back down. I don't want to get up. I don't want this to be happening. I want this over. I want this whole life over.
When he gets in the bed, he lays on his back and stares at the ceiling for a long few minutes. I feel more alone with him in this bed so I decide to get up and go find comfort, but as I shift, he rolls toward me.
"Was that…" He stops and sighs. "Why didn't you tell me?" His hand carefully slides over my stomach and the warmth makes me close my eyes.
I'd only known two days before Lol betrayed me. He found it cruel of me not to tell him, yet he doesn't find anything Callum does to me to be cruel.
"I was going to tell you," I say.
I hadn't really planned it out yet. I tried to act like it wasn't happening. Not until this morning and I bled did it all hit me that this is really happening. Lol begged me to tell Callum and I broke down, asking him to leave me alone, and that's when he went to find Callum on his own I guess.
"When?" he snaps and his hand quickly moves to my hip and he rolls me to face him. "When, Magdelena?" He pushes hair from my eyes and I look into his battered face.
"Callum, my cat." I softly stroke the cuts.
"I didn't hurt your cat."
"He hurt you. He was trying to protect me," I insist, worried he'll have him put to sleep.
"I know what he was doing," he says through gritted teeth. "I want to talk about our child, Magdelena, not the fucking cat. You weren't going to tell me."
"Oh please, Callum. How would I keep that a secret?" I move to roll so my back is to him, but he doesn't allow me, his grip tightens.
"Don't pull away from me right now. We need each other. We lost our child. Don't you see how this affects me as well? My beautiful daughter is dead." He desperately places his hand on my stomach and I burst into tears.
I'm a murderer.
"I'm sorry," I cry and he pulls me closer.
"I'm sorry. Shh, you're okay. I'm here, pleasure." He kisses my forehead and I want to shove him from the bed but I grip him tighter. "Who knows, Magdelena?" he whispers after a few minutes.
I open my eyes and stare at the wound on his neck. "Lol and the doctor." Lol is the only one to know because when the doctor told me, Lol was at the appointment with me. I tried to act like it wasn't happening. I wasn't ready to tell anyone.
"You told Lol over me?" There's no anger in his tone, just hurt.
"He attends my appointments with me, Callum," I tell him, hoping that stings. "You're an absent husband, and now…now that this has happened, I think perhaps this should end."
He stiffens and slowly leans back to look into my face. "What should end?"
"Oh, Callum." I frown seeing the gouge on his cheek through his trimmed beard. "You should get that covered. It needs to be medicated." I softly push my lips to his cheek, truly feeling bad Cage did that to him.
"Answer me," he says in a voice that sounds so weak, it can't be his.
"Let me go. I can't bear your offspring. I am useless to your family," I whisper and kiss the wounds again, feeling the heat on my lips. "I cannot do what you need a Reif woman to do. Stand your ground and end the contract." The feel of his beard under my lips has me moving down his chin. "I'm sorry I've failed you and our child." I shift slightly and kiss his bottom lip until he grabs the back of my neck and slams our mouths together.
The kiss pulls so many confusing emotions from me and I hate when he gets like this. The last time we had sex, the day of our party, I allowed myself to get confused. But when he left me soiled lying on the couch and walked away like I was just his receptacle again, all confusion was washed away. He's hurting right now and I'm the receptacle. I pull away from the kiss and shift to my back, needing away from him because when I'm hurting I need affection. And when I'm hurting I will twist that affection into something it's not. His head lands on my shoulder and he grabs my wrist, guiding my hand into his hair.
I don't move until he says, "I need you right now. I need my wife." The pain in his tone makes my eyes well with tears. I shift to get comfortable and hold him while stroking his hair.
I'm not his wife. I'm his receptacle. I need to remember this.
When Callum's attentiveness proceeded for the days to come, I had my things moved back to my old room. He was baiting me and the minute he was going to tear me down, I wasn't sure I could take it so I wanted the distance between us again. When he realized it, he burst into my bedroom, his eyes skimmed all my belongings in place. He locked eyes with me and we just stared at each other. I decided to speak first, but before I got words out, he stormed from my bedroom.
My days are spent wondering when he'll release me, but I haven't seen him in two months. My time is passed either with my cat or Lol and even Lol is becoming less of a comfort. He doesn't understand why I've distanced myself from Callum and I don't feel I need to explain to him why I have. I've received a letter stating we are to start trying to get pregnant again. I have the option of whether it'll be with the doctor's help, or by allowing Callum near me. I opt for the doctor's help, and when it doesn't take, I agree to allowing Callum between my legs.
When he enters the dining room, we lock eyes. How can something so beautiful be so ugly?
"Gee." Callum nods to her and she smiles.
"I was just thinking about you. I haven't seen you in a while." She stands to hug him.
"I've been busy with work." When he releases her, he stands behind me and places his hand on my shoulder.
I'm nervous, but I don't know why. I already know how this will go. There will be nothing in it for me.
"Do you think you'll be too busy for your approaching birthday? You're almost to a milestone, Callum." She chuckles and my ears perk up. I didn't realize he has a birthday coming up.
"I probably will be busy. Just another day, Gee."
"Oh." She juts out her bottom lip then looks at me and giggles. "No fun. Next year, when it's his thirtieth, we'll have to plan something big!"
I wink at her and feel his grip on my shoulder tighten.
"Gee, please allow me some time with my wife. I've found some down time and I'd love to spend it with her."
"Of course." She stands then leans down and kisses my cheek. "Tomorrow we'll do your hair," she says in excitement. I haven't dyed my hair since before I got pregnant, and it's long overdue. Gee's found soy hair dye she's excited to try on me because it's chemical free and safe to use while pregnant. She doesn't know we've lost the baby. I dress in baggy clothes to hide my form, only because I’m not ready to talk about it.
"I can't wait." I smile until she exits then yank away from his hand and try to stand.
He grabs my shoulders from behind and abruptly bends me over the table.
"Callum!" I protest, hearing his belt. "No! Don't do this here!"
My dress is flipped up and covers my head.
"Callum!" I shriek, shoving at my dress. "Please take me to a bedroom."
I get no response and he proceeds with removing my underwear. I'm about to fight him back, but what difference does it make? Here or there? Neither spot will be pleasurable to me.
"My pleasure," he says and his hand slides between my thighs.
"Callum," I gasp and tightly close my eyes, angry I'm ready for him.
He releases a moan as he sinks inside of me. The slow pump of his hips are deliberate and I close my eyes, holding my breath, afraid to make a noise of ecstasy because he'll take it away from me.
"All my pleasure," he groans and slides his hand over my ass before slapping it.
"Oh god, Callum!" I call out and feel the build up of an orgasm. "Callum," I moan, scratching my nails over the table. Just as I think I'm going to make it to orgasm, he's done. I release a shaky breath and close my eyes. He shifts me to my back and pushes me so I slide over the table and lay flat.
"Legs in the air," he pants, his belt clanking as he composes himself.
I slowly raise my legs, crossing them at the ankles.
"Higher." He pushes higher, lifting my ass from the table. "Spread your legs," he says and I unlock my ankles, rolling my eyes. Who knows what methods he's read about, thinking it'll help me get pregnant. "Magdelena," he calls my name and I lift my head, looking at him between my thighs. With his cellphone, he snaps a picture and I gasp.
"Callum!" I bark and when I try to sit up to snatch his phone, he pushes me back down.
"Don't move for twenty minutes." He tucks his phone into his pocket.
"What the hell did you just do?" I squawk.
"I've taken a picture of my wife's swollen pussy dripping with my come." He chuckles and I almost kick him in the jaw but stop myself.
"Why?" I ask in horror.
"Because I like the sight."
"But my face is in that picture, Callum."
"I also enjoy your face. Please shut up and focus on keeping my sperm inside you."
"You're a pig," I seethe and he chuckles. "If you show anyone that picture—"
"Oh please, Magdelena. I don't share what's mine. It's for my own pleasure. Stop talking." He pushes my ankles, elevating my legs and I close my eyes.
I'm just a whore to him. A receptacle. I need this life over.
The pregnancy takes and he's ecstatic but I'm plagued with worry the same thing will happen. I keep my distance from him to reduce stress but I'm not sure if it causes more. He's made a few attempts to be around me. I don't want it. I'm vulnerable and can't control my emotions that have been confusing things in ways they shouldn't. One of the cooks was staring at me the other day and I almost convinced myself to approach him. I have no attraction to the man, I don't even know his name, but the idea he wanted to show me attention made me romance thoughts of spending a happy life with him.
My head's ridiculous lately and I don't know how to shake it so I try isolating myself from everyone, but after two days, I feel as if I'm going insane. Lol's not here so I go looking for Callum. I haven't seen him in over a week. It won't kill him to spend ten minutes with me. I just need a mundane conversation. I waltz into his office and see he has two women sitting in front of his desk. The door was open so I don't feel badly about intruding.
"Excuse me," I say, but don't make an attempt to leave because one of the women are staring at Callum like he's deep inside of her. I'll yank her eyeballs from her head.
"Magdelena." Callum stands. "Ladies, if you don't mind, me and my wife have a lunch to attend."
We do? I almost say it aloud but I realize he's using me as an excuse to end the meeting.
"Always a pleasure." One of the women reaches across the desk to shake his hand and I stand dutifully at his side with a smile on my face.
"Your Grace." The one that was staring like she'd swallow every drop he gave her reaches her hand out like he's going to kiss it.
"Yes. Good afternoon." He nods when I grip his hand, not allowing him to touch her.
Her flabbergasted gaze flits to our hands then she looks into my face and I smile.
"Good afternoon," I repeat his words and she hurries to follow the other woman out of the room.
"Jealousy ages you," Callum says casually when they walk out and he begins to shuffle papers on his desk.
"I'm not jealous," I scoff. "I just won't allow you to belittle me." I plop into the chair across his desk and watch him roll his eyes.
"To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence, Magdelena?" he asks dully.
"I don't know." I glance around his office. "I'm bored. I haven't seen you in a few days and actually no one's been around to even talk to me. Sadly enough you're my last option."
"Aren't you just a treasure to be had," he mutters then sits. "I don't have time for your games."
"What about lunch? I'm not talking about food." I lean forward and allow my shirt to fall open to expose my cleavage. His eyes slowly find mine, probably just as surprised as I am, but I need attention.
"What did you have in mind?" His eyes shift from my breasts to the open door.
"Who's hungrier? Me or you?" I question and lick my lips. This is my first attempt at being seductive and the light in his eyes ensures I'm not failing yet.
"We can both be hungry." He reaches down and though I can't see his hand, I know he's touching his hard dick.
"Well I'm starving. Let me freshen up, you close the doors." I stand and move for the bathroom.
I mentally prepare myself for his neglect afterward but I can't seem to care because for the time being I'll get the affection I'm craving.
I adjust my breasts while I use the toilet and when I wipe, something isn't right. I look down at the toilet paper and the sight makes me close my eyes. Blood. Hot tears flood behind my lids and I open them to release the heat. I was only six weeks and no one but me and Callum know I conceived again, but either something's wrong with me, or wrong with him. I cannot carry Callum's child.
"Callum?" I call out through my tears. It's a private moment, but the last thing I want is to be alone right now, and this life moment is something we share.
The door slowly opens and the smile that's on his face falls when he sees me.
"The baby?" he quietly asks when his eyes land on the bloody toilet paper in my hand.
I sniffle and nod, trying not to break down in sobs. Callum pulls me together, cleaning me up before carrying me to my bedroom. When he gets me situated, he puts me in the bed and holds me.
"I'm not meant to carry a Carbon baby," I cry.
"Shh." He holds me tighter.
I fall asleep in his arms and when I wake there’s so much anger coursing through me. This could also be his fault and I keep falling in love with these children. My children and they're being taken from me.
"Hey," his soft voice says.
"Get out," I say and sit up, shoving my hands through my hair.
"Magdelena." He touches my back and I swing. I connected with something but I don't know what and I currently don't care.
"Get out!"
I haven't seen him since and that was four weeks ago. Dr. Chen put me on a regimen of hormone pills, a strict diet, certain exercises, cervical exercises, and the list goes on. There's clearly something wrong with me, but I also won't admit to him that stress and depression might be the biggest factors. He can continue to pump me full of pills and maybe my husband will one day want to try and impregnate me again.
"Hello," a voice at the door says and I grab Cage's collar, but he doesn't move to attack, he just looks on curiously at Kipper.
"Hi," I say after glancing at him. I haven't seen him since I lost my first child.
"I…wanted to see how you were doing." He enters the room and eyes my cat, sitting next to me on the couch.
"I'm fine, thank you." He couldn't possibly know I was pregnant again. He must be referring to the first miscarriage.
"These are for you." He places flowers gently into my lap and I furrow my brows.
"Thank you." The smell drifts to my nose and what would once make me smile, makes me move them away from me. "They're pretty."
"I'm glad you're okay, Mag." His hand lands on my shoulder and at first I scowl until the warmth puts me at ease.
I don't know why I crave so much attention, but not until I got here did I start feeling that way. As of right now, Kipper is the only attention I've had in a week. I had a conversation with Lol last week and he hugged me. I made it linger too long and I mistakenly grazed my lips over his neck. I haven't seen him since. But that's for the best. I'm losing my mind here.
"Are you visiting Callum?" I ask and glance at his hand that's rubbing over my arm. I shift so I can face him and Cage adjusts to comfortably lay his head on my lap.
"No." He shrugs. "I came to see you." He pushes hair behind my ear and I furrow my brows. "I wanted to see how you were doing."
"I'm fine. Perhaps you should be offering your friend some comfort." I nod to the flowers and he smirks.
The man's attractive but he's a snake.
"I've been friends with Callum long enough to know we aren't close anymore. He's…changed." He looks into my eyes and I stare curiously.
"What do you mean?"
"He's a different man. More manipulative. Cruel. What he's doing with you. That's…it's not right." He shakes his head before touching my cheek. I almost flinch away from him but my body disobeys, wanting someone's attention.
"What's he doing with me, Kip?" I challenge.
"He told me everything. Once you produce a boy, he'll divorce you and leave you on your ass. You don't have to take that. You can cut him off before it goes too far."
"What do you mean?"
He smirks and reaches to touch my face again. "You're beautiful, Mag. He's a bastard."
"How can I cut him off before it goes too far? My part of the contract hasn't been fulfilled."
"Where's this contract? I want to take a look at it for you. I can help you. Had I known this, I would have helped you sooner."
"Why?" I stare at him, wondering if the man I thought was a snake, could actually be my savior.
"Because you don't deserve this," he says quietly and leans in. "You deserve a man that will appreciate you." Thick fingers trail to my lips. "Don't you? A man that will worship your body the way it should be." His touch moves to my collar bone and I've yet to pull away.
"Who would do that, Kipper?"
"Me, for one." He moves closer and Cage lets out a quiet growl. "I've wanted you since the second I saw you with that low-life."
I grit my teeth and when he leans in to kiss me, I jerk back. He's a fucking snake. If he's friends with Callum, he is definitely a snake.
"Magdelena!" Callum's voice makes me jump and I get to my feet, almost falling. I grab Cage's collar as he tries to go for Callum and pull the cat back as Callum swings at Kipper.
"Callum, stop!" I shout as Kipper jumps on him. "Lol!" I scream, running for the door, trying to hold Cage at the same time. I release the cat in the hall and he runs for his room. "Lol! Somebody!" I scream and staff comes running, but they're all women. "I need Lol! They're fighting!" I urge and run back into the room. The men are rolling around the ground pummeling each other. "Callum, please!" I shriek and pull at his collar, stumbling when they don't stop. As I fall to my ass, Callum finally stops and grabs me. Kipper takes a cheap shot, hitting him in the jaw as Callum attempts to help me stand.
When Callum stumbles and falls, Kipper spits at him. "I'll fucking take her if I want her," he snarls, blood dripping from his nose.
He looks at me and I freeze. I was right from the beginning to be uncomfortable around him and I feel shame for thinking I wanted his attention. When he leaves, slamming the door behind him, I jolt.
"How long!" Callum's voice bellows, startling me again. I spin to face him and see he's holding his nose with blood seeping through his fingers. "How fucking long?" he screams and I flinch.
"How long what?" I stutter, not sure what he's asking.
"How long have you been stepping out on me?" he snarls and lowers his hand. Seeing the fountain of blood from his nose makes me wince. There's a possibility it’s broken.
"Stepping out?" I ask in confusion, though I understand what he means.
"How long have you been fucking him, Magdelena?" he spews at me so hatefully I feel a shame for something I've never done.
"I never have," I say in a quiet voice.
"Unbelievable." He heads for the door.
"Callum!" I run after him, grabbing his arm. "I swear."
"Don't touch me." Yanking his arm free, he storms down the hallway, slamming the door to his office.
The fact I've never cheated on him is what makes me care he doesn't believe me. There's no other reason I need him to believe me because I feel nothing for the man.
"Mag," Lol says in confusion and his eyes follow the trail of blood that was leaking from Callum's face. "Are you alright?" His sight darts between my legs and my stomach flips. I haven't bled in over a week. That chapter of my life is over. I am officially not carrying my child anymore.
"It's Callum," I insist. "His nose."
His wide eyes are insinuating I did it to him.
"Him and Kipper." Without having to say anymore, Lol turns and heads for Callum's office.
I'm so lost and I'm afraid I won't be able to stay sane in this house anymore. I have to leave, whether he releases me or not.