The feelings I have toward Ms. Reif are confusing and I'm not one to be confused. Confusion led me to say a few hurtful things to her. Though I may not like her, I didn't mean what I'd said. I haven't seen or spoken to her since and that was a week ago. I have had a gift of jewelry delivered to her but she hasn't come looking for me to thank me. It's meant as an apology because I can't find it in myself to face her and say the words.
I've directed Lol to look after her and make sure she reports to her appointments with Dr. Chen. I'm not needed at those appointments. We're not needed in each other’s lives. We need to stay far, far away from each other, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
She didn't even kiss me back!
How low she must think of me not to kiss me back. Why I kissed her to begin with is still unclear, but it was like fighting against the repelling end of a magnet. And I won. I fought through the force and even though she didn't kiss me back, I still won. It was liberating. It was soothing. It was not what was supposed to happen. So now I'm avoiding her. We're getting married in two weeks and there have been appointments affiliated with the wedding left and right, but I've avoided them. I'm in the home. I make it a point she knows I'm here. God forbid she thinks I've run off to have an affair on her. I'm being the loyal fiancé I need to be. But I'm not facing her. It isn't difficult avoiding her. The difficult part is convincing myself it was okay to kiss her. It wasn't and the feelings it evoked within me are also not okay. Loneliness is to blame. I haven't been with a woman in weeks and I know what paralyzed my body is due to my recent celibacy.
"Sir." Lol appears in my office and I look up confused. I thought I locked the door. I didn't want Ms. Reif showing up unexpectedly and cornering me. "Key," he explains while holding it up. I look at my paperwork again. "Tomorrow night is final prep for the wedding. Don't you think you should attend?"
"Can you sit in for me?" The last thing I want to do is finalize my doom for the next year.
"Uh…well…I'm not marrying her, Your Grace." The pique of his tone makes me look up at him again and I narrow my eyes.
What exactly does he mean by those words? I can't help but feel he wishes he were in my place. He's not. And he never will be. Even after I'm through with her, he'll never get his hands on her.
"No, Lol, you're not. But you are employed to assist me. I won't be making it tomorrow night and I'm asking you to assist me in that matter."
"It's just…" His hands start twisting in front of him and he approaches my desk with his head down. When he plops into the chair, I pull back. Who is this man? Lol has never acted so bashful, or even this exhausted in front of me before. "She's emotional. And confused." When he looks up at me, he notices my expression and adds, "Your Grace."
"I told you never to call me that again. And what do you mean confused?"
The twisting of his hands stops but he pulls them down his face as if he's having a battle.
"Lol? Confused how?"
"Ms. Reif is in need of attention, sir. Your attention."
I sit up straighter. "Why? Is she hurt?"
"No, I mean the attention of a male. And you are the male in her life. She needs your attention."
She's horny. She wants to get fucked. A smirk starts to lift my lips, but it falls and turns to a scowl.
"She's presented you with showing her this attention?"
"No!" He stands. "Not at all. I would just feel more comfortable not being her rock at this time in her life. It would be unfortunate for her to let emotions deter her from what you have to offer."
What he's saying is she's needing sex and women can fall in love with anyone showing them attention. Why would Ms. Reif be any different? He has a point. He's been there for her this past week and she already has a certain bond with him I refuse to analyze because it pisses me off.
"You're right. Don't go with her. She can go alone. Just make sure her demands are met for whatever she wants. Money is of no object. Please stay away from my fiancée, Rupier." I can't look him in the eyes.
"You…you're not understanding."
"Do as I say!" I slam my hand to my desk because I don't want to understand.
I fully comprehend, and I'm not going to give in to her needs. She'll learn to live with this arrangement the way I had planned it. Alone.
I'm fitted for my tux and take the time to pick the style I want. I get the opinion of Susan to find out if my tux will coincide with Ms. Reif's dress. This is all the effort I have to put forth.
Guilt makes me sick. I've still yet to see her, but to make up for it, I have a gift delivered to her daily. Her wardrobe is built up. More shoes than she'll ever wear. Her jewelry has surpassed hundreds of thousands of dollars. This is the perfect life for her and if she continues to give me space, she will have it made for the next year.
"Sir." Lol clears his throat but I don't move from my chair as I stare out into the dark yard. "Have you put thought into Ms. Reif's rings?"
"She'll get my mother's rings," I mutter before draining my glass of whiskey.
When I get no reply and several minutes pass, I look back to see he's gone. I'm sure he's surprised. As am I. That wasn't the intent but I haven't shopped for rings and we're getting married in three days. What other choice do I have? Getting up to refill my glass, I start to convince myself I should probably face the woman. She'll be my wife in three days. Officially married in as a Carbon. I exhale heavily and close my eyes. Magdelena Reif becoming a Carbon is the last woman I would have chosen for this.
Thinking about how I'll have to spend the day in her presence when we're married, I think better than to go bothering her tonight. Last thing I need is to let loneliness driven lust confuse me again.
I spend the next few hours reflecting on my life and find myself feeling at an all-time low. This is nothing like me and I can't find a reason for it. I have a plan. It may involve a year's worth of marital hell, but I have a plan to go back to my fulfilling life after twelve months. So why do I feel this way?
"Your Grace?" Lol's demanding tone makes me jump in my chair. I was falling asleep. "Gee has taken Mag out for the evening."
"What?" I stand to face him and the look of panic makes me pause. "Lol, Ms. Reif has left the estate?"
He's trying to catch his breath and nodding his head.
"Who gave her permission to leave?" I bellow through my shock that she left the residence without telling me! Her fiancé!
"I don't feel as if she thinks she needs your permission, sir. She hasn't seen you for almost three weeks and is convinced you've left the country."
"How absurd of you to let her believe that!"
"I didn't. I've assured her you'll be at the wedding but she doesn't believe it."
"Hasn't she received my gifts?" As if that means I'm still in the home.
"Yes. Sir, we need to focus on the right now. The girls are out…clubbing and she's avoiding my calls. It was just supposed to be dinner, but I received a text twenty minutes ago because she hadn't checked in in a while."
"Clubbing?" I squawk. I had assumed he meant they went shopping or to dinner, but then I realize it's one in the morning. "Get the keys."
"Sir?"
"I am going to find her!"
And my aunt will be blacklisted from our wedding! How dare she take my fiancée out. The woman is possibly carrying my child and she's taken her out to a club!
I'm shaking by the time I get in the car. Normally I'd have a driver but I need control tonight. When Lol is in the front seat, I hand him my phone.
"Dial her phone number." I don't even have my fiancée's phone number. How twisted my life has turned. When he does, I snatch it back and hold it to my ear.
"Hello?" The confused tone of her voice tells me she doesn't have my number either. She doesn't realize it's me calling. There is blasting music beating into my eardrum and I barely heard her answer.
"Magdelena," I say with so much threat I hope she can feel the blaze of my anger right now. "Where are you?"
"How'd you get my phone number?"
"I asked you a question, now answer. Are you drunk?"
"It's my bachelorette party. What's so wrong about having a little fun before I enter hell?" The giggle to her voice makes me grit my teeth.
"You are possibly carrying my child and you're out drinking?" The gradual increase to my tone makes my throat burn.
Lol gasps and the engine roars as I press down on the accelerator.
"I'm not pregnant, Callum. Slow your roll. Listen, I need you to fuck off and crawl back under whatever rock you surfaced from just to call me."
"If you hang up this phone, you'll regret it." I clench my jaw and my hand on the steering wheel tightens.
"You're all bite and no bark. I'm missing my song." When the phone line goes silent, I yank it back in disbelief that she hung up on me.
"Your Grace," Lol says and I know he's going to question her pregnancy.
"Get Gee on the phone." I hand him my cell.
"She wouldn't answer for me, sir, why would she answer for you?" He has a point.
"Get Adam on the line." When he hands me the phone, I start counting in an attempt not to snap on him. Adam probably had no idea his wife was taking out my possibly pregnant fiancée.
"Callum, how are you?"
"Where is your wife, Adam?" I try to speak calmly but it sounds more threatening than calm.
"She and your girl have gone out for the evening. They're in good hands with my security team."
"Where?" I bark.
"Why do you sound like you didn't know?" How pathetic he must find me.
"Tell me where they are. My fiancée needs to turn in for the night."
When he chuckles, I drop my phone to grip the steering wheel and keep from snapping the cellular device. Lol picks the phone up from my lap and hits speaker just as Adam divulges where the girls are.
"Callum, I can tell you after eight years of marriage I know trying to keep them on a leash will always end poorly for you."
My circumstances are significantly different than his. Refusing to acknowledge him, I keep my eyes on the desolate road.
"Thank you," Lol says before disconnecting. "Callum."
I glance out my side window, not ready for this conversation.
"You've impregnated Ms. Reif before the wedding? You've used her and are now ignoring her attempts to be with you?"
"She's not attempting to be with me," I snicker.
"That's all she's wanted these past three weeks and all you've done is shower her with pointless gifts."
"Close your mouth before you regret it, Lol."
"She was a virgin. It was a bond you should have shared on your wedding night. Not used her then ignore her."
"I didn't use her!"
"You're a lot of things, Callum. But this is beneath even you."
"I didn't fucking use her! She was artificially inseminated! I did not have sex with Ms. Reif!" I'm starting to sweat I'm so angry.
That's shut him up, but not because he's satisfied. If anything, I think he's more disgusted now.
Living this far from civilization has never been an issue before today. I can't get to this club fast enough. When we arrive, I pull into the line of waiting vehicles and get out. Lol can stay with the car. Walking to the door, a man stops me with his arm to my chest.
"No entry."
We stare eye to eye and I'm having to mentally explain to myself why it's a bad idea to swing. I shouldn't even be in this situation.
"My fiancée is inside getting sick." Maybe that tactic will work.
"No entry."
The next is explaining then proving who I am, but he doesn't look the type to care about that. I skip option two and go for three, pulling out my wallet. A ridiculous sum is handed over to him and he moves his arm, opening the door for me. Asshole.
Lights, music, bodies. It will take a lifetime for me to find her in this mess. With no options, I start stalking. I thought seeking out odd colored hair would be my easiest option, but there are tons of women with colored hair. Granted, my fiancée is the better looking of these people. That's still not helping me find her. Wishing I would have parked and allowed Lol in here with me, I'm starting to feel panicked. I do fine in large social gatherings, but not in a club setting. When I make it to one corner, I'm pulling my phone out to ask for Lol's assistance. I'll pay for his entry, because if I don't have his help, I'm not sure I'll accomplish anything. Taking a moment, I rub my hand over my beard, trying not to give up. There is no option of giving up before I find her but I've never been in such an anxiety enduring situation. I've been to a club, a bar, large parties, but not in years. It's not a life I lead anymore and to think Magdelena is enjoying this makes me clench my jaw. We're so opposite and we always will be. Relationships cannot be built on attractiveness alone.
Heading toward the door, I dial to call Lol but I spot my aunt. "Gee." I rush her. "Where is she?"
"What are you doing here?" She laughs hard enough to spill the drink in her hand. Before it sloshes onto my shoes, I take it and urge her to stop laughing.
"Where is Magdelena?"
"Callum, we're celebrating. Stop being so uptight."
"She might be pregnant," I grit through clamped teeth and watch her expression change.
"Oh god." Her hand covers her mouth and her eyes dart toward a table, pointing out Magdelena.
She's sitting amongst several men and women and the men are too close. There are drinks around the table and my heart sinks to think she would do this when we're trying to conceive. This is not a woman I need in my life, or my child's. Divorcing her and sending her on her way after a year is absolutely what will happen. With ease.
As I get closer to the table, I notice her hair is now mint green. She never ceases to amaze me. She's dressed as if she's here to pick up a man and with the way she looks, it wouldn't be a hard task.
"Excuse me." I pull on the arm of the first woman that's in my way, then the next. Getting to the men, I yank them away from her and when she finally notices me, her expression turns to surprise.
"Callum," bursts from her red lips and I want to take a cloth to this face full of makeup. She's beautiful without all this makeup shit.
"Let's go." I grab her hand and pull her to stand. She doesn't try to stop me, and I don't expect her to, but when Gee steps in front of us, I halt and glare at her.
"Mag, you're pregnant?" Gee looks like a mix between hurt and disgusted.
"No!" Magdelena shouts and her glare shifts to me. "You fucking asshole!" Giving me a shove, she moves around both of us.
The confusion on Gee's face deserves an explanation, but I chase after Mag. When I grab her arm, she spins on me.
"How dare you tell her that!" She shakes me off.
"You may be pregnant, Ms. Reif," I grit out.
"No I'm not, Callum." That look on her face is surety and I don't understand how she can make that call. It's only been three weeks.
"I don't understand."
"Maybe if you came to the appointments with me, you would."
I snatch her arm before she can storm away and stare down at her with disappointment.
"It didn't take. I'm not pregnant. One hundred percent. I told you that on the phone. Dr. Chen told me a week ago. I'm not fucking pregnant, dickhead." She shoves my hand off her but I reach for her again until a man pushes me back a step and keeps his hand to my chest.
He's a large man, a bouncer here, but he's separating me from her so I push against him. Before I escalate this, Magdelena shoves between us.
"This guy giving you trouble?" he asks her but I don't take my eyes off him because when she tells him I am, he's going to physically remove me and I will fight.
"No." She takes my hand and moves closer to me. "He's my fiancé. No trouble."
I wrap my arm over her shoulders and glare at the muscle baring oaf.
"Take me home," she mumbles, turning into me more.
Wrapping my arm tighter around her, I shove past the man and we exit the building. Lol hasn't gotten far in the line of vehicles and when he sees us, he gets out, rushing for Magdelena.
"Mag." I allow him to take her hand and he helps her into the car while I get into the front seat.
She's not pregnant. It didn't take. The thought eats at me the entire silent ride home. When I look in the mirror, she looks asleep with her head back and turned out the window, but her eyes are open. She's wearing a few pieces of the jewelry I bought her. This outfit is definitely not from me. It's far too provocative and I would never encourage her out into the wild wearing something like this. My only saving grace for tonight is she was with my aunt who hopefully wouldn't allow her to give away what's mine.
Lol helps her out of the car and I almost allow him to take her inside and deal with her, but each step I take away from her becomes slower and slower until I'm turning around. He makes it up four steps but before he can take her any farther, I take over. When we're inside, I guide her down the hall.
"You didn't tell me you were going out."
"Screw you," is her response. And though I deserve it, it's not a response I'm willing to accept.
"You must tell me, just as I tell you."
"I haven't fucking seen you in three weeks. Go crawl back under your rock." She pulls away from my touch.
"We don't need to see each other. But you do owe me the same courtesy I show you."
"You don't show me any courtesy, Callum." Her anger is coming off her in heat waves.
"I…" There is no sense in arguing her so I stop. "Your body is mine until I divorce you. Your womb is mine. Poisoning your body when we're trying to conceive is not going to happen again. You will not drink. You will not go to a club. You will not leave this house again. You. Are. Mine," I snarl and allow her to pass my bedroom, but I stop. I shove open my door and almost slam it behind me but I pause and look back.
The woman is in tears, no surprise, and she's crying into her hand while she runs from me. My intentions were to bring her into my bed and allow her to sleep off the hangover I know she'll have tomorrow, but I don't want her near me right now.