It's dim outside when I wake. I only know because when Callum put me in this bed the light was seeping in from the top of the curtains. Now, the heavy curtains keep me in the shadows. I've slept way longer than I had planned. I didn't plan on sleeping at all but his bed is comfortable, and I was extremely uncomfortable. I was in such a panic to hide all traces of my virginity from the doctor I didn't think about the repercussions. Cramps started almost immediately after he did his procedure and I'm sure they came from both what I did to myself and Callum's ridiculous idea. There's a chance I could be pregnant right now, if that's how it works. Or conceiving… Either way, this is too surreal.
I woke from my nap several times but each time I thought about getting up, I drifted back to sleep. Now I'm starving and have a strong urge to pee. Not to mention, put on real clothes. Slowly sitting up, I wince from the cramps and groan before I flop back to the bed and start to kick my arms and legs. I'm covered now. I wasn't before, so that means Lol or one of Callum's servants covered me. He refers to them as staff but they're fucking servants and it's sick.
God, Callum Carbon is Satan and I'm carrying his seed. Trying to. I'd say I wish it doesn't take, but then I'd be here even longer. He said I'm going to have his child and then he plans on divorcing me. I'm all for it, except if he thinks he'll keep my baby, he's insane. Although, I already know he's insane.
How could he not know I was a virgin? Those freaky papers said I had to be a virgin to marry a Carbon. And 'losing' my virginity the way I did, well, I could have went without that, even if I did get off. It wasn't the first time I masturbated, but I never inserted anything because it's just not comfortable. And it wasn't today, but it's done. I don't know what I did and I don't know if the doctor could still tell, but I did it. No taking it back now, and I'm not sure I want to do it again. Bringing myself to orgasm from clitoral stimulation is always pleasant, but the other way…I think I'll pass.
After my tantrum, that I think is only because I've slept way too long, I slide myself from Callum's bed, having to hold on for dear life before I hit the ground. Trudging my way to the bathroom, I feel like I'm wearing lead shoes. For a girl with no ambition in life, why do I suddenly feel like I've signed my death sentence? I shouldn't even care. I came here for an experience, and this sure as hell is one. Who cares if it'll end in a little over a year and I'll be the single mother of a Duke's child?
"Holy shit," I say to my reflection as it all starts to sink in.
I shoved a dildo inside myself so I could get impregnated with Callum's sperm. Have I always been this pathetic? Mid squat, I pause. Am I allowed to go to the bathroom? With a lean, I look down at my vagina, wondering if I can pee or if that'll push all the sperm out. I mean, I can't hold it the rest of my life, so I sit and sigh. Even his toilet is comfortable. I should just get back into his bed and sleep until tomorrow, but I'm hungry and still in this gown.
After I go to my room to dress, I head for the dining room, because that's the only way I know how to get to the kitchen. I walk in to Callum rather close to a woman while she whispers in his ear. It's only them in the dining room and they're seated on the couch away from the set dining table. Seeing her leaned into his ear and her hand on his shoulder immediately makes me angry. I have no covetous feelings toward Callum personally. But I have plenty toward my fiancé. He's mine, whether I like him or not, and even if it's only for a short while, he's mine right now.
"Callum," I get their attention and he pulls away, getting to his feet.
"You're awake," he says approaching me and taking my elbow before gesturing to the red-lipped bombshell on the couch. "This is Qara."
I force a smile and approach her with my hand out. When we get close, she stands. Ignoring my hand, she moves closer and gently grabs my face. Her thumbs smooth under my eyes and her sight searches like she's counting my flaws. Before I can look at Callum for explanation, she kisses my chin then backs away.
"Pleasure to meet you," I manage to say before looking at Callum who's rubbing his chin, also like he's uncomfortable.
"We were just going to sit down to a meal." He looks at the table and I want to decline just to get the hell away from the weird woman, but I don't want to leave her alone with what's supposed to be mine.
"Care if I join?" I don't know why I'm giving him the option. I'm joining even if the asshole says I can't.
"Please." He pulls out a chair for me at the table, and I almost expect it to be for the weird one that won't stop staring at me but has yet to say a word.
"Thanks." I clear my throat and sit.
Hearing the swinging door to the kitchen, I look in time to see Callum has left us alone. My gaze darts to the woman and my eyes enlarge because I don't want to be alone with her.
"Are you visiting?" I have no clue what to say.
She just stares. Her excessive beauty doesn't make up for the fact she's strange. Or for the fact her closeness with Callum was uncalled for. Her eyes keep darting around my face to my chest, my hair, and I'm waiting for her head to explode. We're in a stare down until Callum enters the room with a tray. Why does he have his own tray? Why's he serving this woman? Who is she?
"Callum." My tone expresses my discomfort and knowing he won't give a damn, I avert my eyes when he serves her.
"She's Mongolian. She can't understand what you're saying." Well, that's one piece of the puzzle.
"You speak Mongolian?" I question because she was whispering in his ear.
"Some." Nodding, he circles toward me and serves me questionable meat.
"Why are you serving us? Is it poisoned?" I shoot him a nasty smile and he rolls his eyes at me.
"It's Boodog that I've prepared myself for Qara's arrival."
It smells good and looks to be a type of stew, but it's not distracting me from the fact he has an extremely attractive Mongolian woman sitting at the dining room table he won't explain.
"And who is Qara?" When I say her name, she looks up from her plate.
"My father's ex-lover," he states matter of fact and my sight shoots to her.
She's too young. There's no way.
"She doesn't speak any English?"
"No." He sits and places his napkin on his lap. "That's why my father liked her. Any of you Reifs foreign and quiet?" His eyebrow quirks but his sight stays on his food.
"Humorous. What was she whispering in your ear?" The second a smile pulls at his lips, I look to the woman and she's staring at me again.
He begins to speak to her and when she replies, she whispers like it's a secret.
Clearing his throat, Callum looks at me. "I couldn't remember what she was rambling about. She just reminded me. It's my father's birthday soon and she would like to scatter his ashes."
"Why is she whispering?" This is all too much for me today.
"Because that's just what she does. Another reason my father liked her." Taking a bite of his food, he looks at me again and says, "She barely speaks, only whispers when she does, and she can't understand a word we're saying. Aren't I lucky to be marrying an American from the Bronx?" I get a similar smile to the nasty one I shot him earlier.
"Well, why is she here?"
"I've already told you."
I set down my fork and look at her again. She's started to eat and her focus is on her food.
"How old is she?" I demand to know.
Without sparing me a glance, he responds, "Twenty-eight? Maybe twenty-nine." His shoulders shrug.
"You expect me to believe you? That a beautiful twenty-eight year old woman was your father's girlfriend and she's here asking for his ashes?"
"Well, Ms. Reif." He grins over at me. "Aren't we a little jealous?" When a patronizing laugh leaves him, I want to attack, but I sit tight. I'm not feeling well yet. "She wasn't his girlfriend, she was his lover. And though my father was an older man, there was nothing wrong with him on the outside. Some even say he looked years younger than his age. He met Qara many years ago and formed a bond with her. I was not in charge of my father's love life, Ms. Reif. I had no say or care to who he bedded and I didn't want to. I've known Qara since I was fifteen and though we barely speak, she's close to the family."
Lifting my napkin to my mouth, my eyes practically fall out of socket as I stare at the woman. "Callum, your father was having relations with this woman when she was fifteen?" I ask from behind my napkin.
"Not my place to know or find out. And I don't want to. Stop asking stupid questions." Now he's pissed, but I'm disgusted.
"Where's your mother?"
"My mother died at a young age. She hasn't been around for many years, Ms. Reif. My father wouldn't have gone behind her back if that's what you're insinuating." The glare he has on me doesn't make me back down.
I'm almost happy his father isn't around anymore. Although, I don't think I'd be sitting here if he were.
"That is not what I meant."
"Yes well, that's what it sounded like. When I'm finished eating, I'll be taking Qara out."
"Out where?" I challenge. I want to go out. Even though I don't. Not tonight at least. Tonight I want more sleep.
"Wherever she pleases."
I look at the woman again and now she's staring at him. The feeling that flares inside me starts in my gut and as hard as I try to bite my tongue, I can't.
"No you're not," spews from my mouth and my eyes go wide at my own words.
"Come again?" The confusion on his face should be sitting on mine right now.
"You don't need to be gallivanting with your father's beautiful and young ex-lover. You don't need to take her out." It all hatefully spews like I have no trust for the man. And I don't. But part of me also feels like I have no right to demand that. This behavior isn't even like me. But then again, I've never even had a boyfriend. Now I've got a fiancé that's trying to knock me up. I can make these ridiculous demands. Right?
"You…" he trails off then wipes his mouth on his napkin like he doesn't know what to say.
Looking at the woman, he begins to speak to her in her language and I stare at her reaction. There isn't much of one but when he stands, his silverware clanks and he carries his plate into the kitchen. The woman looks across the table at me again and stares until he returns, then she stands and takes his arm. Unsure what he's doing, I watch them walk out of the room. He…left. No words. No telling me to go bite myself. He just left with her. I suppose that puts me in my place, but it also makes me unleash a fountain of tears I didn't expect. But they burst out with a loud sob. I'm starving but can't even eat. It's all too much and I don't know the first thing about gaining control of this situation. A year of this will kill me.
Leaving my plate, I run through the halls until I make it to my room. I almost wish I was going to Callum's because his bed is more comfortable, but who knows what I'd find. Probably him in it with his father's ex child lover. Disgusting.
The want to go home is starting to feel like a need and I can't stop the tears. I was so happy to leave there. Part of me didn't care I was leaving it all behind, but now that I'm here, regrets are piling high.
I cry through the knock at my door but that doesn't stop whoever it is from entering. A warm hand splays across my back and Lol pulls away the hair that's draped in my face.
"Mag," he sighs as if I've done this to myself.
I have.
"Come now." He pulls me up into his arms for a hug that I continue to cry through.
Why couldn't Lol be Callum Carbon? We've bonded and have a connection, and he's attractive. I don't feel anything romantic toward him, but I could learn. Not that I feel anything romantic toward Callum. I do feel a burning desire to mate and maim the man. No one has ever ignited everything horrible yet sensual inside of me like Callum does. Earlier when I was alone with my toy, the second I closed my eyes Callum came to mind. I tried to push him away. Tried to replace him with my usual fantasies. But like he does in real life, he stormed his way into my thoughts and I hate to admit my orgasm was the most intense it's ever been. Even the painful part of the experience wasn't unbearable while I thought about Callum.
"What's happened? Would you like to talk?" Lol's soothing voice cuts through my sobs but all I can respond with is a head shake as I hold him tighter.
I wish I could tell Lol what happened today, but I don't think I could even share this with my sister. Only because I don't want her lecturing me, and I don't want Lol's sympathy. I hate his pity glances. Like he knows I'm marrying a beast.
"Shh, don't cry," he softly says, stroking my hair.
My bedroom door opens as if it was ripped off the hinges and I shriek as I jump away from Lol.
"Keep your hands off her and leave us," Callum's voice thunders with his demand and his glare is locked on me.
"I was trying to comfort her, Your Grace."
"Exit!"
I jump when Callum screams and move farther from Lol. The sad look he gives me is like he feels responsible for this. Technically he did lure me here. I guess I can't really say that, but he didn't try to stop me, fully knowing the tyrant Callum is.
My tears have stopped and my sadness has been replaced with anger again.
"You're crying?" Callum booms like I have no right. "You've demanded I kick out Qara and now you're crying about it?" He's pacing and it makes him look crazy.
"I didn't demand that!"
There is no way he's going to twist what I said.
"You didn't?" The pacing stops and his glare pegs me.
"No! I said you don't need to take her out! I didn't say kick her out! And then you left without saying anything to me! I have every right to cry!"
"I was doing what you asked of me! I don't need to explain every step I take to you!"
"You didn't explain anything to me!" I'm on my knees on the bed, attempting to be taller, or at least as tall as him. I'm not willing to back down and allow him to act like I'm in the wrong.
"You ran to Lol," he says with so much disgust, I'm shocked he's jealous of his assistant. I'm shocked in general he feels any jealousy whatsoever.
"I didn't run to Lol. He came in here to check on me and saw I was crying. Lol would never hurt you, Callum." I've stopped screaming but my anger is still billowing.
In a swift move, he's across the room and has my hair twisted in his hand while he yanks me against his chest. My head is pulled back and his lips are so close to my chin, I can feel them brush my flesh with each heavy breath he takes.
"But you would, Magdelena." The deep tone of his voice resonates through me. When he gets no reaction, he moves my head so we're face to face. "Wouldn't you?"
"How can it hurt when you have no feelings, Callum?" My whisper doesn't match the intensity of my glare. If I could burn this place down right this minute with my rage, my fire would span acres of land.
The response I get is the most unexpected and intense reaction I ever thought I'd receive from him. His lips meet mine in a punishing kiss that will be seared on my flesh for days. His tongue invades and he's not allowing me to react. I don't even know how to react. I don't want him anywhere near me, yet I don't want this to end. It's not my first kiss, but it is the first kiss that has ignited every cylinder inside my body that makes everything react, down to my fingers tingling. My hands ball into fists and right before I grab his face and actually put something into this kiss, he rips his mouth away from me and I almost tumble from the bed.
"You are infuriating! Nauseating! Impossible!" He's back to pacing but I'm still reeling from the kiss.
"You kissed me."
"You're a mistake," he mutters as he heads for the doors.
That kiss has potential to erase negativity, but not of that caliber. Yes I understand he never wanted me here, but words like that can even penetrate a carefree person like me. And I'm back to crying.