Chapter 20
River
Doc stayed the night. Even though Miss Ella keeps saying that she’s fine, he won’t budge from her side. They’ve been arguing ever since Miss Ella opened her eyes. They’ve had this love-hate relationship for years, and usually it’s funny to watch, but today it’s going to drive me crazy.
Everybody is back at work, as if nothing happened yesterday. No one asked what happened to Colby and Beverly, and truth be told, I’m too scared to ask that question myself.
I don’t ever want to go through a repeat of what happened last night. My stomach feels like it’s been grated raw.
I haven’t tried to talk to Jack. I’m not sure what I would say anyway. It feels as if whatever was between us, was destroyed in the fire.
Looking out the window, I watch Jack and Adam clearing out what’s left of the stables. With a hopeless sigh, I take a seat at the kitchen table.
“Old man,” Miss Ella scolds Doc for what seems like the hundredth time today. “You have a house. Go back to it.”
“Woman,” Doc growls under his breath. “I’ll go home when it suits me just fine. For now, I’m staying put so I can check on you.”
Miss Ella throws a dishcloth at Doc, hitting him in the face, and I have to swallow the laughter down.
“There is nothing wrong with me. I’m as healthy as a horse.” She grabs another dishcloth and starts waving at him. “Get!” She smacks at his shoulder and then shoves at him until he gets up. “Go home.”
Miss Ella is red in the face from all the effort it took to get Doc out of the chair.
“One of these fine days you’re going to beg me to stay.”
Miss Ella snorts unladylike through her nose. She smacks him one last time with the cloth, and then goes back to preparing dinner. We told her to take the day off but she just won’t listen.
“I’ll see you all tomorrow morning,” Doc greets, getting another disgruntled snort from Miss Ella.
When I’m sure Doc has left, I look at Miss Ella with a huge smile on my face. “Why won’t you give him a chance?”
Miss Ella swings around, spraying soapy water everywhere. “Now look what you’ve made me do. Stop sitting there counting your teeth, and get to work.”
Just as I’m getting up, Jack and Adam walks into the kitchen. I stare at Jack with wide eyes. He’s dirty, and the jeans are hanging low on his hips, much lower than is healthy for my heart.
I swing around, ready to make my escape to the study, when Adam says, “We need to talk.”
“We do?” I ask, feigning ignorance.
I’m in no hurry to be alone with either one of them. They both look like they’re on a war path, and I don’t want to be caught in the cross fire.
Adam nods, and I slowly start to walk towards the study, as if I’m about to stand trial before a firing squad.
A hundred things are racing through my mind.
I don’t bother sitting, opting for leaning against the heavy desk. Both men come to stand in front of me, and it only makes me nervous as hell.
This is the first time I see them standing side by side, and it’s a very intimidating sight.
“Don’t you both want to go clean up first?” I ask, hoping I can delay whatever’s coming.
“Jack wants to go back,” Adam says.
My mouth drops open and my eyes fly to Jack’s. There is determination and rage in his green depths, that I haven’t seen before. I was right when I thought something has changed, but never in a million years did I expect to hear those words.
“You can’t go back, Jack.” Disappointment and hurt slams into my gut as Adam’s words start to sink in. “Cameron will kill you.”
I push away from the desk, not wanting to hear any more of this madness. Adam quickly holds up his hand to stop me.
“Hear the man out before you jump to conclusions.”
Jack’s eyes bore into mine. The look of hatred is so intense that I have to drop my eyes from his. He looks as wild as the day he woke up, and slapped the bowl of food out of my hands.
“I’m going back so I can kill every last one of them.”
My eyes dart back to his, not sure I heard him right.
“You … what?”
I’m sure I didn’t hear right.
Suddenly, Jack takes a step back, shoving his hands through his hair. His face contorts with pain. When the blood drains from his features, leaving him deathly pale, I reach out to him.
He slaps my hand away. With fright, I quickly bring my stinging hand to my chest. I can only stare at him, bewildered by his behavior.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he hisses. “Don’t ever fucking touch me.”
His hands are tight fists at his sides as he starts to stalk up and down. His body is wound so tight, and every movement he makes is filled with aggression.
Seeing him like this is killing me. I want to help him, but I’m too scared to move.
He stops and takes a shuddering breath. His eyes are wild, not focusing on anything.
“They are going to fucking pay. I want them all dead. That’s the only way I’ll be able to live with myself.”
Tears flood my eyes and I just let them roll over my cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away.
There is no sign of the man I fell in love with. This is a totally different man standing in front of me. He terrifies me.
“Why now?” I ask. “What changed?”
He keeps moving, his actions jittery as if he’s on a high.
“The fire,” he snaps. “I want them to burn the same way they burned my mother.”
I cover my mouth to keep the sob back. I wish I could just wipe all his pain away. I swallow hard, fighting to keep my emotions under control.
“It won’t bring her back, Jack.”
He stalks right at me, dark and thunderous. I cower away from him, fear rippling through every inch of my body.
Adam moves fast, coming to stand half in front of me. The tension in the room can be cut with a knife. My heart is hammering in my chest, my breaths racing over my dry lips.
“I watched them burn her,” Jack hisses.
He punches at his chest with his right hand, making me flinch.
“I was beaten. I was raped. I was fucking used and abused for any sick fantasy they had!” His voice grows louder, thundering through the office.
I can’t keep the tears back. I know he’s been through horrible things, but I never dared to think of them, until now.
“I was degraded and betrayed. Not you.” He turns away from us and growls, “They will pay. They have to fucking pay.”
I choke the words out, “Your brother too?”
Jack swings around and roars with anger, “Especially him!”
He takes a step back, sucks in a shuddering breath, and whispers, “Especially David and Cameron. To them, I was nothing but a way to fill their bank balances with. I want it all to burn down around them, and then I want them to die.”
“Jack,” I whisper hoarsely.
I hate seeing him suffering like this, but I’m scared he’ll hate himself if he goes through with this plan. It feels like I’ve lost him before I even had a chance to have him.
“Killing people … it’s not just flipping a switch and they’re gone. You’re killing humans, taking another’s life.”
“They’re not human. No human will have a boy gang raped. They are monsters and they deserve to die like monsters.”
I cover my face and sob out loud. I can’t keep the emotions inside of me anymore. It’s all too much. I’ve seen firsthand what Jack must’ve endured. I’ve seen what it looks like when they break a slave.
Sobs rob me of my breath, and I double over from all the raw emotions slicing through me.
“I’m doing it. Nothing you can say, or do, will change my mind.”
“What about the other slaves that live there?” I cry out. “They are innocent. You can’t just kill people!”
Jack shakes his head hard. He won’t listen to reason.
“I would rather have died a thousand deaths than remain a slave. The slaves are just as bad as Cameron and David. I’ve seen them hurt each other. They killed the weaker ones. I’ve been raped and beaten by them so many times, I’ve lost count. They tried to kill me every time a guest would favor me, instead of one of them. That house is filled with demons. They all deserve to die. I will do this with or without your help.”
Through my blurring vision I watch as Jack storms from the office.
Adam’s arms go around me and he lets me cry against his chest. My heart has been shattered beyond repair. Hearing from his own mouth, how he was abused, is crushing me.
“Let the man have his revenge. It’s what he needs to feel that he did something to fight back. It’s the only way he’ll be able to have some self-respect.”
I nod against Adam’s chest. I understand what they’re saying, but it doesn’t mean I have to support it.