Chapter 12
River
I wake up with a start and stare into the darkness. I hear a muffled roar, which has me throwing the covers back. I run out of my room and down the passage. One of the doors open and a heads pop out to see what’s going on.
“Get back to bed,” I snap.
I open Jack’s door, slip inside, and shut it behind myself. I switch on the light and then rush over to his bed.
The sheet is twisted around his legs. Sweat is beading on his forehead. His chest rises and falls from the harsh breaths exploding over his parted lips.
I lean over him and touching his shoulder, I shake him a little. “Jack, wake up.”
His face contorts with rage a growl escapes from deep inside of him.
I sit down and grabbing him by both his shoulders, I shake him hard. “Jack! Wake up.”
His body jerks and then he darts up. Our bodies collide hard and I lose my breath from the impact. His shoulder slams into my nose, making black spots dance across my vision. White hot pain stabs into my skull.
Before I can get up, his arms lock me to him. His grip is painful, making a whimper burst over my lips. He buries his face in my neck, his hot breaths rushing over my skin.
I sit frozen, as the shock slowly fades. Only then do I feel the warmth of my blood trickling from my nose.
“Jack,” I whisper hoarsely, not sure what I should do.
To my relief he pulls back. I quickly bring a hand to my nose to stop the blood from dripping on him and the bed. I get up and rush to the toilet across the hall from his room. Grabbing a fist full of toilet paper, I shove it against my nose.
I’m just about to reach for more toilet paper, when Jack comes in. He closes the door behind him, and then wets the towel in the basin.
I watch him with watering eyes as he comes to stand in front of me. All the rage is gone from his face.
He watches me carefully as he takes hold of my hand, pulling it away from my bloody nose. He presses the cloth to my face, slipping his other hand behind my neck.
“Lean your head back,” he whispers.
I do as he says, leaning my head back to rest against his hand. We stand in silence for a few minutes, until the bleeding stops. He rinses the towel and then goes about wiping all traces of blood away.
I’m highly aware of forearm that’s resting on my shoulder. My body is drawn to his, wanting to be closer. The fact that he’s only wearing sleeping pants, doesn’t help at all. My eyes keep wanting to go to his bare chest. The thought is a distressing one but I can’t make myself move away.
When he’s satisfied, he takes a step away from me. “I’m sorry for hurting you, River.”
“I should’ve been more careful,” I say. I rinse my hand and then take the towel from him and throw it in the basket. Taking hold of his hand, I pull him back to his room.
I don’t want him to feel bad about what happened.
“You had a nightmare. I shouldn’t have sat that close to you.”
As soon as we’re in his room, I let go of his hand with the intention of saying goodnight and going back to my room. That all goes up in smoke as he closes the door behind him.
He shakes his head. “It wasn’t a dream, River.”
Fearing what he’ll tell me, I ask anyway, “What was it?”
With his right hand, he wipes tiredly over his face. “I keep seeing her. She’s engulfed in flames and I can never get to her.”
“Who?” I take a step closer to him.
“My mother.” He looks down at his hands. “The burns marks faded over the years, but I can still feel them.”
“Burns?” The word burst from me.
“They burn all the bodies. I tried to pull her out and burned my hands.”
A shockwave shudders through my body as I finally start to piece it all together. “They made you watch as they burned your mother’s body.” It’s not a question.
His eyes find mine, alive with pain.
“I saw you,” he whispers. He shakes his head, looking unsettled as he says, “This time they were burning you.”
For the life of me I don’t know why he dreamed that. It’s not like he actually cares about me.
“Maybe you saw me because I brought you here?”
He takes a step closer to me and makes my heart beat quicken.
“Besides my mother, you’re the only person who has looked past my exterior. You see me, the man, the fighter.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I whisper, “You need to get some sleep.”
As I walk by him, his hand darts out, taking hold of mine.
I freeze on the spot, totally thrown by everything that’s happened tonight.
“Stay,” he whispers. The single word causes a fluttering in my stomach which I try to suppress immediately.
He lets go of my hand, my skin tingling where his touch was just a second ago. When he switches the light off, I swallow hard on the nervous feeling that bubbling up my throat.
I can feel him move towards me. As he comes to stand in front of me, I hold my breath, not sure what to expect.
He takes my hand, and as he sits down on the bed, he pulls me forward.
I move forward until my legs press against the bed. When he lies back, I sit down and slowly lie down next to him. I do my best to keep our bodies from touching. Just because he needs comfort, it doesn’t mean I can touch him.
Jack turns on his side, facing me. He takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine. This time it’s feeling Jack’s hand in mine, that keeps me awake.
I feel like a zombie. I haven’t slept much in the past week. Jack keeps having nightmares, and only when I crawl into bed next to him, does he settle.
I can’t go another night with no sleep. I stop by Jack’s room on the way to mine, and knock softly.
He opens the door and for the sixth night in a row, I stare at his bare chest. It’s getting harder and harder to control these unwanted feelings he keeps stirring inside of me.
I force my eyes to his face, and quickly ramble, “My bed is bigger. I need sleep or I’ll just shrivel up and die. I was thinking you should just come sleep in my room. I don’t mind sharing. After all, we’ll just be sleeping.”
When he doesn’t respond, I’m forced to make eye contact. That’s getting harder and harder to do as well. I’m scared he’ll see something in my eyes, and that it might ruin all the progress I’ve made.
I clear my throat and then add, “Only if you want to.”
The corner of his mouth jumps, as if he was about to smile. That’s when I realize, I’ve never seen Jack smile.
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Jack. If you want to sleep here then get sleep in your bed. If you want to sleep in my bed until you’re more settled, then you’re welcome. I just thought it would be better for both of us.”
I walk to my room and I have to force myself to not look behind me to see if he’s coming.
I leave my door open, grab my shorts and t-shirt I always sleep in, and go to the bathroom. When I’m done bathing and dressed, stand in front of the door. Suddenly, I feel very nervous. I’ve never felt this way around anyone before. My palms feel sweaty and my heartbeat skips here and there. My stomach is all in knots.
I need to find a way to get rid of these feelings. It won’t be good for either of us. It will ruin things.
I take a deep breath and when I open the door, my eyes dart to bed. There’s a stab of disappointment when I see that it’s empty.
I go to switch the light off and close the door.
Deep in thought, I walk back to the bed. Growing angry with myself for feeling upset that Jack doesn’t want to sleep here, I throw the covers back. I need to get over whatever this is.
I’m just about to sit down, when something moves over by the window. A shadow moves forward, scaring the hell out of me. I shriek and stumble backwards. When I realize that the shadow is Jack, it’s too late, and I fall flat on my ass.
He’s next to me before I can get up. Embarrassment floods me for scaring so easily.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
Not trusting my voice, I nod.
His arms slip under me, and my eyes widen. “Oh-” He picks me up as if I weigh nothing. “Shit.” My mouth is inches from his jaw. “Uhm…” I don’t know what to do with my hands, and being held against his chest is not helping my problem at all.
“I’m good. I’m fine. You can put me down. I’m okay,” I ramble, wiggling out of his arms. “Totally fine. Thanks. Ahh-” I scurry across the bed and quickly crawl under the cover. “We should sleep. Good night.”
As soon as my body slams down on the mattress, I freeze. My eyes are wide open, and my breaths racing as if I just ran a marathon. It feels like my heart is about to claw its way through my rib cage.
What the hell was that? I’m losing my mind.
I feel the bed move under his weight and quickly shut my eyes.
I listen to every breath he takes until I finally fall asleep.