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Dirty Work: A Sexy Romantic Comedy by Eliza Madison, Liz Lincoln (20)

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AJ: How do you know you're in love?

Nina: You really want to do this via text? I can call you.

AJ: Talk on the phone?!?!?!?! No way.

Nina: I'm rolling my eyes.

AJ: Seriously. I need to know.

Nina: Claudia?

AJ: No, Snow White.

Nina: You want a serious answer to a serious question, and you're being a jackass. Good choice.

AJ: Sorry. Of course Claudia.

Nina: Do you think you're in love with her?

AJ: Yes…I mean yes, I think I am. Not yes I am for sure.

Nina: If you think you are, there's a good chance you are.

AJ: But how do I KNOW? How did you know you were in love with Kam?

Nina: Didn't you date Olivia for like 2 years? Shouldn't you already know this shit?

AJ: I'm not sure I ever thought I was in love with her. I liked her. She was nice. She liked me, which held appeal.

Nina: In 2 years, you guys didn't say "I love you" ????

AJ: She did.

Nina: And you responded with…..? And if you say "I know" I will shove a Millennium Falcon up your ass.

AJ: That sounds unpleasant. I usually said "me too" or something. But I was enough of an asshole to avoid using the word.

Nina: I may have to find a Millennium Falcon anyway, on principle.

AJ: Why did I come to you for advice?

Nina: Because Darcy is nuts and Luke is bitter and jaded.

AJ: And are you planning to answer my question?

Nina: Considering it.

AJ: Your generosity is almost overwhelming.

Nina: I'm a giver.

Nina: OK, here's some questions to ask yourself

Nina: Do you think about her when she's not around? Not obsessively, but like, something happens during the day and you want to tell her about it.

Nina: Do you fall asleep thinking about her when she's not there?

Nina: And definitely don't tell me any details about when she is there….

Nina: Does just being around her make even the worst day of your life a little better?

Nina: Does she make you want to be a better version of yourself? Not like you want to change to please her, just you want to be the best part of you.

Nina: Do you consider how your decisions will affect her too?

Nina: Can you imagine not having her around? Can you imagine having her around for a long time?

Nina: Most important, does she make you happy? Does she make you smile and laugh and overall content?

Nina: Can you fart in front of her?

AJ: Jesus, Neen. Gross.

Nina: I lived with you for sixteen years. I know farts don't gross you out.

AJ: Fair.

Nina: If it was you against the world, would you want her to be the one standing by your side, fighting with you?

AJ: And this is how you know you love Kam?

Nina: I didn't sit down and do a self Q and A, but basically, yeah. I just knew, and asking these questions is sort of a back-up checklist I guess. But I just knew. Just know.

AJ: Shit.

Nina: What? Not in love with her?

AJ: No. I am. Like, crazy in love.

Nina: Why shit?

AJ: It's…complicated. Hard to explain in a text.

Nina: Oh, I have to tell you how to figure out if you're in love, but you can't tell me why that's a bad thing and not awesome?

AJ: Fair. She moved in with her sister to save money. And we're taking a…break.

Nina: WE WERE ON A BREAK!

AJ: Haha. We're not Ross and Rachel. She wants me to decide about school without considering her. I don't know, there was shit to do with Olivia and I think there's garbage with her dad mixed in there and I don't even know. I just know she doesn't want to see each other until I make my decision.

Nina: Oh, AJ. I'm sorry. Like, sorry enough I'd hug you if you were here.

AJ: Thanks. But like you said, if I love her, I consider how my decisions affect her. So how the hell do I make this decision without considering her?

Nina: I don't know.

AJ: And that's why "shit."

Nina: Yeah. Shit.

AJ: I don't know what to do.

Nina: Wanna have lunch? I'm free Wednesday. No party pooper Luke.

AJ: Yeah. That'd be good. I should go. I work soon.

Nina: You'll work it out. Call it my bias toward true love because of Kam, but I really believe you two will figure it out. You've been friends for too long for you not to.

AJ: Thanks. No reason it should, but that does help.

Nina: I love you, AJ.

AJ: Oh, damn. I must be really bad off.

Nina: Haha.

AJ: I love you too, Neen. Thanks for the help. It's why you're my favorite sister.

Nina: Plus I've never fed you sawdust cake.

AJ: That helps.

Nina: See you Wednesday.