Chapter Eight
“I really need to get you to LA,” Christian told Rod as they sat at an outside table. “You’ll have a blast. One night in West Hollywood and you’ll fall in love.”
“He’ll get you into trouble,” Landon countered.
“That’s not a bad thing.” At least, not in Christian’s mind. He really liked everyone here. It had been a couple hours since they’d arrived. He wasn’t sure he’d ever laughed so hard in his life. Bryce and Rod’s back and forth was hilarious. They always seemed to be trying to one-up each other. Apparently they met when Nick and Bryce went shopping for sex toys at an adult store he worked at. Christian was shocked to discover that being with each other, was Nick and Bryce’s first time with another man. He could only imagine how that trip to the romantic gift store had gone.
Rod now had his own place called Rods-N-Ends.
There was a lot of motorcycle talk. Bryce and Landon were in love with being on two wheels the same way Beck was. They both mostly rode street bikes but enjoyed motocross too, which meant Beck was in heaven. Drew owned a gym, Justin was going back to school, and Nick obviously loved food and feeding people who were important to him. They were a mishmash group of people, but you could tell they all loved each other. They were a close group of friends.
Christian couldn’t help but direct his eyes toward Beck. Did he have that? People he knew he could be himself with? People who would stand by his side, no matter what? Christian hoped he had that within the motocross community but the truth was, he just didn’t know. He knew Beck’s past. He even knew who Beck was. Ten years apart hadn’t changed that but he didn’t know Beck’s day-to-day life.
The thought made him frown, put an ache in his chest. And when Beckett looked his way, he could see the questions there, in his dark, soulful eyes. Saw that Beck realized Christian was wrestling with something…and he was. Because he realized now that he couldn’t lose Beckett Monroe again. He’d be the friend who Beck always had in his corner.
Christian reached out, and squeezed Beckett’s thigh, and then he didn’t pull his hand back. Beckett gave him what was almost a shy grin, then set his hand on Christian’s before joining the conversation with his friends again.
* * * *
“The first race of the upcoming outdoor season is in Texas, right?” Bryce asked as they ate. They’d gone swimming for a little while, and then gotten out to finish cooking. Nick had taken care of a few things inside while Drew had the grill going for the ribs. They said Nick had marinated them in a homemade sauce. They nearly fell off the bone and had a sweet, tangy taste that Beck couldn’t get enough of.
“Yeah. No rest for the wicked. We ended up with two weeks between Supercross and outdoors this year. I should be training right now but they gave me a few days considering everything that’s going on.” Which actually made him feel like shit. He shouldn’t have to take a break. Especially with how he’d ridden during Supercross season.
“You’re the fastest, most skilled rider there is right now. Taking a few days off won’t hurt,” Christian told him.
“I didn’t get here by taking time off, though. I stay on top of my game because I’m the last guy to leave the track every day.”
“I know.” Christian eyed him, but Beckett couldn’t read what his expression meant. The air around them did feel heavier though. “I remember. And that’s a good thing, but there’s more to life than motocross. Don’t forget that.” He didn’t smile, didn’t look away from Beckett and he could see the seriousness in Christian’s stare. He now saw how much Christian wanted to make sure Beckett got the message. Christian wanted him to have a life outside of motocross.
“Wait. There is? I didn’t know that,” Bryce teased.
“Shh! They’re having a moment,” Rod teased and then Justin promptly started choking on his food. Drew hit him on the back as the table burst into laughter again.
“I guess we’ll finish this conversation later,” Beck winked at him.
“Sorry, we typically keep them locked away. They haven’t acclimated to spending time with adult humans yet,” Nick added. They were a riot—all of them. Beckett turned toward Christian, who grinned at him. He had a light dusting of dark, blond hair along his jaw, obviously having skipped out on shaving this morning. Beck wanted to feel it against his skin. The last time he’d kissed Christian, he had the smooth face of youth, as had Beck himself. He wondered if Christian would enjoy the feel of his beard against his flesh as well.
He cocked his head at Beck, and he couldn’t help but wish Christian was having the same thoughts—which likely made him an asshole since there was a Quinn out there.
Beckett turned away from him just as Landon asked, “Do you have time to take a quick walk?”
“Yeah, sure.” He turned toward Chris again. “I’ll be right back.”
Landon kissed Rod’s forehead and then the two of them went down the stairs from the deck and toward the back of Justin and Drew’s lush property.
“Now that you’re here, I hope you plan to come back to visit,” Landon told him.
There was no question he would. He felt like he fit in with Landon’s friends in a way he desired in his life. “Absolutely…you’re happy.”
“I am. Are you?” he asked.
“I love what I do.” And he did, regardless of the emptiness he’d felt lately.
“That wasn’t my question.”
“Fucker,” he teased. Of course Landon wouldn’t let him off easily. “I’m trying to be,” is the reply he settled on.
“You also have feelings for Christian.” He cocked a dark brow.
Beckett waved him off. “He’s been back in my life for a couple days after not seeing him for ten years.”
“So?” Landon asked. “People are so strange. We try to put rules and regulations on everything. You can’t do that with feelings. There’s no specific time it takes to fall for someone—or at least to want them.” He grinned and Beckett couldn’t help but remember when Margaret had said, What does time have to do with anything?
Landon continued, “Plus, you’ve likely always had feelings for him. I knew it when you told me about him years ago and I see it now when you look at him.”
The truth was, Landon was likely right. He’d never gotten over Chris, he’d just tried really fucking hard to pretend he had. “I’m pretty sure he has someone.”
Landon kicked a twig that was on the ground as they walked. “Well, that might complicate things a little. It’s funny though…the way he looks at you? The way his eyes are always seeking you out and the way he smiles at you…it’s not the look of a man who has someone else.”
Beckett didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure how to. His life was slightly a mess right now. He wasn’t sure how the outdoor season would go, how things would be with his team. Hell, he was scared to death he ran the risk of falling out of love with something that had always been his life because right now, he resented it. It wasn’t until this moment that he realized that’s what it was. He resented motocross because in it, he’d hidden part of himself.
“Sorry, it’s not my place to butt into your life. But you’re my friend, Beck. I just want you to be happy.”
“I’m trying to be,” he repeated, before his mind went right back to Christian again.