Chapter Two
“This isn’t the time nor place for this, Grady,” Brienne said, her heart rate spiking at the way his dark eyes looked into her, past her carefully erected barriers. She’d thought she had the coming week to personally come to terms with her decision since he was supposed to be in Florida, but it looked as if she wasn’t going to get her anticipated reprieve. “We’ll talk about this later.”
“We’ll talk about this now. You want to tell me what is really going on?” Grady knelt in front of her so she couldn’t avoid the question. He was searching for answers, but she was very good at camouflaging her thoughts and eliminating her tells. She refused to get into their personal lives while at the office. She’d certainly had years of practice and she could prove quite the adversary when the need arose. The thing of it was, he wasn’t used to being in this position and it was clear he didn’t appreciate the sliver of unease she’d dangled in front of him. She hadn’t meant for the conversation to go this way. “You seemed fine when I left your apartment this morning.”
“Things haven’t been fine in quite a while,” Brienne said softly, doing her best to cushion the blow while avoiding the bait. She realized she’d surprised him by kicking her black heel against the clear mat underneath them, but she wouldn’t allow him to take control of this discussion like he had the tendency to do. She might like to give up some measure of control in the bedroom, but not when it came her professional life. She rolled her chair far enough away to regain the advantage of her personal space. She stood to her full height and tossed the pen onto her desk. The ball of anxiety she’d been living with started to unravel and she wasn’t able to suppress the words that spilled over her lips. “You still love her with your whole heart. You still love Madison. I could accept that if there was some room in your life for me, but there isn’t even an inch. I refuse to compete with a ghost from your past, so I’ve made some decisions for my own personal growth.”
It was a rare occurrence where Grady was ever speechless, but Brienne had apparently managed to render him so now. She hadn’t meant to hit him with something so far out of left field, but she was tired of fighting a losing battle. He unfolded his lean muscled frame and straightened his suit jacket, his sophisticated style being one tiny part of his overall charisma. She was younger than him by a good ten years, but never once had that made a difference in their relationship.
“My love for Madison has never been a problem before,” Grady reminded Brienne somewhat cuttingly as he walked back around to the other side of her desk as he seemed to reinforce his offense. His previous anger came back twofold, but she stood her ground. She had too much to lose should she give an inch at this juncture. It was time she changed the rules of engagement, in and out of the bedroom. “She was my wife. For you to ask me to forget her—”
“I never said you should forget her or that you shouldn’t have loved her,” Brienne sharply clarified, not wanting to revisit this recycled conversation and find that he’d put words in her mouth. She stepped around the desk and held her head high for a battle she’d long been prepared to have. “I accepted long ago that I was nothing more than a filler for Madison’s presence, and at the time I was more than okay with that, given both our needs. I’d just returned from a field assignment where I’d experienced things that still remain in my nightmares. You nevertheless manage to ease those terrors when they revisit me in the dark.”
“Then why are we even having this conversation, Brienne?” Grady ran a hand through his dark hair that was peppered with silver, clearly not understanding where she was heading with this. Part of her felt guilty for having kept the truth from him, but her time was running out and she needed to make a decision. “We’re both content with the way things are or were.”
“That’s just it. You are content.” Brienne closed the distance between them until she was able to lightly rest her hands on the lapels of his jacket and stare up into the dark brown eyes she’d woken up to every morning for the past four years. They had both kept their separate residences, taking turns staying the night in each other’s beds. It wasn’t hard considering their travel schedule, but she was being offered something a little more permanent, which would essentially end whatever this was between them. “I need more, Grady. I’ve been trying to tell you that for a while now, albeit subtly. You’ve just turned a deaf ear to what I’ve been saying.”
Grady gently placed his warm hands on either side of Brienne’s neck and didn’t stop the upward caress until he was cradling her face. The tender gesture was in total contradiction to the gathering storm settling over his features and her heart could almost feel the blow he was about to land.
“I’ve listened to every word you’ve ever said to me, sweetheart,” Grady murmured, pulling her closer if that were even possible. She wished it were for something more intimate, but this was his way of making a point. “Never once have you said you wanted more than what we have had and I’ve reiterated multiple times that I could never bring myself to remarry after being widowed. You accepted that. So you tell me where my misunderstanding comes into play?”
“I guess it doesn’t,” Brienne whispered in regret, praying her heart didn’t shatter into a million pieces while he looked on. She slowly inhaled, wishing now she hadn’t as the sensual fragrance of his cologne enveloped her as if to remind her of what she would be missing so very soon. She gave herself a few more seconds before slowly pushing against him until his hands fell at his sides. She immediately missed his touch. She cleared her throat to say what she should have voiced long before now. “I’ve been offered a permanent position with the State Department Bureau of Diplomatic Security at our embassy in Cairo. You can understand how my current assignment uniquely qualifies me for the work that needs to be done there. I’ll let them know my decision in the morning.”
“Is there a reason you didn’t share this with me when you were first given this new job proposal? It would seem that you’ve been keeping a lot of secrets from me lately.” Grady’s brown eyes became even darker if that were possible, with what emotion she couldn’t say. It hadn’t been Brienne’s intention to hurt him, but neither one could continue with the way things were. “What exactly is it you want me to say to you? Of course I want you to stay here with me, but I wouldn’t stand in your way if this could further your professional career.”
Brienne would have laughed at the most appropriate of answers he’d just given her if she thought she wouldn’t cry instead. Grady wanted her to stay, but yet he didn’t want to hold back her career advancement of all things. He couldn’t love her the way she needed to be loved, and therein lay the crux of the problem.
“I don’t want you to say anything,” Brienne said sadly, wishing she hadn’t said anything and given them one more day. “My decision is made. I’m taking the position in Cairo. I’ll be leaving at the end of the month.”
“You don’t need to throw away what we have.” Grady wasn’t a man to plead for anything, but Brienne could have sworn there was a hint of despair in his voice. “I want—”
“Brienne.” Gus Wilson knocked impatiently on the office door after he’d opened it abruptly, not apologetic in the least for interrupting. The alarm written on his features conveyed the emergency. “We have a serious problem. There is chatter coming in over the wires and it’s bad. I mean, really bad.”
“What happened?” Brienne asked, reaching for her favorite coffee mug with the remnants of the cold liquid from the first pot still inside. She would take whatever reprieve Gus was offering her to get out of this office before she lost her thin veil of composure in front of Grady. She needed a better, solid emotional footing before she collected her things from his apartment. Her mind understood this was how things needed to be done, but her heart was obviously still protesting. “Are we talking about the mission in Kandahar or the one in Damascus?”
Brienne brushed past Grady, ignoring his penetrating gaze promising her this conversation was far from over. She was well aware of that, but this allowed her a brief reprieve, a moment to breathe and focus on something she had the ability to change. Critical missions, such as the ones in the Middle East or southern Asia, were vital in the success on this fight against terrorism. She had her professional priorities and right now…this took precedence. The ringing of Grady’s cell phone aided her ability to follow Gus out of the office without having to say anything else.
“It’s neither,” Gus said rather distractedly, so unlike his usual demeanor. Her colleague was normally focused on the task at hand, and pulling his attention elsewhere was like pulling teeth out with nothing but her fingers. Right now, he appeared at a loss as he led the way down the hallway toward the Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility (SCIF). Every department within the Intelligence Division had their own satellite version of this secure area where sources and methods were stored, used, processed, or discussed. Had one of the embassies been attacked? “This is more of a personnel issue.”
Gus walked at a faster pace, his erratic movements telling her more than his words. He was leading her to Supervisory Special Agent James Telfer’s office located just outside the SCIF. The door was open and she could see the small gathering of other agents. Brienne crushed the anxiety that tried to surge through her body, but it didn’t prevent a fine sheen of perspiration to coat her skin. She was now wishing she’d left her coffee cup back on her desk.
“Agent Chaylse, we have a problem,” SSA Telfer explained without even glancing her way. He was in the middle of looking at his phone, but it was a blow to her chest when he finally did look her way. Jim Telfer was worried; therefore, she should be scared as hell. She tightened her fingers around her cold mug and braced herself. “Your personal identity as an agent for the Central Intelligence Agency has been compromised.”
No one else in the office said a word. As a matter of fact, only the muffled sounds from the bullpen could be heard through the door Gus had closed behind them. The other three agents—Samuel Frye, Connor Vaupel, and Chloe Hammond—all appeared stunned as they were apparently hearing this for the first time as well. It didn’t make Brienne feel any better to realize she wasn’t the last to know.
She took a moment to step forward and set her cup gently down on SSA Telfer’s desk, careful not to spill what little was left of the contents. She took notice of how organized the surface was maintained. Her life had been very much like that until this very moment.
The pencil holder must have been made by one of Telfer’s children, but it only held sharpened pencils and pens with black ink. The inbox had a few folders meticulously centered in the middle of the wooden container, while the outbox contained more files just as well-ordered. The mouse for his computer was centered on its pad parallel to his keyboard and his desk phone was within perfect distance of his reach at a forty-five degree angle.
What would it look like if she were to take an arm and swipe it across this immaculate surface?
Chaos.
Wreckage.
Her life—as it stood at this very moment.
“In what manner?” Brienne asked, grateful she was able to get the words out without hesitation. Depending on the leak, everything she’d worked for could be gone…depleted. “Is it something that can be mitigated?”
“There was an article published in the Daily Express Urdu newspaper today stating your name as the lead CIA liaison to the Pakistani government for the Near Eastern and South Asian Analysis Desk here at Langley,” SSA Telfer stated bluntly, cutting to the chase and giving Brienne what she needed to know. Her career as a covert agent for the CIA was officially over. “We’re doing what we can to locate the source of the leak, but you’ll be placed on administrative leave as the board reviews the damage this has caused to your current caseload, as well as to the other agents involved on your desk. You know the process and we’ll…”
Administrative leave. Brienne suppressed the manic laugh that built within her as SSA Telfer continued to outline her immediate future. Her employment—the very thing she’d invested her life in—within any branch of the United States government was now tainted. She was going to be terminated because of a simple article written in a Pakistan newspaper and there wasn’t a thing she could do to change that. She would deal with the emotional fallout in private. Right now, there were things that needed to be addressed and she would handle it like the definitive professional she was.
“I will turn over all of my files for…”
Three hours. That was how long it took Brienne to delegate her current caseload and her life’s work over to her desk’s executive replacement within her section’s hierarchy. She hadn’t allowed herself to comprehend the raw emotion burning inside of her or to acknowledge the compassion her associates were trying to convey. She would have completely come undone had she permitted anything other than maintaining a distant demeanor.
It was only when she was by herself that she leaned against her office door for support and laid a hand over her chest to prevent the physical pain from becoming overbearing. All she needed now was the courage to walk out of the Company with her head held high.
“Are you ready to leave?” Grady asked from his position by the window, only turning toward her after he’d spoken. It surprised her to find determination within his dark eyes instead of sympathy. His appearance was as immaculate now as it had been this morning and his composure was something to envy. It wasn’t until he continued his train of thought that she understood the reason why. “We need to get in touch with Catori Starr. She has the contacts we need to take care of your problem.”