Chapter 18
Danny was on edge. He felt like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Molly woke him around 3 a.m. crying from a nightmare and she wouldn’t calm down until he agreed to let her sleep in the bed with him. He had to change her sheets because she wet the bed and after he got her settled he couldn’t go back to sleep. After getting her to his sister’s house for breakfast and off to school, he realized he was late and didn’t have time for his morning run, which made him feel tense and uptight. Today was the first day he was going to see Sarah after 2.5 weeks and he was not looking forward to it. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Seeing her was going to hurt and that made him mad. This was exactly why he didn’t want to date. He didn’t want to open his heart for anyone, and then Sarah came and cracked it open. Altogether, he came to work in the worst mood.
“Good morning, Danny,” Carla said, smiling as he rounded the nurse’s desk.
He gave her the equivalent of a grunt before walking to his office and shutting the door. He only had a few precious minutes before he had to do his rounds. He changed into his white jacket and, with a deep breathe, he opened the door. He could see Sarah down the hall talking to another nurse.
He walked down to talk to her and acknowledged her. He was hoping that a professional gesture would set the tone instead of adding to the awkward tension he felt.
“Hey, Sarah,” he said, stepping to the nurses. “Janice.” He nodded his head in a greeting to each of them.
“Good morning,” said Sarah.
“Hey, Doctor Struthers,” Janice said with a warm smile. “How’s it going?”
Danny smiled weakly with no real amusement. Janice caught the strange vibe between the two of them. She looked back and forth between them, nervous, as if she might be infringing on something private.
She was.
“I’m doing alright,” he said, reminding himself to look at Janice, not just Sarah. “Just wanted to touch base and see how everything was going.”
Sarah’s lips pressed into a thin line. “As good as they can go.” Her eyes were as dead as he imagined his own looked.
“Well,” Janice said tentatively, as if she wasn’t sure she was allowed to have a good day, “my day is going great.” Danny knew she was noticing that he was still looking at Sarah.
“That’s great Janice,” Danny replied.
Sarah was dying and had to get out of this situation fast.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have something to do.” Her voice faded as she turned and walked away.
He was wrong.
There was no fix for this. It just wouldn’t be right between them. Not wanting to be any more obvious but unable to control himself.
“Where to, Sarah?” he said, realizing they couldn’t keep standing in the middle of the hallway staring into each other’s eyes and followed her leaving Janice completely baffled as to what the fuck just happened.
“Cafeteria,” she said over her shoulder almost running away from him.
Hitting the button quickly trying to escape the situation Sarah realized he had followed her to the elevator and together they waited and Danny hoped with all his might they would get an empty elevator to themselves. Fuck rounds. He had to talk to her.
His wish was granted and together they walked in.
As soon as the doors closed, Danny pressed into her and said, “I don’t think I can do this.”
She put her hands against his chest, though holding his shirt, not pushing him away.
Sarah said, “We have to. It will get easier.”
“I don’t think this,” he said, gesturing between them, “gets easier.”
Danny leaned in closer, millimeters from her lips and Sarah’s desire was obvious, although she didn’t move toward him in return. The air was thick with intensity.
“Maybe if we just keep the distance,” she said, panting,
Danny leaned forward, consuming her mouth, tongue sweeping past her parted lips and nibbling on her lower lip.
“How?” he said, pulling back, as breathless as she was. “You’re so fucking hot in your scrubs,” he said, pulling her into him so she could feel his hard-on.
The elevators dinged and they jumped apart, with just enough space for the people joining the elevator to settle in without separating them or being too obvious. Danny stood next to her, aching, wanting to touch her, hold her, love her. He felt like he was holding his breath as the elevator slowly rose and finally the door opened and the crowd got off. Unfortunately, it was the same floor Danny and Sarah were waiting for and they all exited together. The crowd went one way and Danny turned the other direction, grabbing Sarah’s arm to take her with him. He pulled her to a corner of the lobby and spoke in a low voice. “Serious, I don’t think I can do this. I want you. I need you.” He leaned down so she could see the truth in his eyes. “I want to fuck you and make you mine all night long, Sarah. I miss you. I think about you constantly. My dick is hard all day long.”
Her knees went weak.
If they weren’t in the middle of the hospital lobby with people everywhere, he’d kiss her and take her against the wall.
“I know,” Sarah said, whining. “But we have to try.”
He knew she was right. Danny squeezed his eyes and tried to calm himself, find some center.
“I should go,” he said when he finally felt composed enough. “I’m late for rounds.”
Sarah reached out as if to touch him, but seemed to think better of it and turned away. He ached as she walked off without looking back.
Danny worked like he was alone for the rest of his shift. Even though there were nurses working alongside him, he only spoke when necessary and focused on nothing else but the tasks at hand. He checked up on the clinical research, ran scans of his new patients with Cushing’s syndrome and a hepatic mass suspected to be hepatoblastoma, and followed up with a patient just out of surgery. Still, even his patients noticed his mood. Danny worked quickly and as soon as he could, holed himself in his office writing reports, doing all he could so he could go home as soon as possible. When he worked the absolute minimum hours he was allowed to work, he packed up his things in a rush. He couldn’t keep his mind from replaying what Sarah had said. Danny didn’t not want to hear that, but he wasn’t going to argue with her. She was right.
He almost made it to his car without seeing her. But he did. He would know the back of her from anywhere and she was walking. She was probably going to yoga class, as she always did. He couldn’t leave without offering her a ride. He started the car and pulled it around until he was alongside her.
“Need a ride?” he said as the window rolled down.
“No, that’s alright,” she said, still walking. “I can manage, but thanks.”
She could manage. Without him. Without being with him.
“Right,” he said, mad at himself for being hurt. “Well, be safe. Bye.”
The ride home was stuffy and stifling. Danny needed to get a run in. He didn’t check in with Alyssa when he parked in the driveway. Instead, he ran in to change his clothes and immediately got out on the pavement to burn off steam.
He didn’t have any plans for the night but he could see a cold shower and a beer in his future. He texted Alyssa while he was running, rubbing his sweaty palms on his sweats so he could text, “I need you to keep Molly for the night.”
“What’s wrong?” his sister texted back.
His phone vibrated with another message before he could respond. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I just need a night to myself.” To him, that was an understatement.
“Done. You get two nights. Don’t worry about it,” she texted back and, with gratitude, Danny put his phone back in his pocket.