The car ride passed in relative silence, and I struggled to keep my eyes off of Emily for the duration. I couldn’t deny that her every sniffle cracked my heart closer and closer to utter disrepair.

I clenched my hands on the steering wheel, trying to tell myself I was doing the right thing. If it was so right, though, why did it feel so awful? Surely I hadn’t needed to be so cruel to her, but I was afraid that if I allowed myself the slightest bit of kindness, I would lose my resolve. I couldn’t afford to compromise the mission; I would effectively be ruining myself in the process.

As I peered over at her, my heart gave a painful throb. She was so damn beautiful, in spite of her state of disarray. That damn gaudy necklace didn’t even look half bad in that moment.

Maybe I really was losing it. It seemed more likely that I’d already gone insane, had given myself to the craziness from the moment I made love to Emily.

As much as I wanted to believe the contrary, I had no doubt that what I felt for her was more than lust or even a simple crush. So much had happened over the course of our time together, and though it hadn’t been all that long, it still felt as if we’d known each other for an eternity.

Could I really betray her like this? Moreover, would I allow myself to betray my own feelings by turning her into the feds without knowing what would happen to her? There was no telling what they would do with her, though she hadn’t committed any crimes.

She had been held prisoner by her father; it wasn’t as if she’d willingly gone along with him. She hadn’t agreed to hold tight to his secrets; she had been forced. As much as I wanted to blame Randy Madden for what he had put his daughter through, I couldn’t shoulder my own mistakes off on him. I was wounding her more deeply than he ever had.

Thinking I held some sort of power over Emily may have seemed self-absorbed, but the girl wasn’t exactly a closed book when it came to her feelings. I had no doubt in my heart that she loved me—or had, before I’d dragged her into that damn car that morning.

It took all of my self-restraint not to make a U-turn in the middle of the road, take off down the street and…and…

Where would we go from there? The military was all I had ever known. It had given me the freedom I’d never known as a teenager. It gave me the family I’d longed for, the kind that would accept me without forcing me into some tiny box in the middle of nowhere.

Yet, wasn’t that what I was doing to Emily in the very act of turning her in? Stealing her freedom, shoving her back into a prison that I had more or less vowed to help her escape? She bore the title of my captive, but it had never felt quite that way. I cared about her. Wardens didn’t love their inmates.

It was as simple as that, really. It should have been enough that I loved her.

My eyes were drawn to her again, and she glanced towards me with a helpless sort of sigh. She had given up, and I had brought that upon her. The woman who had gotten under my skin like no one else was likely convinced I was some stone-cold asshole.

Was I? Would I really turn her in? There really wasn’t any other option. If I fled with her, what sort of life could I have given her? It was better that I turned her in, better that she not entertain the hope of leading a happy life clutched in my arms.

I couldn’t give her much. If I quit my job, I would have nothing. Being a SEAL was all I knew. I’d sacrificed so much to be where I was in that moment. I’d sacrificed my family. I’d sacrificed my home. But I’d come out for the better for it…hadn’t I?

The decision seemed to be made, and I settled on the path to the FBI field office. She would be fine. She would be happy. The feds couldn’t do anything that horrible to her, could they? She was innocent, after all.

“I’m sorry for all of this, Owen,” she said quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

I glanced at her, raising a speculative brow.

“What are you apologizing for?” I asked, not bothering to hide the weariness in my voice.

I let the fact that I should have been the one apologizing hanging in the air, doomed to remain unsaid. It wasn’t that I feared showing weakness; I was confident enough to admit when I was wrong in most cases. This one was different. The fact that I was utterly and completely in the wrong went without saying.

Even still, she raised a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. I was relieved that she seemed to be pulling herself together, but the bitter resignation that radiated from her was anything but comforting. She reached out, resting her hand on the center console. I took it without a second thought, gripping it in my own.

Love was supposed to be a splendored thing, yet there I sat, ruining it without a second thought. I told myself it was for the best, repeating the mantra in my head until I was almost able to believe it.

“I shouldn’t have forced you last night,” she said quietly. “I let my feelings get in the way, and I know you don’t feel the same about me, so it wasn’t fair. I was angry at first, knowing that you planned to turn me in all the same, but I can’t stay mad. I didn’t have sex with you because I expected some higher treatment. I asked you to make love to me because that’s…what I feel for you.”

There was something unfair about the way she’d admitted it, the way she’d been able to say she loved me with such ease. Then again, she was innocent. Her love was pure, while mine was just the opposite.

“You didn’t force me into anything,” I croaked, though it may have been easier to let her believe as such.

I was head over heels for her, but it wasn’t like it was something I could readily confess. It would only make things more difficult, more difficult than any of this really needed to be. If she was willing to operate under the notion that I was using her, was it that wrong to allow it? Especially when it would spare her feelings?

“You wouldn’t have had sex with me if I hadn’t thrown myself at you. I complicated things. I knew from the start what your intentions were, and I’ve always known I was a captive. Blurring the lines only made things more difficult for both of us. Well, for me at least…” she trailed off, resting her forehead against the window.

I remained quiet, though I wanted nothing more than to tell her how wrong she was. It was difficult for me, too; she had to know that. I’d given her no indication to suspect as much, but it wasn’t as if I were that closed-off with my feelings.

Then, it struck me. My father hadn’t even known that I had my own dreams. He’d offered me ownership of his business because he’d felt it was the right thing to do, not to spite me. I often said he begrudged my choice of joining the military, but that wasn’t necessarily so. I hadn’t heard from him since I’d left West Virginia. He probably didn’t even know where I was right now.

Did that speak of the limited nature of my compassion? Was I cold? How could I have gone my whole life without offering some sort of kindness to those that cared the deepest about me?

“It wasn’t exactly a one-way street, Em,” I murmured, the pet name flowing off of my tongue without a thought.

It felt comfortable; it seemed somehow right. She didn’t seem to notice, too wrapped up in my betrayal to even consider my words deeply. As much as I wanted to reach out and grip her chin in my hand, force her lips to my own with all the tenderness of a proper man in love, I realized that we were nearing our destination.

It felt much like driving off a cliff, knowing that I was throwing away my chance at true happiness. Years I’d spent, longing for someone to hold close at night. The night before had been everything I’d hoped for and more.

If only we had met under different circumstances.

“Yeah, I feel the same,” she whispered, and I realized that I had voiced my thoughts aloud.

She sighed sadly as we pulled into the parking lot wherein her fate would be sealed. I parked near the exit, gripping her hand more tightly in my own when she made to open the passenger side door.

She paused, looking at me with a curious expression.

“I’m not going to run. You don’t have to walk me inside. I wouldn’t endanger your job like that,” she assured me, using her free hand to pat the top of our joined ones.

I kept a grip on her, staring at the building where a federal agent was waiting for me to drop her off.

He hadn’t seemed to notice our presence, instead focusing on the screen of his cellphone. He was so wrapped up in whatever application he was fiddling with that he probably wouldn’t notice Emily until she walked straight up to him.

“Wait,” I breathed as Emily began to draw away from me.

Enough of the theatrics. Enough of waiting for what might have been, what could have happened. I was going to grasp the future by its damn horns.

“What is it, Owen?” the girl who had captured my heart asked, and I reached over to fasten her seatbelt once more.

Quickly, I shifted into reverse, keeping a close eye on the federal agent who waited near the entrance.

“Duck, and stay down until I say otherwise,” I whispered, maintaining a steady speed out of the parking lot.

Emily obliged, staring at me through wide and confused eyes.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Not yet. Not ever.