“Daddy, Nanna is taking us to the beach, do you want to come too? We can build sandcastles and catch fish.”

I’m staring out of the large, tri-fold doors that are currently closed, looking out over the back yard and watching my father push Arty in his new swing that sits in the shade to the left of the large pool.

“Daddy,” Ivy continues impatiently. “Are you coming to the beach?”

I tear my eyes away from my father and son and turn to face my little girl.

She’s standing in the centre of the kitchen, one hand on her cocked hip and she couldn’t look more like Laura if she tried.

“No, Princess. Daddy has something he needs to do this morning. How about Grampy helps you build sandcastles and catches fish with you?”

“He doesn’t put the special I on top of the castles for Ivy. I want you to come.”

I take a step forward and bend my knees in a squat so that I’m at her level.

“I want to come with you too, but I have to go see someone, it’s important. I promise to make it up to you when I get back. How about we go to that ice cream bar you love and you can choose whatever you want?”

Her eyes light up for a brief second at the thought of her favourite treat but then dim just as quickly.

“I guess so,” she replies quietly, leaning forward to hook her small arms around my neck.

“Don’t be sad Princess Ivy. I won’t be long, I promise.”

I tug her even closer and squeeze her gently, and when she pulls back, she gives me a watery smile and says, “I know, Daddy. I just miss you when you’re not here.”

My heart thuds painfully, my chest constricting with both love and sadness for my perfect little girl. She lost her mother forever, lost her father for a little while and is now afraid of losing anyone else, even if only for a few hours.

“And I miss you too, Princess Ivy, but I promise I won’t be gone for long. I’ll never be away from you for long.”

“She’s not here. You need to leave.”

The girl stood in front of me at the door to Halle’s apartment stares me down behind her dark-rimmed glasses. I recognise her as Rachel, Nate’s bar manager at Aurora and Halle’s roommate.

“I just need to speak with her,” I state matter-of-factly, pleased with myself for keeping any annoyance at her interference out of my tone.

“And I’ve told you once, and I’ll tell you again. She’s. Not. Here. And seeing as I’m off the clock and you’re blocking my doorway I have no qualms about causing you bodily harm if you don’t get lost. I don’t care who your brother is, and I’m sure he’d agree with me anyway.”

“Who is it, Rach?”

The head of the other girl, Zoey, I think her name is, pops up behind Rachel’s shoulder as she tries to squeeze past her friend to see what’s going on.

“Oh, hey, Josh,” she greets cheerfully. “Are you looking for Halle? She’s at Aurora practising for her gig tonight.”

“Zoey!” Rachel warns through gritted teeth. “Halle doesn’t want to see him, why the fuck are you telling him that?”

Zoey shoulders her way past her friend and shrugs.

“Because they are both too stubborn to sort their shit out. Anyone with eyes can see something is going on between them, what’s the point in keeping them apart?”

“There’s nothing going on between us.”

“There’s nothing going on between them.”

Rachel and I speak in tandem, both refuting Zoey’s claims, but with the information I need about Halle, I no longer have to stay here and argue with two women I have no interest in, and so I turn and make my way down the stairs.

“Don’t you dare fucking mess with her again,” Rachel calls out to my back. “She’s worth ten of you. I don’t care what you’ve been through in the last year. She’s dealt with shit her entire life.”

My steps falter at her words, but I don’t turn around. I absorb them, swallow them down and walk out of the building without looking back. The only reason I want to see Halle again is to check that our mistake doesn’t come with consequences. Before our one night stand just eight days ago, I’d only ever been with Laura. That doesn’t excuse the fact that I didn’t use protection, but my inexperience, combined with whatever the fuck happened between us had me not in full control of my actions and emotions, and I need to know that she’s clean and on the pill.

I can’t even let my head think about the ramifications if either of those things isn’t true.

Driving over to Aurora my head spins as I try and fail to not think about either of those things. I need to find Halle, apologise for my behaviour the other day, find out the answers to my questions and let her know in no uncertain terms that what happened between us will never happen again.

When I pull into Nate’s private parking garage, I spot his car in the adjacent space and roll my head back to hit against my seat. I do not need to bump into Nate today or for him to find out that I’ve fucked a member of his staff. Using the storeroom entrance, the one I’d found by accident previously, and the one that led directly to Aurora, I make my way through the boxes of booze, condiments and snacks and push through the door into Aurora’s main room.

Before I see her, I hear her and a sense of deja vu ripples over my skin.

Why are you here?

I can’t look you in the eye.

Why are you here?

Do you love to make me cry?

You steal all the air

Like a crushing embrace.

You claw at my skin

Without looking at my face.

You’re a stain on my soul.

You’re a stain on my soul.

I wish I was special

And not something to discard.

I wish I was special

But you’ve left me scarred.

Why are you here?

I can’t look you in the eye.

Why are you here?

When you left me to die.

You’re a crack in my heart.

You’re a crack in my heart.

I wish I was special.

I wish I was special.

But neither are you.

I can’t fucking breathe.

Her words. Her voice. Her very presence takes my ability to function away.

Never before, not even with Laura, has someone tore out my soul and laid it before my eyes. She does that every time. Even when she’s not singing the words that feel like they come from inside me, she’s always lingering on the outskirts of my mind, no matter how hard I’ve tried to banish her.

Is this what’s between us? A connection that has no name only a melody.

I don’t know what it is or how to explain it even to myself, but when she opens her eyes on the last word of her song, and they lock with mine, everything I came here to say to her disappears like it never existed.

I see her. I want her. I need her.

That invisible yet seemingly unbreakable thread that pulls between us flexes and tightens, growing thicker and stronger as the seconds pass.

I’m not aware of moving, but in a matter of seconds, I am stood before her. My hand reaches out to cup her cheek with my palm before bringing her face to mine. Just as before, the kiss is all consuming yet far less brutal than the ones we shared days ago.

She opens. I take. She yields. I worship.

Then, she abruptly pulls away, and the next thing I feel is the sting of her palm as she slaps my face.

“No, you don’t get to do this to me again.”

On shaky but strong legs, she jumps from the low stage and disappears into the dressing room on my right. The door slams shut behind her leaving me with nothing more than her taste still on my lips.

I came here to demand answers.

I took something else without asking.

I need to leave.

I need to run.

With my decision made, I stride away from the stage with a determination to do the right thing for once.

Even if it ends up being the wrong thing.