I’ve looked at these same walls for two days. The only interaction I’ve had with another human being is when The Order member brings my food tray three times a day. Interaction is a loose term since the man says nothing. Nada. Not a single word.
I’ve lain on the bed. Sat in the chair. Cried in the shower. Being here—and not knowing if Jamie is dead or alive or what is happening to Westlyn—is mentally exhausting. I never knew I could do absolutely nothing and be so worn out.
I hear the jiggle of the lock on the door and realize it must be dinnertime. The same man brings in my food tray and places it on the foot of the bed. “I want to see my friend.”
He’s silent as expected.
“I’ve been here for two days and I have no idea if she’s okay. Please let me see her.”
I was terrified of hearing Kieran violate her when we first arrived but now I’d be grateful to hear something. Anything. At least then I’d know she’s still alive.
The Order member turns to walk away, again without a word, and I lose it. All the fury building inside me the last two days erupts to the surface.
“Let me see Westlyn, you son of a bitch.” I pick up the piece of bread on my plate and chuck it as hard as I can at the back of his head, nailing him right smack in the center. I’m about to charge when he stops dead in his tracks and touches the back of his head.
Oh, shit. I may have just screwed up big time.
He turns around and is smiling—and laughing—which only pisses me off more. “What the hell are you laughing at?”
“You are a cheeky little bitch.” He bends down to pick it up, now in two pieces, and brings it to me. “If I hadn’t been ordered to leave you be, I’d be fucking that sass right out of your lips, American.”
He smirks but says nothing more. And then I’m alone again.
I finish my dinner and place the tray next to the door. I wait an hour. And then two more. Still no Westlyn.
I give up and lie down to make an attempt at sleeping. With only a couple hours sleep over the last two days, you’d think I’d fall into a slumber as soon as my head hit the pillow. But I don’t. It’s as though I’m too tired to sleep. I’m in a jerk every time my body gets still.
The lock on my door jiggles and light floods into the room through the opening. I see the silhouette walking toward me and immediately know it’s Westlyn.
“Wes!” I leap from the bed to run to her and we meet in the middle of the room. “Please tell me you’re all right.”
“Two minutes, Westlyn.” I look over her shoulder and see the silhouette of a tall, broad man standing in the doorway. Kieran Hendry. I recognize his voice as the one who negotiated with Westlyn. I should have known we wouldn’t get an unsupervised visitation.
I grab her hands and pull her to sit on the bed beside me. I strain my eyes to try to make out her face since the only light in the room is coming from the doorway. I need to see how severely he has beaten her. “I’m so sorry. I know the last two days have been hell for you. Has he beaten you horribly?”
She puts her hands on top of mine and squeezes. “I’m okay.”
Westlyn is lying. She doesn’t want me to feel badly about her taking the abuse intended for me. “How can you be okay?”
“Don’t fret about me. I’m all right. Really.” She can’t speak freely. Kieran’s standing right there in the doorway.
“Have you heard anything about Jamie?”
“Kieran told me that he’s alive.”
“Oh, thank God.”
I take a moment to absorb the information. You may think you love a man but spend two days away from him believing he could be dead and you’ll find out just how deeply he has penetrated your heart.
I lower my voice, hoping he won’t hear me. “What is going to happen to us?”
“Kieran left me in his quarters right after we arrived. I think he and the new Order council went to meet with Thane, Sin, Mitch, and Jamie. That’s all I know but I get the feeling they must have negotiated for our return.”
“When?” I don’t know why I’m asking Westlyn. I highly doubt Kieran came back and discussed the council meeting with her.
“I have no idea. Guess it depends on the terms of the negotiation.”
“Time’s up, Westlyn. Back to my quarters.” Back to my quarters. Those words are nauseating.
“Is that where you’ve been confined all this time? His quarters?”
“Yes.”
Oh God. He’s keeping her in his bedroom all day and all night. I don’t even want to think about how many times he’s raped her since we got here.
I wanted to put on a strong front for Westlyn but the tears I’ve been holding have a mind of their own. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
“Look at me and listen to what I’m telling you, Ellison. Really hear my words. It’s. O. K.”
“How can it be?” Westlyn was so strong in the limo only moments after we were kidnapped. And now she seems calm and collected. Has she gone through some kind of Fellowship training where she has learned how to not show her fear or weakness?
“Westlyn . . . you’re done here,” Kieran says.
“I have to go. Stay strong. Everything is going to be fine.”
We embrace one another as though we may never see each other again. Will I see her again? “You stay strong.”
And then I’m left alone again. And the tears start. Again.
It’s night three at The Order compound. Solitary confinement. Prison. Bastille. Whatever you want to call this place.
Each day has been identical. I’ve become accustomed to hearing the jiggle of the lock followed by the same Order member bringing in my meal tray. I wonder if it’ll be fish and chips or stew and soda bread.
Tall, dark, and not-so handsome with a huge scar across his cheek isn’t holding my dinner tray this time. “Come.”
“Come where?”
No reply. Total shocker.
I get up and follow The Order member. “Where are you taking me?”
“Boss is taking you home.”
Home. To Jamie. My knees nearly buckle and it’s me who’s speechless this time.
Kieran and Westlyn are already in the back of the black Sedan when I get inside. It’s impossible to describe the alleviation I feel when I see her. “Oh my God, Wes. I’m so relieved you’re in this car.”
I look at Kieran over her shoulder as Westlyn hugs me and I want to scream “you fucking monster” in his face. But I don’t. I’m sure it’s better to not push my luck at this point.
It’s dark in the backseat of the car but I don’t mistake the possessive hold of Kieran’s hand on Westlyn’s thigh. He’s holding it like he has the right to touch her. Like she belongs to him. Like he isn’t ready to let her go back to The Fellowship. Makes me sick. Your nightmare is almost over, Wes. Not much longer.
I’m relieved when the car pulls into Thane’s drive but a pang of fear comes over me when I see Jamie, Thane, Sin, and Mitch standing in front of the house.
Will Jamie turn away because he sees me as tainted?
Will he believe me when I tell him they didn’t rape me?
Will he end our relationship because the burden that comes along with me is too much to handle?
The car comes to a stop and one might expect me to try to fling the door open and run into his arms. Instead, I don’t move a muscle. I’m scared to face him. Terrified that he won’t believe I wasn’t raped. Petrified he’ll be done with me for good.
The driver of the car gets out and walks around to open my door. I still don’t move.
“You’re free to go, Miss MacAllister.” Freedom is one step away. It’s dumb that Kieran has to say those words to remind me.
I slide over and get out but Westlyn doesn’t follow. What is she doing? “Come on, Wes. Let’s go.” Now. Before the monster changes his mind.
“Miss Breckenridge and I need a private moment. She’ll join you in a minute.” I don’t move because leaving Westlyn behind feels wrong. “Go, Miss MacAllister. Now.”
What could he possibly want with Wes? Surely, he doesn’t intend on violating her on Fellowship property. Would he be that evil?
“Mac.” I turn at the sound of Jamie’s voice and see him rushing toward me. I take no more than two steps before we collide and I’m in his arms.
He holds me for a moment and then loosens his embrace so he can look at my face. “Those bastards hit you.”
“I’m fine.” I realize how lucky I am to have come out of this with only a punch to the face.
“Fuck. I’ve been going crazy. I thought I’d lost you forever.” He squeezes me tightly and kisses the top of my head. “I love you so much, Mac. I haven’t told you that near enough. But I’m going to.”
“I love you too.”
Jamie twists us so his body is between the car and me. “Get away from them. Go inside the house while we get Westlyn back. Bleu’s waiting for you there.”
He releases me and walks toward the car. I have no idea what he’s going to do but it can’t be good with that unhinged look in his eyes. “Whatever you’re going to do . . . don’t.”
“That fucker still has my sister.”
“And Kieran’s going to release her in a minute. Unharmed. Please don’t do anything that’s going to put her in the middle of a challenge.” I hold out my hand for him to take. “Westlyn is fine.”
He looks at the car for a moment and then back at me. “You’re sure?”
“Yes. He said she would join me in a moment. I believe him.” I’m not sure I do but I can’t let Jamie go crazy on Kieran. That won’t be good for anyone.
He looks like a wild animal trying to decide if he’ll attack or draw back. “Come to me.”
“Retreat, Jamie.” Thane’s voice has an ultimate alpha tone to it. “You already know he enjoys provoking you. Don’t give him another opportunity.”
He glares at the car before turning away. “Fuck me. He’s holding on to her just to antagonize me.”
“Move away from the car. He’ll be more inclined to release her if you’re not standing over him.” I have no idea what has gone down between Jamie and Kieran but I definitely pick up on some kind of pissing contest.
I see the anguish on Jamie’s face as he walks toward me. I feel it when he yanks me into his arms and squeezes hard, almost painfully so. “I’ve never wanted to kill anyone more than I want to kill that fucking Kieran Hendry.”
I feel the same. “I may help you kill him.”
Jamie grasps the sides of my face. “What did that motherfucker do to you?”
I don’t misread the fear in his eyes. It’s real. And although he’s asking, I suspect he doesn’t really want to know the answer.
The car door opens and Westlyn emerges from the black sedan. “He’s letting her go.”
Jamie releases me and races toward his sister. He puts his arm around her and uses his body to shield her from Kieran’s sight. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Jamie.”
Kieran lowers his window. “We’ll contact you in three days to set up the next meeting.”
What next meeting?
The tires crunch against the drive as Kieran Hendry departs the Breckenridge property. I’m glad to see him go, but I fear it won’t be the last time The Fellowship has to deal with that animal.
“Everyone inside. Bleu and Isobel are desperate to see Westlyn and Ellison.”
My sister rushes to me as soon as I enter the front door. It hasn’t been that long since she was the one in my shoes. The one being held captive. But her experience was so much worse.
“Oh my God, Elli.” That’s all she says. And no other words are needed.
“I know, Bleu.”
Her embrace. The tears. I understand the language my sister is speaking without hearing a single word.
Isobel hugs Westlyn. “Thank God you came back to us safely. The entire brotherhood has been in a state of chaos.”
The tough exterior shell I’ve been wearing shatters into a million pieces and the tears rush forward. “I was . . . so scared. I didn’t think . . . I’d ever see any . . . of you again.”
Bleu hugs me tighter and kisses the side of my face. “It’s over, Elli. You’re home, and this is where you’re staying. Safe with us.”
“I understand it’s the last thing either of you feel like doing right now, but the council needs to question you about the abduction.” He can’t be serious. I’ve just spent three days in captivity with barely any sleep. I’m delirious.
“Can they wait until tomorrow? It’s late and both of them are exhausted.” I swear I could kiss Isobel for making that suggestion.
“Is that what you want? To come back for debriefing tomorrow instead of getting it over with tonight?”
I don’t typically like to procrastinate, but I’m an emotional mess. “I haven’t slept in three days. I’d probably be more help if we waited since I’m not sure I’m thinking straight right now.”
“Can you give them something for sleep?” I remember the problems Bleu had with nightmares following her abduction. She hasn’t forgotten either since she’s asking Jamie to give me medication.
“I have some mild sedatives.”
It may be a different story when I lie down and close my eyes but right now I feel like I could sleep a whole week.
“Nothing for me. I don’t need anything but a bed.”
Westlyn’s behavior isn’t that of someone who has gone through what she has. Too quiet. Too calm. It’s a front. Has to be.
“You’re sure? You could take half if you don’t want to be fully sedated.”
“Positive.”
Everything about Westlyn’s demeanor is off. She’s going overboard with the strong pretense. Was she taught to hide her post-attack pain as a sign of strength?
“I’m taking Ellison home. What time do you want to see us back?”
“Let her sleep in. Any time after she’s up and around will be fine.”
“Thank you, Thane.” I’m so glad he’s not pushing this.
Jamie opens the passenger door of his vehicle but pulls me into his arms before I get inside. “I just need to feel you for a minute so I can prove to myself that you’ll really here and safe in my arms.”
We stand like that for one, two, three minutes before he loosens his grip.
“You were shot, Doc. I saw them fire a bullet into you and then watched you collapse on the ground in front of me. I thought you were dying.”
“Minor wound. Don’t give it another minute of thought. It’s almost healed.” He kisses the top of my head. “Come on. Let’s get you home, baby.”
I’m dying to tell Jamie that Kieran didn’t touch me but that conversation requires him finding out that I was spared because his sister took the brunt of Kieran’s sexual assault. I don’t think it’s wise for him to hear that while he’s driving.
I shut my eyes when we pull away from Thane’s. Being back with Jamie gives me such a sense of peace and safety that we’re parked in front of the infirmary when I open my eyes again.
This is where we live but Jamie’s arms are home.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“It’s fine, baby. You need the rest.”
I sit in the passenger seat until Jamie comes around and opens my door. I step out and almost squeal when he scoops me from the ground. He carries me up the drive and briefly puts me down to unlock the front door before attempting to lift me again.
“I’m not injured. I can walk.” He needs to see that I’m okay. That I’m not a fragile doll princess who breaks.
“I want to take care of you, Mac.”
“I know. And I’ll let you when we’re in the bedroom but throwing your back out carrying me up the stairs does neither of us any good.”
“You’re not heavy.”
“Thank you, but it’s unnecessary. Let me do it.”
I’m tired but I’ve been locked in a room for three days. I need to exercise my ability to choose, because there is something horrifying about having that taken away.
I walk into our room and the bed calls out to me. Come lie on me and fall into a coma. I would except I really want to bathe. Need it. I feel so dirty despite having not been touched by a single member of The Order. “I want to shower.”
“Of course.”
Jamie comes into the bathroom and watches me brush my teeth while the water warms. Old house. Old plumbing.
“I’ve never experienced a hell like the one I’ve gone through the last three days without you.”
We’re standing beneath the bathroom lights and this is the first good look I’ve gotten at Jamie. He’s pale with dark circles beneath his eyes. I think his cheeks even look a bit sunken. “Did you slept and eat at all while I was gone?”
“Couldn’t.”
“Then you must be as exhausted as me.”
“I got a glimpse into what my life looks like without you in it. I hated every second.”
“I hated being away from you.”
Our reflections have a stare down in the mirror and I recognize the look in his eyes. It’s the one that says he wants me. But he doesn’t take a single step in my direction. “Have a hot shower and we’ll talk when you’re finished—if you feel like it. If not, it can wait until tomorrow.”
Jamie wants to have a conversation about my abduction. No—make that a conversation about what happened to me during my abduction. I’m more interested in the conversation we were supposed to have three nights ago.
I’ve given us a lot of thought and I have things I want to tell you. I need to know what he was going to say to me.
The hot water feels magnificent but I don’t tarry because I’m eager to talk with Jamie. I don’t know where my sudden burst of energy came from, but I’m ready to do this.
I come out of the bathroom wearing only a towel—same as always. I never wear pajamas to bed with Jamie. To do so tonight would feel weird and call attention to something that didn’t happen.
Jamie’s lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. He looks a million miles away.
“I’m finished in the shower.”
He rises to sit and swings his legs around so his feet are on the floor. He holds out his hands. “Come here, baby.”
I stand between his legs and he rests his forehead against my towel-covered breasts. “Do you want me to examine you tonight or wait until the morning?”
He believes they raped me. “I don’t need to be examined. No one touched me.”
He reaches up and caresses my cheek. “The bruise on your face says otherwise.”
Does he think I’m lying? “I got smacked right after we were abducted but that was it. No one hit me after that. No one touched me. No one . . . raped me.” The last two words are said on a small breath, as I can’t say the same for his sister, and that makes my heart ache.
I need to talk to her. I need to know she’s okay.
“We met with Kieran and the council three nights ago. He was very clear about the fact that he was going to . . . fuck both of you.” Jamie’s voice is different. Almost growly.
“He had every intention of doing that. He said he was going to tie us to his bed and do whatever he wanted with us but . . . Westlyn negotiated a deal with him.”
“What kind of negotiation?”
This is the part I don’t want to tell him. “He told us he was going to beat and rape both of us. She agreed to give herself to him without a fight so I’d be spared.”
“Fuck.” He grips my hips and presses the top of his head against my stomach. “Fuck. No.”
“I told her not to but she made the deal with him anyway.”
I know Wes. In her mind, she had no one waiting for her and I had Jamie. She wanted me untainted for her brother. How could someone be so selfless?
“What happened to Westlyn was out of her control. Will the brothers see it that way or is she ruined with them forever?”
“The women who’ve been taken and raped by The Order in the past have never married. I can’t say if that was their individual decision or not.”
I’m guessing The Fellowship men made that choice for them. Condemning assholes.
Westlyn has said for as long as I’ve known her that she would never marry a Fellowship man. Even if she truly means it, I hate for her choice to be taken away from her.
“I don’t care if those fuckers presented The Fellowship with an offer for a treaty to end this feud or not. I am killing Kieran Hendry. A bullet between his eyes. That’s what he’s getting.”
“What treaty?” Westlyn said that Kieran left her in his quarters almost right after they abducted us. Was that when the offer was discussed?
“Lennox Hendry proposed we become allies instead of enemies and seal the deal with a double treaty.”
“A double treaty. I don’t know what that means.”
“The eldest Hendry proposed Kieran take you, Westlyn, or Evanna as his wife, and Mitch or I take his daughter as a wife.”
None of those scenarios can happen. “Would The Fellowship really align with people like them?”
“Lennox says he’s going to change the people of The Order. I think Thane is going to go along with it. He wants to end this feud as peacefully as possible.”
“Oh, God. I can’t marry that monster. And neither can Westlyn or Evanna.”
Jamie grabs my hands and kisses the tops. “I won’t let Kieran have you. And he won’t have my sisters either.”
He may not get a say if Thane is the one doing the negotiating.
I’m not Fellowship. He doesn’t know me well. I’m sure he would have no qualms about trading me for peace. “I’m up for claiming. If Kieran decides to take me then what choice do I have?”
Jamie releases my hands and cradles my face so we’re eye to eye. “He can’t take you if you’re already claimed and married to someone else. That above all else must be honored from one brotherhood to the next.”
I believe Jamie was going to tell me three days ago that he wanted to claim me but I don’t have a clue where his head is now after my abduction. Being apart could have forced him to realize that we belong together. Or it might have had the opposite effect. It’s possible he thinks I’m too much of a risk. Who would want a wife they had to constantly guard?
“I need you to be clearer.”
“I’m claiming you, Mac. You’re mine. Neither Kieran nor one of my brothers will ever have you.”
Finally. The words I’ve been dying to hear.
I’m powerless to stop the tears forming in my eyes. “There’s nothing I want more.”
“Don’t cry, baby.”
“I can’t help it. I’m just so happy.”
“I’ve told you that you’re mine before but tonight saying it takes on a different meaning. More. You’re mine to provide for. To protect. To cherish. To love.”
I smile through my tears. “Is this really happening?”
“The Order is returning in three days to discuss the treaty. I’m certain Thane is going to agree. When he does, Kieran will choose his wife at that time.”
“That means we have to be married in the next seventy-two hours.”
“Which isn’t possible—at least not legally. There has to be a twenty-eight-day waiting period after notifying the district registrar.”
Shit. We could be in some big trouble. “We don’t have twenty-eight days. What are we going to do?”
“You need to be pregnant.” Oh. My. God. He is serious.
“I know it’s a drastic move but the claiming can’t be reversed if you’re pregnant with my child.”
Pregnant with my child. Shit.
“I haven’t had a birth control pill in three days. I guess it’s possible I’ll ovulate two weeks after the first day of my last period.”
“Where are you in your cycle?”
“Day thirteen.”
“You’ll ovulate tomorrow. Well, today, since it’s almost midnight.”
“Hormonal birth control is a crapshoot. I’ve been on the pill for years so who knows how my body will react to the sudden interruption?”
“I want to try.”
“Even if the moon and stars align perfectly and I get pregnant, we won’t know if we conceived until another two weeks. Kieran is coming in three days.” Time is not on our side.
“We take a gamble and lie. Kieran will want his own heir. There’s no way he’ll take a wife who’s already pregnant with another man’s baby.”
“What if we lie and then I’m not pregnant?” I have no doubt there’ll be hell to pay. Even I know Thane won’t take well to being duped.
“I’ll heal from endurance and then go back and take double penance for betraying my leader. Keeping Kieran from taking you as his wife will be worth whatever I have to endure.”
“That still leaves Westlyn and Evanna as choices.” I can’t stand the thought of either being married off to that evil man.
“I have three days to come up with a plan to safeguard them from him. I’ll think of something.”
“Claiming. Marrying. Even the baby . . . I like your plan for us.”
“I thought you might.”
I deserted my life in the U.S. nine months ago so I could be near my sister and the babies. I thought I was leaving everything behind. My possessions. My career. My friends. My past. My present. My future.
I was wrong.
Everything I ever wanted and needed is right here in Scotland. In Jamie Breckenridge. He is the strong, loving man my father wanted for me. My husband. Father of my children.
I want this so much it hurts.
Jamie opens my towel and lets it fall to the floor before gripping my hips and pulling me close. “Come on, Mac. Let’s make a baby.”
Let’s make a baby. I hear those words come out of Jamie’s mouth and I immediately feel all kinds of tingles between my thighs—like my womb is throwing a celebration. “Yes.”