Sutures. IV fluids. Medication. Sterile surgical instruments. There must be at least fifty boxes containing medical supplies scattered from one end of the house to the other. “We’ve not discussed the arrangements. Do you want all four ground-floor bedrooms set up as treatment rooms?”
Jamie stops what he’s doing to look at me. “As opposed to?”
“I was thinking we might need one room that could serve as an acute trauma space for more serious injuries. But that all depends on how far you plan to go with your scope of practice.”
Jamie won’t be able to tend every injury that comes through here. Some will be more severe than others. There will be times when he’ll need to send a brother to the hospital for further care.
“How much surgical and anesthesia experience do you have?”
Surgery could be gory but it was always far too controlled to keep me interested. I preferred the chaos of the emergency room. “Not a lot. I occasionally helped out in the OR but only when my supervisor made me. It wasn’t my thing.”
“Could you administer conscious sedation if a brother needed it?”
“I’d need to look up the protocol but I can do it as long as I have everything I need.”
Jamie smiles. “You don’t know what a huge asset that’ll be.”
I like pleasing him. “Good. I want to help you any way I can.”
“We’re going to be a great team.”
“I think so too.” I remove bags of normal saline from the box and stack them on the shelving. “So we’re setting up this room for acute trauma and the other three for minor treatment and recovery rooms?”
“Aye.”
Jamie busies himself with organizing boxes of sutures while I continue shelving IV supplies. “I’m relieved you won’t be in the middle of the fighting.”
He stops and looks at me again. “That’s not the general consensus among our females.”
“What is their general consensus?”
“Fellowship women have pride in a mate who fights.” Mate? My heart speeds when he says that word. Is that how he sees us? As mates?
We sort of are secretive, temporary mates.
“The family of a brother who fights—and kills our enemy—also has great pride in him. That’s one reason my father was so disgusted by my choice to be a physician. I didn’t bring him or my family honor. I was his greatest disappointment.”
Fighting and killing for pride is messed up. “I don’t care what your father said. You could never be a disappointment.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Mac. I’ve killed—more than once—but not because I wanted to. I didn’t take joy in doing it. That didn’t go over well with my dad.” Abram was a sociopath, so I’m not surprised by that.
I’m not sure Jamie’s mother is much better than Abram. How could parents so cruel and selfish as Jamie’s raise such a kind and caring son? “Your family should be proud of you and all of your accomplishments.”
Jamie lowers his head. “I haven’t told anyone but if things remain as they are now, I’ll graduate in the top five percent of my class.”
Why did he lower his head like he’s ashamed or embarrassed? “That is amazing, Doc. Why haven’t you told everyone? That is some serious bragging rights.”
He shrugs. “Who would I tell? No one cares.”
I drop the IV supplies in my hand so I can go to him; I want him to see my pride in him.
His eyes penetrate mine as I approach. When I reach him, my hands go upward to cradle his face in my palms. “I. Care.”
“Then you’re the only one.” There’s such sadness in his voice. It breaks my heart for him.
It must be terribly disappointing to not be recognized for all your hard work, especially when you’re so successful at it. “You are a brilliant doctor, and I’m incredibly proud of everything you’ve achieved. I bet Westlyn is too.”
Jamie’s sister has become one of my best friends. She is kind and thoughtful like him but I can’t say the same for his other sister, Evanna.
Jamie presses his forehead to mine. It feels like an intimate act between two people who genuinely care for one another. “I enjoy being a doctor. I like helping people instead of hurting them. You get that about me when no one else does.”
I get him when no one else does because we belong together. He doesn’t see it yet but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
I go up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. Tenderness. Warmth. Love. I don’t care that he hasn’t said the words.
I see love in his eyes.
I hear love in his voice.
I feel love in his touch.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve never been in love. I know what we have. This is it. This is real.
Jamie puts his hands on top of mine and pulls me in the direction of one of the medical beds. His strong hands grasp my waist to hoist me up so I’m sitting on top. He isn’t shy about burrowing his body between my legs.
I don’t want to have a repeat of the we can’t be together because I can’t keep you safe conversation so I decide it’s better to be playful with Jamie. “Dr. Breckenridge. I don’t think this kind of fraternizing is allowed in the workplace.”
“It’ll be okay. I know the boss.”
“Well, in that case.” I glide my hands up his arms until they reach his shoulders and I wrap my legs around his waist.
Our mouths are impossibly close, yet not touching. Our inevitable kiss becomes a game of cat and mouse. One advances, the other retreats. But then his lips finally brush mine and the contact ends the game for me.
I want to taste him.
I grasp the back of his neck and pull him close. His lips meet mine and I open my mouth, inviting his tongue inside. The two are soft and wet, gliding in waves like a turbulent sea.
He tastes like the Guinness he’s been drinking while we work on the house. So damn sexy.
He pushes his hand into my hair at the nape and fists it before pulling downward so my head tilts back. His warm mouth sends chills down my body when it hits the sensitive area below my ear. “I want to be inside you so badly. You can’t imagine how fucking much. The next two days may kill me.” His voice is deep and growly. Saturated with aggression and sexual frustration. I know the feeling.
I wish I could turn my head and put my mouth on Jamie but I can’t. He’s holding me in place so I can’t move. He’s going to take control in the bedroom. And I’m going to love it. “I can’t wait to feel you inside me.”
Jamie kisses my mouth hard before releasing my hair. His hands move to the hem of my T-shirt and push it up and over my head. Dammit. I wasn’t expecting to make out so I put on one of my plain bras.
He tugs downward on my simple bra and makes both of my breasts fall out of the top. “Oh, Mac. These are some gorgeous tits you have here.”
I lace my fingers through the back of his hair when he lowers his head to suck one of my nipples into his mouth. “Oh, Jamie.”
“I’m Doc to you behind closed doors. Remember?”
“Yes. Doc. How could I forget?”
“Maybe I need to show you some of my medical skills so you’ll remember next time.”
“I think you should do that.”
Jamie uses his teeth to nibble and tug on my nipple. Dammit. Being on my period has never sucked more than it does in this moment.
“Jaaames,” a woman calls out from the front of the house.
His head jolts upward and amber meets green. “Aww, fuck. That’s my mum.”
Say. It. Isn’t. So.
That mean bitch isn’t here. She isn’t infringing on our time. She isn’t intruding into our space. She isn’t interrupting our sexy time. Our much-needed sexy time.
“Jaaames.”
Oh, hell. It is so.
“Worst timing ever,” I groan beneath my breath.
Torrie Breckenridge, the mother of the man I love, hates me. Literally despises me. On one hand, I can see where she might hold a grudge. After all, I did shoot Jamie’s father. Only a minor wound that he survived, but still, he was her husband and I put a bullet in him. On the other hand, I had no choice. He was threatening my pregnant sister with a gun.
Jamie kisses me quickly as he grasps my waist to help me off the bed. “I really hate to see something so beautiful go back into hiding.”
I grin and shimmy, making my boobs shake. “They’ll be happy to come out and play later.”
“I’m counting on that.”
He fetches my shirt from the floor and holds it out for me to take. “Come say hello to my mum when you’re done straightening your clothes.”
Can’t wait. “Will do.”
Jamie adjusts the crotch of his jeans. “See what you did to me?”
“I want to do that to you a whole lot more.”
Jamie rolls his eyes and groans. “You can’t say stuff like that while I’m trying to get my cock to go down. It’s counterproductive.”
He gives his dick one last adjustment. “Coming, Mum.”
I push my arms into my shirt and carefully pull it over my head so I don’t mess up my hair or get makeup on the neck. Not that Jamie took all that much care when ripping it off me. “Awesome. Bet this will be more fun than a barrel of monkeys.”
I sneak across the hall to the bathroom so I can check my hair and face. There’s no room for error here. Don’t want to even think about the hell I’d catch if I greet Jamie’s mother wearing the evidence of a recent make-out session. I’m sure she’d be all too happy to start the fuck-worthy rumors about me with the brothers.
I’m fluffing my hair at the roots and it’s impossible to not overhear the conversation between Jamie and Torrie.
“Don’t do this, James.” James. I don’t like Torrie at all but it’s sort of cute that she calls him that.
“This is the path I chose for my life because it’s what I want, Mum.”
“You’ve chosen to be a servant. That’s not who you are. Not who you were intended to be.”
“This is my contribution to The Fellowship.”
“But you’re a Breckenridge. Your role is to lead the brothers.”
“Leading the brotherhood isn’t for me, Mum. It never has been. I fulfill my place on the council only because it is my duty to do so.” I didn’t realize Jamie had a leadership role in The Fellowship. He’s never mentioned that.
“You’d make a better leader than Sin. Just like your father was a better leader than Thane.”
“That’s not true, Mum. Thane and Sin are fine leaders. Why do you think the brothers respect them so much? Why do you think the brotherhood is so successful in everything we touch?”
“It should be you sitting at the head of the council table.”
“It’s not my place. And it’s not what I want. I enjoy medicine. I love being a doctor.”
“This silly notion of being a doctor was fine while your father was alive but things are different now. Your sisters and I need you to step into a leadership role so we don’t lose our footing.” Ah, there it is. She’s afraid of losing her position.
“I fulfill my job as council member. There is no other role for me in leadership.”
“You should be fighting in the siege and proving you’re capable of taking Sin’s place.”
“Sin’s position isn’t mine to take, and I don’t want it.”
“You’re bringing shame to your sisters and me by doing this. How will Westlyn and Evanna find good matches when you bring this kind of embarrassment on our family?”
I can’t believe she would ask her son to give up what he loves and risk his life in a siege so he can challenge his best friend for a leadership position he doesn’t even want. Just to make her look better. Just to bring so-called honor to their family. Just so his sisters achieve good matches in marriage. It’s so archaic. Backwards. What kind of mother asks that of her child?
A self-centered, self-absorbed, self-obsessed bitch.
That’s it. I’m no longer listening to Torrie use Jamie’s love for his family as a way to guilt him into doing what she wants rather than what makes him happy.
“Hello, Mrs. Breckenridge. Lovely to see you again.” The contempt I’m swallowing would choke an elephant.
I don’t mistake the expression on Torrie’s face for anything but disgust. Boy, if looks could kill I wouldn’t just be dead. I’d be decomposing in a ditch somewhere. “What is she doing here?”
“Ellison is my nurse at the infirmary.”
“The woman who shot your father is going to be your nurse?”
“She is. I chose her because she’s highly experienced and has a lot of trauma skills.”
“She has skills in causing trauma.” Oh, that was a clever one. Can’t deny it.
“Don’t go there, Mum.”
My drive to defend Jamie is much stronger than the need to justify my own actions against Abram. “The infirmary is a brilliant idea. You should be very proud of your son.”
“Why would I be proud my son has chosen to be a servant instead of a leader?” The laughter behind her words isn’t amusement. She’s scoffing. How mature. Bitch.
“Serving people is honorable and demonstrative of a leader. He’s going to save peoples’ lives. Brothers’ lives.”
“I guess you would think being a servant is honorable since you chose to make a living out of giving baths and cleaning shite from bedpans.” Torrie throws her hands upward. “I don’t know why I’m trying to explain this to you. You aren’t Fellowship.”
“I’m not but I’m going to be.”
Amusement tugs at the corners of her mouth. “All the brothers know you shot their leader. Do you really think any of them will be eager to take you for a wife? It’s loyalty above all else. Doesn’t matter how pretty you are, dear. They won’t soon forget what you did. And if they do, I’ll be around to remind them. So good luck with finding a brother to marry.”
Shit. I hadn’t considered that.
Torrie is a total bitch but her argument has merit.
“Ellison is here because she wants to help, not hurt. The brotherhood will see that, so I think we’re done with this conversation.”
Jamie and his mother swap arguments about the infirmary for a while longer but I’m deaf to all of it. My thoughts are consumed by what will happen if Torrie is right. What will I do if Jamie doesn’t come around? If he doesn’t claim me? If he doesn’t marry me?
“Mac.”
The wheel spinning in my head slows, but doesn’t completely stop, when Jamie says my name. “What?”
“Don’t fall victim to her game.”
“It may be a game but I don’t think she’s wrong.”
“This is exactly what she wants—to get in your head so you’ll worry.”
“But she’s right. There might not be a brother to come forward for me because of what I did. If that happens, then what? The Fellowship isn’t going to let me leave here alive. Not when I know so many of their secrets.”
Jamie comes forward and takes my hands in his. “You shot my father to protect your leader’s pregnant wife who was carrying the next generation of leaders. Fellowship code says we aren’t to harm another member, but any brother can see your action was necessary to protect Sin’s children. She failed to mention that part.”
“I guess.”
“I don’t have to guess; I heard the things said about you afterwards. The brothers admired your bravery and courage.”
I won’t give Torrie a victory by feeling insecure. I won’t give her that kind of power over me.
“Don’t give it another moment of thought.” Jamie kisses my forehead and then crosses the room to where he was organizing the boxes of suture. “I think we can have the infirmary part completed by Sunday night so we can move into the master suite when I get out of lecture on Monday. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.”
I’m going to be sharing a bedroom with Jamie in forty-eight hours. I get two more sleeps at the apartment and then we’ll go to bed together at night. Wake together. Share a bathroom.
“I’ve never lived with a man.”
“I’ve never lived with a woman.”
I have a lot of stuff. Cosmetics. Hair products. Clothing. “I’ve never had to share my own personal space with anyone. You should probably know now that I’m a little high maintenance. You might want me back in my apartment by the end of day one.”
Jamie chuckles. “I knew long ago that you’re high maintenance.”
“Bleu calls me a princess. And I guess I can be but only in the most adorable of ways.”
“I’d call you more of a queen.”
“I’m not that bad.” Unless you ask my sister.
“We’ll see.”
“What do we say if we’re questioned about there only being one bedroom upstairs?” Maybe we should have thought that out before we went with this place.
“Who knows we only have one bedroom upstairs?”
“Well, no one right now.” Except Ani. And I see no reason she’d be discussing the bedroom situation with anyone from the brotherhood.
“Who’s coming over for the upstairs tour?”
I guess he has a point. “No one.”
“Then it’s our little secret.”
“Little secret?”
“All right. Big secret.”
We would be exposed if anyone went upstairs. And I would be ruined. Deemed fuck-worthy.
I wonder if Jamie would take me as his wife if he ruined me in the eyes of the brothers? If I’m tainted because of him, wouldn’t that be the honorable thing for him to do?
Exposure. That could be an option to consider when we reach the end of our time together . . . if he hasn’t come around.
I’d be manipulating him into marriage. Could I do that? Force his hand in that way?
There are no limits for what I could do when it comes to the man I love.