Ani unlocks the front door of the first property she’ll be showing us and leads the way. “When is the wedding?”
Ellison looks at me and then back at Ani, a huge wrinkle forming across her brow. “I’m sorry?”
Sinclair told Ani that Ellison and I were getting married and needed a place to live ASAP. Not exactly an option to tell her we’re searching for a property to convert into an infirmary where I can treat medical conditions deemed reportable to the authorities.
“The wedding is in two weeks but my flat’s lease is up on Friday. Mac moved here with her parents several years ago and still lives at home with her mum and dad.”
Ellison grins. “My mom and dad said we could live with them until we find something but Doc insists we get our own place.”
Mac and Doc. Sounds good together. Realistic.
“Wise choice. Newlyweds don’t need to be under the same roof as parents. I know a lot of people do it, but it’s not healthy for the marriage if you ask me.”
I put my arm around Ellison and pull her close to kiss the side of her face. “We’d love to find a house today—definitely something turnkey—so we can move in immediately.”
“Sinclair said the house would be paid for in full, so I don’t think it will be a problem getting you into something quickly.”
I reach for Ellison’s hand and lace my fingers through hers as Ani begins her spiel about the house. I don’t mind holding Ellison’s hand and playing the part of her fiancé at all. It’s actually sort of nice. I just wish it could be real.
She tugs on my hand and we hang back a little from Ani as she leads us up the staircase. “Your bullshit is magnificent, Doc. You almost convinced me that we were getting married.”
“Learned from the best, babe.” Abram Breckenridge was the master of deceit—until he wasn’t—and it all came crumbling down around the bastard.
My father was a narcissist who cared only about himself and his own well-being. He wanted me to rise to the top of The Fellowship ladder—because it was a reflection upon him. He taught me a lot from a very early age, but the biggest lesson I learned was that I didn’t want to be like him.
I’ve wanted to be a doctor my entire life. Most parents would be incredibly proud of a child with that kind of goal. Not my father. He was furious when I approached Thane about going to medical school as my contribution. He thought Abram Breckenridge’s son was above that.
My dad was a total arsehole and he doesn’t deserve a minute of my thoughts.
“And this is the master suite. Very spacious. I think it would easily accommodate a king bed if you like something a little bigger.”
“My fiancée definitely likes bigger. She prefers a king size.” Had to say it. Couldn’t resist.
Ellison’s eyes widen and she squeezes my hand as she mouths, “Stop.”
It’s impossible to contain my laughter. “Come on, love. You know you do.”
“You’re right, dear. And I also like them firm. Soft just doesn’t do it for me.” Oh, this woman. She is cheeky.
Fellowship women are different. I don’t know one who would go toe to toe with me in a battle of wits. Ellison will. She doesn’t hesitate, and I adore that about her.
Ani moves to the window and pulls back the drape. “Stunning view of the loch from here.”
I need to be alone with Ellison so we can speak openly about the house and whether it fits our needs. “Could we have a minute to look around on our own?”
“Absolutely. Explore as long as you like. Find me in the kitchen when you’re finished.”
“Thank you.”
Ellison playfully punches me in the arm after Ani is gone. “Jerk.”
“What did I do?” I shrug and act as though I have no idea why she’s perturbed.
“I like bigger? I prefer king size?” She giggles like a schoolgirl as she repeats my words. “I can’t believe you said that in front of the real estate agent.”
“Am I wrong?”
“We aren’t here to discuss my preference in cocks. Especially in front of Ani.”
“Ellison. I was talking about the bed. Your mind is filled with rubbish.”
She punches me again, this time in the chest. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”
“Well, you did tell me last night that I was brilliant.”
“I take it back.”
Ellison goes to the window and pulls the drape away for a better view. “Ani’s right. It is lovely here. I bet the sun rising behind that mountain is beautiful in the morning.”
“We could find out together.” I have no difficulties seeing me waking with her next to me in this bedroom.
“We could . . . if I were to say yes.” If. That isn’t a yes. Yet.
“Tell me what it’ll take for you to say yes.”
She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She looks pained. “Change the proposal.”
Ellison thinks she’s the only one who hurts when I say that I can’t claim her. She’s wrong. I despise telling her those words as much as she hates hearing them.
I take her hand and pull her over to the bed. “Sit.”
I lower myself to kneel between her legs and place my hands on top of her thighs. “Forget about the proposition and imagine us in this room falling asleep together, waking together, and everything in between.”
My words trigger a true smile this time. “I really like the sound of that, Doc. Especially the everything in between part.”
“I like the sound of it too.” I rub my hands up and down the tops of her legs. “We would be so good together . . . Mac.”
Her smile broadens. “I like hearing you call me Mac. Everyone else always uses Elle or Elli.”
“Say yes, and I’ll call you Mac all the time.”
She’s thinking about it. I can almost see the thoughts Ping-Ponging behind her green eyes.
I lower my head and press my forehead to her lap while I grasp her hips. “I’m picturing you on the edge of my bed, just like you are now, but naked. I push you down and put your feet on my shoulders so I can bury my face between your legs. I already know how good you’re going to taste.”
“Stop.”
I don’t stop. “I lick you and suck you until you shatter into a million pieces while you say my name.”
“Do I call you Doc or Jamie when you make me come?” Her voice is soft. Breathless.
“Doc. That’s who I am to you behind closed doors.”
She pushes her fingers into the back of my hair and massages my scalp. I imagine her doing the same thing when I go down on her. “You are working me hard to get a yes.”
“Because I want you—us—so badly.” If only I could ask you for forever.
“Say. Yes.” I lift my head and grab her free hand, bringing it to my mouth for a kiss. “Please, Mac.”
“You’ll get your answer on the proposition tonight, Doc. But it’s a no on this house. The layout doesn’t work.”
My smart, beautiful Ellison. I’ll take a no on the house, but I have no intention of accepting anything but a firm yes where she and I are concerned. She will be mine and I’ll do whatever it takes to convince her. I just need to be sure I’ll be enough for her.
Ellison stands in the hallway leading to the guest bedrooms on the first floor. She looks from one door to the next. “This layout works better than the first two houses we looked at. You’d have four patient care rooms on the ground floor. That will be far more convenient than putting them upstairs, which is what you’d have to do with the other houses.”
Patients with lacerations and gunshot wounds can’t climb a flight of stairs so those first two are definitely out of the running.
“The master suite is completely separate from the area where you’d see patients. That would be nice. I’m sure you’ll want this to feel like a home when you’re not working.”
We’ve been at this all day—and I still have no indication of which way she’s leaning. I’m tired of waiting. I know I gave her until tonight, but I want her answer now. And I’m going to get it.
“There isn’t a second bedroom upstairs. The only way this house will accommodate my needs is if you say yes to my proposal and share the master suite with me.”
“And what about your needs a month from now? If I say yes, what will you do after I’m gone? Will you share the upstairs bedroom with Adaira?”
She’s jealous. “I won’t be able to bear sharing that room with another woman after you. Every moment will be so unforgettable that I’ll be ruined for every other woman.”
A month with Ellison. Surely, I’ll know by the end of our time together if there’s any possible way to make us work.
“Wow. Your bullshit just keeps getting better and better today.”
“It’s not bullshit, Mac.”
I look at my watch and note it’s after five o’clock. Technically she has a couple more hours but I’m done waiting. “Your time is up.”
“It’s a huge decision—one I’m not taking lightly. I’m still weighing the pros and cons.”
“Let’s go upstairs and have another look at the master suite while we discuss your pros and cons list.”
I follow Ellison up the winding staircase, watching her arse sway back and forth with each step. I think she’s doing that shite on purpose.
I love it.
I grasp her hips and guide her to walk backward until I’ve pinned her against the wall. “Has your list of cons gotten longer since we spoke last night?”
“Perhaps.”
“All right. I have a challenge for you . . . if you’re game.”
“What kind of challenge?”
“Go down your list of cons one at a time and allow me the opportunity to counter them with a pro. If you have one con I can’t dispute with a reasonable argument, then we’ll forget I ever made the proposition. Agreed?”
She nods. “Okay.”
“Go.” I slowly move my hands up the sides of her body and lean in closer to graze the skin along her neck with my lips. But she says nothing.
“I said go. Now.” Might as well give her a small taste of what’s to come if she says yes.
She tilts her head to the side, giving me full access to her neck. “It will be painful when we part ways.” If I get my way, we’ll never part.
I suck her earlobe into my mouth and gently tug it with my teeth. “Being apart is already painful.”
“You want to fuck me for a month. That makes me feel like a whore.”
I pull away and look at her. Stunned. “That was never my intention.”
Hearing her say that I’ve made her feel like a whore guts me. I can’t stand knowing I’ve done that to her.
I move my palms to her cheeks and cradle her face so we’re eye to eye. “I want to show you love for as long as fate will allow me to do so. Giving me that honor doesn’t make you a whore. Not even a little.”
Her eyes are so sad. It breaks my heart. “You’re going to let another man have me when we’re over.”
I haven’t worked it out yet but I’m going to do everything within my power to keep her. But I can’t tell her that right now. “I would hand you over to a capable person who has the ability to keep you safe if that were in your best interest. There’s a difference.”
“No Fellowship brother will make an offer for me if they find out what we’re doing behind closed doors. Behind that closed door. In this very bedroom.”
“I was raised by Abram Breckenridge. I learned at a very early age how to manipulate the truth and keep secrets. No one will find out what we’re doing.”
She hesitates and her brow wrinkles as though she’s struggling to come up with another con. She knows I’m having fun with her, I can see it in her eyes. Yes, I want her here with me, but no, her decision won’t be swayed by this game of ours. “Keep ’em coming, baby. I can do this all day long. You won’t win this challenge.”
“Wanna bet?”
“I think we already have.”
“We’ll have a lot of sex.”
I lean in so close our lips are nearly touching. But aren’t. “And you’ll have lots of mind-blowing orgasms.”
“I wasn’t finished.”
“And I was wondering why you were listing that as a con.”
“We’ll have a lot of sex. An unplanned pregnancy is always a risk regardless of how careful we are.”
The little vixen thinks she’s won this pro versus con challenge but her mischievous grin gives her away. She’s trying to trip me up. Not happening.
“Then I guess Lourdes, Liam, and Harrison get a cousin. Actually, a double cousin. How cool would that be?”
“You are so full of shit. We both know a baby is a con you can’t turn into a pro.”
“I believe I just did so I’ve successfully countered every one of your cons. I win so your answer to my proposition is yes. You’re mine.”
“It didn’t matter what I came up with; you were going to counter with a pro. Legit or not.”
“Aye. And I was going to declare myself the winner, no matter what.”
“I was going to say yes anyway.” Thank fuck.
“I know.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“You’re right. I wasn’t sure which way you were leaning but I had every intention of doing whatever was necessary to make you change your mind if you said no.” I move my hand to her bum and pull her against me hard. “My month starts now, right?”
That’s not happiness on her face. “Your month starts now but my monthly started as well.”
“Fuck me.” She’s on her period?
“I’m afraid there’ll be none of that for at least three days.”
I’ve been wanting this woman for months—and I finally get an affirmative to have her—only to find out I have to wait some more.
The gods of shagging hate me. Fucking despise me.
“Three days. I can take that—probably not patiently—but I can handle it.”
“We’ll distract ourselves with the work of establishing the infirmary. That’ll keep us so busy we won’t even think about how we’re not spending our first three days in bed having crazy monkey sex.”
Fuck my life. “I’m going to think about it night and day if for no other reason than you calling it crazy monkey sex.”
Ellison strokes her hand down my cheek. “Oh, Doc. I’ve heard anticipation can be a fantastic form of foreplay.”
“Well, I’ve heard blue balls can kill a man.”
“You’re a doctor and I’m a nurse. I think we’re both well aware it’s been known to cause misery but never death.”
“My headstone will read, ‘Here lies James Conall Breckenridge. Lost to blue balls before his time.’”
“Good Lord. People who call me dramatic should meet you.”
“That’s not drama, Mac. It’s God’s honest truth. Men need women. Often.”
“How long since you’ve had a woman?”
“How long since you’ve had a man?”
“I asked you first.”
“How long have you been in Edinburgh?”
“Nuh-uh. You’re not doing the math and figuring out how long it’s been for me.”
“I’m not asking for you.”
Ellison giggles. “What? Haven’t wanted another woman since you laid eyes on me?”
It’s fucking pathetic—and I definitely wouldn’t tell any of my brothers—but no woman has interested me since Ellison’s arrival. I’ve been obsessed with her like a motherfucker. “I may have become well acquainted with my hand while I held out for you.”
“No way. You’re shitting me.”
“I shite you not, Mac.”
“Then we’ve both gone through a substantial dry spell. I haven’t been with anyone since before I got here nine months ago. But you already knew that, I’m sure.”
“I hoped.” I had no real way of knowing Ellison hadn’t hooked up with a guy on one of her girls’ night outs with Westlyn and Lorna. Westlyn was such a shite every time I asked about Ellison. She wouldn’t tell me a damn thing.
“You should probably talk to Sin tonight about our agreement.”
“Why?”
“You didn’t fool him with the whole I need a nurse right now strategy. He knows you want me living there so we can have . . . crazy monkey sex. He went along with your plan to pacify you.”
Well, fuck. I thought I was cool when I presented my case. Guess he and his sixth sense saw straight through me. “Aye. I should probably go for a visit and smooth that over. I don’t want it to be a problem between us.”
“I don’t think it’s a problem. He seemed on board but even I know it’s probably not the best idea to lie to your Fellowship leader and trick him into getting what you want, even if you are cousins and best friends.”
“I was willing to risk his wrath so we could be together.” Even if only for a brief time.
“Sin is your cousin and my brother-in-law, but I also recall you telling me he was a beast and a ruthless motherfucker. He can never appear weak to The Fellowship. Letting his cousin and best friend bend the rules to have what he wants could be construed as weakness. It’s another reason we have to be super careful. I don’t want this to come down on any of us. It won’t end well.”
“No one but Bleu, Sin, you, and I are going to know about us, Mac. Swear.”
“And Leith and Lorna and Westlyn. We can’t keep this from our best friends.”
“Still having a look around up there?” Ani calls out from downstairs.
We’ve been up here a long time. I’m sure she’s wondering what’s going on.
“Can we tell her we’re taking it?”
“Aye.”
I kiss her quickly and reach for her hand as we leave the suite. “I think we got carried away discussing how we’ll arrange the furniture.”
“Oh?” The pitch of Ani’s voice rises. “Does that mean you’re taking this one?”
“Yes. My fiancée and I want to move in as soon as possible.”
Ani looks at her watch. “It’s a little late in the workday, but I’ll have my assistant start the paperwork so we can make that happen for you, Dr. and Mrs. Breckenridge.”
Mrs. Breckenridge. I’m surprised by how much I like hearing Ellison called that.
Sin is sitting in his recliner holding one of the boys when I enter his living room. He’s been a father to Lourdes for six months and the twins for three but I’m still not used to seeing him hold a baby. Fellowship men don’t do that kind of stuff.
He’s second-in-command of our brotherhood. He’s supposed to produce sons and then leave them with their mother until they’re old enough to be trained as the next generation of leaders. But Sin has chosen to break Fellowship tradition.
He takes care of the babies nearly as much as Bleu and has vowed to not remove them from her care when they reach leadership training age. Wise choice. I’m certain she would kick his arse if he tried to take her children from her.
“Which one is that?”
“Harrison.”
I stand over Sin’s son studying his face. “Damn. I don’t know how you tell them apart. I swear they’re identical.”
Sin gently presses his son’s cheeks. “Harrison’s face is chubbier than Liam’s.”
“I’m glad you’re able to see the difference because I sure don’t. I’d have them mixed up all the time if they were mine.”
“You wouldn’t. A parent knows.”
Sin and Bleu had in vitro done and she became pregnant with identical twins. Two babies weren’t unexpected but identical ones definitely weren’t anticipated.
“You need one of your own.”
“Maybe one day.”
I would love nothing more than to marry Ellison and have children with her. But a baby can’t happen right now. I need to figure out how I’m going to protect her before I can even consider a family.
“How’d the house hunting go today?”
“Couldn’t have gone better. Found the ideal setup. Five bedrooms with four on the ground floor. Perfect location. Ani says she can have us in soon, maybe by the end of the week.”
“Glad to hear it went well.”
“We could be ready to start converting the bedrooms as soon as Friday if Ani comes through for us. Ellison and I are going to take the next few days to work on gathering medical supplies and equipment.”
“I bet supply gathering won’t be the only thing you work on the next few days.”
Sin has every right to be pissed off at me. I misled him about Adaira’s intentions for entering nursing school so he’d allow Ellison to be my nurse. That alone is grounds for penance. But I also asked her to be my lover. Without Sin’s consent. And without a plan for how this relationship is going to work.
Sin’s actions with Bleu in the beginning weren’t a lot different from mine. They met and he immediately issued an all-hands-off order. He blocked every brother from putting a hand on the American but that wasn’t enough for him. He moved Bleu into his flat and put a stop to her working at Duncan’s Whisky Bar. He wanted her all to himself and ensured no other brother could touch her.
Claiming her in secret although he knew he risked the wrath of Thane and the brotherhood.
Searching for her after she fled.
Suffering endurance to ensure her acceptance.
Marrying her so she’d be protected by The Fellowship decree.
I understand everything he did.
“We both know what I’ve done, and I’m not sorry. I would do it all again—even risk atonement—so we can be together. Even if only for a short time.”
“I should be furious. I would be if you were anyone else. But I’m not because I understand it all. Like you, I once risked everything for my wife.” And all of that risk paid off. Just like I hope this does.
“Every-fucking-thing is against us.”
“You think circumstances were ideal for Bleu and me? Hell, I risked everything to be with her.”
“You risked the wrath of your father and The Fellowship. I risk Ellison’s safety by pursuing a relationship with her. Big difference.”
“You think Bleu’s safety wasn’t in question? Come on, Jamie. She had a fucking hit out on her.”
There’s one enormous variation between Sin and me. “You had the manpower to protect Bleu. I don’t have my pick of brothers to guard Ellison twenty-four/seven. I refuse to leave her safety to chance. I’d give her up before I’d put her in danger.”
“That tells me more than you know about how deeply you already love her.”
“Tell me how I sit back and watch you dangle her in front of our brothers until a taker comes forward to make her his wife.” I want to punch my fist into the wall thinking about it.
“My guess is that there will be no dangling because you’re never going to let it go that far. Trust me. It won’t be possible for you to let Ellison go after you spend the month with her.”
“I assure you that letting her go would never be by choice.”
“Love gives you the drive to figure out how to make things work.”
“I wish the answer would come to me because I don’t know how to let another man have her. I’ve never been so desperate to hold on to something destined to slip through my fingers.”
“Then don’t. Hold on to her.”
“I don’t know how to continue medical school and be there to protect her at the same time. I can’t be in two places at once.”
“Well, you better figure something out soon. She’s my responsibility. What you’re doing with her could destroy her chances for a good match. A good leader and brother-in-law would put a stop to what you’re planning to do with her. I could catch some serious hell for turning my head. But I’m doing it because my wife believes you belong together.”
“I hate putting you in that position. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t confide in you from the beginning. You’ll never know how much I appreciate you turning your head.”
Thank fuck he has. I’d hate to go against my leader if he told me to end my relationship with Ellison.
“I’m not happy you went behind my back but I understand. So do both of us a favor and figure something out. Soon. I don’t want to but I will end it if the need arises.”
“Believe me. I’m trying.”
“You’re an intelligent guy, Jamie. Figure it out.”