Chapter One
~Nolan~
You’d think I would have become immune to the humiliation by now. However, that wasn’t what I was feeling, not tonight. Sure, it was embarrassing catching Erik in a dark corner of my good friend’s living room sucking face with another man, but what bothered me more was the fact that this man was a total and complete stranger. We had met this Claudios idiot only a half hour earlier and then the next thing I knew my boyfriend was playing tonsil hockey with him.
As the bile rose up from my stomach burning a trail towards my esophagus, the only thing I could see was pure red. I don’t even remember attacking Claudios, not until I was sitting on the swing in Harley and Dyson’s back yard staring at my bruised and bleeding knuckles. My friends were really good about it. Unfortunately, they had lived through many moments like this with me before, moments of mortification, shame, and yes, humiliation. And each time someone new came into my life, my friends sat back and waited until the very next time I got screwed over.
What was it about me that made men cheat? I wasn’t bad looking. I took care of myself, worked out when I could, dressed well and had a great paying job. Hell, I was a celebrity in these parts. I paid for everything, took them on trips, we ate at the best restaurants, and if I do say so myself, I was pretty good in bed, never had anyone complain anyway. Actually, I was commended on a few occasions regarding the size of my package, told once how perfect it was. Not that I was boasting or seeking flattery.
Next time, and I knew there would be one, because I was not warding off men all together I was simply going to be careful. Not put myself out there so easily. I had been hurt again, but I was human and humans needed love. I needed love. There was someone special out there and he was waiting for me every bit as much as I was waiting for him. Under the same sky, filled with the same stars and the same bright new moon, he was wishing for me too.
~
“You take just one more fucking footstep over that threshold and I swear I won’t take responsibility for the way your face looks when you leave here.”
The way my eyes pierced him should have been enough warning, he should have turned his back and hightailed it the hell out of there. But he just stood there like the pathetic piece of shit he was.
“Baby, are you still angry at me?”
The audacity was unbelievable. That staged look of innocence on his face as he stood there holding a cheap bouquet of flowers in his hand, with the price tag for nine-ninety-nine in clear view, was like a slap across the face. Was that really how much he thought of me after all these years? The rotten little prick, thinking he could win himself back into my graces with inexpensive flowers and the over confident smile of a liar penned on his face?
“I’m not angry, Erik,” I admitted, meeting a gleam of hope in his eyes as he stepped closer, my palm lifted to his chest to stop him from making a move we would both regret. “What I am… is completely and utterly over you.”
“Oh, Sugar, you don’t mean that,” Eric lifted my hand to his lips, scowling when I tore it away.
“I gave you so many chances while listening to all of your lies and bullshit for too many years. It’s over. We’re finished. I have no more to give, you’ve taken it all and tossed it away like last night’s trash. You’re about as trustworthy as a fucking river full of hungry piranha. I could never trust you again… and to be frank, I don’t love you anymore.”
“Don’t say that.”
Erik looked devastated. At one time those great big puppy dog eyes would have swayed me into changing my mind and giving him one more chance. But I had no more chances to give. As far as I was concerned, if he fell off the end of the earth tomorrow and I never saw his face again, it would too soon. He disgusted me to no end. Friends told me not to get involved with models, that once the beauty faded, so did their sense of loyalty. My friends were right.
“Isn’t it perplexing how all of your belongings fit into so few boxes after all this time?”
As if by fate, I found a few boxes piled by the back door of the condo unit we had moved into a few years ago. I opened a bottle of wine, tossed the cork in the trash, and started packing Erik’s things. I didn’t have to think, I knew it was for the best to have him leave immediately.
The look on Erik’s face changed to panic, reality finally seemed to permeate the thick gray matter in his brain as I peered over his shoulder to his suitcases and a few boxes lined up across the hall.
“We love each other, we can get past this. Let me prove myself. I made a mistake, it was just one kiss. I swear that’s all it was,” Erik pleaded, dropping to his knees, his hands clawing frantically at the leg of my jeans.
Just one time, I snorted trying to calculate the amount of times Erik cheated on me and the amount of times, like a fool I took him back. But no more. This was finally the end. Over meant done, as in finished and kaput.
“And eleven hours after that kiss you’re standing at my door. Eleven fucking hours!” I exclaimed, shaking my head at his moxie. It was as if lying came easily to Erik. “You make me sick, Erik. Don’t ever come back here and make no attempts to call me either.”
“Come on,” Erik jumped to his feet, fisting the front of my shirt in both hands. “We can work this out! I’ll... I’ll come in and we can have a drink and talk. Give me a chance! It can’t be over. I won’t let it be over! Say something! Say we can talk. You’re scaring me. ”
“I know what you’re really scared of, Erik,” I stated calmly, while prying each of his fingers open until his hold on my shirt released and I shoved him away. “Lost your meal ticket, didn’t ya? Maybe you should have considered that before sticking your tongue down some stranger’s throat.” I took a deep breath scoping Erik’s face and smiled. “Go find yourself another sucker with a bank account.”
“But where will I stay? I have no money. You can’t just kick me out with nothing. What do you expect me to do?”
A scene from one of my favorite movies brought a gleaming smile to my face. I back stepped Erik farther into the hallway and laughed. “Frankly, Erik, I don’t give a damn.”
The cold steel of the door on my back felt refreshing as a smile made itself at home on my tired face. With it came a true sense of release. This was the right thing to do. I felt it deep down in my pit of my gut. I locked the door and fished my cell phone from my pocket and dialed as I walked along the hall to the kitchen and opened the fridge, listening for an answer as I popped the cap from my beer bottle.
“Hey,” Tag greeted. “Are you okay?”
“I’m better than okay.”
~
My eyes flew open and I blink against the light streaming into the room through the linen curtains. I was soaked in sweat, my body tangled in the bedsheet. I thrashed around until I was free and threw my feet over the side of the bed, the cold wood floor felt amazingly welcoming. Palming my face, I let out a long breath and scrubbed the sleep from my eyes, jumping out of my skin when my alarm erupted, the annoying beeps earned it a slap of my hand to stifle it.
I hated dreams. They serve no other purpose but to stir up time-worn memories that I had no interest in reliving. I had dealt with them time and time again, why had they returned now? I was not doing this today and certainly not tomorrow either.
Throwing back the curtains my eyes met the For Sale sign on the front lawn of my condo and I couldn’t help smiling. Today offered new beginnings, my real-estate agent was showing me houses, I was excited to get the hell out of this condo and far away from the memories that haunted me every day. Thankfully, my good friends Tag and Fletcher had shown me the way, made me realize being here, surrounded by all the negativity was counterproductive to my well-being. Imagine me, a therapist, having to be told to get over it and move on. Okay, so I’m a sex therapist, the basics I learned in college were there. Still, doctors have a way of ignoring the symptoms when they are their own.
I had been on my own for just over three years now. After months of denial and then finally catching my partner Erik kissing someone else at a party, I finished what I thought we had and kicked Erik Easton’s cheating ass out of my condo.
Circling today’s date on my calendar in bright red marker, I gave a sharp nod and headed to the washroom for a shower. This was day one of a brand new me.
~
In the history of real-estate sales, I was pretty sure I set some kind of a record. It was raining and cold, the windows of the car were steaming up so much I had to wipe away a spot in the built-up condensation to see. The moment I saw the turn-of-the-century craftsman bungalow with a large patch of shingles missing and the gardens so overgrown they resembled an Amazon jungle, I fell head over heels in love.
My requirements for a new home had been few and to my delight this house had all of them and then some. I had asked for a bungalow with a nice sized yard and a pool if possible, and it had to be a fixer-upper. Getting my hands dirty to help occupy my mind with some good old fashioned physical labor was right up my alley. Just what the doctor ordered.
After much consideration, I made the wise choice to hire a roofing company instead of tackling it on my own. At least that way, if it leaked, I would have a warrantee and someone else to blame. I took care of the gardening, tearing out dead plants and replacing them with new ones and hired a local arborist to cut down the two dead trees that threatened to fall on my new roof. The guy happily replaced the dead ones with new ones native to the area.
Things were progressing along smoothly, with only one minor plumbing incident that occurred when the nail I was hammering into the wall hit a water line. It was the one picture I choose to hang and ended up causing a visit from one lovely looking plumber with curly blond hair and a sexy ass smile. It ended up costing a small fortune, but it was worth every dime. Stan cooked dinner for us and then we rattled the frame of his bed later that night.
I wasn’t exactly what you would call lonely, but it was quiet at times and I could only work on the house for so many hours in a day. I had been considering going to the local pound and finding myself a buddy, maybe a golden lab. I had always wanted a dog, but decided it was probably wiser to install a fence first. Therefore, that idea got heaved onto the pile of put off until later, I had quite an accumulation of those. Of course, I had my friends to break up the work week and there was always someone dropping by just to shoot the shit and watch me work on the house. All in all, my life was pretty damned good.
Then there was my real job. I love it, even though I wondered lately if I needed a change, maybe opening up a private practice. But the minute I walked into the booth at work, all doubt faded into the oblivion. Tonight was one of those nights that reassured me this was what I was supposed to be doing.
I adjusted my seat and microphone, placing the earphones around my neck and reading over the timing guideline for tonight, totally unaware that Jeff and Pete had come into the booth.
“What’s this?” I asked, looking suspiciously at the folded piece of paper Pete offered me before taking it.
“Tonight’s coffee order,” he grinned. “It’s your turn.”
“Fuck,” I snarled under my breath. “Of course, it is. I’ll pay double if someone else goes.”
“That’s how you always get out of it, not this time.”
“I’ll go,” Jeff offered with a grin.
“No, you won’t,” Pete snatched the paper from my hand and stuffed it into my breast pocket. “If you go, you won’t get back in time.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeff grumbled.
“It means you’re not going, Nolan is.”
“Whatever,” Jeff stuck his tongue out at Pete, who huffed him away with the wave of his hand.
“Go to the new place across the street, they offer a neighbor’s discount. Just tell the barista you work here,” Pete, the control board operator instructed.
“Oh,” Jeff started, as I rose from my seat shoving it away with the back of my knees, waiting while Jeff rummaged in his pants pocket. “Get a few dozen of those donut-hole things they sell. And get yourself something pretty while you’re at it.”
Jeff offered me money with a laugh and I slapped his hand away giving a faux snarl. Jeff was known well as the jokester of the station, always coming up with wisecracks and practical jokes to keep the late shift lively. He was also my traffic director, keeping everything running like a well-oiled machine, he was great at his job and one of my best friends.
“You have twenty minutes until air time,” Pete alerted me as I hurried out the door.
“How apropos,” I chuckled, stepping out onto the street and reading the new coffee shop sign.
Up All Night couldn’t have been a better name choice for a coffee shop, especially since most of the businesses in the area ran on a twenty-four, seven schedule. Looking through the window at the interior, I was pleased to see the casually laid-back atmosphere. There were overstuffed chairs and sofas, as well as coffee tables and not one, but two fireplaces, which looked inviting and relaxing. It seemed like a nice spot to take a load off and make yourself at home.
Strong, freshly brewed coffee, as well as the sweet aroma of baked muffins and donuts invaded my senses the moment I stepped through the doorway. A small group of people were sitting laughing and talking in a circle near one of the fireplaces as music played quietly in the background and an espresso machine hissed loudly. I could have gladly stayed there all night, but I had a duty to my listeners who would be waiting to tune into my talk show come midnight.
“Hi,” the cheerful blond behind the counter greeted me. “I’m Sierra, what can I get for you?”
“I have a list,” I smiled, taken the paper from my pocket and handed it to her. “I’m to tell you I’m from the radio station across the way.”
I motioned to the street over my shoulder and her eyes followed.
“That’s so cool,” she sang as she read the list. “Are you like a famous DJ or something?”
“Something like that,” I evaded further discussion by asking, “What are the bran muffins like?”
Sierra scrunched up her nose as if I had asked her to lick a toilet seat and I laughed. Sierra seemed like a real sweet kid, the girl next door type, she reminded me a lot of a girl I bunked with one summer during a European backpack trek. But that was years ago and I didn’t have time to reminisce.
“If you’d like something that has high fiber and doesn’t taste like wood chips, I’d suggest the banana oat vanilla crunch muffin, the boss makes them with high protein Greek yogurt. I personally think it’s to die for.”
“Since it comes so highly recommended, give me one of those and a large black coffee, please.”
“To go, I assume?”
“If you don’t mind, that would be great.”
“You got it,” she smiled and yelled over her shoulder, “Order up!”
“Ready!” a voice called out, immediately drawing my attention to where a man was standing in front of an espresso machine.
Sierra called out each coffee on the list as the handsome guy with the chocolate brown apron wrote each coffee order onto paper cups with a marker. The sleeves of his white t-shirt accentuated his gorgeous biceps as well as his muscular chest. The fabric stretched to the point I was sure it would tear to pieces if he took in a decent breath. The man had a build on him like I’d only ever seen on the cover of muscle magazines, though he wasn’t huge, he was very well defined. I salivated at the thought of him naked and licked across my top lip while enjoying the view.
“Did you want to have a seat while you’re waiting?” Sierra asked.
“I’m good, thanks,” I told her, and I was.
I was quite happy to stand there and watch the attractive barista making the coffee. As Sierra placed the coffee cups one by one into a takeout tray, I recalled having a show to do and looked at my watch. There was ten minutes left as I watched Sierra fill a box with donut holes and a few muffins.
“All set,” Sierra slid the box and takeout tray across the counter while I paid.
“Thanks,” I offered with a smile giving the adorable stranger one last glance and turned to walk away when I heard his voice call out behind me.
“Sir, you forgot the black coffee.”
He hurried over and placed the coffee into the center of the tray, and looked into my eyes with a handsome smile. I could have easily gotten lost in that smile, imagining how sweet those lips tasted. The heavy scent of coffee grounds mixed with the soft scent of his cologne mingled in my nostrils, and as if hypnotized I stood there staring like a buffoon. I must have made quite the first impression on the guy, because he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.
“Let me get the door for you,” he offered, his arm touched mine as he slipped past me. “Hope to see you again.”
“Uh huh,” I nodded my head as I backed out onto the street and the door closed behind me. “Damn, you rendered me speechless,” I laughed as I rushed across the street, internally kicking myself for not asking his name.
“With five minutes to spare, well done,” Pete announced, as he took the takeout tray and set it down. “Did the lovely Sierra service you?”
Jeff laughed as he opened the box and plunked two donut holes into his mouth, talking around them. “Watch what you’re saying fella, that’s my future wife you’re talking about.”
“Oh yeah,” Pete threw his head back laughing as he held his ribs, “As if she’d give you the time of day, my friend. She has to have better taste than that. No woman is that desperate.”
“Screw you! It’s just a matter of time before you eat those words, jackass,” Jeff stated, stirring a creamer into his cup and shooting the stir stick at Pete like a dart.
“Have you asked her out on a date?” I asked, taking a bite of my muffin and wiping the crumbs off of the front of my shirt.
Sierra hadn’t lied, the muffin was heaven. The banana didn’t overpower the taste of the toasted oats or the hint of cinnamon my tongue gleefully detected. It was not a light and fluffy muffin like most, it was a delicious stick to your ribs kind of muffin you made into a meal. I took another bite and closed my eyes, enjoying the erotic foodgasm going on in my mouth.
“No, but Sierra calls me by name and knows my order without having to ask,” he said, trying to convince us that he stood a chance in hell with the beautiful young girl who was probably half his age.
“Nimrod,” Pete merrily insulted. “She’s a fucking barista, it’s her job to remember coffee orders and people’s names. Ten bucks says she’s the same age as your little sister.”
“Whatever,” Jeff held up a hand, an indignant scowl inscribed on his forehead. “You’re just jealous that I can attract beautiful women and you can’t!”
Pete held up his hand pointing at the plain gold band gracing the third finger on his left hand. “Happily married for ten years to the most stunning woman in the world. Besides, I’m not into jail bate and you, my friend, need to find someone your own age to play with.”
“Just how old do you figure she is?”
This was the nightly routine between Jeff and Pete, tossing insults at each other. They would never survive a night in the booth playing nice. I had gotten so used to the pair of them arguing and carrying on like grade school brats, that I couldn’t imagine having it any other way.
“Ladies?” I shouted past a laugh. “Can we concentrate here? We’re on in two minutes.”
No matter what was taking place in the booth, who said what, who was ahead or behind in the battle, once the on-air light glowed bright red on the ceiling professionalism became the focal point.
“The doctor’s in,” I spoke in an ultra-smooth relaxed tone kept solely for the airwaves, and adjusted my earphones while checking the time on the clock. “Tonight let’s talk about spicing it up in and out of the bedroom, nothing works better to keep a relationship alive than a bit of pizzazz. What things do you do to bring back that spark? Maybe I can help with a few suggestions, let’s talk. The lines are open, five, five, five, talk to me. We’ll get started after this short commercial break.”
“Hey, Pete?” once I received the thumbs up, I tapped on the glass separating us.
“Yeah,” he answered, moving his earphone aside.
“The guy that works in the coffee place across the street...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know him at all?”
“Nope,” he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders then held up his hand, folding each finger as he silently counted me down to air time.
The last three hours had to be the longest in history, the time ticked by so slowly it was like waiting for an ice cube to melt in the middle of January. How I managed to stay focused was beyond me. To top off the night, as we wrapped up, the station manager, Diane, came into the booth and praised us on a dynamic show, and all I could remember was that the topic was spicing it up.
Distracted by thoughts of the man in the brown apron and white t-shirt, I watched Diane’s lips move, but missed the entire conversation. She could have been telling me the show was slipping into the number one daytime slot and I would have been none the wiser. She slapped the back of her hand across my shoulder and walked around me to the door.
“I’ll send you a memo,” she tittered shaking her head.